Gilmore Girls (2000–2007)
Todd Lowe: Zack Van Gerbig, Zack
Photos
Quotes
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Zach : [sings] "A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing." Dude, what's a bulwark?
Brian : What?
Zach : It says, a bulwark never failing.
Brian : I think it's a wall.
Zach : Then why don't they just say that? Bulwark sounds totally gay.
Brian : I don't think you're supposed to call a hymn gay. It's like a sin or something.
Zach : Whatever, man. I'm not saying bulwark.
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Lorelai : Boy, you'd think love songs are all you and Lane would wanna play.
Zach : Man, this crunch just now sounded like the drum-fill in Baba O'Reilly.
Dave : Yeah, Zach, a musical mouth. That's awesome.
Zach : But why would Dave and Lane wanna play just love songs?
Lorelai : Because, I was just thinking, you know, with Dave's name - Dave - you've got the last two letters in love. V, E. And with Lane's name, you have the L. You can just dump the A and add an O and there you go.
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Zach : Dude, Brian's breathing is louder than the song.
Brian : I've got a deviated septum. All the women in my family and me have it.
Zach : Well, it's throwing me off.
Lane : Hold your breath when we're playing, Brian. There, problem solved. Okay, come on, now, let's rock. One, two, three...
Zach : Wait. The bottom line here is that breathing should not be louder than a rock band. Am I right or am I right?
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Zach : Yeah. Dave, you're a Christian. So what? That's cool.
Brian : It's nothing to hide.
Zach : Christians can still rock.
Dave : They can?
Lane : Yeah, yeah, Dave. Christians can still rock, don't hide it.
Zach : Marshall Stacks don't know Christians from atheists.
Dave : Gosh, I just wasn't sure if you guys would be accepting of my devoutness.
Brian : Dave, it's a part of you, and we think you're cool, so it's cool.
Dave : Great. Thanks, guys.
Zach : But no way are we playing Creed, man.
Dave : Oh, no, of course not.
Zach : Or Amy Grant. That's where we draw the line.
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Dave : What we need is a name.
Brian : I made my suggestion.
Zach : Yeah, and we vetoed "The Harry Potters." Next.
Brian : So yours is better?
Zach : "Follow Them to the Edge of the Dessert" is memorable and classy.
Brian : I run out of breath every time I say it.
Zach : You've got asthma, dude. You run out of breath saying your name.
Dave : Yeah, Brian, we can't work our name around your respiratory illnesses.
Brian : Even without an inhaler, "Follow Them to the Edge of the Dessert" is too long.
Zach : Yeah, but when we get famous, our fans will shorten it to F-T-T-T-E-O-T-D.
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Zach : Welcome to the SH, bitch.
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Zach : [the band are talking about new replacement, Gil] Right here
[points to his eyes]
Zach : , he's got some lines. That blows my mind.
Brian : What is he, late thirties?
Zach : Approaching forty.
Lane : Forty?
Brian : He was alive before man walked on the moon.
Zach : Don't do that, man. You're freaking me out.
Lane : Let's not be over-dramatic, guys. I mean, he is an incredible guitarist.
Zach : He's had a lot of time to practice.
Brian : And the bicentennial - he was alive for that.
Lane : This is the best we've sounded since Dave, and he's really...
Zach : Elderly.
Lane : Excited.
Brian : He was our age when we were born.
Lane : He thinks we're great
Brian : There were no cd's when he was born.
Zach : Stop it, man. I mean it.
Lane : Maybe there's a way to offset his oldness. Put a hat on him. Dress him up like Angus Young in AC/DC - that schoolboy outfit.
Brian : He could have seen AC/DC with their original lead singer.
Zach : And 1980 is when that guy choked on his own vomit. That's old.
Lane : You want to stop the audition?
Brian : We shouldn't be rude.
Lane : Good.
Zach : Fine, we'll keep going, but remember, any new member has to be approved by all of us. So one vote against, and he's back at bingo.
Lane : I know.
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Zach : Brian's been yammering on about germs and spores for 20 minutes. I'm completely freaked out to touch a microphone ever again.
Brian : I'm just saying, at the end of the night, who cleans them?
Brian : Shut up, Brian.
Gil : Look, man, I only have the babysitter till 6:00, then it's my turn to drive them to Gymboree.
Zach : Dude, you promised you wouldn't talk about the parental issue during band practice.
Gil : We're not having band practice, and it's not a parental issue. It's being part of the cycle of life, and that, my friend, is pure rock 'n' roll.
Zach : Go join "The Polyphonic Spree," you fruitcake.
Brian : I'm just saying my bass strap has a smell.