Down Periscope (1996)
Ken Hudson Campbell: Buckman
Photos
Quotes
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Lt. Comd. Dodge : All right, everybody, it's time to kick this pig! Leave Graham squealing from the feeling!
Planesman 1st Class Jefferson 'R.J.' Jackson : Squeaking from the freaking.
Seaman Buckman : Oinking from the boinking.
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Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal : Jesus, Buckman! This stuff's been on the Stingray since Korea! This can expired in 1966!
Seaman Buckman : [tasting contents of can] What's the matter, sir? It still tastes like creamed corn.
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal : Except it's *deviled ham*!
Seaman Buckman : Now that would be a problem.
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[while all the other crew members are working hard cleaning the boat, Stepanak is sitting in a lawn chair and sunning himself]
Lt. Comd. Dodge : Stepanek, what are you doing?
Stepanek : As little as possible, sir. I'm a detriment to the entire operation. Total morale crusher.
Lt. Comd. Dodge : You know, of course, that the submarine service is entirely volunteer. All you have to do is quit.
Stepanek : My old man won't let me.
[Sarcasticly]
Stepanek : He's an admiral. Thinks sub duty will shape me up. Ha!
Lt. Comd. Dodge : Well, I'm afraid you leave me no choice, son, but to relocate you.
Stepanek : Really?
Lt. Comd. Dodge : Really.
[Seaman Buckman passes by]
Lt. Comd. Dodge : Buckman!
Seaman Buckman : [suddenly stops and spins around...] Yes, Sir?
[... and accidentally knocks Stepanek over the side and right into a trough of oil waste]
Lt. Comd. Dodge : Thank you, Buckman. That'll be all.
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Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal : [yelling] Buckman! There was a fingernail in my food, ya fatass moron! Yesterday, it was a Band-Aid!
Seaman Buckman : Sorry, sir. The Band-Aid was holding the fingernail on.
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal : What else do you put in your sauce, Buckman?
Seaman Buckman : It's an old family recipe, sir. It's a secret.
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal : Oh, my God! There's cockroaches in the flour! Your cigar ash is in the spaghetti!
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[from trailer]
Seaman Buckman : You ever hear of the mile deep club?
Lt. Emily Lake, Diving Officer : You ever hear of the salad bar?
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Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal : [loudly] Buckman! What the hell are you doing?
Seaman Buckman : Stocking the pantry, sir!
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal : You forgot like an idiot, Buckman, because you're stocking the pantry like an idiot!
[grabs two cans]
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal : What are in these cans?
Seaman Buckman : That one's coffee, and that one looks like cooking lard, sir.
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal : And which one do you think we're gonna be using more often, sailor? The coffee or the lard?
[Buckman shakes his head uncertainly]
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal : You think we're all gonna jump out of bed in the morning and have a big, hot, steaming cup of pig fat?
Seaman Buckman : Well, it depends. If it's a cold morning, sir, you might go either...
Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal : [knocking down the cans] The lard is in your head, Buckman! Now you take a look at that galley chart, because I want that cabinet repacked, regulation style, by 1100! Do you know what time 1100 is?
Seaman Buckman : That would be after 1000, sir!
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Seaman Buckman : The name's Buckman.
Seaman Nitro 'Mike' : Uh... Nitro, hi.
Seaman Buckman : Interesting nickname, what's your real name?
Seaman Nitro 'Mike' : Nitro.
[pauses]
Seaman Nitro 'Mike' : I'm working on a nickname, though.
Seaman Buckman : Oh yeah?
Seaman Nitro 'Mike' : Yeah. Listen to this... Mike.
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Seaman Buckman : Hey, Nitro, isnt't that one of my chickens?
Seaman Nitro 'Mike' : No, it's a, uh, parrot, uhh, from the Carribean.
Seaman Buckman : Well, don't let it fly away. That's supper.
Seaman Nitro 'Mike' : Arr.
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Lt. Comd. Dodge , Stepanek , "Sonar" Lovacelli , Planesman 1st Class Jefferson 'R.J.' Jackson , Seaman Buckman , Seaman Stanley 'Spots' Sylvesterson , Seaman Nitro 'Mike' : [singing] It's a short little walk bound for eternity/ Yo-ho and blow the man down.
Seaman Nitro 'Mike' : [Sinatraish] Blow that nutso kooky punk back downtown!