cuevasf71 Reviews

Nerd Boy (2008)

get a tooth pulled

[1/10 · 15 March 2009]

This movie might be worst I ever seen. Bad every dang thing. I cant believe people gotta bed to make this. Where is that magic pill at? Tyler Perry made this possible. His movie and TV show are funny. Now you got lame people out there trying to bite his style making silly movies. Not silly funny stuff only silly. Crying shame movie was ever made. Ya see something like this wondering how. How I ask you. Times are hard. This wont help you relax with laughs. It has nothing to offer. Nerd Boy is like bad sushi it will get ya sick. Your funny bone will be safe. This movie cant tickle it with a feather. Acting was worst maybe seen.

I-See-You.com (2006)

crazy funny movie about crazy family

[9/10 · 11 March 2009]

You will laugh your butt off. I See You way funny spoof on how we all got hooked on reality TV garbage like Big Brother. Down on their luck family needs money. Geek son wires house with nanny cams to show subscribers online what is happening. Silly funny good time. Characters were unbelievable how good they were. Jokes were perfectly timed. How many of us out here in IMDb have given in to a reality show? I'm guilty of watching Brett Michaels from a hair band in a series. I See You is a reality TV show in a movie. When geek son makes a deal to sell ads he meets two idiots that do that cool guy sell. That made me laugh. Wife getting burned being a day trader buying Enron and Worldcom stocks hilarious. Movie was a joke on reality TV. I got the joke. Rent this when you want laugh without thinking to hard.

Illegal Tender (2007)

Illegal Tender OK movie

[6/10 · 9 March 2009]

Illegal Tender was OK. Simple story about a young woman who loses her drug dealing husband. Franc. Reyes is one of my favorite gangster movie people out there doing it. This story tried way to hard to throw off people on what was happening. Wanda De Jesus was amazing. She was best part of this movie. Her role as a killer mom was deep. She commanded respect. Manny Perez has a small part in Illegal Tender. Like Wanda De Jesus he was good. Enuff violence to keep action fans hooked.

Would have been a better movie with more Manny Perez in it. The main character was not worth a penny. Never could get in to what he had going on. The mom was who shot every body when it was needed.

The Devil's Rejects (2005)

Rob Zombie rules horror

[9/10 · 6 March 2009]

The Devil's Rejects is one sick gruesome movie. Blood effects were out of this world. Acting was bone chilling. Rob Zombie does not disappoint with this depraved masterpiece. Crazy bloody violence runs wild. What makes Rob Zombie a rock star of horror is how real his characters seem. They are down right unsettling. Writing is so kick butt. I know what I know and I know I don't like that nut sack. This is no movie to people that cant stand all out brutal horror. What you don't wanna miss is great acting writing with outlandish violence. The Devil's Rejects was one I missed until now. Glad I watched this movie. Watch for the gore stay for the story. It's that good.

13 Hours in a Warehouse (2008)

1 1/2 hours of torture watching 13 hours in a warehouse

[2/10 · 6 March 2009]

Poster looked wicked sick. I always rent 3 movies on Tuesday. I snag 2 new releases then go for a B horror movie. Been doing that for a couple of years. I gotta around to watching 13 Hours yesterday. First few minutes started off good. You got criminals holed up in a warehouse that had a spooky past. Chill factor was right there. People get spooked when they visit places like abandoned mental hospitals for the insane or old mortuary places where dead people where.

Spooky past for this was a pretty cool idea. The warehouse used to be a kinky film studio where people got snuffed out. B movies always steal from bigger movies. 13 Hours mashed together Reservoir Dogs and 8MM.

13 Hours is a B horror movie that looks good with special effects. Not like a group of high school friends out with a video camera and flashlight trying to make a movie. Its gonna sound bad but it looks like a movie. Good as any Wes Craven or Rob Zombie movie. Where it slowly moved in to torture was how boring and bad the story came out. It was painful to watch. Cheap acting with even cheaper directing. Wes Craven or Rob Zombie would have made this a good movie. You could give whoever made this movie a million bucks and Wes Craven or Rob Zombie whatever they really spent. Guess who wins? My advice to the people who made 13 Hours is to give up. Stay away from 13 hours like a rotting corpse.

