bbartolome Reviews

The Artful Dodger (2023– )

Thomas Brodie-Sangster and Maia Mitchell

[10/10 · 12 May 2024]

100% the best show I've watched in the last twenty years (I'm 44 years old). Exceptionally intelligent writing and truly nail-biting situations all throughout, Artful Dodger is a master class in modern historical romance, dark humor, and character portraits. There are some truly despicable characters here and on first viewing I was angry at how few truly likable characters there were. The priest, the mother, the religious "lawman" the cheating wife, the other idiotic surgeon, the head doctor, and the politician are irredeemable in my eyes (and some get away with their evil ways at the end). The writers skillfully paint a morally grey protagonist in Dodger but he shines brightly as a truly heroic but human character. The show never lingers in the foibles of the very authentic cast, proceeding instead to sprinkle dark comedy and surprisingly moving and charming scenes between the lovely Maia Mitchell and Thomas Brodie-Sangster. The development of their love is subtle and real. Their first kiss far into the series is well-deserved. Unlike 99% of the shallow and ridiculous YA and "romance" shows on Netflix and CW, Dodge and Belle's disagreements are brief and understandable with even the near illiterate Dodge acknowledging his faults and vice versa. Never have I seen such exchange between two young and lovely characters in such a perfect tableau as an Australian colony. The heists mix perfectly with the surgical scenes, with the episode "Dual" being my favorite. There are many subtle historical references here such as the hatred towards colonizers, the self-importance of the White British, the Chinese immigrant (!), the lawlessness and corruption, and the ignorance and stupidity of the religious. I never liked any of David Thewlis' roles but his Fagin confused and frightened me to the very satisfying end. Artful Dodger is the perfect show for the educated who also enjoys sincere romance, dark humor, and thrilling adventure of the intelligent variety. I watched it on Disney+ NL and Dodger is superior to any Star Wars, Marvel, or Disney production there. I hope to see the lovely Maia and Thomas in another project in the future!

Werewolf by Night (2022 TV Movie)

Laura Donnelly and Man Thing

[10/10 · 11 May 2024]

Laura Donnelly was fantastic in the Nevers and I adore her. She's a reliable performer - she sells Elsa Bloodstone in this short homage to black and white movies. She fits the classic Hollywood beauty to a T but doesn't come off as a bimbo. She is more convincing in action scenes than her lookalike, the equally talented Krysten Ritter, who starred in a less fun (and eventually stupid) Marvel show of her own. Elsa/Donnelly's action scenes here are superior to Werewolf by Night's generic hopping around. I don't like Bernal but I was surprised how his Jack is likable and even goofy. I wish Marvel TV would make more shorts like this. Werewolf by Night is my favorite Marvel TV project. It's well thought out and to the point unlike Moon Knight, Loki, Invasion, and Ms Marvel. While I wish they could have made Werewolf bigger and stronger, I understand why they stuck to a more classic Hollywood/Jack Nicholson werewolf and let Man Thing bring the more "massive creature" element to the short movie. Marvel TV has been disappointing but Donnelly, Man Thing, and this creature feature wins my vote. More Elsa and Donnelly please!

Death and Other Details (2024)

Glossy but so embarrassingly bad

[4/10 · 28 April 2024]

The show is clearly a showcase for Violette Beane, who is given plenty of opportunities to strut her beauty (including a completely unnecessary negligee scene) and acting chops. And she is very, very attractive and beautiful ... But so is 10000 other American and European actresses that may not be as Lily Labeau sexy but certainly subtler and better actresses. It doesn't help that Beane's character Imogene is selfish, slutty, self-absorbed and unlikeable. She is also surrounded by other equally loathsome characters. As a mystery, the show had potential but the writing became more and more stupid to the point that you wished it was a simple locked-in-the-room mystery with Mandy Patinkin doing his best American Georges Simenon impression. The Cantonese cast with British accents were out of place and Rahul Kohli couldn't act to save his life and had zero chemistry with Imogene (he's butt ugly and had only one facial impression). All the young, male characters were caricatures and the priest, lawyer, matriarch, and Black politician should have all been tortured just by being poorly written. Lauren Patten did her best with the script and fared better than Beane, but her nudity early in the series was again click bait. Surprisingly, it's Pardis Saremi and Linda Emond who give the most memorable performances, with Pardis giving her best Salma Hayek and Emond taking a page from Scandinavian detective shows. Hugo García is just a pretty face in a tracksuit but was more welcome than one-face pockmarked Kohli.

The big budget is obvious and the show is glossy but so utterly shallow and ridiculously panders to certain demographics. A good story with minimal plot holes could have been written without butt ugly Kohli, the Chinese cast, the American wealth bros, and idiotic brother-sister team. The show's overall flavor is so bad I'm sure the residents of Malta, which makes a cameo, is embarrassed to be even mentioned. It's very difficult to understand why production companies throw money at pretty faces when better shows that gained a following get cancelled (see many of Netflix's one season wonders).

