BandSAboutMovies Reviews

Sorority Girl (1957)

Mean Girls

[5/10 · 2 June 2024]

1957 was a big year for Roger Corman. He directed Naked Paradise, Attack of the Crab Monsters, Not of This Earth, The Undead, Rock All Night, Teenage Doll, Carnival Rock and The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent. Playing with Edward L. Cahn's Motorcycle Gang - a remake of Cahn's earlier film Drag Strip Girl - this was distributed by those masters of teen drive-in films, American-International Pictures.

Susan Cabot was a contract actress for Universal that appreciated getting to play roles she'd never get to play otherwise thanks to Roger Corman. She's also in The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent, Carnival Rock, War of the Satellites, Machine-Gun Kelly and The Wasp Woman. She had a rough life, as she was raised in eight different foster homes - and abused in several of them - which led to late life PTSD. Her mother was also institutionalized and she may have inherited some of her mental illness. She married her first husband before she was 18, just to escape, and eventually came to Hollywood where she would act in many a Western and date King Hussein of Jordan. Later in life, as she fell in mental illness and hoarding, even her psychologist would say their sessions were emotionally draining. One night, she woke her son - who had dwarfism and suffered pituitary gland problems - and attacked him with a scalpel and a weight lifting bar. Confused, he took the bar from her and beat her to death. He originally told police she was attacked by a man in a ninja mask as no one understood mental problems in 1986. Eventually, he was put on probation after being in jail for two and a half years.

Back to happier things.

Written by Leo Lieberman and Ed Waters for AIP - Corman didn't like the script - it has Cabot as Sabra Tanner, a rich girl who feels like her mother doesn't care about her. She can't help herself as she hurts everyone around her, like trying to steal her friend Rita's (Barboura Morris') boyfriend Mort (Dick Miller) and forcing a heavier pledge named Ellie (Barbara Cowan) to do situps in order to be thin. When Tina doesn't listen, she paddles her and yeah, this is exploitation so not only does Sabra love it, Tina just may as well. And when Mort won't give in, she finds a pregnant waitress named Tine (June Kenney) to blackmail him.

None of it ends well, as must happen in so many teen movies. Sabra is a psychopath - as if the opening credits didn't spoil this - and at the end, all she can do is walk into the ocean and drown. Today, she'd probably get over all this and be a CEO or something.

There's nothing I love more than a woman destroying people. I've had it done to me more than a few times. Now, I just watch it in movies.

Not of This Earth (1957)

Not of This Earth

[6/10 · 2 June 2024]

At 67 minutes, this movie was made to be shown with Attack of the Crab Monsters. Its stars Paul Birch as Mr. Johnson, a man quite literally not of this Earth because he's an alien from Davanna with blank eyes that can burn right into your brain. If you start to like him, remember that he starts the movie by removing the blood of a teenage girl with some tubes that he keeps in his attache case.

Davanna is dying from the end of a nuclear war which has turned everyone's blood to dust. Now, as he waits in Los Angeles, Mr. Johnson is attempting to solve the issues with his peoples' blood. He has a houseboy named Jeremy (Jonathan Haze) and hires away nurse Nadine Storey (Beverly Garland) from a man he has hypnotized, Dr. F. W. Rochelle (William Roerick).

The police are wondering who the vampire killer is, but Mr. Johnson is just trying to stay alive. And look out anyone - like Dick Miller as a vacuum salesman - who comes to his home. Soon, another alien (Anna Lee Carroll) shows up but her blood becomes laced with rabies. She's not the last as even though Johnson perishes in a car crash - a police siren is too much for his alien hearing - another alien that looks just like him shows up at his grave.

Director Roger Corman and Charles B. Griffith (who wrote the screenplay with Mark Hanna) worked together quite a lot. Griffith said of the story, "It started all this X-ray eye business. Most of Roger's themes got established right in the beginning. Whatever worked, he'd come and take again, and a lot of things got used over and over. During the production of Not of This Earth, I was married to a nurse, and she helped me do a lot of medical research. I remember how we cured cancer in that script. Somehow the film was a mess when it was finished."

Birch had no fun making this, as he had to wear the painful contacts all day as Corman wanted to shoot whenever with no prep. The actor was so upset he left before filming was done, so in some shots, that's not him. Luckily, he has on a hat and sunglasses often, so he was easy to fake Shemp in this by Lyle Latell. Before he left the set, he said, ""I am an actor, and I don't need this stuff... To hell with it all! Goodbye!"

This has been remade twice, once by Jim Wynorski with Traci Lords as Nadine in 1988 - Wynorski made Roger Corman a bet that he could remake the 1957 film with the same budget and schedule thirty years later - and in 1995, directed by Terence H. Winkless and part of the Roger Corman Presents series.

If you watched this on TV in the 1960s (or any time), there are three more minutes that were added by Herbert L. Strock right after the credits. A voice intones "You are about to adventure into the dimension of The Impossible! To enter this realm you must set your mind free from earthly fetters that bind it! If the events you are about to witness are unbelievable, it is only because your imagination is chained! Sit back, relax and believe.. so that you may cross the brink of time and space.. into that land you sometimes visit in your dreams!" If you're wondering if a scene or two are repeated, they are so that the movie fit into TV schedules. There were also three scenes that were extended in some theatrical prints: the scene in which Johnson speaks with the courier, him chasing Nadine and when Harry chases him.

Destroy All Neighbors (2024)

Great!

[6/10 · 1 June 2024]

William Brown (Jonah Ray) is stuck. He wants to be a prog musician and that's not something that's going to make you rich but it might make you creatively fulfilled, as long as you realize that no one else is going to get the music you play. He's working at a studio for Scott (Thomas Lennon), engineering a session of druggy Caleb Bang Jansen (Ryan Kattner) and being berated for everything he does. At least he has his old videos of Swig (Jon Daly, a yinzer) to inspire him.