Hot Rod (2007)

silly funny movie

[7/10 · 6 March 2009]

Hot Rod so silly its really funny. Its about a wannabe stuntman who hates on his step dad. All he wants to be able to do is kick his butt. He cant because his hated step dad needs a heart transplant. This Jason Biggs looking guy does all kinds of stupid stunts to earn money to pay for a heart. Its funny as hell watching him make a jackass out of his self. He thinks he is so cool. His step brother makes a movie about him doing stunts making him look like a bigger jackass. I LMAO.

There are really funny actors in Hot Rod. Guy who played Rico was the best. I watch him on a cable Eastbound and Down. He is hilarious beyond belief. When he is on screen I laugh every time. Story was way better than imagined. Its a good comedy to watch when you want relax and not take life seriously. Good remedy for watching CNN seeing how bad things are for people. The soundtrack was really good if you like 80's jams.

Feast (2005)

Feast keeps you watching

[10/10 · 6 March 2009]

Feast was super cool to watch. A local rundown bar in the middle of nowhere is a barfly and lowlife hangout with one out of town slick talker. Little does the motley crew inside getting tanked know whatsa coming there way. A family of creatures hungry for human flesh flavored with beer. A ton of blood for fans of gore. Feast don't try to be no Saw. I LMAO for real at a jokes they said. It was way funny how the own of town talker gives those lame pep talks you heard in high school about being a team player. I never took my eyes of Feast. Didn't wanna miss any gore or jokes. Coolest was when whatever those creatures were had porn sex outside, Funny as all hell. Tell a friend about Feast.

My Best Friend's Girl (2008)

dane cook is awful

[1/10 · 22 February 2009]

I am no Dane Cook fan. I rented My Best Friend's Girl to see Jason Biggs and Alec Baldwin. Great actors. This is a damn hard review to post because I could only make it through 10 minutes of this bomb. The opening was stupid beyond stupid. I knew I was supposed to laugh but thought WTF is this instead. Not even shots of Jack could get me through this. Dane Cook is more annoying than funny. The only funny TANK in a movie is FRANK THE TANK OLD SCHOOL. A comedy with that isn't funny is what this is. Leave this dud alone. Only way I see any body watching this is if they are getting paid or trapped in a college dorm unable to move in a drunken haze. It's easy to see how Dane Cook was in this. He will take any movie out there. I don't know how Kate Hudson agreed to appear.

X's & O's (2007)

Clayne Crawford knocked this out

[8/10 · 18 February 2009]

I saw X and O first UCSD at bear room. I was in to it. Rented it to see at home. Simon (Clayne Crawford) could rival Shia Labeouf. This actor has skills of skills. I don't vibe these type of movies in any fashion or form. This is different. A friend of a friend of friend got me to look at it at UCSD. It is a crazy world. Not to break a way from X and O as a movie. I LOVED THE POETRY. Trisa Edmonson and Shelly Royce had some thing to say worth damn saying. Good damn poetry grabs you on the shoulder. I was grabbed. Last but not least was how bleeping good it looked. It wasn't a cheeseball looking movie. Movie folks out there laying low keep your eye on Clayne Crawford.

In with Thieves (2008 Video)

Thick soup of gangsters going off

[10/10 · 17 February 2009]

I was feeling this story of an Irish burglar getting out from behind bars to find out his hot wife burned thru all his loot. His good for nothing brother in law left him holding the bag on a huge debt to LA's Albanian mafia. Stuck with nothing he has to try to get back to stealing with his crew to pay off the Albanian mafia boss who is crazy in the head. The soup gets thick with all these thieves and gangsters involved. Not only does this poor sucker have to deal with the Albanian mafia he gets involved with a Cuban drug lords wife and crosses a African crime group. Ending of this blew my mind. There are some really good unknown actors that bring it hard. This is a scrappy movie.

There is a underbelly that threw me off. In with thieves ran to long for my taste. Story can get your brain twisted if you don't pay attention. To much nudity got to me to. I could be crazy but I damn near think every woman in this movie gets naked, I shoulda known watching Sid Kali's last movie skin would be in. No wonder Mr. Skin reviews this high. I gave it a 7 because it had so much in it.

Clockers (1995)

Clockers best Spike ever made

[9/10 · 17 February 2009]

Clockers hands down is Spike's best movie he ever made. Great street story about a young dealer named Strike (Mekhi Phifer) that runs a drug spot for old school gangster Rodney Little (Delroy Lindo). Its like that bad father and son bond. Strike' stomach is killing him all the time because of the stress. They never say it out right in the movie but it has to be a ulcer eating away at his stomach lining.

