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Reviews
Wicked Fit (2011)
Whacked Fat
Unsuspecting TV viewers are treated to yet another trashy and unnecessary 'reality' show. This one revolves around overweight ex beauty queen Katie Boyd who for some unknown reason seems to qualify to be on TV simply because she opened up her own gym.
Why is she on TV? Why should we care? She is not particularly beautiful (or even slim) nor does she have a unique talent at what she does. She, along with her two BFF wanna-be co-stars have about as much charm, grace, class and likability as a cockroach. Their gym is a tiny hole in the wall somewhere inconsequential and their clientèle are third rate beauty queen wanna-bes, if that.
There is nothing grand or unique about Katie's gym, and there is nothing gripping or charismatic about any of these women that would make this show even remotely interesting. In fact if anything, they are extremely annoying and irritating with their caked-on make up, exaggerated mannerisms, potty mouth and trash-talk, and very very low IQs.
'Casting couch' is the only thing that can explain how this show got on the air.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
What the???
This disaster is even worse than the last. Both the studio and bay have been amply warned to get their $h"t together after the insulting debacle of "revenge". They did not listen. Bay still got the job and the script is still vomit. But this time it's bigger, longer and it stinks even more.
There is no point in describing the plot or story as there is none. Just nonsensical convolution, bad acting, boring action, and robots that are not robots because they: have human vocal chords, speak human slang, drool, have grey hair, wear a cape, age, get fat, speak with human regional accents, bleed, roar like a tiger, talk like a teenager. Enough.
I didn't pay to see this in the cinema as i knew what to expect. But even after just renting the DVD I feel insulted. But the biggest losers here and the ones I feel the most sorry for are the transformers.
The Adjustment Bureau (2011)
Misinformation
This movie is nothing more than misinformation and the spiritual oppression of the viewer. It tries to make us believe:
1.that the bad guys are in fact the good guys. 2.That what they do in manipulating a persons mind and forcibly altering their future is for the person's good! 3.That fate and destiny are an an autocratic dictate that must be followed to the letter or else 'they' will get you!
This is nothing more than spiritual oppression and mind depression as it is the opposite of the truth!
On top of that it made for a boring and stupid movie.
If only those hatted men in black/grey were working for the secret government or a competing politician. Now that would have made for an interesting movie.
Piranha 3D (2010)
Soft Porn & Bad Special Effects
I can't believe the amount of good reviews this crap heap got. What the? Even on an ironic level this movie is bad.
What are all these well known & legendary actors doing in this tripe? And since the producers managed to bag them, why didn't they bother to make a better movie?
It's like the director didn't know what genre movie he was making. Comedy? Porn? Comedy-porn? No, action-horror. Action-porn. Horror-porn? In the end he just settled on porn, thinking it would distract the audience from noticing the awful cheap special effects and the missing plot/storyline/purpose.
For the female audience there is not enough male hotties to make up for all the female ones, putting off 50% of the audience. The lead actors are the nerdy types and FULLY dressed for the most part whereas the female ones are hot and in skimpy bikinis or totally nude from the start!!! Bad move and very sexist!
Maybe next time they will make a real re-make.
Sex and the City 2 (2010)
Fashion Gone Wrong & The Ugly American Tourist
How the mighty have fallen. It is hard to believe that this film was written by the same people as the first SATC movie and the TV series. In the span of 2 years the apple has fallen too far from the tree. This film has no resemblance to its predecessor nor the series. The characters have totally lost the plot and their personalities, not to mention their sense of style, intelligence and self respect.
The movie starts off on a bad note already with a very clichéd, airy-fairy overly stereotypical gay wedding which in the real series never would have happened, because these characters totally despised each other and had absolutely nothing in common. So from the start it is obvious the writer was out of ideas as to plot and storyline, killing the film's credibility in the first 10 minutes.
There are also unfunny offensive 'jokes' as well as ghastly wardrobe choices, and an unnatural Stepford Wife-like robotness to all the characters.