Home isn't much better. While his wife Emily (Kiran Deol) is supportive, he also has to deal with his landlady (Randee Heller, Alice from Soap and Daniel LaRusso's mom) making him fix the fuse box, a rampaging Daryl the pig (played by Kosher the pig) and a new neighbor named Vlad (Alex Winter), who won't stop blasting music, moving furniture and screaming. It's enough to push him to do something insane.

After failing to make Vlad stop being so horrible - he calls the cops at one point and his wife ends up liking the old man - he tries to talk to him. It ends up in a fistfight and Vlad is accidentally impaled. That's when William starts hearing the voice of Swig, telling him how to get rid of the body, which ends up being more than one body. It ends up being a lot of bodies.

Yet despite becoming a mass murderer, the good news is that William finally finishes his album and becomes a success. Well, he's in jail. But you get to see a torso with guts hanging out play drums and some of the craziest prog instruments ever.

Director Josh Forbes comes from music videos and that's a good thing. He's working from a fun script by Mike Benner, Jared Logan and Charles A. Pieper and some wild effects by Bill Corso and Ben Gojer. Plus, seeing Alex Winter in a movie makes me so happy and he makes the most out of both of his roles.

This is the kind of movie that doesn't need overthought and just is out to entertain you. It succeeds beyond expectation.

Tales from the Crypt: Split Second (1991) Season 3, Episode 11

Timber

[7/10 · 1 June 2024]

"Sometimes, life can be such a grind. Know what I mean? That's why I like to get out every now and then and swing a little. So much for his family tree! Tonight's tale concerns a young woman who's about to do a little swinging of her own. She wants to prove that a good man is hard to find, but easy to get rid of. I think you'll like this little chopping spree I call: "Split Second.""

Liz Kelly (Michelle Wilson) is stranded in a logging town, working in a bar to earn enough money to get a bus ticket. The camp manager Steve Dixon (Brion James) saves her from Banjo (Tony Pierce), a loud and rude drunk, and she ends up married the much older man that very night. They seem to have a good marriage until his men see her all dressed up and he reveals just how jealous he is. That only increases when a new lumberjack named Ted Morgan (Billy Wirth) appears and takes over his wife's imagination.

Liz is a horrible person, to be honest, and she just doesn't want to be bored. That ends up costing her life, her husband's and Ted's vision. Steve was such a nice guy before all this or so his men say. But now they're killing him, so there's that. You have to love an episode that doesn't just have a blind man saw two people to death but has the Crypt Keeper chainsaw Joel Silver.

Directed by Russell Mulcahy (Highlander, The Shadow), written by Richard Christian Matheson and filmed on the sets of Twin Peaks by cinematographer Rick Bota (who would go on to direct Hellraiser: Hellseeker, Hellraiser: Deader and Hellraiser: Hellworld), this is a pretty good episode.

It's based on "Split Second!" from Shock SuspenStories #4, which was written by Al Feldstein and William Gaines and drawn by Jack Kamen.

Demonoids from Hell (2023)

Demonoids

[3/10 · 31 May 2024]

Vanessa (Julie Anne Prescott) and Erica (Traci Burr) move into a new apartment, invite over their boyfriends Thomas (Ken May) and Josh (Christopher Bryan Gomez) and find a Ouija board. You know what they should do, right? Throw that thing away. But instead, they use it and unleash three small demonoids who, from the poster, are definitely an even lower budget version of Ghoulies.

That said, this only asks an hour of your time and has some fun looking creatures that, while somewhat cheap also have plenty of heart. There's even a horror host, Malvolia (Jennifer Nangle) and the chance to see the Valley Relics Museum in another movie by director and co-writer - with Craig Muckler - Dustin Ferguson.

There's only one other review on IMDB and it says, "Acting is bad and the Demonoids are literal hand puppets that don't even move their mouths. The voices for them sound like a kid show."

You have not made it through the films that I have seen, sir.

It's quite strange that the first part of the movie with the girls and their boyfriends feels like the first movie, the Demonoids going crazy in the streets is a sequel, the breaks with Malvolia and the news programs just take up time and it all has a really long credit sequence and yet is done in an hour. I always wonder why and how you pad a movie that's done in fifty plus minutes, but then again, I keep watching these, you know?

Credit where credit is due: the title is good and the poster is great. And as you know, sometimes, that's all you need.

Spaghetti (2023) (I) (2023)

Spaghetti

[4/10 · 31 May 2024]

Lena Simon (Brittany Lucio) is dealing with her car breaking down on the way to work when she's surprised by motivational speaker Scotty Sharpe (Newton Mayenge), who offers to take her to work instead of waiting for a tow truck. His offer of dinner turns out to be the perfect relationship until she starts to suspect him of cheating on her. Her friend Toni (Donna Glytch) suggests that she work with MaMa Ti'Mun (Tangie Ambrose) to do a voodoo spell on him, which will keep her in love with him once he eats special herbs inside a bowl of spaghetti. It makes him even more loving but also turns him into a killing machine.

Also: He may be a criminal and not just a motivational speaker. She also has a brother named Meatball (Markice Moore) who is on house arrest.

Director Adam Gierasch has an interesting background. He was one of the writers of movies like the Tobe Hooper remake of Toolbox Murders as well as his movie Mortuary. He also was one of the writers of Argento's Mother of Tears and the remake of Night of the Demons, which he directed along with Autopsy, Fertile Ground, House by the Lake and the "Trick" part of Tales of Halloween. He's working from a script by Dempsey Gibson, Markice Moore and Jason Rainwater.

His director's statement really goes for it: "I was drawn to the unique story of Spaghetti as I was immediately reminded of Brian DePalma movies that I love, and I also loved the idea of a predominantly African-American cast. Lena is haunted by surrealistic nightmares like Carrie is, and then finds out that the man that she's falling in love with is anything but normal. He has a terrifying set of skills that he can't even remember, which turn him into a cold-blooded killer. In my approach I utilized the neon color of De Palma's Body Double and the unmotivated light of Dario Argento's Suspiria, while adding in as much blood as I could to grind it all together and make the perfect bloody, scary, funny stew. For my score I tapped Slasher Dave, the creative force behind the band Acid Witch, to embark on composing for the film. His unique approach pulls from The Exorcist (especially "Tubular Bells") and John Carpenter's Halloween. To make the voodoo elements work I had him put in a lot of tribal drums. Finally, we used a real goat for the voodoo ceremony (although of course it left set unharmed.) It was some of the most fun directing I've had in a long time, and probably the nicest, coolest cast I've ever worked with."

