Lethal Weapon (1987)
Danny Glover: Roger Murtaugh
Photos
Quotes
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[Repeated line in all 4 movies]
Roger Murtaugh : I'm too old for this shit!
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Sergeant McCaskey : You know, Roger, you are way behind the times. The guys of the 80s aren't tough. They are sensitive people. Show a little emotion to a woman and shit like that. I think I'm an '80s man...
Roger Murtaugh : How do you figure?
Sergeant McCaskey : Last night I cried in bed. So how is that?
Roger Murtaugh : Were you with a woman?
Sergeant McCaskey : I was alone. Why do you think I cried?
Roger Murtaugh : Sounds like an '80s man to me...
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Martin Riggs : Hey, look friend, let's just cut the shit. Now we both know why I was transferred. Everybody thinks I'm suicidal, in which case, I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me; or they think I'm faking to draw a psycho pension, in which case, I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me. Basically, I'm fucked.
Roger Murtaugh : Guess what?
Martin Riggs : What?
Roger Murtaugh : I don't want to work with you!
Martin Riggs : Hey, don't.
Roger Murtaugh : Ain't got no choice! Looks like we both been fucked!
Martin Riggs : Terrific.
Roger Murtaugh : God hates me. That's what it is.
Martin Riggs : Hate him back; it works for me.
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Roger Murtaugh : [discussing a theory] That's pretty fucking thin.
Martin Riggs : That's very thin.
Roger Murtaugh : What the hell, thin's my middle name.
Martin Riggs : Your wife's cooking, I'm not surprised.
[fires his gun several more times]
Roger Murtaugh : What? What?
Martin Riggs : Nothin'.
Roger Murtaugh : Remarks like that will not get you invited to Christmas dinner.
Martin Riggs : My luck's changing for the better every day.
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Roger Murtaugh : Okay, clown, no bullshit! You wanna kill yourself?
Martin Riggs : Oh, for Chriss-...
Roger Murtaugh : Shut up! Yes or no - you wanna die?
Martin Riggs : Oh, I got the job done! What the hell do you want?
Roger Murtaugh : JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!
Martin Riggs : Well, what do you wanna hear, man? Do you wanna hear that sometimes I think about eatin' a bullet? Huh? Well, I do! I even got a special bullet for the occasion with a hollow point, look! Make sure it blows the back of my goddamned head out and do the job right! Every single day I wake up and I think of a reason not to do it! Every single day! You know why I don't do it? This is gonna make you laugh! You know why I don't do it? The job! Doin' the job! Now that's the reason!
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[after stopping Riggs from shooting himself]
Roger Murtaugh : You're not trying to draw a psycho pension! You really are crazy!
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Roger Murtaugh : Hey, Riggs.
Martin Riggs : Yo!
Roger Murtaugh : Riggs, if you think I'm gonna eat the world's lousiest Christmas turkey by myself, you're crazy.
Martin Riggs : Well, I got news for you, Rog: I'm not crazy.
Roger Murtaugh : I know.
Martin Riggs : Well, good. Let's eat.
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Roger Murtaugh : What do you do, sleep with that thing under your pillow?
Martin Riggs : I would if I slept.
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Martin Riggs : You want me to drive?
Roger Murtaugh : No, you're supposed to be suicidal, remember? I'LL drive.
Martin Riggs : Anybody who drives around in this town IS suicidal.
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Martin Riggs : I do it real good, you know.
Roger Murtaugh : Do what?
Martin Riggs : When I was 19, I did a guy in Laos from a thousand yards out. It was a rifle shot in high wind. Maybe eight or even ten guys in the world could have made that shot. It's the only thing I was ever good at. Well, see ya tomorrow.
Roger Murtaugh : Yeah, see you.
[pauses]
Roger Murtaugh : Hey Riggs! You really like my wife's cooking?
Martin Riggs : [fixing him] No. See you tomorrow.
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Roger Murtaugh : Have you ever met anybody you didn't kill?
Martin Riggs : Well, I haven't killed you yet.
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Martin Riggs : You know they're going to kill her, don't you?
Roger Murtaugh : Yeah.
Martin Riggs : So if you want her back, you're going to have to take her away from them.
Roger Murtaugh : I know.
Martin Riggs : You do this my way. You shoot, you shoot to kill, get as many of them as you can. All you got to do is just not miss.
Roger Murtaugh : I won't miss.
Martin Riggs : We're going to get bloody on this one, Rog.
Roger Murtaugh : Are you really crazy? Or are you as good as you say you are?
Martin Riggs : You're just gonna have to trust me.
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Roger Murtaugh : Listen, sorry about all that shit I was in your face about earlier... you saved my life. Thank you.
Martin Riggs : Oh, I'll bet that hurt to say.
Roger Murtaugh : [chuckles] You'll never know.
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Martin Riggs : The guy who shot me! The same albino jackrabbit son of a bitch who did Hunsacker.
Roger Murtaugh : You sure?
Martin Riggs : Yeah, I'm sure man. I never forget an asshole.
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Martin Riggs : You don't trust me at all, do you?
Roger Murtaugh : Well, I'll tell you what. You make it through tomorrow without killing anybody, especially me, or yourself, then I'll start trusting you.
Martin Riggs : Fair enough.
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Roger Murtaugh : See how easy that was? Boom, still alive. Now we question him. You know why we question him? Because I got him in the leg. I didn't shoot him full of holes or try to jump off a building with him.
Martin Riggs : Hey, that's no fair. The building guy lived.
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Roger Murtaugh : Pretty thin, huh?
Martin Riggs : Anorexic.