SATC2 oozes desperation from every orifice: The desperate writer Michael Patrick King who couldn't come up with anything worthy of a movie; The whole production team and actors desperate to cash in on the success of the first film. Then the characters: desperate gay 'couple' who settle for each other with no intention of faithfulness; age-fearing Samantha desperately trying to stop menopause; desperate Carrie still in search of the fairy-tale perfect man that real life will never deliver; Miranda desperately trying to prove herself equal with men in her career while sacrificing family; and Charlotte desperately clinging to her perfect WASP designer life, breaking down when she cannot keep up appearances with two little children.
SATC2 is these shallow characters putting their vanity, ignorance and stupidity on display and when they land in Morocco (or Abu Dhabi as we are supposed to believe) the movie becomes an unwatchable cringe-fest. SATC2 not only showcases the intended ignorance of the characters but also the unintended blatant ignorance of the writer and all the people involved. The cultural gaffes are just too many to list. Let's just say it is the epitome of the 'ugly American tourist': rude, stupid, ignorant, naive and self-aggrandizing to the core.
I also don't understand why the makers insisted on setting the movie in Abu Dhabi even though they were not allowed to film there and instead shot in Morocco. Why hype and deride a city, country, and culture they have never been to and know nothing about? Why not just set it in Morocco, a country which itself is beautiful and culturally rich but cosmopolitan enough for these western women to enjoy on some level? It just doesn't make sense unless the makers were intentionally trying to mislead the viewers to think that the UAE though rich is an anti-female stone-age 'evil-muslim' backwater? (Which of course could not be further from the truth). If that's the case, then SATC2 is nothing but an American propaganda film, which makes it even sadder than it already is.
Sex and the City (2008)
Loved It
I was not a fan of the show. I happened to catch it on TV every now and then, but hated it because it was shallow, portraying women as sex maniacs who perpetually end relationships for the most trivial of reasons and then whine that they are single and lonely.
Thus, when the movie came out, I had no intention of watching it, but after it was released on DVD I thought I'll see what the fuss is about. I couldn't believe it was actually very good. The movie is more about love and the ups and downs of relationships rather then shallow sex and the trivialisation of men. It also has a dose of fun and humour on top of the drama. Maybe my expectations were too low, but even after several viewings I still love the movie. I enjoyed how the women banded together around Carrie in her time of sadness, with Carrie's heartbreak and her girlfriends' support portrayed perfectly.
I find that the movie is far more realistic then the TV series and has much more depth and substance.
Thanks to this movie I have gone back and watched the entire series and am now a fan of seasons 5 and 6 - the only ones which resemble the movie's style and depth.
Avatar (2009)
What's the big deal?
I think this is just an average movie, nothing special except for the special effects. I can't believe that it has become such a huge hit and that everyone seems to love this film, I am very puzzled by this. I like James Cameron, I like his films and I do think that he is extremely talented and a bit of a genius in his field, and Avatar is quite original just like Cameron's Terminator. It is well written and directed and acted but the story itself is plain and nothing special really to merit this huge reaction by the audiences. So I am just wondering what's the big deal, people have me puzzled. Is pretty graphics and 3D special effects all people need these days to be so dazzled to make an average story into the most successful movie ever?
Do Knot Disturb (2009)
Copy of a Hungarian Movie
As a Hungarian, I was very pleased to see that for once Bollywood is not copying a Hollywood hit, but a little known but very funny Hungarian one!!! What a surprise. And indeed, it is virtually a carbon copy of 'A miniszter félrelép' but with added Bollywood songs, extra unnecessary scripting, chaotic direction, etc. Do Knot Disturb actually manages to ruin the funniness of an otherwise great story.
