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Reviews
M3GAN (2022)
Definitely kicked Hasbro in the d***
This film was thoroughly entertaining.
I've never considered what it would be like to have a baby terminator out there in the world, but now I know. And kudos to the screenwriters for the subversive choice of making pretty much all of M3gan's victims characters that we utterly despise. (Minus the dog. That was jarring to watch.)
There is a subtle menace that reverberates throughout the entire film, from the very first scene, when the child is interacting with her weirdo Furby-like toy.
My only complaints are as follows: First, the trailer gave away more than I'd have liked. It would have been neat to see M3gan attacking on all fours the first time in the theater. Second, for a large part of the film I strongly disliked the main characters too, but overall, this film is exactly as advertised, and that was refreshing to see.
The Whale (2022)
Most Depressing Film Since 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape'
Don't get me wrong. The acting is absolutely, magnificently superb. It is.
Still, this was hard to watch throughout 90% of the film. It's a film about a man who has self-medicated through food for so long, and to such an incredible extent, that he isn't even able to walk across a room, and Sadie Sink's character is awful to him throughout the entire film.
So, what you're getting yourself into is watching clinical, pathological, terrifying eating and a teenage brat berating a mentally ill man for two hours.
Maybe it's uplifting to some in an esoteric way, but this film gave me the same bleak, depressing, misanthropic feelings I got watching 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape' thirty years ago.
Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)
This is the reboot of High Fidelity we never asked for.
I'm not sure what it is this year, but I'm absolutely sure whoever wrote this watched High Fidelity and thought... you know what's missing? An evil robotic Santa and even more absolutely annoying pedantic dialogue.
The protagonist is so annoying I couldn't even be bothered to watch if the Santa offs them or not. I turned it off 20 minutes in. However, if you enjoy listening to two arrogant, silly people debate about the most random and inconsequential things before a monster goes on a rampage, then this film will be right up your alley.
As for me, I say don't waste your time or money. It's garbage.
Elvis (2022)
It's good, but very, very frenetic
As with Moulin Rouge and Romeo and Juliet, Luhrmann brings a certain visual panache to everything he directs, and Elvis is no different.
This is a beautiful film with superb acting (and I particularly enjoyed the actor who portrayed a young Little Richard), and most everyone will enjoy it.
My only complaint was that the pacing is, to put it bluntly, frantic. It felt like there was a scene change every thirty seconds, and for me, that was a little exhausting.
With that said, I think most people won't be bothered by it.
Enjoy this film.
It's glorious.
Dashcam (2021)
Possibly the Most Annoying Character in Horror
I'd heard good things so I gave it a try. Suffice it to say, I love found footage horror and this was exhausting to watch, due in large part to having the absolute most annoying lead actress I have ever seen.
And honestly, if you can make it past ten minutes watching this lead I admire your patience. I had to turn it off around 30 minutes in because I simply couldn't stand to watch this person anymore.
Gave it 3 stars because there were some gory moments that made me cringe, but jeez Blumhouse, you've got to give us SOMETHING to root for if you want us to sit through a film.
Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022)
Some great moments, but overall a dud.
Let me start off with Mads Mikkelsen is the most wooden, uninteresting, and static actor I have ever seen in my life, and compared to Johnny Depp and. Colin Farrell, was absolutely the worst villain in the series. Recasting Grindelwald made this a significantly weaker film than its predecessors.
That Tina and Queenie are mostly written out of this film is also a bummer, given their significant presence in the prior two films in the series.
With all that said, the commanding presence and charm of Newt, Albus, Bunty, and. Jacob will draw you in just like it did before, and the signature quirkiness of the writing is still present throughout the film. (My favorite scene was Newt keeping himself and. Theseus safe via choreographed dance. You'll see what I mean.)
So yeah, it's worth seeing, but it isn't going to blow you away.
5/10.
Fresh (2022)
Very good!
I enjoyed the heck out of this film.
It's a juxtaposition of American Psycho and 10 Cloverfield Lane, except with a comedic bent. There's a lot here to unsettle you, but the tone of the film is pretty much always light, up until the the climax of the film, when things take a more traditional turn for a horror film.
It's not a ten, but it's very entertaining, and if you like more nontraditional horror, you'll enjoy this immensely.
Coming 2 America (2021)
Didn't finish it.
It could have been really, really good. (Heck, they brought back nearly the entire cast of the original.)
I gave it three stars only for the scene in the barber shop. The rest of the movie was just a very unfunny attempt to cash in on a classic.
Luckily most of us get to see it basically for free.
Promising Young Woman (2020)
Very, Very Good (And different)
It's a comedy, but not really.
It's a thriller, but not really.
There's a romantic element, but it's certainly not a romance film.
I'm not sure exactly how to describe it, except to say that this film crosses several genres, and that I thought it was very creative and interesting. It reminded me a little of 'A Simple Favor', except not quite so dark.
Carey Mulligan is superb. Bo Burnham is very funny. I wanted to punch nearly every other male character in the film.
