Harry and Tonto (1974)
Art Carney: Harry
Photos
Quotes
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Harry : You never really feel somebody's suffering; you only feel their death.
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Harry : When did you last have a woman, Jacob?
Jacob Rivetowski : What?
Harry : When did you last sleep with a woman?
Jacob Rivetowski : Saturday night.
[pause]
Jacob Rivetowski : March.
[pause]
Jacob Rivetowski : 1951. Yeah, it was about ten o'clock at night.
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Harry : [In jail for urinating in public] This is the first time in my life I've ever been in jail.
Sam Two Feathers : What are you in for?
Harry : Peeing.
Sam Two Feathers : I got a ticket once for shitting.
Harry : Where'd you do it?
Sam Two Feathers : No, not me. My horse - in a hotel lobby.
Harry : Oh.
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Harry : I know, life is confusing. We're just trying to get on with it that's all.
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Harry : [Talking to his cat, reminiscing about an earlier New York City] There were trolleys, Tonto. Cobblestones. The aroma of corned beef and cabbage. The tangy zest of... apple strudel. You had to hand-crank the cars in those days, Tonto. Cars like REO's, Franklins, Hudsons. Those were names fit for a car. These days a man doesn't know whether he's driving a car or an animal: "Mustangs," "Jaguars," "Cougars,"... "Pintos." - Silly.
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Nick Lewis - Used Car Dealer : I am 62 years old.
[Indicates to Harry the rather obvious hair piece he's wearing]
Nick Lewis - Used Car Dealer : I can't get it up unless I take a dose of strychnine.
Harry : Strychnine? I thought strychnine was poisonous?
Nick Lewis - Used Car Dealer : Naw, no... It really gives you a lift, you know? But I wanna' tell ya, it isn't worth it. 'Cause I get such terrible headaches. Right through my skull. "Bong! Bong!" Like a sledgehammer. So, a fella' has to decide whether he wants a migraine headache... or a piece of ass, you know?
Harry : Well, Nick, you live and learn.
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Harry : Who's the vice president this week?
Newspaper vendor : Who cares?
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Harry : Did you see that?
Jacob Rivetowski : No.
Harry : Fellow almost ran me over.
Jacob Rivetowski : What kind of car?
Harry : I don't know... a big gray job.
Jacob Rivetowski : Capitalist bastard!
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Panhandler : [knocks on car window] Have you got 35 cents?
Harry : Why thirty-five?
Panhandler : I wanna' buy a mink coat.
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Wade Carlton : So I was broke. I rode me down to Galveston. Read an article in the paper... about catchin' sharks. Shark's good for a lot of things. Got a job with a Portuguese feller. Caught sharks till I couldn't move my arms. Made me $300 and come home. Hadn't shaved for three weeks. Come walkin' up to the front door. The wife thought it was a bum. Told me to clear on out. That's when I got into cats.
Harry : Your wife still alive?
Wade Carlton : Nope. Buried three of 'em. Good women. Bad diets.
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Harry : Jacob, they want me to move.
Jacob Rivetowski : What?
Harry : I got a notice that they're tearing down my building. They're putting up a fancy parking lot.
Jacob Rivetowski : Capitalist bastards!
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Burt Coombes Jr. : I know you think you're really far out. You smoke a couple of joints, and you think you're into something, right? No... hey, I know. I mean, I took 32 trips, you ninny. Pure stuff. Pure rainbow! I had more coke stuffed up this nose than you could breathe air. I was into heavy Tibetan meditation for two years, you jimbo!
Harry : You're not very tolerant, Junior.
Burt Coombes Jr. : The heaviest thing I can do for him is to-...
[shouts]
Burt Coombes Jr. : wake him up!
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Harry : Did you ever have Annushka again?
Jacob Rivetowski : No, no... My father started slipping it to her regularly.
Harry : [chuckling] Polish logic!
Jacob Rivetowski : He was a capitalist bastard!
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Harry : Let me tell you something: times are bad. Don't you believe what they're saying in the papers about a recession. We're in a depression.
Taxi Driver : You better believe it.
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Harry : Your office near your place?
Eddie Coombes : I don't need an office anymore, Pop. I'm living off the cream now. I sell a little insurance once in a while... or move a nice piece of real estate whenever I need some fast cash. But mostly I play.
Harry : Well, I must say, Eddie, you *look* like a playboy.
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Harry : Jesus, eating is the most important thing in the life of a cat.
Grocery Clerk : Eating is the most important thing in the life of me, too.
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Jacob Rivetowski : You want, you can move in with me.
Harry : I appreciate that, Jacob, but I think we'd end up hating each other. You know, I can be a real pain in the ass.
Jacob Rivetowski : I lived with my wife for 40 years. I can live with you.
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Harry : Can you cure bursitis?
Sam Two Feathers : I cure anything. What is bursitis.
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Harry : I was mugged four times this year.
Old Landlady : You must live in a good neighborhood.