wombat_1 Reviews

Return to Eden (1986)

Australia's answer to "Dallas".

[14 March 2005]

Like the US show from which I suspect this was blatantly copied, this was one show where the bad guys where much more interesting, believable, and let's face it, much more fun than the good guys. The main protagonists are all fabulously tanned, wealthy and good looking (Rebecca Gilling, Megan Williams and Peta Topanno were absolutely STUNNING in those days), and bore about as much semblance to reality as JR Ewing did, too. Daniel Abineri was a wonderful villain; Peta mad a good counterfoil to him; and Rebecca - well, she was just overwhelmed by sugar and spice.

Still, in its time it was fun to watch, with devilish plots and counter plots, with inscrutable villains and squeaky clean hero's. If it came on again I would certainly move heaven and earth to watch it; but this time i suspect that I would laugh a heck of a lot louder whilst doing so.

Hell Has Harbour Views (2005 TV Movie)

Do lawyers REALLY only think of sex, booze, sex, long lunches, sex, and cheating?

[9/10 · 6 March 2005]

According to this very funny and very black comedy, that is indeed all that they do. With a cast containing more stars than Sagittarius, this movie seemed destined to succeed, and indeed it does.

I see that sometimes people agonizes over the question "why is a movie funny?" (or not funny). Well, I don't know the answer either, but one thing that seems to contribute here, is that every one of the stellar cast members seems to be enjoying him or herself here. Steve Bisley in particular is the most animated I have ever seen him to be.

Lisa McCune is indeed a very beautiful woman, and this is the first I have seen of her that allows that to come through. Coles commercials and policewoman's uniforms have truly done nothing for her. Freya Stafford always looks great, but she seems to have been given (or chosen!) more opportunities to show herself off.

The storyline is black, black, black. Our hero works in a very high powered law firm, beset by both internal and external problems. All of the clichés about lawyers come into play. He is buffeted by forces way outside his control, and tries to do the "right thing". Often his choices are only between overwhelming evils. It is surely not a spoiler to say that ultimately he finds a truly creative way to succeed.

The takes where he talks directly to the camera, a la Bruce Willis in "Moonlighting", are very well done, and not overdone. And the opulent settings in downtown Sydney add much to the mood of the movie.

The ending left little room for a sequel or a series. Nevertheless, I hope and pray that there will be one.

If you are a lawyer, I suspect that you won't find this too funny, and if you are forced to sit through this, you may well cringe the entire movie. If you are anyone else, I suspect that you, like me, will find this movie to be ROFL funny.

Dog Days (2001)

Just because it's foreign and arty doesn't mean it's good!

[1/10 · 28 February 2005]

What an appalling piece of rubbish!!! Who ARE all these people who blubber on about how good this is? Yes, it's "arty"; and yes, it's "foreign", but .... that's not enough. The plot is boring and disjointed, like a reality show but not so slickly made.

The people are intrinsically uninteresting; but as characters they don't have enough depth to feel empathy for them. If they are based on real people then I feel very, very sorry for them.

The violence (and some of it is very violent) seems quite ostentatious and gratuitous. It's like the producer has visions of being Quenton Tarantino. Not that I think very much of him, either.

And oh yes: if I had neighbours like these, I'd move!

Swallow (2001– )

Surprisingly good acting and a scary story.

[7/10 · 26 January 2005]

Lorraine is suffering from depression and is given a new anti-depressant, which works OK. But then she "thinks" she's become addicted to it, so she stops, and experiences some terrible side-effects. But are they from the drug, are they from stopping the drug, or are they from her depression? And now she is in a dreadful quandary. To stop taking the drug, or to continue? And what does the drug manufacturer really know of these things? As in so many British shows, this movie seems a lot more "dirty" than what would a Hollywood version. It seems that British TV uniformly would have us believe that life in Britain is much more gross than a similar life elsewhere. Although having said that, the acting was first rate, despite the no-name cast. In fact I thought Christine Tremarco did such a good job that I was unable to manufacture any interest at all for the other characters, sad though most of them were.