I'm a big Acid Witch fan, so I was glad that I read that. It makes sense why the opening - filled with AI generated animated art of women and spaghetti - feels so sinister.

The IMDB reviews for this movie are interesting. Either they're ten out of ten reviews that claim that it's "A Savory Fusion of Narrative Brilliance and Visual Delight" or a one out of ten that says, "The uncanny resemblance to Indian cinema becomes evident, particularly in the implausible death scenes."

People will be stabbed in the face, a woman's face will explode and yes, that goat shows up. I will say that this movie takes itself seriously - despite being about a woman putting her period blood into a pasta dish for her cheating man - and it looks way better than any other modern horror movie on Tubi, complete with cool gel lighting and some really great gore. It goes hard when it doesn't have to and for that, you should respect it.

I thought I was about to find another Black Giallo movie and I did, but was also amazed to find out that it was made by someone who actually worked with Argento. You can still be surprised.

The Last Amityville Movie (2023)

There will be many more

[4/10 · 30 May 2024]

Amityville Zoo, Planet Amityville, Amityville Doorknob, Amityville Lockdown, Amityville Isolation, The Amityville Amityville and Amityville Fridge aren't real but I would totally watch them if they did. After all, this is the 53rd Amityville movie I've watched and I don't see stopping any time soon.

Movie Timelines host Josh Spiegel directed, wrote and stars in this as himself. In the middle of a new pandemic, separated from his wife Christie and daughter Stella (played by his real-life wife and daughter), he keeps trying to update his YouTube channel and have online meetings with horror fans in the midst of losing his job and being mailed a cursed doorknob from Amityville that puts him into his own horror movie.

Then everyone he meets has their heads explode and he learns from multiple Amityville director Lars Van Floof that every Amityville movie is cursed by an item sold from the original house. I believe this, as much as I believe that a demon has cursed me to watch every one of these films.

Made on a low budget and a found footage film, this feels made for people like, well, me. People who keep watching Amityville movies and get mad at themselves but then feel a sense of joy when a new one comes out. Josh is from Pittsburgh as well, even though we've never met, and therefore I feel some kinship for the terror he endures as he goes deep into the heart of 112 Ocean Avenue.

Nazi Dawn (2014 Video)

Nazi Dawn

[3/10 · 30 May 2024]

Also known as Nazi Dawn - because our possessed heroine of sorts is named Dawn (Kristen Casner, using her much more Teutonic full name Kristen Walterscheid Casner) - this is all about a group of sorority girls who take their new pledge Dawn to a country estate and end up awakening the spirit of Dawn's great-grandfather Van Holly, who was a Nazi butcher. Why do a seance? I mean, do you not know better? Also: one of the girls, Eve (Lora McHugh) is always leading Dawn around on a leash, so should we be surprised when the slave becomes the dominatrix with Aryan costuming?

The occult loving Agness (Veronica Ricci), sapphic couple Fiona (Jennifer Van Heeckeren) and Alex (Laura Azevedo), Dee (Ashley Rose) and Alyson (Kelly Erin Decker) were dumb enough to unleash the Nazi spirit, which went into the village idiot, and when they kill him, it goes into Dawn. The Ouija board is saved for the last twenty minutes despite being so highly billed in the title.

Directed by Dennis Devine, this has no less than five writers: Ted Chalmers, Annie T. Conlon, Karianne Davis, Monte Hunter and Veronica Ricci, who in addition to being in the cast also wrote some of the dialogue. Adult stars Missy Martinez and Ryan Keely also appear and this movie in no way shies away from nudity, bondage and gore, which is kind of welcome even if the kills are a bit neutered.

However, it has a great name and poster and quite often, that's all I need to watch something.

Ouija Shark 2 (2022)

Ouija Shark vs. Tarot Gator

[3/10 · 27 May 2024]

You know that addiction to Amityville movies and the demon that cursed me?

I also have one that gave me the Ouija jinx.

Yes, I watched Ouija Shark so of course I watched the sequel.

Like I said, I have a curse.

Directed and written by John Migliore, who also plays the hero Anthony Struggle, who died to stop the Ouija Shark in the last movie. But now, he's beset in the underworld by demonic goggle-wearing apes and bikini women. And oh yes, Master Caldura (Simon Wheeldon) and his even more powerful Ouija Shark. Luckily, he has Dr. Strange-like magic skills and the help of his ex-wife Cressida, (Deborah Jayne Reilly Smith), who was also the mother of Jill (Sabrina Migliore), the heroine of the last movie, along with magic user Illyana (Kylie Gough) and her estranged necomancer mother - yes, that is a thing, I just wrote it - Terra (Lena Montecalvo).

This has it all, if by all you mean puppet sharks, a puppet gator - this was called Ouija Shark vs. Tarot Gator originally and man, I adore that title - dancing bikini girls doing a music number, stock footage mayhem, family dynamics dealt through surrogate mothers and daughters, magic users yelling out their powers like Shaw Brothers fighters declaring their fighting styles, a kaiju battle between stuffed animals, a great title and an even better poster. I'm fascinated by people who give these movies bad reviews on IMDB and Letterboxd, as of course this movie is going to have a low budget and be ridiculous. Why are you dumping Ouija sharks and tarot gators in a barrel and shooting at them? Is your life that boring and small that you gain pleasure from slapping around the slappable?

As for me, I love that I live in a world where I can instantly watch a variety of bootleg Ouija movies that are way better than the official ones despite having the budget of a trip to Costco. Sure, I laughed at this movie, but it was a joyous chuckle and the feeling of being alive, not one of feeling superior to the movie that I was clearly enjoying.

As a contrast, my wife's review: "This movie made you dumber."