Pledge (2018)
Excellent horror film. (Can't believe it was self-funded via KS. Wow!)
Self-funded,
Unknown actors,
Nebulous story
I wasn't expecting much given the factors above, but this film was entertaining, had a good story, and I enjoyed the heck out of it. In particular I enjoyed the acting range of the villains, who were capable of both admirable and endearing charm AND overwhelming sinister presence.
I'd love a sequel!
Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)
3 stars for the action sequences, of which there are far too few.
I'm honestly amazed this script was approved.
Nearly the entire rebel fleet is destroyed in the first five minutes, and the next hour of the film is characters talking about how they're going to get the last handful of ships out. Meanwhile, off in la-la land, Luke and Rey are having meaningless conversations for the other part of that hour.
They do far too little with Snoke. They do far too little with Luke Skywalker. Instead, whining, pathetic Kylo Ren gets yet another hour of screen time.
This film had great CGI and some wonderful action sequences, but overall, it's senseless crap.
It Comes at Night (2017)
Very nearly put me to sleep.
This isn't a horror film.
What you got with this film was a long Walking Dead episode with characters who are much less interesting and engaging, and with exactly one stupid zombie.
Seriously, it nearly put me to sleep. If you're looking for horror, look elsewhere.
Ghostbusters (2016)
Ignore the critics and nostalgic fanboys. It's a blast!
Under normal circumstances I'd give it an 8, but since there are thousands of 1 star reviews that were put on this site by people who haven't seen the film, I feel compelled to give it a ten.
I loved it. Yes, it's not the original, but I give them credit for doing something new with the Ghostbusters concept and doing it well, as opposed to ripping off the original.
Chris Hemsworth is definitely the funniest character in the film, but as with any Feig film, there's plenty of humor to go around. It starts off early with Abby (McCarthy) and Jillian (McKinnon) draw in Kristen Wiig's character to listen to an 'EVP', which turns out to be a fart. It ends with Hemsworth's character, powered up by a ghost possessing him, forcing the national guard to do a synchronized dance routine. Leslie Jones' character, Patty, is the stand-in for the audience, and her signature brand of crass/loud humor is a riot! I especially liked the tribute to Egon Spengler, which was a bit subtle but appropriate. You'll see what I mean.
At any rate, go see it. Don't listen to the legion of nostalgic fanboys or the critics. Provided you can enjoy something a little different, I'm sure you'll love this film!
X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)
The best in the series!
I can only assume the critics saw a different cut of the film I did, because this film clicked with me on every level. I only have two criticisms: First, we never see Jubilee in action, and that's a bit disappointing.
Second, it starts off slow, but that 30 minutes of exposition makes you care so much more about what happens to the characters later on, and that emotion is important.
The last five minutes of the film is (in my opinion) what they should have been shooting for all along. Finally we get to see the 90's era X-Men!
The Bronze (2015)
Enjoyed it very much!
Melissa Rauch, Gary Cole, and Sebastian Stan are excellent, but what ties this film together are all of the other players that you won't recognize. (Like Twitchy, for instance.) Hope's is a character we rarely get to see, an unashamedly crude (and hilarious) and strong woman, and her vulgarity isn't without purpose. It strengthens the impact of her character development later in the film. This works well within the story as she watches her protégé' live out the dream that she herself was denied.
If you like anything Judd Apatow's ever made, you'll like The Bronze! Crude humor with heart!
Chappie (2015)
It's actually quite good!
I'll give it an 8.
Yes, there is a bizarre quality to some of the characters and scenes, but the character of Chappie is absolutely captivating. His journey and development are similarly interesting, and I left this film with my thoughts swirling.
The acting of the principals is quite good, though Jackman's a bit of a caricature, and the 'gangstas' are just odd. The action and cinematography are on par with 'District 9', if not an improvement.
The more bizarre elements (namely, the really weird 'gangstas') I think can be chalked up to my inexperience or lack of knowledge of South African culture, and likely, the critics' inexperience and lack of knowledge of South African culture.
Don't listen to the critics. This film is good.
Boyhood (2014)
A good film, but boring at times.
There is some novelty to watching the actors literally age on-screen, but Boyhood's real charm is in taking you back to those seminal moments in your life and experiencing those emotions again. (For most of us, it'll be Mason falling in love with Sheena.) Suspending disbelief and empathizing with these characters is just so darn easy.
Though it's quite good, the two-hour and forty minute running time means that there are more than a few moments where the action on the screen simply isn't compelling, but it doesn't take away from Boyhood's wonderful moments.
In closing, I'd say that if you enjoy indie films, Boyhood is going to be right up your alley. If you don't, it might be best to netflix it.
Obvious Child (2014)
I loved it!
Got a chance to catch a free screening of this last night, and Jenny Slate floored me.
Yes it's crass (which I enjoyed) and it was even more enjoyable for the fact that its strong female lead was the source for most of it. Her character, Donna, is equal parts adorable and flawed, which makes this a very different and subversive rom-com from what most folks are conditioned to expect out of the genre.