I ended up feeling a lot of sympathy for Lorraine's character, as she struggled valiantly and to a large extent hopelessly against forces so much greater than her. The most powerful of these of course was her terrible illness.

I wonder how people who suffer like Lorraine would react to this movie. I suspect that they would strongly relate to her, but would they watch or would they not be able to bear to?

Footballers' Wives (2002–2006)

Tania (of the players) : "They are the studs, we are the slags".

[29 December 2004]

Yes, Tania, that is indeed what we think. And in all honesty could you blame us? American women in soapies generally look like Barbie dolls; but yes, you and your fellow tarts (men AND women) do indeed look, talk and behave like slags. I had the misfortune of sitting through about half an hour of this crap, and didn't have the stomach for any more.

One reviewer here in Sydney commented on the amount of leopardskin in this show; and indeed he is right. But I was more taken by the long plastic fingernails. And then there were the women ...

When I went to school, there was much made of how much "better" British drama was than anything else. Gee, if only those people were sitting next to me now.

What rubbish. I won't sit through any more of this garbage again.

Tom Thumb (2001)

Just because it's French doesn't mean it's good

[3/10 · 28 December 2004]

A totally silly movie that seems to have no idea what is its target audience. It's too violent for a kid's movie, and too stupid to be an adult one. Yes, the painted backdrops are fantastic, but that's about really all that this movie has going for it.

The ogre in his Hannibal Lector mask is an insult to viewers in this high-tech age. The little ogresses are hilarious, and I'm sure that that was unintentional.

I'm trying to watch as many "foreign" (non-Hollywood, I guess) films as I can these days, to try to get some variety of film-making styles. Many are good. This one was not.

The Brush-Off (2004 TV Movie)

"It's an action comedy drama murder mystery (acdmm), Sam"

[5 September 2004]

This, the second of the Murray Whelan acdmms, follows the same successful formula as the first. Murray Whelan is an untidy but lovable guy, who stumbles his way through the world trying to serve his masters and love his son, with mixed success. About half way through the movie my wife made the very perceptive comment that everyone so far was playing an idiot; and in a perverse way, that's what makes the humour, even though we wouldn't normally laugh at an idiot per se.

The plot is about art fraud. Not that that is relevant to anything, other than it allows Bruce Spence to play either a gay or merely very foppish role, which he clearly does with great relish.

This is the sort of movie that experienced actors such as Spence, Steve Bisley, Mick Malloy and John Clarke can play in their sleep, and possibly do. It'll never be considered a classic movie, but then again, there is no expectation that it would be. One of the secrets of Paul Hogan's success was that he didn't flood our TV screens with his show, and this movie is equally coy. It's only the second Murray Whelan this year, and one every six months does indeed seem to be the right amount. This would never form the basis of a weekly comedy show, and wisely, it is apparently not going to become such. Many of the gags are telegraphed well in advance (eg, the characters that Murray meets in the elevator), as in often the case with John Clarke, but that doesn't take away from their punch.

Sam Neill is listed as director, and he did a good job. I would have liked to have seen him in the movie as well. And by the way, the acdmm quote in the Summary above is from the TV station promo when John C and Sam N were discussing what these movies would be.

In summary, a good movie to see and enjoy once, delivering exactly what it promised.

Det forbudte landshold (2003)

Interesting doco, probably "important", but not much of a film..

[9 August 2004]

This short documentary is about what is undoubtedly the worst mix of politics and sport. Tibet wants to play an international soccer match. They find an opponent in the shape of Denmark. Why Denmark? We're not told.

But China doesn't want there to be Tibetan soccer team on the grounds that "Tibet is part of China", and tries to exert political and economical pressure on Denmark by the crudest possible method: threatens exports from Denmark. And the Tibetans live in exile in India, so they have to deal with the Indian government, which is understandably nervous about irritating China.

A fascinating look at the politics, geography, economics and demographics of three countries: Tibet, India and Denmark. And you thought staging a backyard football game was tricky!!!!

The Alice (2004 TV Movie)

Slightly strange comedy / drama set in the Oz outback.