Amityville Ripper (2023)

Fun

[4/10 · 27 May 2024]

Amityville Ripper starts with a news segment of people hating Amityville movies, the original house being burned down, an auction of items that were in the house, multiple UFO abductions, the Spider podcast, a commercial for Alien Mingle and another for Steve Martin's (not that one) Video Store. At some point, I was wondering if this was using Pond 5 footage like every other Amityville movie and just trying to pad a runtime with all of this footage, but then as the movie went on, surprise, this actually gets why I watch these movies.

Not just because a demon cursed me to watch all of them and would ruin our web traffic if I stopped.

This takes place in 2000 - the Y2K bug is a thing - and Marianne (Kelsey Ann Baker) and her brother - or step-brother - Nichols (Hunter Redfern) wake up to their parents going away on vacation for New Year's Eve. Marianne - known as M - had something big planned with her best friend Annie (Angel Nichole Bradford). And no, not lesbian stuff, as her brother and his wheelchair bound friend Chapman (Ryan Martel). Instead, she has had the knife of Jack the Ripper sent to her from that auction. And her friend Tony, who is now in Hollywood, said it's real because "he lived that Ripper lifestyle."

What is a Ripper lifestyle?

Also, Marianne has dreams of slow jams playing over stock footage of a jet ski, which makes her even more endearing to me and not just because she's a goth girl with shaved sides of her hair and looks a lot like Rainbow Harvest. She also mentions that she really wanted the clock from the house, but an architect - Jacob Sterling, right? - got it first.

While everyone - including way too nice cheerleader Liz (Anna Clary) - is partying and playing Sugar Ray, Marianne and Annie go up to her room and have a seance with a Ouija board, some tarot cards, Jack the Ripper's knife and plenty of candles. Also: If M is so goth, why is she wearing an N'Sync shirt when the rest of her room is full of Universal Monsters pillows, a black metal poster and a Killer Klowns poster? At least her closest is all full of black shirts.

Director and writer Bobby Canipe Jr. Has obliterated the fourth wall in this movie, as the characters even find the script, not that it keeps all of them alive. Just look at the dialogue:

Annie: Everything that happened in the Amityville house was true. And can you just imagine if this knife of Jack the Ripper's became imbued with the power of the Amityville house? It'd be like we had some sort of Amityville ripper on our hands.

Marianne: True, but I think that's kind of the point. I'm pretty sure that the name of this movie is Amityville Ripper.

Then The Ripper (Josh Allman) comes to life, wearing a Dracula costume, and also aliens.

There's a line that sums up this entire movie, as well as all Amityville sequels.

"Brother, it's an Amityville sequel. ***** different here."

Not all the humor hits perfectly, but who cares? This is way better than nearly any other Amityvlle sequel, which isn't saying much, but it does try. Which is, again, way more than almost every other sequel not made in Canada or by an Italian director.

I Saw What You Did (1988 TV Movie)

Remake

[4/10 · 27 May 2024]

This made for TV movie is based on Out of the Dark by Ursula Curtiss but its title comes from the first movie made from it, the 1965 William Castle directed, Joan Crawford starring I Saw What You Did. Director Fred Walton is going back to familiar territory, as he made When a Stranger Calls, one of the movies that took Black Christmas' idea that the calls are coming from inside the house. He also directed April Fool's Day, The Rosary Murders, When a Stranger Calls Back and The Stepford Husbands. This was written by Cynthia Cidre, who was a showrunner for the 2010s Dallas.

Lisa Harris (Tammy Lauren, Wishmaster) might be popular, but she could care less about school. Kim Fielding (Shawnee Smith, The Blob) is a smart kid who never gets to have fun and is always babysitting her sister Julia (Candace Cameron from Full House). When her father goes out for the night, Kim tries to invite over the more popular Lisa, who just wants a place to meet her boyfriend Louis (Patrick O'Bryan, 976-EVIL). While she's waiting for him, she decides to show Kim and Julia how to be bad and starts prank calling people and talking sexy or saying, "I saw what you did and I know who you are."

One of the people they call is Adrian Lancer (Robert Carradine), who has already killed his girlfriend Robyn (Jo Anderson) and is about to try and set his brother Stephen (David Carradine) on fire. Kim thinks they're flirting but he's trying to find out who she is because he's sure she knows he's a killer. She ends up at his house and things get pretty tense to say the least. And the whole thing ends with Stephen calling Kim and saying, "Kim, I know who you are. You killed my brother." And he seemed so normal.

Originally airing on May 20, 1988 on CBS, this isn't as good as the original - you figured that, right? - and the role that Crawford played is barely in it. But hey, it's pretty decent for a late 80s TV movie.

Black Market Baby (1977 TV Movie)

Black Market Baby!!!

[6/10 · 27 May 2024]

Brut Productions was a film production company that - if the name doesn't clue you in - was part of Fabergé cosmetics. Run by George Barrie - who in addition to creating the Brut fragrance also was nominated for the 1973 Academy Award for Best Original Song with Sammy Cahn for "All That Love Went To Waste" and in 1975 for "Now That We're In Love" - it had Cary Grant on the board of directors and Roger Moore was an ambassador at large.

Their films include Cry for Me, Billy; Night Watch; A Touch of Class; Book of Numbers; Welcome to Arrow Beach; Miracles Still Happen; Hangup; Mean Johnny Barrows; Whiffs; Sweet Hostage; Hedda, Hugo the Hippo; I Will, I Will... for Now; Nasty Habits; Thieves; Fingers; The Class of Miss MacMichael and The Dream Merchants along with this film. Fabergé sold their interest in 17 films in 1982 for an undisclosed amount to Ted Turner.