That, and it's absolutely hilarious. I truly don't understand how any of the folks reviewing this could have sat through an hour and a half of it without laughing.
A Madea Christmas (2013)
Easily the worst Madea film Tyler Perry has made.
Let me preface this by saying I absolutely love the Madea series of films, and most of Tyler Perry's work, but this film nearly put me to sleep.
Like most of Perry's films, there are great jokes (though not enough of them) and moral lessons, but where this film falls through is its numerous intertwined plot lines, all of which become muddled as the story takes its turns. What also weakens this film is the odd lack of screen time for the title character, as Madea is obviously the star of the show.
And, unfortunately, Cicely Tyson isn't around this time to add life to a very stale film. Though there are some fun cast members (Kathy Najimy was a nice surprise) it's not enough to make this entertaining.
Wait for it on cable, folks.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
A travesty, a sheer travesty...
My younger brother and I have seen the midnight show of every Harry Potter movie, and we've never been truly disappointed until now.
So many critical parts of the book were omitted, and what did we receive in their place? Comedy, and a lot of it. If not for the brief death eater attack at the beginning of the film, you'd hardly know there was a war going on. And the greatest parts, including Snape's interchange with Harry at the end of the book, are left out. Oh, and where in the book does the burrow get burned?
If you enjoyed the book, wait until this makes it to a second run theater. I highly doubt you'll enjoy it as much if you pay for a full-price first run ticket.
Lakeview Terrace (2008)
Boring, and Borderline Racist
This movie gets a two from me due to a few well done action sequences.
Apart from that this movie is dry, slow, entirely too long, and completely mis-marketed. The trailer tells you this will be a suspense thriller about a next-door cop intruding and harassing his neighbors, and generally being creepy.
I knew this wasn't what I signed up for fifteen minutes in, when I realized that Samuel Jackson's character wasn't being portrayed as a villain, but more as a black man (with a bit of bad luck) who simply hates white people. The direction of the story makes it appear as if the white man deserves what he receives, which I found insensitive, offensive, and unfortunate. There are very uncomfortable racial overtones in this film, and I simply cannot recommend it.
Frankly, I would have asked for a refund if I hadn't watched the entire film. Avoid this one like the plague.
I Am Legend (2007)
Castaway meets Dawn of the Dead
The eight vote is because the movie itself was still fairly good, even if it didn't resemble the book.
I'm particularly pleased with the way they developed Robert's character, with his periods of introspection and flashbacks. Illustrating the methods he used to find companionship was also creative and interesting to me.
That said, I wish that Hollywood didn't have the incessant need to CGI everything. The vampires would have been 2135023567027843 more frightening and believable if they'd used true live actors and used CGI to enhance. (Like in Blade 2, for example) Imagine Dawn of the Dead with the zombies almost entirely rendered in CGI? It would be a mess! At any rate, this was still a good movie with a few good thrills. I recommend it.
El laberinto del fauno (2006)
Absolutely breathtaking
I didn't quite know what to expect with Pan's Labrynth. (Didn't even realize I was part of a test screening for it...) With that sad, this was one of the most amazing films I've ever seen. The imagery and cgi are top-notch, and (dare I say) believable! Elements of fantasy blend well with the setting of the war-torn Spanish countryside, without pretentiousness and overbearing presentation.
The violence was intense at moments, but it wasn't violence for the sake of violence. You won't see men falling to pieces on screen as with other war movies, but you will see commentary on human nature expressed through particularly intense moments.
What perfected this movie for me was the character of Captain Vidal, and his contrast with the Faun and Mercedes. My hatred for this character kept me on the edge of my seat through most of the film.
Do yourself a favor. Skip Stomp the Yard and The Hitcher. Pan's Labrynth is a film you will never forget.
The Prestige (2006)
Masterful Film-making
I was fortunate that this movie was still playing at three theaters in my area this week. With junk like Santa Clause 3 and The Return in the theaters, I wanted something that looked truly stimulating.
I wasn't disappointed.
The Prestige is quite possibly one of the best films of the year. For starters, Christian Bale, Michael Caine, and Hugh Jackman perform magnificently, and will keep your eyes riveted to the screen. David Bowie was a nice surprise, and the recipient of a makeup job so convincing that my brother and I almost disbelieved it was he. Piper Perabo and Rebecca Hall are very convincing. Scarlett Johansson's performance is somewhat flat, but she makes up for it with sex appeal and flair.
Apart from the acting, the effects, sets, and ambiance of this film make for an excellent period piece. I was particularly enamored with the scenes in Colorado Springs. Simply spectacular.
I will reiterate the conclusions of the aforementioned writers. This movie is a magic trick unto itself, with the magnificent writing and twist of plot.
You too, won't be disappointed if you go to see it. Leave Santa Clause 3, Deja Vu, Bobby, Borat, and Flushed Away in the theaters. If you can get out to see The Prestige, it is well worth it.