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Gake no ue no Ponyo (2008)
Adorable movie is best geared for younger audiences.
I remember not having very high expectations first inserting the disc, but it wound up being one of the most adorable movies I've ever seen. It's very unpredictable, but I still think it's probably best geared towards younger audiences, given the pace, tone, and lack of nuance with characters like Fujimoto, but that's the kind of stuff kids don't really care about. Plus Lisa is a freaking queen.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
NERD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I almost fell asleep during this nerd heaven. If Sirius and Lupin are innocent, is Pettigrew the main antagonist?
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2 (2011)
It all ends here...or in 2024.
I admittedly didn't fully appreciate this film until after a rewatch, but it builds on everything the first movie presented in compelling ways. It's like a "Battle of the Five Armies" before "Battle of the Five Armies" and I admittedly prefer that movie. For being an action montage, it overall punches its audience in the gut with emotional stakes while still being a blast to sit through.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1 (2010)
This franchise's nerd days are at an end.
From special effects to acting to plot to dialogue, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1" is perfect in every way and utterly flawless. There are so many memorable scenes I can't even decide which is my favorite. The memory wipe, the Seven Potters, Ron's Splinching, Gregorovitch's interrogation, Nagini's ambush, the Three Brothers, Malfoy Manor, and most of all the undying friendship and loyalty and utter co-dependency that's been keeping this franchise together, there's literally nothing to be hated and everything to be loved. This movie reinforces the real stakes and everything makes sense thanks to years of build-up. Plus it's nice to leave wizarding boarding school for a change and get out there in the wild where anything can happen. No doubt this masterpiece will be burned into my subconscious for the rest of my life.
The Incredible Hulk (2008)
By far the worst film in the MCU.
I wasn't expecting it to be good, and I was so right. Betty Ross is this film's one redeeming quality...which of course means that she could never appear in any future films. No wonder the Hulk is the only primary Avenger not to get a film trilogy.
Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
5 out of 10
I can describe this MCU tie-in in three words: fine, but forgettable.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)
Can we all pretend this movie never existed?!
Either I'm going mad or this hastily written family drama was a spit to the face and a kick to the shin to a crap-load of "Guardians" fans. Who on Earth is Ego?!
Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
This feels like a DCEU movie...
This movie went on forever, it had absolutely no humor, and it's just impossibly forgettable. Plus Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver were promoted half to death so it was disappointing to see them for about five seconds.
Captain Marvel (2019)
Ugh...
It's nice to see Nick Fury again and Goose is one adorable kitten and Rambeau is bad*** and admittably Danvers is one heck of a sweet girl, but everything else is pure Iron Man 2. I could have made it better and that's not usually the first thing I think when watching a live-action movie. The fights are repetitive and none of this has anything to do with the rest of the franchise. You could put her in a post-credit scene to explain her power just like the turbo-hot superior in every category Scarlet Witch.
I thought this movie sounded dull until I learned Ronan the Accuser would make a comeback with Korath the Pursuer. And ugh, I couldn't stand this movie, I came here to learn more about his background, and guess who sadly had half a minute of screen time like he was the Lord Sauron of C-51? He makes two ten-second phone calls and watches Captain Marvel take flight and disappears swearing he will find a fair advantage for which he can use her. He could beat her in two seconds like he did to Drax the so-called Destroyer but she would've wrecked his ship in order to board it. And guess who else got wasted? Phil Coulson. That dude was da bomb! And guess how well they redesigned the deadly Korath the Pursuer. We all know he lacks a sense of humor which is essential to MCU's superiority over DCEU.
Maybe Captain Marvel will be less of a Mary Sue in "Endgame." We need more Valkyries and less Black Widows in the franchise. Maybe this film isn't supposed to make sense on its own. Maybe she'll be better developed and show at least one combat-related weakspot and Ronan's appearance is foreshadowing his dominating her in a much better sequel. Like DIT and Star Wars, knowing Marvel any twist could present itself.
Don't get me wrong, I like her a little, just for being cute and pure at heart and vehemently against sexism, just like Rey, but I can't stand Mary Sues and she's one of the worst. Black Widow has a weird background and Scarlet Witch was experimented on and Ultron was supposed to be almighty, but to me Captain Marvel doesn't have the same excuse for being insanely overpowered.
The Hunchback of Notre Dame II (2002)
Sigh...
If ever there was a stereotypically bad Disney sequel, this is undoubtedly it.
Mulan II (2004)
Cute movie with no quality or deeper meaning.
This direct-to-video sequel is pretty stereotypical. It's a boring dialogue montage and nothing really happens except for Mulan, who once kicked an insane amount of "Hunny buns", guarding three princesses who want to go full Jasmine?! The only villains make the Volturi look well-developed and anything but last-minute plot devices. The songs are bland, the characters are all right, and the plot is dull. So overall 4 out of 10 stars.
