- [after the movie crew pick up Lewis in the desert]
- Lewis Tater: You mean you guys ain't cowboys?
- Howard Pike: Well, sure we're cowboys. Whaddaya suppose we are? Weasels?
- Howard Pike: [points to Wally] Look at that guy's face, right there. Show him your profile, Wally. Now don't that look like a western type to you? That right there is a cowboy's face.
- Wally: Reeks character. That's what they told me... reeks.
- Howard Pike: If a person saying he was something was all there was to it, this country'd be full of rich men and good-looking women. Kings and queens... you know what I mean? Too bad it isn't that easy. In short, when someone else says you're a writer, that's when you're a writer... not before.
- Lewis Tater: It's just like back at home. Every time we have soup for supper, I get a peppercorn in the first swallow!
- Musical Director: Well, what do you think?
- [after watching a proposed musical number with Polo]
- Polo: If you enjoy entertaining the crew, not bad. Otherwise it belongs in a rehearsal hall. A rehearsal hall is where you REHEARSE. Not here - this is a soundstage.
- Musical Director: Well, what should I do with it?
- Polo: Well, the first thing I would do is get rid of that noodle in the pith helmet and then...
- [gestures wearily]
- Polo: - shoot it.