Directed by Robert Day (She, The Man With Bogart's Face, The Initiation of Sarah) and written by Andrew Peter Marin from the book by Elizabeth Christman, this stars Linda Purl (Visiting Hours) as Anne Macarino, a young woman who falls for Steve Aletti (Desi Arnaz Jr.) and doesn't realize that he's part of a scheme by medical student Herbert Freemont (Bill Bixby) to get an Italian Catholic baby that has some intelligence to replace the child that was lost by Jessica Walter as Joseph and Louise Carmino (David Doyle and Jessica Walter). Everyone is in on this, even the kindly obstetrician Dr. Andrew Brantford (Tom Bosley) who is seemingly helping her. Now, knocked up, she can't tell her good Catholic family that she's with child (Allen Joseph, Mr. X from Eraserhead is her father), Steve is ignoring her and she's trapped in a home for expectant single mothers.

Even a really young Annie Potts shows up, so it has that going for it. It's her first movie. She plays one of the other mothers who reveals that she's selling her child and that's when Anne loses it. Then she stays with the Carminos without knowing that they want her child.

This movie is essential if you think that David Doyle and Tom Bosley are the same person.

Back to that house for mothers. It's owned by Mrs. Krieg, who is played by Lucille Benson, who will forever be Mrs. Elrod from Halloween II.

The Strange Monster of Strawberry Cove (1971 TV Movie)

Disney TV

[5/10 · 25 May 2024]

Originally broadcast on NBC as a two-part episode on The Wonderful World of Disney on October 31, and November 7, 1971, The Strange Monster of Strawberry Cove is a very live action Disney film in that kids are making a monster, an adult thinks that it's real and a sheriff doesn't want to believe them.

Every year, schoolteacher Henry Meade (Burgess Meredith, not yet Mickey or Satan himself) takes his students out on the lake to be part of nature, but this year, he sees what he thinks is a monster, which scares the kids and gives Mrs. Pringle (Agnes Moorehead) the chance to finally get him fired.

To try and save their favorite teacher's job, Tippy (Annie McEveety) Scott (Jimmy Bracken) and Catfish (Patrick Creamer) make their own sea monster and plan on sending it out on the lake so everyone believes Meade. Except they run into smugglers - yes, this is a lot like Mystery of Dracula's Castle - and that brings in the sheriff (Bill Zuckert).

This being a 70s kid movie, of course Kim Richards is in it.

Based on The Mad Scientist's Club by Bertrand R. Brinley, The Strange Monster of Strawberry Cove was directed by Jack Shea, who also directed 110 episodes of The Jeffersons, and written by Herman Groves.

Telethon (1977 TV Movie)

Telethon

[6/10 · 25 May 2024]

Telethons were a big deal in the 1970s. So much so that more than one movie got made about them - besides this, there's Americathon from 1979 - and the Easter Seals and Jerry Lewis MDA telethons were marathon events that we all watched because, well, we didn't have that many channels.

A Las Vegas hospital is running out of money and the chance to have their annual telethon unless they raise $8 million this year. Filmed in and around the Dunes Hotel - which closed January 26, 1993 after a time where it became a shadow of itself and also had a series of arsons - this is like a disaster movie, in that it has a huge cast whose stories are all interconnected, mostly with Marty Rand (Red Buttons), the entertainer who has hosted the event every year being considered too old. His illegitimate daughter is also coming to Vegas to tell him that she's his daughter, Matt Tallman (Lloyd Bridges) saves Elaine Cotton (Janet Leigh) in the midst of a brawl - Vegas seems beyond Sin City here and not the family destination that it became - and you get people like Jimmie Walker, Sugar Ray Robinson and David Burton all playing themselves.

Plus you get Jill St. John, David Selby, Randi Oakes, Polly Bergen, Dick Clark, Eve Plumb in an adult role, Kent McCord, Edd Byrnes and John Marley all in the cast. Yes, the mob is involved and when isn't it in Vegas?

Director David Lowell Rich is one of the kings of the TV movie, as well as the disaster film. After all, he made SST: Death Flight, The Horror at 37,000 Feet, The Runaway Train, Adventures Of the Queen and the theatrical disaster that was The Concorde ... Airport '79. He also directed Satan's School for Girls, That Man Bolt, Scandal Sheet and episodes of Naked City, Route 66, The Twilight Zone, Mannix and Cannon.

It was written by Roger Wilton, who is a one and done writer.

Originally airing on November 6, 1977 on ABC, Telethon is a caught in amber view of what Vegas was like in 1977, a dangerous and violent place where you could win big money or lose it all just as easily.

Mongo's Back in Town (1971 TV Movie)

Great movie

[6/10 · 25 May 2024]

Lieutenant Pete Tolstad, the character played by Telly Savalas in this made for TV movie, feels like the early version of Kojak before that show would air in 1973. Tolstad grew up in the same neighborhood that is now his beat. He's never had a real Christmas. He just does his job.

Directed by Marvin J. Chomsky (Tank, Evel Knievel, Roots) and written by Herman Miller and based on the book by E. Richard Johnson. Johnson was a convicted armed robber and murderer who wrote all eleven of his books from his cell at Stillwater State Prison in Minnesota. He started writing to pass the time in prison and his novel Silver Street won the Mystery Writers of America's Edgar Allan Poe Award for 1968 and the follow-up, which this movie is based on, was considered an even better book. Despite his success, he got into drugs while in prison. He escaped and went back into crime before being recaptured and stayed in jail until 1991.

Everyone is interested in the reasons why Mongo Nash (Joe Don Baker) is back in town and why he's spending time with a young girl named Vikki (Sally Field) who has just come to town from West Virginia. Is he in town to do a hit for his brother Mike (Charles Cioffi)? Or does he just want left alone?

This has a great cast. Martin Sheen plays Tolstad's partner Mike and Anne Francis is a gangster's moll who Savalas has a flirty scene with. Baker is great and somehow makes a killer into someone that you feel some level of empathy for and the way he treats Vikki. Ah yes. He is a killer. On the way to the brutal ending, we have people get acid thrown in their faces and everyone is fair game for murder including kids.

Originally airing on CBS on December 10, 1971, this is also known as Steel Wreath, which is a strange title and probably one that makes more sense once Johnson and his books were forgotten. Perhaps they didn't want people to think this was a Blazing Saddles sequel, which there was one that is forgotten and was a TV series.

