- Stan: Boy, was I drunk last night.
- Joe Pitko: I'm *still* drunk.
- Stan: That wine. You drink wine, it dehydrates you. When you drink water the next morning, it activates the alcohol.
- Joe Pitko: I'm so hung over I can't see.
- Stan: Can't see? I can't even talk.
- Joe Pitko: I can't even fuckin' think straight.
- Stan: You couldn't think straight *last night*.
- Joe Pitko: I was drunk last night.
- Stan: You're *still* drunk.
- Joe Pitko: Yeah.
- First Mate Collins: You know, it's surprising what people will convince themselves is interesting.
- First Mate Collins: ...Company guests, comin' on for a trip - we're docked at Port Arthur - up there on the boat deck for an hour, hour and a half, looking at the crane lift the lids off the hold. Just watching. The dust was flying and it was hard to breathe but they're just standing there. People got cameras, they're takin' pictures of a crane lifting a lid. What's so interesting about that? I'd like to know.
- First Mate Collins: ...You describe the situation to any normal people, they wouldn't walk across the hall to watch it if the TV were broken. But there they are, guests of the company, standing on the boat deck for an hour and a half, watching the crane lift the lid off the hold.
- First Mate Collins: ...Maybe they see something I don't. Maybe I'm getting jaded. What are they looking at?
- Skippy: What are you looking at? You're looking at them.
- First Mate Collins: That's perfectly correct.
- Skippy: It's all a matter of perspective.
- Fred: It's getting expensive just to live.
- Joe Pitko: Sure as shit.
- Fred: Just to buy a pack of Camels, it's getting so you have to go to the fucking bank. Used to be 26 cents a pack in Indiana.
- Joe Pitko: I remember when it was 17 cents in Tennessee.
- Fred: You're not from there.
- Joe Pitko: Ah, we used to go there. Wish I never got started. I used to buy them from my old man. He used to say "Hey, if you're gonna smoke, don't hide it. Smoke in my presence."
- Fred: So did you?
- Joe Pitko: Christ, no, he would've kicked the shit out of me.
- Fred: It's too fucking expensive. You never should have got started. Fuck!
- Joe Pitko: It's going up.
- Fred: When's it gonna stop, I swear to god I don't know. We'll all be selling syphilitic fucking apples to each other on a street corner.
- Fred: Steven Seagal is the strongest guy in ten years.
- Stan: You know what? You are truly an idiot. You could have said that in the dark, and I would've known it was you, because only you could make so stupid a statement. Steven Seagal has got to be the dumbest jagoff I can remember.
- Fred: Yeah, it's like you to say that.
- Stan: You know about it?
- Fred: I know when a guy is strong.
- Stan: And that's what Seagal is, strong, huh?
- Fred: Yeah.
- Stan: You know, you're right. I agree with you 100%, he is strong, this Seagal. I can't think of anything that could be stronger than him, unless maybe a pile of shit!
- Fred: What do you know? Who do you like?
- Stan: Oh, I'll tell you. You want a real strong fella, a real type. I'd have to say Jerry Lewis. He could probably knock the shit out of this Seagal.
- Fred: Aw, you don't know nothing. You don't know a fucking champ when you're looking at him in the movies, for chrissakes. This guy is stark, he's the best.
- Stan: He's the best, alright. Like jacking off is better than getting laid. This guy Seagal is the biggest jackoff of all time.
- Fred: Yeah, I agree with you, Stan. I see your point, the man is not stark, he's no fucking good. That's why he didn't take five fucking guys in that barroom using only one pool cue. I see your point!