Clockers is a real smart movie about human side of drug dealing. As much as people hate drug dealers they are human. What Spike did was show that human side of a society boogey man. Anyone that has been forced in to a situation can relate. My brother joined the Army knowing he might have to shoot at people. It still don't prepare you he wrote me. I've watched Clockers damn near a hundred times. The knowledge Spike is dishing out is real to its core. There were big names in this like Harvey Keitel but the real deal was lesser known actors coming thru hard. Hassan Johnson has a small part. You might know him from The Wire. Hassan lights it up every single time he on camera. Spike discovered him I guess. Like Oliver Stone there are people that love or hate a Spike Lee joint. Only other movie of his I liked was SUMMER OF SAM. Clockers still a hotter joint.

I Tried (2007)

All Hassan Johnson!

[8/10 · 17 February 2009]

I Tried is cool little urban joint about what if these rappers weren't discovered by OG Eazy E a man way a head of his place and time in music. It goes in to that type of deal. It is crazy when you watch a movie and see one actor totally crush it. Hassan Johnson is a drug boss that does not play. Director Rich Newey should have beefed up his part major. You don't leave a player like Hassan sitting on the bench. You get him out there to make a big play for ya. I'm with another poster that Hassan and Mimi Moss brought major heat to this joint.

Out of Bone thugs n harmony Wish Bone was best actor going. You can believe that all day and night. Mimi Moss happened to play his wife. I liked his story of being a laborer that had to pick up dead animals. Not feeling it he gets pulled towards the streets again. Don't rent I Tried buy it.

Dope Case Pending (2000 Video)

Dope Case Pending old school

[10/10 · 16 February 2009]

Dope case pending is one of those old school ghetto movies that still hits. There is oldie but goodie rapper Kid Frost who is one of my favorites to ever come out. Coolio makes a brief appearance adding star power to dope case. Patrick McKnight writes and directs from his heart. No sprinkling sugar on what the dope game is all about. Hands down show stopper in this movie is actor that plays FLAKES. He is riding dirty in rag top with a Pamela Anderson look giving a hard stare. Director Patrick McKnight did a straight P.O.V shot that was cooking.

Thinking forward a lot of people are going to come down hard on this movie. Sure I know it ain't American Gangster or Notorious. It was made before them back in a different time. It was urban before there was urban.

Rockaway (2007)

straight to video gold

[10/10 · 16 February 2009]

Rockaway straight to video was GREAT! Nicholas Gonzalez is Trane a battle proved war veteran from a tough tour in Afghanistan back home in Queens the neighborhood that took out his family becomes his center of rage. He becomes hell bent on taking out anyone involved in crime. Crook brothers turn it up with no slow boring parts. Oleg Taktarov sets things off as a "redfella" leading a Russian crime family. The action looked good as any movie. I could be talking crazy but Nicholas Gonzalez was way more better than hot shot actor from Harsh Times.

What it came down to me was how real the Crooks brothers kept it. They showed what Queens hard living is. Rent it or buy it you cant lose people.

Juarez, Mexico (2005 Video)

get out of here

[1/10 · 16 February 2009]

Only cool thing was the title. I am disappointed that James Cahill mailed this movie in. This writer and director takes a lot of BS from people about his movies. I watched Snitched and thought it was alright. He isn't spoon fed with million dollar budgets. I respect on that note. Reason I'm putting Juarez Mexico on blast is he stepped out of what I expect to see. Gangster movies. Jennifer Lopez in Bordertown could not get this story to work. I have all the confidence in the world James Cahill will come back with a gangster movie. Never forget Eva Longoria Parker got her start in one of his movies. Juarez Mexico unfortunately should have not been made.

Consignment (2007 Video)

jackin4beats killer consignment soundtrack

[8/10 · 15 February 2009]

This is not a pure 8 out 8 stars for Consignment. The old school bell curve is in full effect. Hands down consignment has a banging soundtrack for a low budget urban piece. Its hot. Custom Made Recordings & Babygrande Records consignment track crushes. I've been a big fan of jackin4beats.com since it started. Music makes a movie. This movie had real street music.

The story is old hash. A drug dealer wants to get out of the business. Nothing new. What was new was having a black east coast drug dealer, played by jackin4beats founder by Tim Beachum, having crazy panic attacks after moving to LA to deal with latino gangsters. What was banging was action, nudity, and real looking cast. Straight up a few people were clearly cast from the streets.