Spin City (1996–2002)
Alan Ruck: Stuart Bondek
Photos
Quotes
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Stuart : Big 3-0, huh? It's the perfect age. You can date college girls *and* their mothers.
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[the staff is concerned that the mayor may cheat on his wife]
Mike : All right, everybody huddle up, close your eyes, I want to paint you a mental picture; the mayor is very vulnerable tonight, there are a lot of reporters here tonight, and also in attendance is a woman I will refer to simply as "The Shark", whereas the Mayor is like an older, slow-moving sea lion.
Stuart : [French accent] I will stay aboard the Calypso, while my assistant, Mike, dive into the ocean to join in the life and death struggle between the shark and the noble sea lion.
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James : Stewart, I don't feel well. Knowing about Mike's mom and the Mayor is killing me.
Stuart : James, secrets are power. You get something good like this, you sit on it. Right now, you leak it, it's just office gossip that makes everyone uncomfortable, BUT, in 20 years when Mike's running for President, this little gem gets me an ambassadorship to Sweden.
James : What do I get?
Stuart : Topless postcard from Sweden!
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Stuart : This is New York. You can't swing a mesh tank top without hitting a gay guy.
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[Stuart visits Carter at his gym. Carter is wearing a headband]
Stuart : Hey carter, is that headband to keep the bald out of your eyes?
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Stuart : [to Mike, after a picture of Mike kissing Heidi Klum's butt appears on the front page of a newspaper] What did Heidi Klum's butt taste like?
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Stuart : Oh take it outta hyper-gay!