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Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (2023)
Groanfest
'Yo, Brooklyn!" Yes, because your neighborhood is the poignant rallying cry when fighting trans galactic robots. Just stupid and cliche, to the point they couldn't avoid mentioning a certain "secret government organization, strictly off the books." A character "dies" and could be brought back with an infusion of "energon"; this happens inexplicably during a crisis later in the film and we need the exposition of a minor character who almost salivate while exclaiming "Energon" as some pulse wraps around the planet. Really bad all the way through. A kid's movie doesn't need to be idiotic to be entertaining.
Eli Roth Presents: The Legion of Exorcists (2023)
Would have been bad in the 80s
Really bad acting. Unclear if there's a script. A family member walked in while I was watching and after 2 minutes said, "This is so so baaad." But I kept thinking it was a parody.
First part of the first episode is about a little doll that is "evil." Apparently, demons can possess objects. Yeah, I loved watching Friday the 13th The Series, and this is nowhere as good as that.
After the doll inexplicably burns down a house, one of the exorcists uses it as an example in a class about cursed objects. The students plead with the exorcist to take it out of its case "for educational purposes." When he does, he sees the students as disfigured and his laptop bursts into flames.
Does live up to his title and exorcise the cursed object? Nope. Instead, he keeps it and other cursed objects and does a binding prayer periodically to keep humanity safe.
I turned it off after the same episode switched to another "chilling story" (as the show described it).
Anatomy of a Scandal (2022)
Fair good until the last half hour
There are two plot twists at the heart of this miniseries. The first was a little confusing at first, maybe because I couldn't accept that the script would allow for it. We are asked to suspend our disbelief that the prosecutor is a ghost from the defendant's past who is unrecognizable because of reasons that are never revealed. Ok, it kinda works if you can groan out loud about it in the comfort of your own home because you're watching Netflix. We are also asked to believe that this prosecutor and ghost from the past coincidentally brings charges for rape against the man who raped her two decades ago. Sure, she's unethical for not recusing herself; but, she must be serving a higher calling, right? I can get past a lot of this because the dialogue and structure of the movie aren't half bad.
What sucks is the second twist. (BIG SPOILER) After an acquittal, in pursuit of balancing the cosmic scales of justice (I presume), a wife betrays her husband by informing the authorities about twenty year-old events for which there are no eyewitnesses, no evidence, and perhaps not even a crime. Apparently, English courts don't have statutes of limitations. But all of this is ok because the wife gets to run around outside with her kids with a clear conscience. And the prosecutor gets to smile smuggly just before the credits role because she got the rapist on something! They couldn't leave it alone and let the scumbag get off. Nope, gotta get him. What twist! But not a surprise.
Outer Range (2022)
Few redeeming features
The writing and direction are agonizingly bad. Four episodes are enough to know this show isn't worth watching any further. A few points --
Josh Brolin's character keeps throwing things into the hole that he wants to hide permanently, knowing that he returned from the other side.
An old man who seems to need supplemental oxygen sporadically proceeds to beat Josh Brolin in a physical struggle.
The sheriff can't help but advise a murder suspect, "Things will go a lot better for you if you tell the truth now."
The soundtrack and background effects are distracting as hell; it's like a mix tape that adds nothing to the story. The falsetto rendition of Don't Give Up is especially cringy.
There's so much more in this dog's breakfast of bad content, but the worst is how the storytellers expect anyone to believe that any character who knows about the hole can focus on anything else! Josh Brolin is his affable self, but the rest of the actors can't seem to cope with the rotten script.
Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
Dumb. Just dumb.
I saw this movie when it came out and just watched again. There's really no plot. It's best enjoyed while mocking it.
Demon House (2019)
A few laughs but really lame
The re-enactments are amusing. If anyone was possessed, it was the camera man or the editor or both. Too bad this movie doesn't offer a single thrill. The worst this "portal to hell" can muster is a moist window covering.
The Devil and Father Amorth (2017)
Pathetic
Nothing here except Friedkin's earnestness to validate exorcism with very weak "evidence." The psychiatrists are interesting. I would love to watch a film in which they explore exorcisms in various cultures.
Residue (2015)
Not good.
Three episodes. Very little development of what is going on. First episode starts with the tired trope of a cop eating at a crime scene. Every episode has the government warning about contamination without explaining what the contaminant is. The public seems to accept this ridiculous assertion. I count these comments as spoilers even though I have no idea if any of it is relevant. I'd probably watch Episode 4 if it ever comes out just to see if anything develops.
A Haunting on Potter Street: The Potter Street Station (2012)
Nothing to see here
This is just guys roaming an old station speaking in hushed tones and asking the shadows things like, "Can you give me some kind of sign?"
I couldn't see or hear most of the "evidence."
The station has an interesting history. I hope someone makes a program about its renovation.