Tales from the Crypt: Mournin' Mess (1991) Season 3, Episode 10

GHOULS

[6/10 · 25 May 2024]

Directed and written by Manny Coto, who still writes for American Horror Stories and directed Star Kid, Dr. Giggles and Zenon: The Zequel, "Mournin' Mess" is about Dale Sweeney (Steven Weber), one of those drunken and scummy reporters that movies always have. He works for The Evening Globe who has assigned him to cover the Grateful Homeless, Outcasts, and Unwanteds Layaway Society and the new cemetery they are opening. He has the hots for their spokeswoman Jess Gilchrist (Rita Wilson) and buys int their goal of giving dead people a proper burial.

"Ah, there you are! You're just in time! I'm trying out a few recipes from my new Betty Croaker cookbook. I hope you like shish-ka-bob. Damn! It isn't ready yet! Bob's still moving! Tonight's foul feast will begin with mashed potatoes, then move onto some shrieking duck, and finish with a nice kill-basa. I call this tasty tidbit: "Mournin' Mess.""

The issue is that Dale is a mess. He loses his job and soon meets an unhoused man named Roebuck (Vincent Schiavelli) who tells him that all of the city's poor are being targeted by a serial killer. As it is, Roebuck is the prime suspect, but he claims that if Dale goes to the new cemetery at night, he will discover the truth, which will allow him to get his job back. Dale of course screws all this up and gets Roebuck killed and buried in that same cemetery, as he was too busy sleeping with Jess to meet him. He also loses his house and has to beg his old boss Elaine Tillman (Ally Walker) for his job.

That's when he realizes that the Grateful Homeless, Outcasts, and Unwanteds Layaway Society spells ghouls and they eat his ear as he escapes. He finds Jess and tries to save her, only for her to eat his face.

Oh Dale. If you just stayed in the cemetery and met him Roebuck, you could have had the story that let you expose everything and be a success all over again, Roebuck would clear his name and you'd both be alive. Hope that sex was worth it.

The original story was in Tales from the Crypt #38 and was also called "Mournin' Mess." Written by Al Feldstein and William Gaines and drawn by Graham Ingels.

Search for the Gods (1975 TV Movie)

Astronauts

[4/10 · 23 May 2024]

In 1975, ancient aliens were all people could think about other than the bicentennial. Or so it seemed. Directed by Jud Taylor and written by Herman Miller and Ken Pettus, Search for the Gods was a pilot for a series that was never picked up.

Willie Longfellow (Stephen McHattie), Genera Juantez (Victoria Racimo) and Shan Mullins (Kurt Russell) are looking for parts of a gold tablet that explains how these Erich Von Daniken alien gods came to Earth and inspired our technology. Longfellow meets Lucio (John War Eagle, a Native American who was actually born in England) and gets the first piece from him before he dies, which brings him to Genera, the magic man's granddaughter.

They bring the medallion to Dr. Henderson (Ralph Bellamy) who helps them learn what they have to find next while looking out for the rich men who want it all for themselves. Obviously, this is set to not have an ending as they wanted this to be a series, so the 100 minutes of this show just lead to more that will never come.

Originally airing on March 9, 1975 on ABC, this movie has Russell's character mention how much he wants beer many times. There aren't any effects or aliens, but who knows what the show would have had?

And man, why wasn't Victoria Racimo more of a star?

Mystery in Dracula's Castle (1973 TV Movie)

Benji!

[4/10 · 23 May 2024]

Originally airing on January 7 and 14, 1973 on The Wonderful World of Disney, this live action movie was directed by Robert Totten, who mostly worked in TV, and written by Sue Milburn, who mostly wrote episodic television and made for TV movies.

Marsha Booth (Mariette Hartley) is a single mom who has a deadline to write her new book, which causes her to take a vacation to the beach, bringing along her sons Alfie (Johnny Whitaker) and Leonard (Scott C. Kolden). They occupy themselves by taking over an abandoned lighthouse and making a movie, "Dracula's Castle" with the sheriff's daughter Jean (Maggie Wellman) and a dog named Watson.

What they don't know is that there's a bunch of jewel thieves - Keith (Clu Gulager) and Noah (Mills Watson) - who have found the Daumier diamond necklace in the lighthouse. There's a conspiracy in town and the sheriff (James T. Callahan) - who is Jean's dad - doesn't want to hear these kids and their stories. But maybe, just maybe, he will come around.

If Watson the dog looks familiar, he was played by Higgins, who was also Uncle Joe Carson's dog on Petticoat Junction. A mix of Miniature Poodle, Cocker Spaniel and Schnauzer, Higgins was found by animal trainer Frank Inn found the dog at the Burbank Animal Shelter as a puppy. His most famous role was played when he was already retired, coming back to star in Benji, becoming the first dog actor to have the role.

If you're expecting vampires, this is not the movie for you.

The Strange Possession of Mrs. Oliver (1977 TV Movie)

Karen Black

[6/10 · 21 May 2024]

Look, I'm a very simple man and if you give me a movie where Karen Black decides to start exploring her wild side by wearing wigs and shopping for clothes, who am I to say no? I dare say that watching Karen Black freak out in a shopping mall is my very definition of a genre of movie that I want there to be more of.

Originally airing on NBC on February 28, 1977, this was directed by Gordon Hessler (Scream, Pretty Peggy) and written by Richard Matheson (more than I can say) and again, you're in the best of hands. Black plays Miriam Oliver, stuck in a controlling marriage with Greg (George Hamilton) until she goes shopping, finds a blonde wig and red top from Gloria LeRoy (Mildred "Boom Boom" Turner on All In the Family) and decides that she will become Sandy. Except that Sandy was a real person that other people knew and start thinking that Miriam is her back from going away. Or, as we learn, died five years ago.

Also: She dreams of her own death constantly.

Greg can't understand why she doesn't want him controlling her and having his babies and why she'd ever want a little house at Crystal Beach. Yet something supernatural is compelling Miriam to be Sandy and we're along for the ride. She doesn't need her glasses any more and it seems like she doesn't need Greg to hold her down, not when a low cut top can make men lose their minds over her instead of responding to her crying and saying, "I had a dream that I died" with "That's a nice dream. Honey."

