- Stella: You meet some guy on a nude beach and after five minutes later you're downloading his hard drive in the back of a van? You're a slut.
- Stella: Next to putting a dick in your mouth with Lady Gaga playing in the background, that's about as gay as it gets.
- Smith: It's always the same dream. I'm wandering, naked, in this strange maze of hallways, and I feel this creeping sense of impending doom, like something terrible's about to happen. I pass my roommate, my mom, my best friend Stella - basically every significant person in my life - and they're all just staring at me like I'm some kind of museum display behind glass. Then I see two people I've never met before - a mysterious, unearthly, beautiful woman, and this red-haired girl, and they both seem to be leading me deeper into the corridor. This is when I notice the black door. And I'm not sure why, but somehow I know that I've got to find out what's behind it. So I grab hold of the knob, open the door and discover... a dumpster.
- London: Straight guys are gayer than gay guys. The fact they're in love and can't suck each other's dicks makes them act queerer than Clay Aiken.
- Stella: So, anyways, the party tonight...
- [Smith groans]
- Stella: You're going. Lorelei, this hot girl from my Emotion Painting class, invited me.
- Smith: Lorelei? As in legendary siren luring helpless sailors to their doom?
- Stella: Yeah, I know. She's gorge and I need a wingman, so you're drafted.
- Smith: So that you can hook up and ditch me after five seconds.
- Stella: Basically.
- Smith: I'm not sure how straight Thor really is.
- Stella: You just said he was putting a load in some pinhead's dryer last night.
- Smith: Yeah, but doing it with women doesn't necessarily make him straight. Case in point.
- Stella: The fact that you randomly sometimes stick it in a girl does not mean anything beyond you need to monitor your drinking.
- Stella: Smith, college is just an intermission between high school and the rest of your life. It's four years of having sex, making stupid mistakes, and experiencing stuff. It's a pit stop, not the second coming of the Messiah.
- Thor: I've been reading on the Internet that if you do these flexibility exercises twice a day, you'll be able to give yourself a blowjob in three weeks. I'll e-mail you the link.
- London: What kind of guy are you? If I didn't just have your dick inside of me, I'd swear you didn't have one.
- London: Well, I'm stressed about this exam I have on Monday and I was thinking I could use a really good orgasm.
- Lorelei: Tired already?
- Stella: We've been going at it for five hours. I mean, I love sex as much as anyone else, but if I come anymore tonight my cooch is going to break.
- Lorelei: But I want to make love again.
- Stella: You're kidding, right? What are you, some kind of insatiable sex maniac?
- Lorelei: Yes.
- Stella: Too bad, I'm beat.