- Nostalgia Critic: So while they head closer to the castle, the Rat King's army gets ready to attack with-
- [the Rat King and his army are bouncing on Pogo sticks]
- Nostalgia Critic: OK, who smoked one?
- Rat King: ATTACK! GRAB THE NUTCRACKER!
- Nostalgia Critic: [as Brave Heart Lion] Guys, I can't believe I'm about to say this but... We're about to be pogoed to death! As a side note, it's weird that my spellcheck recognized it as a word.
- [Tamara and Malcolm notice that the Critic is in a catatonic state]
- Tamara: Oh my God, what is wrong with him?
- Malcolm: Christmas withdrawal. Happens every year.
- Tamara: Is he gonna snap out of it?
- Malcolm: Maybe with a Christmas Bloody Mary. Come on, buddy. It's perfect for any Christmas hangover. It's blended fruitcake with just a hint of eggnog.
- [he takes a sip, only to gag when he notices how bad it is]
- Tamara: [she and Malcolm are trying to shake the Critic out of his post-Christmas funk] Maybe if we take him to the theater and show him some traditional Christmas movies.
- Malcolm: Good idea.
- [they show the Critic the AMC website, trying to find a movie to see]
- Malcolm: Think we'll find a film about Christmas showing?
- Tamara: Malcolm, no movies about Christmas come around this time of year.
- Malcolm: But you said Christmas movies.
- Tamara: Oh, well, I mean a movie that comes out around Christmas, not about Christmas. Like we can take him to one of these true story movies. A bunch of those come out this time of year.
- [she notices such movies displayed as "Big Eyes", "The Imitation Game", and "Unbroken", among others]
- Malcolm: Or how about one of these fantasy films? There's always a few of those playing, too.
- [he sees notices for movies like "The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies", "Into the Woods" and "Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb"]
- Tamara: Yeah, one of those actually ties into the category of "people making musicals who shouldn't be making musicals" musicals.
- Malcolm: As well as the expensive kids films nobody attempted to make good.
- Tamara: Yeah.
- Malcolm: We always do have the Oscar bait white guilt films.
- Tamara: Now what is that one?
- Malcolm: Oh, this year, it's "Selma", but before it was "The Blind Side", "20 Years a Slave", "Django"...
- Tamara: No kidding.
- Malcolm: Yeah. I love those movies, 'cause the Critic always takes me out to dinner afterwards.
- Tamara: Oh, good job
- [as Malcolm and Tamara find a movie to take the Critic to, he points out one in particular, moaning as he does]
- Malcolm: What?
- [they look toward what he's pointing at]
- Malcolm: Oh, that's just the kids screening of the "Care Bears Nutcracker". You don't want to see that.
- [the Critic moans again]
- Malcolm: Dude, they're only playing it because it was cheap to get.
- [the Critic keeps moaning]
- Tamara: Critic, are you seriously saying that you want to sit through a bunch of whiny brats so that you can watch something slightly Christmas related?
- [later, the Critic, looking quite irritable, is seated in a movie theater full of balloons and overexcited children]
- Nostalgia Critic: [seething with hatred] So worth it.
- Nostalgia Critic: All right, I've had my post-Christmas fix; it's time to move on to more serious stuff. Let's talk about Care Bears. After reviewing what I suppose is the Care Bears movie trilogy, a lot of people were complaining that there was one more film for me to look over: "The Care Bears Nutcracker". In actuality, this was a one-hour episode of the TV series. That's why it opens up with the theme song and characters who don't appear in the special at all. This is actually kinda funny, 'cause I can wonder what the poor people who never saw the show were thinking when they popped this DVD in.
- [the title sequence is shown, featuring characters in the regular show, but not the special, including Shreeky and Beastly]
- Nostalgia Critic: Wait, why is there a little girl version of Doc Brown next to one of Gimli's hairballs? Wait, why did some of the Care Bears start wearing seriously dated clothes?
- [No Heart, the main villain on the show, is shown]
- Nostalgia Critic: Who the fuck is that guy? Did the wizard from "Fantasia" become a Klansman recently? Nevertheless, in the spirit of post-Christmas depression I suppose I can give in and still review this fuck-horse. Let's finish off the Care Bears saga before we get to the stuff that gets... somehow weirder.