- Jane Harper: Interesting that the only two jobs you think I am qualified for are a secretary and a prostitute.
- Dick Harper: You're not qualified to be a secretary.
- Telephone customer: [Dick and Jane are robbing the phone company as the customers cheer] Someone's robbing the phone company. Bless you.
- Dr. Will: Say "I am!"
- Dick Harper: [pointing a gun at Dr. Will] Stick 'em up!
- Dr. Will: Did I hear you right, sinner? Are you holding me up?
- Dick Harper: [imitating Dr. Will] I am!
- Jane Harper: What kind of lunatic spends $1000 on lunch when he's out of a job and deeply in debt?
- Dick Harper: The kind that knows you can't get a job if you look like a loser.
- Jane Harper: If I was Diners Club, I'd your stomach bronzed and put it in the Hall of Fame.
- Dick Harper: Do you mind if I kiss you in a public place?
- Jane Harper: I'd mind if you kissed me in a private place with all these people around.
- Raoul Esteban: [at the unemployment office] Look what your card says, Aerospace Executive.
- Dick Harper: Yeah, but I'm not that anymore.
- Raoul Esteban: In here, man, you are what you were.
- Jane Harper: [Upset, as a landscaping crew is busy ripping out recently planted items from the Harper's yard] What in God's name do you think you're doing?
- Landscape Man: You got our notice, Mrs. Harper?
- Jane Harper: Yes. I sent you a check.
- Landscape Man: Bouncy, bouncy. That's naughty, Mrs. Harper...
- Jane Harper: Look, I'll give you another check.
- Landscape Man: Two checks bounced already, Mrs. Harper. Your mother may have carried you for nine months, but we'll only carry you for two...
- Jane Harper: Look, just because the bank made a mistake, there's no reason to come and dig up... my tree!
- Landscape Man: Not yours. Ours. We put this stuff in, and now we're going to tear it out... If you don't want to lose your shirt, don't put it on the cuff.
- Jane Harper: You're using Gestapo tactics.
- Landscape Man: That's impossible. I'm Jewish.
- Jane's Father: I unloaded all of my aerospace stock the day they first landed on the moon. I *knew* that was the peak, and I was right. It's a depressed industry.
- Jane Harper: Depressed and depressing.