The reviews of Do Knot Disturb are deservedly negative, however to quote just one reviewer of 'A miniszter félrelép' "it's the best comedy i have seen in a decade. Charming slapstick, shades of Chaplin, witty dialogue and hilarious twists and turns." So people if you went to see Do Knot Disturb with these expectations but came away disappointed, please find yourself a subtitled copy of 'A miniszter félrelép' and you will be endlessly entertained.
Bhaji on the Beach (1993)
Brilliant
This is a humble movie that rewards the viewer on many levels. The realism is amazing. All the characters and the actors themselves are totally believable. You are totally drawn into their worlds as if you were watching a documentary. Chadha's direction is spot on and non-pretentious. All the cast do an amazing job and play their parts brilliantly.
I for one could follow all the different story lines and was not bothered by the large number of lead characters. In fact this made for great viewing as you get to see many different points of view.
I am also having trouble with the people who are appalled believing that the use of Hindi versions of English songs throughout the movie and the ladies singing in the bus is a racist / un-PC joke. No, YOU have it wrong. The use of these songs is not for laughs and is not supposed to be funny. It is just another touch of realism. The soundtrack songs are REAL covers released for the Indian diaspora and the ladies singing in the bus are a depiction of characters as they would act in real life. If you find these songs unintentionally funny then you yourself have a racist issue, not the movie.
Also this is a time capsule of 90s style. Although the Indian sarees and suits are timeless as well as Ranjit's business look, his brother's track suit ensemble and Ginder's new outfit are absolute hideous 90s monstrosities.
Overall, this is an excellent little movie and I love it for it's simplicity and success at depicting each character's complexities.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
Very sad, very bad
Most people before me have said this already. This movie stinks. When I heard that Michael Bay was at the helm of the first Transformers movie, I was very worried but then by some fluke of nature he actually managed to pull off a watchable movie, perhaps because he was kept on a tight leash by the studio.
This debacle of a sequel is another story. Bay must have been given full power over this one due to the success of the first. Big mistake. This guy can’t make a decent, realistic and entertaining movie. He makes action/soft porn trash. A good script, story or dialog are just inconvenient afterthoughts for him and it shows. He probably thinks he can distract the audience away from these gaping holes by adding a lot of nonsensical action and unfunny humour.
Sorry Mr. Bay you can’t fool people all the time and the people who grew up with the transformers are absolutely hating this movie. I heard that you didn’t want to make the first movie because you didn’t even like the transformers but you became very keen for the sequel after the first movie made so much money for you. Here’s a tip: lay off the third and let a real director and a real team make that one for us because you have just totally trampled on the transformers legacy.
War of the Worlds (2005)
What went wrong?
How could anyone base a film on a remarkable sci-fi novel and produce something so dull and boring? It's as if Spielberg and his team were too sure of themselves: "I'm so good and the book is so popular, I could just cough up phlegm and it'll be a blockbuster hit.' The result is a sloppy movie suffering from a severe case of deficient writing and direction.
This film inevitably gets compared to Independence Day, which -despite its stupidity- is fun and enjoyable. The same can't be said of WOTW. It's dark, miserable, boring, has no story or plot to speak of, and is more of an endurance test rather than a fun way to pass two hours.
Spielberg has intentionally set out to make a bleak 'realistic' film. That he succeeds. WOTW is more like a documentary about survival in the bleakest of circumstances but with some of the dullest characters ever put on screen. They are so annoying and unlikable, you never get emotionally entwined with their predicament, and just don't care. When Ray's unbelievable stupid son goes to the tripods to be killed, you can almost hear a sigh of relief from the audience: "one whiny idiot down, two more to go."
But wait, in a brainless Hollywood blockbuster we can't have a main character die, so he miraculously appears at his -perfectly intact- mother's house at the end! This film is littered with such impudence and is an insult to the viewer's intelligence and suggests that the screenwriter has no respect for his audience at all.
Meanwhile, Spielberg resorts to cheap tricks and shock tactics, like the lengthy depiction of the 'blood spraying and harvesting' antics of the aliens and boring character study like that over-long, pointless time-filler basement sequence.