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Roger Murtaugh : 50 years old, what a birthday, goddamn 50 years old, been on the force 20 years, not a scratch on me, not a scar, got a wife, kids, a house, a fishing boat, but I can kiss all that goodbye because my new partner has a death wish, my fucking life is over
Martin Riggs : [looks at Roger] I was...
Roger Murtaugh : Just shut up you hear, why are you talking to me anyway, I'm a dead man, yeah fuck it, you're looking a dead man here
[oncoming traffic honks at them and swerve to get out of the way]
Martin Riggs : [points at oncoming traffic] watch, watch, WATCH...
Roger Murtaugh : Don't worry, I was driving before you were itching in your daddy's pants
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[Riggs is having doubts]
Roger Murtaugh : Why is there a problem?
Martin Riggs : There's no problem.
Roger Murtaugh : We got one dead girl and one dead guy. The dead guy kills the dead girl, we kill the dead guy 'cause he wanted us to be dead guys - it's pretty easy to me.
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Roger Murtaugh : [to Joshua] Looking for your general friend? He's barbecuing his nuts on Hollywood Boulevard.
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Martin Riggs : I didn't know that.
Roger Murtaugh : What?
Martin Riggs : That it was your birthday today.
Martin Riggs : Yesterday.
Martin Riggs : Well, happy birthday for yesterday.
[no response]
Martin Riggs : I mean that, sincerely, happy birthday, man.
Roger Murtaugh : [grudgingly] Thanks.
Martin Riggs : Maybe we'll stay alive long enough for me to buy you a present.
[pause, then Murtaugh laughs, finally loosening up]
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[When Joshua is panting on the lawn after the title-fight]
Roger Murtaugh : Get that shit off my lawn!
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Martin Riggs : What did he mean when he said you owed him?
Roger Murtaugh : We served together in '65. Ia Drang Valley. Saved my life. Took a bayonet in the lungs.
Martin Riggs : That was nice of him.
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Roger Murtaugh : [about Rianne's date] The one with the pits in his face?
Rianne Murtaugh : Those are dimples!
Roger Murtaugh : Those are pits. When he smiles, I can see through his head.
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Martin Riggs : [after a kid identifies the tattoo on Riggs' arm as being on the man who rigged Dixie's house to explode] Roger, that's a Special Forces tattoo.
Roger Murtaugh : No kidding.
Martin Riggs : Yeah.
Roger Murtaugh : Special forces tattoo, mercury switches, what the hell have we gotten into?
Martin Riggs : Yep. I wonder if there're any openings at the L.A. Fire Department.
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[Murtaugh is holding out a grenade, threatening to kill Mr. Joshua and his gang if they don't give him back his daughter, Rianne]
Mr. Joshua : He's bluffing. He wouldn't kill his own daughter.
Roger Murtaugh : Sure thing, pal! If she dies, she's gonna die with me - MY way, not yours!
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[aiming his gun at Mcalister's oncoming car]
Roger Murtaugh : No way you live. No way.
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Roger Murtaugh : I guess we need to register you as a Lethal Weapon.
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Roger Murtaugh : I was driving before you were a itch in your daddy's pants!
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[Riggs and Murtaugh pull up outside Dixie's house to check out a theory]
Roger Murtaugh : Like I said, thin.
Martin Riggs : Probably nothing.
[the house explodes, knocking them both to the ground. Murtaugh throws himself on Riggs]
Martin Riggs : What are you, a fag?
Roger Murtaugh : Your coat's on fire!
[Riggs throws it off, then both of them look at the burning house]
Martin Riggs : Probably nothing!
Roger Murtaugh : Thin, very thin!
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[last lines]
Roger Murtaugh : I'm too old for this...
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Beat Cop : Had a jumper here last night, Dixie was walking by, saw the whole thing.
Roger Murtaugh : You got a statement from her, send her home.
Dixie : Oh, thanks, I'm beat. You know how it is...
Roger Murtaugh : Yeah, yeah, sure. All dressed up and no one to blow.
Dixie : You're hilarious. God, I don't believe this...
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[During the mano - a - mano fight, Mr. Joshua has pinned Riggs to the ground, overpowering him]
Roger Murtaugh : Martin! Let me take him for you, Riggs! Let me take him!
Martin Riggs : [lifting his head up, growls hoarsely] *NO!*
Roger Murtaugh : *PLEASE!*
Martin Riggs : [growls] NO!
[to Mr. Joshua]
Martin Riggs : *BACK OFF!*
[Riggs rolls his body over Joshua, free himself]
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Roger Murtaugh : General McAlister. Time for you to die.
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Culprit : [punches Murtaugh in the mouth] The shipment, Mr. Murtaugh.
Roger Murtaugh : [blood and sweat dripping] Go spit.
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Martin Riggs : Hey, you know what?
Roger Murtaugh : What?
Martin Riggs : Well, I think your daughter kinda likes me.
Roger Murtaugh : If you touch her, I'll kill you.
Martin Riggs : Ha! You'll try.
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Roger Murtaugh : [after Hunsaker is shot] Heroin. You got off easy, you son of a bitch.
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Roger Murtaugh : Hey, Riggs, you really like my wife's cookin'?
Martin Riggs : [after an especially long pause] Nope, I'll see you tomorrow.
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Martin Riggs : What are you, a fag?
Roger Murtaugh : The coat's on fire!
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Roger Murtaugh : Two inches higher, he'd got hit your head.
Martin Riggs : Two inches lower, I'd be a falsetto for life. Come on.
Roger Murtaugh : I bet you'd sound nice too.
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Roger Murtaugh : [as Riggs attempts to subdue Joshua with a triangle choke] Break his fuckin' neck!