Drop Dead Fred (1991)
Rik Mayall: Drop Dead Fred
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Quotes
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Fred : I can't believe we left the party so soon. And there was so much wine to spit around the place.
Elizabeth : I got upset.
Fred : "I got upset." God, you're so stupid. You never leave a party 'til the very very end.
Elizabeth : Oh really?
Fred : Yeah really.
Elizabeth : Well what about Cinderella? Remember what happened with her?
Fred : No I don't remember what happened *with her*. I deliberately forgot all about her. She made me puke. I remember the ugly stepsisters, they were great.
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Fred : It takes more than a fire truck to stop Drop Dead Fred.
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[after just meeting Elizabeth for the first time in years]
Fred : Hello, snotface. Yuck what happened to you? You're all older, you're even uglier! Look, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to be sick all over you, immediately. Lie down.
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Fred : Look, you've got you now. You don't need me.
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[Fred looks up a woman's dress]
Fred : No panties. No panties.
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Fred : You see when something's not working right, the best thing to do is tear it apart to make it better.
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Fred : Just kiss me, and say Drop Dead Fred... now
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[after just seeing Elizabeth's mother]
Fred : Is it? It is. the mega-bitch.
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Young Elizabeth : Maybe Mommy's right. I never do anything right.
Fred : No! You're great. She's not.
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Fred : Drown the fishes.
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[Mickey wants to be as 'crazy' as Elizabeth, and he starts hurling pasta at couples in the resturarant]
Waiter #2 : [approaches]
Fred : Uh-oh!
Waiter #2 : [furioudly] YOU DON'T THROW SPAGHETTI IN MY RESTRUARANT!
Mickey Bunce : [mimicking his Italian accent] Ok, oka fine - YOU DO IT!
[he slaps his hands underneath the plates the waiter is holding in each hand, sending them flying across the room]
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Fred : I'm not afraid of the megabeast!
Young Elizabeth : I'm not either, when she comes in here we'll make her eat up all this mud!
Fred : Yeah... and then we'll cut her head off...
Young Elizabeth : with scissors...
Fred : Yeah... and then we'll make her eat it
Young Elizabeth : ...make her eat her own head... with what?
Fred : Oh yeah, well I'll eat her head then.
Young Elizabeth : And I'll eat the rest of her!
Fred : Yeah! And then we'll get up and poo her all over the table cause we're not afraid of anything
Fred , Young Elizabeth : yeah, yeah YEAH!
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Fred : Oh no, Mickey Fart-Pants. Whoever let HIM grow up?
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Fred : Morning. So who's for snot flicking?
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Fred : Boo!
Elizabeth : Ahhh!
Fred : Hello, Snotface! Yuck! What happened to you? Look at you. You're all older. You're even uglier. Uch. I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to be sick all over you immediately. Lie down.
[Pushes Elizabeth down on the bed]
Fred : Hang on. Where's all the dolls?
Elizabeth : [Whispers] Drop Dead Fred.
Fred : Where is the dolls?
[Throws dolls at Elizabeth]
Fred : I wanna play with the-Ah hah! The dolls! Hello, Jemima. Hello, Angelec.
[Makes the dolls say 'Hello.']
Fred : You're gonna die!
[Screams and hits Jemima's head against the door. Bites off Angelec's head. Throws dolls]
Fred : Mr. Pooh!
[Makes Mr. Pooh say 'Hello.']
Fred : You die too!
[Makes Mr. Pooh say 'No no no.']
Fred : Yes yes yes.
[Screams and rips Mr. Pooh's stuffing out while throwing the stuffing at Elizabeth]
Fred : [Makes Mr. Pooh scream 'No! My intestines. Not my intestines!']
[Spits on Mr. Pooh]
Elizabeth : [Whispers] I must be dreaming.
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Fred : I wrote the note. Hahahahaha! Haven't got a husband! Haven't got a husband! Got a stupid hair cut!
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Mickey Bunce : [comes home to find his daughter Natalie, covered with chocolate. He kneels next to her] Natalie, what happened?
Natalie Bunce : We wanted some chocolate! It's yummy, do you want some?
[offers Mickey her hand to lick]
Mickey Bunce : [chuckles] No, I don't want any.
Ms. Fuzzock : This young lady has made quite a mess in the kitchen, and she expects me to believe that some pretend friend did it.
Natalie Bunce : He's not pretend! He's drop dead Fred!
Elizabeth : [kneels down to speak to Natalie] What did you say?
Fred : [appearing from behind a tree] She said I'm not pretend. What are you deaf?
Mickey Bunce : Natalie, come on, what really happened?
Natalie Bunce : I'm telling you the truth! Don't you believe me?
Elizabeth : I believe you. Next time you see that drop dead Fred. You give him my love.
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Fred : I am a loner, a crazy wide eyed loner on a doomed mission to Venus to battle with the 3 headed mega beast but on the way I caught cornflakes disease.
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[Elizabeth and Charles are lying down, making out on the sofa]
Fred : Hold on, hold on that's now how the pigeons do it. You're supposed to stamp on her head and peck her
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[Fred sees Elizabeth and Charles]
Fred : Ugh! What does that taste like?
[Elizabeth elbows him in the gut]
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Fred : [sitting between Elizabeth and Mickey] Oh great. Now I'm stuck between two complete utter girls.
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Fred : Snotface, look... INK - let's write something on the carpet... I know how 'bout "Mother SUCKS".
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Fred : You just put a piece of broccoli in your mouth and said, "Mm, what a lovely piece of broccoli."
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Fred : [while dancing in the chair in the living room with dog poo on his shoes] Dog poo, dog poo, yucky yucky dog poo. Dog poo on the chair... all on the sides, all up there, yucky yucky smelly dog poo!
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Fred : I don't love you because love is for girls and girls are disgusting
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Fred : [to Elizabeth] You got married? You mean you've been doing it like the pigeons? No! Yuck!
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Fred : [sitting inside the refrigerator]
[about Charles]
Fred : Snotface, he's the wrong man for you.
Elizabeth : I don't want to hear it
Fred : You're not happy.
[Elizabeth closes the fridge door]
Elizabeth : Yes I am.
Fred : [crawling from underneath a counter] Well, if you're so happy, then why I am still here, hmm?
Elizabeth : I can fix that.
[she pulls out the pills]
Fred : Oh no, don't do that. No, please, don't do that. Do-
[Elizabeth takes the pill, he dubs over in pain. While grinding pepper, Elizabeth sneezes and sends Fred bouncing against the walls]