Put these elements together and the result is a bad film that leaves a sour taste in your mouth. It won't stand up to repeat viewings despite the great special effects - about the only thing good about it.
And lastly, this film is not about a 'war of the worlds'. It delivers nothing of the grand spectacle that its title suggests. We instead get about 2 seconds of human army resistance, against 2 hours of alien zapping and family bickering. I guess 'Bad Father And Spoiled Kids Running Away From Aliens' just wouldn't have spelled instant success.
I give the 2 stars for the special effects.
The Birds (1963)
It's crap.
This movie has no plot, no story, no point. It's like a modern day blockbuster that's all show and no substance.
The entire story can be summed up in one sentence: An unrealistically spoiled, rich brat of a woman follows a man to his hometown, which then proceeds to be attacked by birds that suddenly and for no reason turn on people. That's it, no further development.
This plot is so stupid that neither Hitchcock nor the writers bothered to come up with any reason or explanation as to why/how the birds' sudden super-intelligence and organized hatred of humans. Why not be creative and argue that, let's say a virus causes the birds to crave human flesh?
All we're given is a drawn out series of pointless, unexplained, meaningless bird attacks on characters that we know nothing about and don't care about. Instead of plot development, we get cool camera angles and scare tactics, -which, by the way fall flat because without a score even the potentially frightening scenes are simply blasé. How could Hitchcock not use music for effect after the success of Psycho's shower scene?
On top of all this, Hitchcock used paintings and blue screens throughout the entire movie because he hated shooting on location. It shows. The Birds, in my opinion is -dare I say like its director- a fake.
Hulk (2003)
Not a happy camper
Warning: contains some minor spoilers.
A comic book's a comic book, a movie's a movie. The Hulk tries to be both and fails miserably. It is impossible to translate a comic book onto the big screen successfully unless the camp style and over the top storyline is ditched and replaced by a certain level of realism a moviegoer (note: non-comic book fan) can enjoy. This is very hard to pull off but not entirely impossible as proven by the X-men movies and possibly Spiderman.
This movie left a bitter taste in my mouth. The plot is hollow and uninspired, the story to tell it unbelievably bad. The script is even worse. Some lines were so corny and lame, I had to strain not to laugh out loud. These two elements are number one on a very long list of flaws that put this movie in the could-have-been-better, and I-want-a-refund category.
All characters lack depth, personality and any trace of emotion. Pulling a sad face does not acting and character-development make. All actors (except Nick Nolte) are dutifully wooden as required by this bark of a script. In the end I didn't care who got killed and who didn't. Just put that dull shell of a CGI out of its misery already!
Nick Nolte seems to have a grand time with his role -and doing a great job of it- delivering the only character in this movie that resembles a real person. All other characters, especially the girl's father (military boss whatever) are over-the-top comic book cut-outs that just don't go down well with people looking to see a MOVIE. This could've easily been avoided had they spent more time and talent on the script.
The CGI effects were alright, but I hope that movie makers one day learn that just because you can do it, doesn't mean you should. A CGI will never be able to replace a real actor/person because that human element the audience searches to identify with is simply not there. You can look into a CG character's eyes as much as you want, all you will see is computer art, you look into a person's eyes and you see into a world, a life.
The dog fight scene was embarrassingly boring and unsatisfying. It seemed entirely unnecessary and drawn-out. I'm sure they could have come up with a better excuse for an action sequence had they -again- spent more time on the plot/story/script. Hulk bouncing around like a ping-pong ball didn't impress me either. For a movie fan who's never read the comics, this 'ability' was laughably lame and just off.
I can't think of anything positive about this movie. The ending was convoluted; the first 10 minutes of credits a big ???; a plot nobody cares about; action scenes that resemble a video game; an editing style that just does not work; all topped off with a soundtrack that grates on the nerves.
This movie will test anybody's patience and since it's not good at all, it has no reason to be as long as it is.
I give it 0.3 out of 5.