- The worst thing in this business is to be thought of as a no-talent.
- Never go for the punch line. There might be something funnier on the way.
- I don't think my judgment is that good. I don't know what is funny.
- Hollywood never knew there was a Vietnam War until they made the movie.
- During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared. Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one.
- Creative comedy is like growing geraniums in a mine field.
- Being on a sitcom stops me from getting Alzheimer's.
- Anne is very forgiving. She doesn't care about money, being rich, or clothes. We never argued about finances.
- Anne hated the idea of putting me down in front of the audience.
- We managed to hang in there. Today when people get married there's a tendency to run away when things get tough. There is a lot of strength in hanging together.
- Money is sensual.
- It can make you sad to look at pictures from your youth. So there's a trick to it. The trick is not to look at the later pictures.
- I've been around the block a lot and I've had a merry trail for 55 years.
- I shave without using shaving cream.
- I loved the idea of touching base with an audience.
- I ask myself why I do it. Maybe it's to prove I'm still around. It takes a lot out of my body. I'm not an NBA player anymore. At my age, very few people can handle it.
- Some of the routines come back very easily. We do it off the top of our heads.
- My father and mother - I figured if I could make them laugh, they would stop fighting. I stole all their material.
- [on meeting Anne Meara, his future wife] She seemed to sense I had no money, so she just ordered coffee. Then she took all the silverware. I picked up her cheque for ten cents and thought, "This is a girl I'd like to hang out with.".
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