[1 August 2004]

Beautifully filmed in what looks like the real Alice Springs, the use of colour and light is quite exquisite and, in my opinion, the high point of the film. In fact I would go so far as to say that I believe that even Claude Monet would have pursed his lips in approval at some of the takes.

Four groups of individuals are going to meet in Alice Springs. Some are going there for the eclipse, some other reasons, some passing through, some are going home. But all of them are going to interact with each other in a "six degrees of separation" kind of way. And when the eclipse is over, not all of them will live to see the Sun emerge from behind the moon....

Bit of a bizarre movie, this one. Has a bit of a Peter Wier feel to it when, in fact, the production crew seem to be only the Nine Network regulars who are behind "McLeod's Daughters".

The story is slightly improbable, in fact somewhat fantastic in some places. The characters are reasonably believable, only slightly exaggerated. But as an entertaining two house of adventure in the outback, it seems to work fine.

Saints and Soldiers (2003)

Beautifully made piece of rubbish.

[10 June 2004]

Magnificent cinematography, special effects, costumes, attention to detail - everything. The forest scenes are truly beautiful. The snow and cold are magnificently done. The acting, such as it is, is OK. All is comparable, if not even perhaps better, than even "Private Ryan".

Everything is perfect. Until to you come to the storyline, which somehow seems more important, don't you think? A tragic return to the "We are all good guys, they are all bad guys" mentality.

I'd hoped that this sort of mentality had died in the 1960s, with things like the dreadful "Combat". Regrettably, it seems that it hasn't. Even John Wayne in "Longest Day" had more credibility than this.

Hot Money (2001 TV Movie)

Good but not great write of a recently common theme

[10 June 2004]

We in Australia have recently had quite a few British dramas focusing on women. There was that god-awful piece of crap "Footballer's Wives", and there was another one whose name escapes me now about some relatively glamorous women who stole some money.

Here, on the other hand, they are plain grey women, your "salt of the earth", who like some policemen, simply succumb to overwhelming temptation. You can't help but like them, to cheer them on. As usual, things start well and then turn to mud, but what would drama be without that?

The very ending, the last two minutes, is an excellent surprise. If indeed this is based on a true story (uhh, I don't always believe the producers when they say that), then it's quite a good one.

Small Claims (2004 TV Movie)

Good but not great "Working Mother Cop/Lawyer/Druggie" Chick Flick

[19 May 2004]

Rebecca Gibney, Freya Stafford and Claudia Karvan are excellent actors (apparently one is no longer allowed to call them "actresses"), and they do their best with a fairly ordinary run-of-the-mill story here. Each is a working_mother / wife / cop/lawyer/drug_runner (match them up however you like); they have to cope with a variety of situations, including the mandatory threats to their children.

Not too many surprises in the storyline, but that wouldn't be why you might watch this movie. No, this is all about how the women respond to the various situations around them. The girls are good, if flawed (loved the "spaced out slag" comment!); most of the guys are bad. Is this a chick flick or what?

Being a guy, I thought Freya looked fantastic in that strappy red dress that she had poured herself into; except for the very obvious G-string underneath, and if anything, she is a little too thin. And Rebecca, oh dear, she isn't aging very well at all. That may be a little unkind, I understand she has faced considerable personal challenges recently.

Overall, on some kind of arbitrary scale, I might rate this an 8 out of 10; and probably wouldn't take the time to watch it again more than say once more.

NCIS (2003– )

JAG meets Law and Order; crashes and burns

[16 May 2004]

Whoever said that this son-of-JAG is better than the original needs his/her reality medication changed. The characters are cardboard cutouts, the script lines vary from turgid to absurd, the humour just doesn't make it.

Mark Harmond might be a good actor, but here he looks like he's trying to pull the entire cast up by its bootstraps and regrettably, he's not succeeding. Patrick Laborynteaux guested as a JAG-ger last nite. His entire demeanour was a very Woody-Allen-like "What am I DOING here?????".

Also, what on earth is this show doing on at 9:30pm on Sunday? Is there ANYBODY at the helm of Channel Ten, or is it just drifting like the Marie Celeste?

Go Big (2004 TV Movie)

Would you buy a used big business from this man? or this woman?

