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Reviews
Superman Returns (2006)
Graceful return!!!
Pretty impressive. A lot better than I originally thought. It's no Superman II but great on it's own. I had only one problem with the casting; Kate Bosworth. She's hot but she wouldn't have been my first choice to play Lois. She just looks way too young for the part. Brandon Routh however was very impressive despite this being only his first movie. Routh may share an uncanny resemblance to the late Christopher Reeve, but this Superman is his own. Kevin Spacey, to me, has never appeared in a bad role and does it again here as the diabolical Lex Luthor. Spacey's Luthor is the most evil and maniacal incarnation of the character yet. Gene Hackman's got nothing on him! This movie was not as good as Batman Begins or Spider-man 2 but I'd definitely rank it somewhere up there. Kudos to director Bryan Singer for taking Supes in the right direction!
Manticore (2005)
Bad acting + bad special effects = bad movie!
I don't have much hope for movies that premiere on the Sci Fi network (unless of course it's a theatrical movie ie. "The Hulk" etc.) because they are never great. Sci Fi seems to be an outlet for B-grade movies that probably premiere theatrically in other countries except here because their so terrible. "Manticore" is no exception. Everything about this movie sucked. The FX were cheap and some of the same shots were used over and over. The acting was some of the worst I have ever seen. The story was laughable. The gore effects were extremely cheesy and lame. These movies, for some sick reason, have their fans and I'm proud to say that I'm not one of them. "Manticore" sucks.
Pray for Death (1985)
One of the worst movies EVER!
This movie came out some time in the 80's so for obvious reasons the fight scenes look crappy. Well we live in the "Matrix" age now where every movie since then has to resemble it or copy it somehow. This movie could have used some "Matrix"-ing. Okay, I know this movie came out in 1985, waaay before "The Matrix", but seeing this movie again just makes me want to break out in laughter. And I did. I laughed my ass off because not only was the fighting bad, but the acting and the story were also unbearable. The kids in the movie (who are his children in real life) are terrible. And then look at the awful Ninja costume Sho Kosugi wears at the end and if you don't agree that this movie sucks, you've got problems.
Dracula 3000 (2004)
what the hell is this crap?!!!!
WARNING: I just want you all to know that as I am writing this, I am laughing my ass off. This is absolutely, positively, undoubtedly, unthinkably, undeniably,....I'm...running out of words..ly...the single worst movie I have EVER seen!!! Oh man, I've seen a lot of bad movies in my 22 years on this planet but never one like this. What a cheap excuse of a movie! What a piece of crap! Possibly the lamest looking Dracual in Crappy Vampire movie movie history! He reminded me of Jimmy Kimmel dressed in a bad Dracula disguise chasing Coolio around. That's not a joke. Coolio's actually in the movie. If you thought "Starship Troopers" ended like they ran out of money, check out the ending to this movie. Or not.
Saat po long (2005)
One of the best Hong Kong action flicks in the last decade!
What do you get when you pair two martial arts legends against each other, throw in a dark, gripping, sadistic story and a boat-load of action? Well, that's simple: you get one of the best Hong Kong action flicks of recent memory. "SPL" brings it all back home and it does in violent fashion. Donnie Yen leads a cast that also includes Sammo Hung, Simon Yam and Wu Jing. I loved everything about this movie. I thought all the actors were great. I thought the story was good. The action was just brilliant! Donnie Yen's fight choreography is some of the best work he's ever done (check out the alley fight scene against Wu Jing). He mixes traditional kung fu with a little UFC grappling which I thought was pretty cool. Seeing Donnie and Sammo face off for the very first time was quite astonishing. Some of you may agree, some might not, but I think Donnie Yen is the most underrated action actors of them all. I love Jackie Chan and Jet Li, but they're like Van Damme and Seagal. They play the same character in every film. Donnie, on the other hand, is a much more versatile actor who's willing to play supporting roles or even villainous roles. It's really a shame that he can't get the Hollywood leading roles that often go to Jackie or Jet. But that could change soon. In the mean time, check this movie out! You'll love it.
Fantastic Four (2005)
40 years for this?!!!
