- Jeane Wolf: The thing about Jerry Lewis is he has a very abrasive, in-your-face personality.
- Bill O'Reilly: [grins] Yeah, I hate people like that.
- Bill O'Reilly: If the Americans go in and overthrow Saddam Hussein and it's clean, he has nothing, I will apologize to the nation, and I will not trust the Bush Administration again, all right?
- Bill O'Reilly: And that is it for us today.
- [eyeing the teleprompter]
- Bill O'Reilly: I can't read it, there's no words on it. All right, go.
- [camera man counts down "5, 4, 3..."]
- Bill O'Reilly: That's tomorrow, and that's...
- [He breathes heavily, growing frustrated. Camera man once again counts down "5, 4, 3..."]
- Bill O'Reilly: That's tomorrow, and that is it for us today. We will leave you with a... I can't do it. We'll do it live. WE'LL DO IT LIVE! FUCK IT! WE'LL DO IT LIVE! DO IT LIVE! I CAN GO RIGHT AT IT AND WE'LL DO IT LIVE! FUCKING THING *SUCKS*!
- [repeated line]
- Bill O'Reilly: Shut Up!
- Jeremy Glick: On September 14, do you want to know what I'm doing?
- Bill O'Reilly: Shut up, shut up!
- Jeremy Glick: Oh, please don't tell me to shut up.
- [On the 2004 Presidential election]
- Bill O'Reilly: A no-spin daily profile of these guys will help you decide who is the better man without all the propaganda. President Bush will be treated fairly here. And so will Senator Kerry. We're going to try that approach. God help us.
- Quanelle X: A cat can give birth to kittens in an oven, but that don't make them biscuits.
- [repeated line]
- Bill O'Reilly: What say you, sir?