[15 March 2004]

Advertised as a "feel good" movie (whatever that is), I found this to be quite an enjoyable, amusing, engrossing and totally unbelievable (not that that matters) story. Having said that, I'm sure that I've purchased more than one product that was created, or at least promoted, in the way that this movie portrayed :-)

Alex Dimitriades was debonair as ever - Australia's answer to Pierce Brosnan. Tom Long showed an equal panache.

Wasn't sure about Justine Clark. She put her heart and soul into her role, but to me she was trying to be a bit too much Bridget Jones. Kimberley Joseph wasn't given too much to do (I'm not trying to make a cheap shot here, but after all she was given the role of the supermodel who had become a trophy fiance!), but it looked like she has risen above being a soapie star.

It's always good when there are recognizeable "real life" personalities in these movies, and they were quite a few of them. I find that this blend of fiction and I suppose "reality" is the word (as distinct from "reality TV shows"!) goes over very well.

One specific plot criticism. I do think that the way Gina was portrayed as handling her father's 60th birthday could have been done with a little more.... sensitivity.

This is the sort of comedy movie that Hollywood churns out in its sleep with its eyes closed, and often it shows. But this Oz-made movie is as least as good as any of them. It was funny, it held my attention, I could talk about it afterwards. I think it achieved everything it set out to do.

The Trigger Effect (1996)

Great idea, very VERY poorly executed

[23 February 2004]

I was one of the people who ended up "hating" this movie and wishing it weren't so. As others have said, it's an "important" concept - how would YOU behave in this oh-too-probably situation, but it was so poorly executed. All of the characters in this movie were sooooooo unpleasant, so unlikeable. Are all middle-class Americans really like this? Somehow I doubt it. With a good director and better actors - and let's face it, has Elisabeth Shue ever done any movie where she gets to keep her clothes on - this could have been much better than the 'C' grade crap that it ultimately became.

Planeta bur (1962)

A film of its time, and what a time it was!

[29 January 2004]

It doesn't compare with modern day films at all, but then one shouldn't try to, should one? Gee they all (and probably "we too") took themselves so seriously those days!!

I'm confused by one previous commentator who said the film was in black and white. Maybe her TV was, but the film as I saw it last night certainly was in colour (well, 1960s colour, anyway).

One quote from the film certainly is worth commenting. That's where they are speculating that there may have been creatures who crashed their spaceship a long time ago and then turned feral. The character comments that they would have had "no culture". Well, that's the Eastern European way, isn't it? Culture is so important; but what they can't seem to perceive, so useless. As author Stephen Coonts said of the Russians: "They can all write poetry but not a single one of them can change a light bulb" (well something like that, anyway).

But putting that to one side, yes a most interesting and well-made film of its time. The singing absolutely blew me away. Not the quality of the singing, I mean the fact that they had singing at all in what otherwise seems to me such a "serious" movie!

Robinson Crusoé (2003)

Les Francaises! Everyzing zey do iz differont.

[19 January 2004]

Ahh, the French, they do everything so differently. This was a completely different story to the one I read at school. Either the plot was genuinely implausible in some places (curing an arm that was already black with gangrene - please!), or I failed to understand it.

But the atmosphere, the ambience - it was good. The sense of despair at being stuck on the island came through quite well. RC's resourcefullness was good, in fact it was a bit over the top. I mean the harpsichord was always in tune, there were lots of candles to burn, the glasses were unbroken, and there was plenty of writing ink - even after those fifteen years. And by the way - how DID the "sauvages" managed to stay clean shaven all the time???

And you ladies out there, I hope you enjoy the rear views of Vendredi in his G-string as much as my wife did - "strapping" was the word she used.

All in all - a pleasant diversion, not a very believable story, but an interesting one.

The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1998 TV Movie)

Even if it had the great Walter Matthau, it would still be crap.

[15 December 2003]

What a tedious load of drivel this is. It tries for "suspense", instead it achieves "stilted" and "boring". Almost as if the director was saying "OK, guys, freeze for five more seconds" in almost every scene.