Extraordinary (2023– )

Ruined by Kash and Jizzlord

[6/10 · 30 March 2024]

I'm clearly not the target audience for the show but Jen and Carrie are lovely and likable characters for all their Gen Z/A faults. The show is at its best when they focus on their friendship but awful when it comes to Kash and Jizzlord, two incredibly horrible characters. Jizzlord is not as cute as the writers think he is and he doesn't deserve Jen and Kash is the lowest type of human being I've ever seen on a comedy show - this a-hole is NOT funny and should be killed off. If it gets another season they should get rid of both Kash and Jizzlord - the two characters are completely unnecessary and don't add anything to the show.

A Haunting in Venice (2023)

Better than Branagh's Nile and Orient Express

[7/10 · 30 March 2024]

Like the first two, Haunting is a vanity project for Branag. However, this is certainly a step up from the mediocre to weak Nile and Orient Express. I like the lovely Kelly Reilly and found Tina Fey charming back in the day but they are severely miscast - they just don't have the acting chops for their roles. Branagh resorts to some old school camera effects to simulate the creepy atmosphere but it comes off as cheap and dated with too many camera cuts to be effective. Jamie Dornen and Michelle Yeah get thankless roles and are there for star power more than anything else. For such an experienced auteur Branagh makes some clear filming missteps (watch Desdemona's delayed reaction at the boat scene at the end). Venice is a great alternative to the original UK setting and it largely saves Haunting from being as weak and misplaced as Branagh's first two Christie adaptations.

Slow Horses (2022– )

Series 3 was near perfect!

[9/10 · 21 January 2024]

Loved the characters in the first Series but the story was ruined by incredibly annoying bad guys and an incompetent hostage. Series 2 was a step up, which was genuinely terrifying thanks to the unstoppable Russian, but it's series 3 that brings everything to a satisfying conclusion with four semi-regular a-holes removed from the chessboard. I was at the edge of my seat wondering if any of the slow horses would survive this time around. River gets his head handed to him from start to finish and is the antithesis of the typical hero. I adore the current roster (never liked Min), particularly the scrappy cocaine user. Series 3 is the best season of any show I've watched in awhile and I was terrified of what would happen in the last two episodes. Unlike any movie I've watched in the last 5 years, there was a real palpable tension and danger at the end, considering the track record of the team. I hope series 4 is better or as good!

Still Up (2023)

It tries to be cute and quirky. Instead it becomes annoying

[2/10 · 29 September 2023]

It tries too hard to be quirky but instead you realize the two main characters are completely reprehensible and narcissistic. There is only one episode that shines but even that was ruined by one scene that was supposed to be funny but came off as mean and even offensive (the finger). Horrible show and I regret watching all the episodes. What a wasted premise. I really thought it would get better but it progressively got worse. The last episode made me hate the female lead even more - she joined a sleep study but not only kept using her iPhone but bothered everyone else in the clinic. There is only one likable character (the helpful gay neighbor) and he's treated as nothing more than a plot device. Still Up is a complete misfire and stands out as one of the worst shows on Apple TV (and that's saying a lot).

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)

Great fun and chemistry between the cast!

[8/10 · 31 March 2023]

The chemistry between the cast members is great. Xenk and Holga get the best action scenes and the fight choreography/special effects is better than the last three Marvel movies. I must confess Sophia Lillis won the movie for me - she absolutely steals the screen when given the chance and Doric is the best among the group. It's quite fast paced and one character doesn't get enough screen time. The movie does a lot of world building (which I'm sure some of the younger, ignorant reviewers are whining about) and even non- D&D fans like me appreciate some of the 80s references. Hugh Grant's best zingers were on the trailer unfortunately. One thing bugs me though - the macguffin inexplicably disappears before the well-crafted free-for-all battle. I know they did it because it would have ended the fight too soon but considering the promise Chris Pine makes it was annoying that it wasn't addressed in the end.

The Recruit (2022– )

Good but ruined by lapses in logic and unlikeable characters

[8/10 · 22 December 2022]

Noah and Laura shine in this series and I definitely want to see more of them. The first two episodes were pretty bad but it got better. Mann (Violet) and Parker (Dawn) are annoying af and I hope they meet the same fate as Xander Goi. The show unabashedly demonstrates how ignorant, incompetent, stupidly violent, entitled, uneducated, shallow, and arrogant Americans and the CIA are though Noah comes off as both likable and frustrating. The show isn't as intelligent as Apple's "Slow Horses" but it is exciting with Brit Laura Haddock stealing the show. The generic gay best friend and the rich ex girlfriend are weak characters at best but the anxiety ridden co-worker, the stolid boss, and ambitious Amelia make up for them. I'm glad that Noah chose not to have any real action scenes and it really is a CIA show that requires an understanding of US politics and modern history. I just wish the show showed some respect to the countries depicted in the show, specifically Switzerland. The show is also definitely better off without Dawn and Violet and more of Laura/Max. Hopefully, the show irons out lapses in logic in the next season.