Except that by the end, we learn that Miriam and Sandy were friends that could be confused with one another and there's no possession, like the end of a Scooby-Doo episode when I get let down again that there's no magic. And then Miriam goes back to her jerk of a husband and becomes repressed again and I have no idea what we're to learn from that.

Speaking of Scooby-Doo, Hessler would make Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park the next year.

The Brotherhood of the Bell (1970 TV Movie)

The Skulls before

[6/10 · 19 May 2024]

Director Paul Wendkos (The Mephisto Waltz) was nominated by the Directors Guild of America for "outstanding directorial achievement in television" because of this film. It was written by David Karp, who also wrote the original novel. It had been made once before as an episode of Studio One in 1958.

A world premiere CBS Thursday Night Movie on September 17, 1970, this arrived just as the seventies began, a decade packed with conspiracy. Professor Andrew Patterson (Glenn Ford) is back at the College of St. George in San Francisco to watch a young man be initiated into the secret society that he joined there, the Brotherhood of the Bell.

After the ritual, one of the leaders - Chad Harmon (Dean Jagger) - gives Patterson an assignment. Stop Dr. Konstantin Horvathy (Eduard Franz) from accepting a deanship at a college of linguistics so that a brother can take that position. Harmon is to blackmail Horvathy with the names of the people who helped him defect. Patterson wonders if this is legal. He's told that he should be happy this is all they're asking of him.

The professor does what he is supposed to do and it causes Horvathy to kill himself. Patterson then does exactly what no brother should do and reveals the truth to his wife Vivian (Rosemary Forsyth) and his father-in-law Harry Masters (Maurice Evans). This causes the Federal Security Services (as conspiracy-filled as this movie is, it doesn't name the FBI; the agent is played by Dabney Coleman) to get involved and his father-in-law to turn him into the Brotherhood and Patterson's father Mike (Will Geer) gets ruined in the process, then has a stroke and dies. Patterson also loses his job, gets humiliated on a talk show by Bart Harris (William Conrad) and is at rock bottom when his former boss Dr. Jerry Fielder (William Smithers) and the man he saw initiated Philip Dunning (Robert Pine) both stand up for him.

Obviously, the makers of The Skulls watched this movie.

The Magic Garden of Stanley Sweetheart (1970)

1970 New York

[7/10 · 18 May 2024]

In The Andy Warhol Diaries, Warhol wrote that the producer of this movie, Martin Poll, approached him about doing making his life story into a movie. Warhol responded that "a wonderful movie had already been made on the sixties, and he should just remake it - The Magic Garden of Stanley Sweetheart." He also said that it was "the quintessential, most truthful studio-made film about the '60s counterculture."

Directed by Leonard Horn (who sadly died young while shooting the pilot for Wonder Woman) and written by Robert T. Westbrook (he also wrote the book this was based on; his novels The Mexican, Insomnia and The Final Cut were also adapted into movies), this is the story of Stanley Sweetheart (Don Johnson), an aspiring filmmaker and college student at Columbia University. After the death of his father, he's moved from Beverly Hills to New York City and is going from being a rich kid to one from a family slowly losing its money. He has no real friends, he's bored with life and he lives in a dump.

The film goes into his many romances, like a hippie friend Barbara (Linda Gillen) who changes her name to Shayne. He has a one night stand with her, but really wants her roommate Andrea (Victoria Racimo). This is a major issue with Stanley, as whatever he has never seems good enough. Even when he scores with the virginal girl of his dreams, Cathy (Dianne Hull), he can't help but either seduce or be seduced by her roommate Fran (Holly Near).

He also meets Danny (Michael Greer), an underground musician who once went to Julliard and who seems to have a worldly bit of advice to give. Or at least lead Stanley to the best parties. And taking his girl, who didn't really want in the first place until she's gone.

Stanley finds happiness with Andrea and Shayne as a triad family of sorts, but even that eventually can't make him happy. Cathy sees him at a happening but he's so high that he barely makes sense. The film ends with him leaving and Andrea telling him she needs him. The film leaves it up to you where he ends up, but it does show you that Danny shot himself behind his mother's house right in front of her.

Speaking of Warhol, The New York Times reported that this movie would have Ultra Violet, Candy Darling (who actually does appear in a wordless cameo), Gerard Malanga, and Warhol as a "freaked-out psychiatrist" in its cast. One Warhol superstar did make it - almost - as Joe Dallesandro was originally cast as Danny. However, he was fired when for being late and causing trouble with the cast and crew.

This film is an interesting document of another time and not just because you can see the World Trade Center get built. It's made at a time when Hollywood was trying to figure out how to get movies made for the counterculture and maybe not always understanding. The era of films avoiding sex and drugs was, obviously, over. It was a brief moment before blockbusters took over and films like this are vital moments out of a past that didn't last long enough.

Young Guns (1988)

Brat Pack

[6/10 · 18 May 2024]

Believe it or not, historian Paul Hutton called Young Guns the most historically accurate of all Billy the Kid films. I mean, John Tunstall is depicted as an older man while he was only 24 when he was murdered and younger than the Regulators. But still, despite combining some people, it's close, or so they say.

Directed by Christopher Cain (The Principal and Dean Cain's dad) and written by John Fusco (Crossroads), this film number one at the US box office and eventually grossed $56 million against an $11 million budget. It and it's sequel were big deals - I mean, Bon Jovi did the theme song "Blaze of Glory" - but somehow, I never saw either.

Lincoln County, New Mexico. Cattleman John Tunstall (Terence Stamp) is trying to civilize the young wayward men in his employ who he calls the Regulators. They are Josiah Gordon "Doc" Scurlock (Kiefer Sutherland), Jose Chavez y Chavez (Lou Diamond Phillips), Richard "Dick" Brewer (Charlie Sheen), Dirty" Steve Stephens (Dermot Mulroney), Charlie Bowdre (Casey Siemaszko) and William H. "Billy the Kid" Bonney (Emilio Estevez). He's in a land war with another rancher, Lawrence Murphy (Jack Palance) and makes the mistakes of hiring one of his men, J. McCloskey (Geoffrey Blake), who sets up a trap to kill him. Lawyer Terry O'Quinn (Alexander McSween) deputizes them, except that Billy is too brutal and hot headed, leading them all to be called outlaws for killing plenty of Murphy's hired guns.

