Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Care Bears Nutcracker Suite (2014)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : So while they head closer to the castle, the Rat King's army gets ready to attack with-

  [the Rat King and his army are bouncing on Pogo sticks] 

  Nostalgia Critic : OK, who smoked one?

  Rat King : ATTACK! GRAB THE NUTCRACKER!

  Nostalgia Critic : [as Brave Heart Lion]  Guys, I can't believe I'm about to say this but... We're about to be pogoed to death! As a side note, it's weird that my spellcheck recognized it as a word.

• [as Malcolm and Tamara find a movie to take the Critic to, he points out one in particular, moaning as he does] 

  Malcolm : What?

  [they look toward what he's pointing at] 

  Malcolm : Oh, that's just the kids screening of the "Care Bears Nutcracker". You don't want to see that.

  [the Critic moans again] 

  Malcolm : Dude, they're only playing it because it was cheap to get.

  [the Critic keeps moaning] 

  Tamara : Critic, are you seriously saying that you want to sit through a bunch of whiny brats so that you can watch something slightly Christmas related?

  [later, the Critic, looking quite irritable, is seated in a movie theater full of balloons and overexcited children] 

  Nostalgia Critic : [seething with hatred]  So worth it.

• Nostalgia Critic : All right, I've had my post-Christmas fix; it's time to move on to more serious stuff. Let's talk about Care Bears. After reviewing what I suppose is the Care Bears movie trilogy, a lot of people were complaining that there was one more film for me to look over: "The Care Bears Nutcracker". In actuality, this was a one-hour episode of the TV series. That's why it opens up with the theme song and characters who don't appear in the special at all. This is actually kinda funny, 'cause I can wonder what the poor people who never saw the show were thinking when they popped this DVD in.

  [the title sequence is shown, featuring characters in the regular show, but not the special, including Shreeky and Beastly] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Wait, why is there a little girl version of Doc Brown next to one of Gimli's hairballs? Wait, why did some of the Care Bears start wearing seriously dated clothes?

  [No Heart, the main villain on the show, is shown] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Who the fuck is that guy? Did the wizard from "Fantasia" become a Klansman recently? Nevertheless, in the spirit of post-Christmas depression I suppose I can give in and still review this fuck-horse. Let's finish off the Care Bears saga before we get to the stuff that gets... somehow weirder.

• Nostalgia Critic : Time for a game of disappearing brain cells. This is "The Care Bears Nutcracker".