The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)
Relatablity and mystery buried under loads of predictablity and unbelievable bloating.
This movie is probably supposed to appeal to miserable teens (like me, I guess) but also to really stupid ones (unlike me). The plot is predictable and Jacob's werewolf secret is incredibly obvious, it's almost as bad as your typical Disney twist villain. I guess Edward left for his beloved's own good so I guess I respect him a little. Maybe I'll see more of him in "Eclipse" if I ever watch it.
The only memorable characters in this are Bella (well, since you never DON'T see her and she's to some degree a cute girl) and Aro (the long lost brother of the Shade from "Eragon" who has all of his smoothly evil charms and horrible acting all in one).
So overall 4 out of 10.
The Emperor's New Groove (2000)
The Emperor has a new groove!
I wish Disney still did 2D animated movies like this underrated laugh-a-thon. Ever since they went 3D with "Tangled" (2010) and "Wreck-It Ralph" (2012), their movies simply aren't as clever or funny. I love how all this insanity happened because Kronk pointed out that Yzma was taking out her anger on objects, especially because most people blame it on her wanting to save on postage. She was going to turn him into a flea, a harmless little flea, then she was going to put it in a box, and then put that box in another box, and then she'll mail that box to herself, and when it arrives, she will unleash a hammer that probably weighs as much as she does! Just that last sentence should make you add this movie to your watchlist. Gosh it's amazing! "IT'S BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT I TELL YOU! GENIUS I SAY!"
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)
When a sequel is better than the original.
Ten years has passed since the movie that introduced my generation to a galaxy far, far away. Obi-Wan has obtained a beard, which adds to his handsomeness, Padme has obtained pheremones, enough said, and Anakin has obtained a lightsaber, which he wields pretty dang well. Dooku is the new Maul and Master Windu is the new Qui-Gon as the Separatist Alliance draws our heroes closer and closer to the third-best battle sequence in film history. (There will always be the Battle of Five Armies in 2014 and the following year's Battle of Sokovia).
Return to Oz (1985)
Great contribution to canon but definitely not for kids.
I remember watching this as a 9-year-old and thinking it was boring and irreparably bloated. But I saw it again the other day and it was actually thought out pretty well. It's a pretty atypical sequel concept repeated almost ideally in "Prince Caspian" (2004) and "Catching Fire" (2013), but it's got a lot of potential. It's also darker than the first one but no worse than "A New Hope" (1977). I also love how the Nome King is such a stereotypical tyrant but Mombi actually sends chills running down my spine. I'm 17. So overall a good, albeit forgettable movie that leaves you with bad memories if you watch it too young (kind of like "Holes", 2003). It's great to be back in Oz!
Tangled (2010)
Irrepairably ripped off
The movie itself, which is fine, but forgettable (like most 3D Disney movies), was, unknown to most, plagiarized from another "Rapunzel" retelling called "Rapunzel's Revenge" by Shannon, Dean, and Nathan Hale. I heard the entire story from Dean during a book signing and it totally sounds like the kind of thing Disney would do because they can get away with anything and the only thing you can't put past them is making an R-rated movie. Rapunzel is a hippie with gold hair instead of red hair that comes from a flower instead of a ward and Flynn is a strikingly handsome thief striving for redemption just like the hunk he was ripped off from. Gothel kidnapped Rapunzel to avenge someone who stole a plant she saw as hers. I'm about to get called a hater or a killjoy but IDC 'cuz Disney has gone too far this time.
Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
Message of cooperation alongside lots of explosions!
This movie has a lot of character strengths; a lot of them have to fight internal battles and determine what it means to be good or evil. The MCU has plenty of engaging action scenes, and this is no exception. Thor massacres imps with his hammer, the Hulk beats up Thor, and Surtur smashes the Twilight Sword into Hela's skull. Asgard is slashed apart and torched. Also, just saying, Hela really is a beauty!
Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018)
What a blast!
What's with all the FB: COG hate?! I was on the edge of my seat practically the whole two hours. Work hard, work together, keep your friends close, and don't judge are all the key themes here. Honorable heroes, strong females, and capable underdogs team up to battle forces of evil in this joyride of a sequel. Grindelwald's charismatic and cunning but he's no Voldemort. Nagini was a great addition to the FB franchise. Plus Tina and Queenie are both just as insanely, almost impossibly lovely as ever! This is going to be a slow two years!
Freddie as F.R.O.7. (1992)
Superb!
I seriously don't understand why this movie gets so much backlash, I mean, I had a blast with it as a kid. Sure, it might have some iffy parts here and there but it's a kids' movie okay?! The characters are engaging, the songs are catchy, and the plot is full of positive messages while also being easy to follow. He's the one who's gonna get it done!