He sends Buckshot Roberts (Brian Keith) after them and he succeeds in killing Doc and splintering the group, as Jose warns them all not to become lost in revenge, which is exactly what Billy goes on to do. It all leads to a huge battle where nearly everyone dies except Chavez, who makes it to California, Doc who marries Murphy's mistress Yen Sun (Alice Carter), Alex's widow Susan McSween (Susan Thomas) becomes a famous cattlewoman, Murphy gets arrested and Billy rides away, only to eventually be killed by Pat Garrett (Patrick Wayne, yes, John's son) years later and buried next to Charlie.

You can see Tom Cruise get shot by Siemaszko at one point as well as Randy Travis shooting a Gatling gun. One of the guys who gets knifed is Jack Palance's son Cody.

Somehow, Siemaszko never knew that Warren G and Nate Dogg sampled his dialogue for "Regulate." "Regulators, We regulate any stealin' of his property. We're damn good too. But you can't be any geek off the street. You gotta be handy with the steel, if you know what I mean. Earn your keep. Regulators, mount up."

Evil Spirits (1991)

Great cast

[6/10 · 18 May 2024]

A shot in ten day film - in a falling to pieces old house that was also a home for recovering drug addicts and alcoholics and was also the setting for Haunting Fear, Spirits, Mind Twister and Witch Academy- this was directed by Gary Graver and written by Mikel Angel, who played Snake in The Black Six and also wrote Lady Cocoa, Psychic Killer, Grotesque and The Candy Tangerine Man. He's also Willie in this.

It's based on the real-life story of Dorthea Puente, a woman who ran a boarding house in Sacramento, CA when she wasn't killing nine of her residents. In this film, Puente is Ella Purdy and she's played by Karen Black, who I seemingly spend days in a row obsessing about as I watch her in direct to video and made for TV movies.

Ella speaks to her dead husband more than most people speak with their living spouses. She's also taking social security checks in exchange for rent and when her boarders die - or get killed - she makes it seem as if they are still alive so she can keep the money rolling in.

A government agent named Potts (Arte Johnson in a role meant for Buck Henry) starts to see through her plan and wonders why these senior citizens are never seen in person. Those elders are made up of some pretty great actors: Martine Beswick as the medium Vanya, Virginia Mayo and Bert Remsen as society types the Wilsons , Deborah Lamb as Ella's mute and always dancing daughter Tina, Michael Berryman as a writer who goes by Balzac and Angel as the drunken Wille. Even Hoke Howell, Robert Quarry and Yvette Vickers, who was the town tramp - I say that in the nicest of ways - in Attack of the 50 Foot Woman and whose July 1959 Playboy Playmate of the Month centerfold was shot by Russ Meyer, show up.

Thanks to the incredible Schlock Pit, I learned that it was produced by Sidney Niekerk, who owned the adult video company Cal Vista.

This starts like a haunted house movie, has plenty of Psycho in it and then has a twist ending that I never saw coming. That's success on a very low budget, something Graver always seemed able to perform admirably.

Tales from the Crypt: Undertaking Palor (1991) Season 3, Episode 9

Goonies

[5/10 · 18 May 2024]

Directed by Michael Thou (who edited the Donner cut of Superman II, another EC adaption Two-Fisted Tales and Small Soldiers) and written by Ron Finley, this episode finds four boys - Aaron (Aron Eisenberg), Norm (Scott Fults), Jess (Jason Marsden) and Josh (Ke Huy Quan) - discover that the town's pharmacist Nate Grundy (Graham Jarvis) and undertaker Sebastian Esbrook (John Glover) are murdering people and making money off their funerals.

"Quiet on the set! Deathly quiet. Fond felicitations, fiends and welcome to the Crypt. Tonight's sordid saga is about a couple of kids with time to kill. See, they're just dying to get into the horror movie business. And if they're lucky, that's exactly what'll happen to 'em. Lights! Camera! Action!"

This episode is filled with Richard Donner moments, like the boys leaving a theater showing Radio Flyer and a poster for Lethal Weapon being up. It's also quite like another of his films, The Goonies. There's also an element of found footage in this as the kids try to capture the crimes on a video camera after Josh's father is one of the victims of the scheme.

It's based on the story "Undertaking Palor" from Tales From the Crypt #39. It was written by Al Feldstein and William Gaines and drawn by Jack Davis.

Dark Water (2002)

Dark Water

[6/10 · 18 May 2024]

Honogurai mizu no soko kara (From the Depths of Dark Water) was directed by Hideo Nakata and written by Yoshihiro Nakamura and Kenichi Suzuki, based on the short story collection by Koji Suzuki. The actual story is Floating Water but they used the name of the book for the movie.

Yoshimi Matsubara (Hitomi Kuroki) is a single mother trying to see where life takes her next after her divorce. She gets a job as a proofreader and rents a cheap apartment where the roof always leaks. Meanwhile, her daughter Ikuko (Rio Kanno) has to start over again as well, attending a kindergarten close to their new apartment. A young girl named Mitsuko Kawai (Mirei Oguchi) disappeared from their building a year ago and in between keeping her ex-husband from kidnapping their daughter, Yoshimi starts seeing that girl, wearing a yellow raincoat and carrying a red bag.

She believes that the girl died in the water tower above their building and is the reason why everything floods. Yet when Mitsuko comes after her daughter, she has to make a choice to give up everything to save her.

This was the second movie by Sakata to be based on a novel by Suzuki. He previously directed Ring and the sequel Ring 2. As with most Japanese horror, there was an American remake directed by Walter Salles that had Jennifer Connelly in it. At least it has the same doomed ending.