Walter Matthau was great in the original. I saw him as a serious actor, in the original of this one and in "Kill Charlie Varrick" long before today's kids saw him as a "Grumpy Old Man" actor. And he really makes the original movie shine. But I suspect that even he, had he been somehow edited into THIS load of rubbish, could not have saved it.

Children of the Revolution (1996)

Wot exactly is the movie trying to say?

[15 December 2003]

I'm heartened to see that several other critics in this column were apparently as confused as I was by this movie. The individual gags are quite funny, but overall, what is this movie about? Is it a comedy? Certainly that's part of it, but is that all? Is it an anti-communist film that relies on comedy to make its point? Well, it might be, but if so, then I think it fails. Or does it have no overall statement to make at all? A bit difficult to believe, given some of the plot lines.

Duel (1971 TV Movie)

Like so many actors, this movie has not aged well.

[15 December 2003]

Saw this movie again after a gap of ... well, nearly thirty years, when it first came out. And I was appalled that like so many other critics in this column, I once thought that this was a good movie.

Here's another comment that's sure to offend. There's more than one scene in this movie that show what seems to be typical American male traits:

1. I got a powerful car, that makes me a good driver (I know at least one guy who genuinely thinks that !!!)

2. If in doubt, go faster. Never, ever slow down.

No wonder you need airbags in your cars.

The Shrink Is In (2001)

Oh Kimberley, what have you done?

[1 December 2003]

Kimberley Davies left Australia to go to Hollywood to become a "serious actress", because she wasn't being treated seriously in Australia (so she said). And this is the result????? Playing a half-naked plastic blonde tart with a terrible fake French accent! And for this she wants to be taken seriously????? Kimberley, Kimberley... Change your reality medication, what you're taking now simply isn't working anymore.

The Execution (1985 TV Movie)

Predictable, routine anti-Nazi film.

[25 November 2003]

This is a rare movie for me, in that even a brain-dead klutz like me was always able to stay five minutes ahead of what was on the screen for pretty well the entire movie. The reasonably well-known names who starred in it were unable to make this more than a 'B' grade movie. It's a bit difficult to find drama let alone empathy when the whole thing is so predictable.

Obra maestra (2000)

Movie? What movie?

[16 November 2003]

These two guys are Spain's top comedians? If that's so, then comedy in Spain must be a very laid-back affair. I was never sure whether this was meant to be a comedy or a drama. It was an OK movie, no more than that. Ariadna is very pretty in a tough / punk kind of way.

Obra maestra (2000)

An interesting view of kidnapping.

[16 November 2003]

After Patty Hearst got released by her kidnappers, there was quite a media feeding frenzy about how kidnap victims can gain sympathy and eventually ally themselves with their kidhappers. There is a fascinating aspect of that in this movie. The girl is kidnapped and forced to take part in a very amateurish movie, which she loathes. And she feels nothing but contempt for them.

Yet she eventually takes pity on her kidnappers. For a number of reasons, you'll have to work those out for yourself when you see the movie.

OK, it's only a movie, and a comedy at that, but even so, this particular point is very well made.

Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003)

Sure it's a good movie? "As sure as I am that no-one looks good in plaid".

[2 October 2003]

Seems like 90% of the negative comments for this movie revolves around comparisons with the first LB. Well, not having seen that one, I saw this one with fresh eyes and thought it was very very funny. It wasn't Shakespeare or HG Welles, but then it was never intended to be, was it? Duh.

The blonde one-liners were witty, Sally Fields seemed comfortable as the token older and wiser (!) blonde, the dark political humour was good, Reese was ... well, she was Reese, you were maybe expecting Judy Dench or even Sigourney Weaver ???? Double Duh! Her outfits were ... well, they were blonde. As a late-forties guy, I thought they - and Reese - were beautiful. It was a candyfloss comedy. What more did you expect? Triple Duh!

There have been some comparisons to other movies. My money for "movie most like this one" goes to "Michelle and Romy's High School Reunion", another movie that I liked for pretty much the same reasons as I like this one.

POSSIBLE SPOILER.



My favourite line:

Sally Field: "Are you ready to hit the ground running?"

Reese (parading her 5 inch heels): "Are these not my comfortable shoes?"