gamewolf66 Reviews

Jupiter Ascending (2015)

Great Action Scenes, Bad Everything Else

[3/10 · 7 February 2015]

Jupiter Ascending was a movie made by the Wachowski Brothers, who were famous for The Matrix and their two mediocre sequels. When I went to go see this movie I expected tons of action and slow-motion scenes. I was not disappointed. And yet, I was.

The movie is like Star Wars in a way that every action scene reminds me of an important moment in the famous movies. The CGI is amazing in this film, and the battles have an epic scale to them. I was excited to watch the incredible space battles. The final battle has realistic looking explosions.And yet, that may be the only good part of the movie.

Mila Kunis is possibly the most bland actor in this movie, maybe in any movie that's come out this year so far. She sounds uninterested every time she talks. Channing Tatum is a bit better, but his ridiculous British accent ruins it. Douglas Booth is significantly better as the main villain, but the problem is that he either talks so quietly it's hard to hear or he's screaming out his lines so loudly it hurts to listen to. The plot also makes no sense, as facts were being thrown around about what was really going on with the battle against the space dynasties. If you want good sci-fi action, don't watch this movie.

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (2014)

One of the worst films of 2014

[2/10 · 24 January 2015]

Why does this film keep getting good reviews? I'm truly astounded.

I remember seeing this in December 2014, and I don't know how to say it but it was horrendous. And that's coming from someone who enjoyed the previous films. Let's start with the characters. Ben Stiller gives a decent performance as Larry, but this movie made him very boring compared to the other two films. His dialogue was filled with the emotion of a piece of cardboard, which, as you know, is very boring. The characters from the other films return, with Robin Williams' final performance being Teddy Roosevelt. It was an unfitting final performance for such a funny man. He was, however, the only enjoyable character. The monkey is back too, along with the Egyptian prince, cowboy and the Roman soldier. I don't quite remember their names. Also, Sacajawea (Spelling?), an important character in the last films, gets a total of 2 lines of dialogue. I counted. There's also Lancelot, who serves as a hero for the first half of the film. There's also Larry's son in the movie, but he adds absolutely nothing to the overall plot. And need I not mention Rebel Wilson's character? Her British accent is terrible and she is an unfunny and boring character. All the other characters are uninteresting.

Then there's the plot. It seems that the Magic Tablet that lets the exhibits in the Museum come alive is corroding, causing the exhibits to act weirdly/and/or violently. So they must travel to Britain in order to find Egyptian guy's father, who can help fix the tablet. But first, we get cameos from the three villains of the first movie. This is called padding out a film to increase its run time. After going to Britain, the meet Rebel Wilson and get chased through the British Museum. Lame jokes and boring fight scenes ensue. They meet Lancelot, who helps them. Then he's evil. (I actually didn't see that coming.) Lancelot steals the tablet and the gang must find him before the tablet is destroyed.

I won't spoil the rest, but it was a painful and unfunny movie. The jokes were either about outdated pop culture references, or were just unfunny entirely. The characters were stupid, unfunny, and hard to care about. The plot moves unexpectedly quickly for a Night at the Museum movie, which makes me feel like I didn't get to follow much of the plot. Also, Hugh Jackman makes a pointless cameo near the end of this fiasco of a movie. I don't even know why I watched this. Robin Williams deserves a better final movie.