Uncharted (2022)

Not bad

[7/10 · 18 November 2022]

I don't like Wahlburg at all but Holland sells this movie despite weak fight scenes and an even weaker villain in Tati Gabrielle, who can't act (having frosty tips, tatoos and being black don't make you threatening). I wish they made use of Banderas more than Gabrielle, who has only 1 facial expression. Ali is attractive but again comes off as one dimensional and doesn't have an ounce of chemistry with Holland. Thankfully, Wahlburg doesn't ham it up too much and takes a back seat to Holland, who does his best with the choreography and script. If Sony's objective is to make me want to play the Uncharted series, it's only mildly more successful though I hope we have a less misogynistic sequel and more fun female characters rather than faux tough femmes.

Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)

Weak first half, strong second

[7/10 · 17 September 2022]

The movie is odd for me because I was unimpressed with the first and second act but found the third and final act quite rousing. Yes, the use of the children at the end was very "Disney-fied" but somehow it worked. People focused on the comedic misfires throughout the movie, but Hemsworth, Thompson, and even Portman were obviously inspired by Bale's turn as Gorr. The serious scenes involving the four were quite moving. Viewers also complained about the action but it was actually short and well choreographed. Unfortunately, L&T felt rushed at times especially when it came to developing Thor and Val. Overall, I found L&T better than Doctor Strange 2 and less tiring than SM:NWH and The Batman. I didn't like Ragnarok and I'm not a fan of Waititi's style, especially how he dismissed the Warriors Three, Asgard, Odin, and poor Sif. Hopefully, we get a more serious director that focuses on the rich folklore of Marvel's Thor and Norse mythology in general.

Terminator Genisys (2015)

passable, courtney was awful

[6/10 · 22 October 2021]

Emilia was surprisingly good as Sarah and Arnold, while phoning it in, was restrained and showed signs of his old charisma in the role. It's a passable plot but offers nothing new if you watched T1 and T2. T3 at least had a great couple and a sexy Terminator. Courtney unfortunately ruined what was already a mediocre film - he can't act, had zero chemistry with Emilia, and is fugly too. He just couldn't carry any of the lines and ruined the film.

Fear Street: Part One - 1994 (2021)

Not bad. Better than most stuff out there.

[8/10 · 30 August 2021]

I'm 42 so i'm definitely not the target audience for this movie, but I thought it was pretty good and the last two acts were well done. I agree that the characters were unlikeable and the lesbian theme was a bit heavy handed though necessary since the tension hinged on it. Did viewers think the makers could hit the 90s accurately? Even Spielberg missed the mark with Crystal Skrulls' historical accuracy. Horror fans are difficult to please because they've seen everything but casual horror viewers like me can still get the chills. Uncomfortable to watch if I had a date though - the kids in the movie looked so young.

Gods of Egypt (2016)

I genuinely enjoyed it!

[8/10 · 2 May 2021]

I can understand the cries regarding whitewashing but from a purely objective perspective in terms of inventiveness, originality, and premise, I really enjoyed it. As someone who reads folklore and mythology, I appreciated the unique approach to some of the concepts. The forced humor was misplaced but you can see that the film was paying homage to old-school sword and sandals like Hercules and Jason and the Argonauts. I adored 70s and 80s movies of that type.

Elodie Yung shined here and Nikolai was clearly game for the odd role. I was surprised at how Brenton was somewhat wooden in his delivery and came off worst here than his turn in Pirates. My only real complaint was Gerard Butler who can't act and Geoffrey Rush who phoned it in. All in all I enjoyed it more than BvS, MoS and JL COMBINED!

Crawl (I) (2019)

Kaya is too good for garbage like this

[3/10 · 27 April 2021]

This movie unfortunately reinforces the stereotype of how Americans are ignorant, uneducated, selfish, and stupid. The writers and the overrated director not only achieved the impossible task of making Kaya unlikeable 5 minutes in but also cast her with a "dad" that can't act. The dog and creatures gave more gravitas. I'm pretty sure most audiences were cheering when the moron gets a limb ripped off and when the looters (again exemplifying Americans when left on their own) were eaten alive.

Underwater (2020)

Excellent and terrifying

[9/10 · 29 March 2021]

An excellent cast, minimal dialogue, a taut no-nonsense plot and genuinely terrifying creatures make this a great watch. Movie lovers will find nothing new but that's not the point. I'm not a fan of Stewart, Cassel, and TJ miller but I found them endearing and admirable here. Gallagher and Henwick have small roles but round off the cast well. Again, the creatures absolutely scared me. Make no mistake, it's Stewart's movie and I grudgingly admit she's fantastic and better than 95% of male actors today. I irrationally don't like her for what she did early in her career (her betrayal of Patterson) but this movie almost changed my mind.

The Hole in the Ground (2019)

Great little movie about folklore

[8/10 · 7 March 2021]

There are references to Irish and British folklore here that I really appreciate but I must confess I watched it because of Seána, who acts her heart out and easily avoids being typecast from her Mad Mary and To Cope roles. Horror fans will no doubt criticize the familiar tropes but I highly recommend it for those who rarely watch scary movies. I hope Seána gets more roles such as this one. She, Olivia Cooke, Nicola Cochlan, and Holiday Grainger should work together.