As of late, comic book movies have been really good. "Batman Begins" was spectacular. "Spider-man 1 & 2" were really good. Even "The Punisher" was pretty decent and it's not even one of my favorites. Marvel's comic book franchises have all turned out pretty well on the big screen. "Fantasic Four" on the other hand was pretty damn disappointing. Everything about this movie was wrong. The actors were all miss-cast (with the exception Michal Chiklis as The Thing). Jessica Alba is as hot as ever, but this part was not for her. The story was lame, uninspiring and unfaithful to the original source material. The plot is so terribly B-movie and the cheesy love triangle....what the hell were they thinking? The directorial effort here is amateurish at best. The action...what action? Throughout its entire 100 minutes, I counted 2 lame action scenes: the one on the bridge and the mediocre finale. The special effects were terrible. I could have done better on my home computer. The Fantastic Four were Marvel's first team of superheroes (debuting over 40 years ago). Sadly, they also star in Marvel's first big screen disappointment.
Street Fighter (1994)
Crappiest movie ever made!
It's a shame that they turned the world's best fighting game into one of the worst movies ever. Well, when you think about it there has never been one good or even a decent movie based on any video game. "Mortal Kombat" sucked. "Resident Evil" stank. And "Tomb Raider" bored the hell out of me. All those movies were bad, but "Street Fighter" is in a class of its own. Crappy fighting, crappy acting, an Oscar worthy plot and ensemble cast (ha ha) and Van Damme as Guile. What a joke. And if you thought that was hilarious, check out Gomez Addams himself as the sinister M. Bison. Then there is Blanka (played here by the Incredible Hulk...I think) who looks utterly laughable. The movie has absolutely no continuity with the game showing a true lack of any knowledge about the source material. Bottomline: avoid this movie.
Shu shan zheng zhuan (2001)
What a mess!
When I heard a couple of years back that Tsui Hark would be doing a "remake" of his own FX laden 80's classic "Zu: Warriors of the Magic Mountain", I jumped up with joy! I was even happier to hear that the fight choreographer would be none other than the master himself, Yuen Wo-Ping. That was in 2001. Fast forward to 2005: The film had yet to be released. Tired of waiting I resort to ordering an imported Hong Kong DVD, which was very good quality. I had really high expectations for this film considering that the trailer looked so bad-ass. Sometimes you see a trailer for a movie but the movie fails to deliver what the trailer sold you. This movie is the ultimate example of that. It was a mess! Right from the get-go, I was lost. The plot (if there was one) is never made clear. None of the characters get a chance to develop and some have no place in the story. Usually, special effects are used to help tell the story. But that couldn't be further from the truth, at least not in this film. The FX here only obscure the already complicated, sometimes incoherent plot making it impossible to follow. It's definitely a feast for the eyes, but one might go blind after sitting through this movie. Further fueling my disappointment is the fact that there is only one (1) measly fight scene throughout the entire 104 minutes (or 77 min. if you're watching the Miramax cut). It's really a shame considering the original 1983 film was made for around US$30,000, (compared to US$20 million) yet it offers everything this film lacked: story, characters, action and loads of fun. For the way they've mistreated Asian films in the past, I was pretty hostile towards Miramax for shelving this film. But now when I look back, they might have actually done the right thing.
Death Train (2003)
this movie sucks ass!
I saw this movie on the Spanish network Telefutura and without knowing a single word anyone was saying (it was dubbed into Spanish), I immediately remembered that I had already seen this movie some years before. It was a waaaaaaay better movie starring a not so great, out of work, washed up action star named Stevn Seagal. As a matter of fact, this movie is just a blatant rip-off of 'Under Siege 2', a movie I actually like. It's basically a B-movie remake of a superior studio produced B-movie....which was a sequel to another B-movie. Seagal's 'Under Siege' films have become classics in their own right partly due to the fact that he actually used to be a star. But who the hell are these people anyways? Really, tell me...I don't know! Maybe if I cared to do my research I would know. But frankly, I just don't give a crap. This movie isn't worth my time and it ain't worth yours. 'Death Train' is dead on the tracks. Maybe it will be on Telefutura again. Wanna check it out? At least it's free and you can change the channel.