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Reviews
Terminator Genisys (2015)
If you can enjoy a film for what it is, Genisys is a great additional to the series.
*Contains Spoilers*
I will keep my review short, but I would like to try and encourage people to pay more attention to the positive reviews. I can understand why a person may not like Terminator Genisys, but the same people should realise it is an action film that doesn't pretend to be anything else.
The first two films kept the time travel to a minimum. This worked and while you still had a paradox, it didn't hurt thinking about it. Terminator Genisys turns this on its head, and to be quite honest, if you can understand and rationally explain everything then I take my hat off to you.
The first 30 minutes were fantastic and paid homage to the original film, but soon after strayed away from this path and created its own identity. Love or hate the rest of Genisys, it is impossible to argue it doesn't get off to a good start.
Plenty is left unexplained, but Genisys is not meant to be over analysed. What happens happens to make the film work and if you are a person that tries to pick holes in plots, you will find an endless number of them.
I didn't try to rationalize half of what was happening. I accepted what was, was, and I thought it was a really enjoyable film. Arnie was great, the action was great; I was expecting the worst but I would recommend the film to anybody.
I doubt this will be the last we'll see of the series, but I'm pleased it is back on track.
Alex Cross (2012)
Far from brilliant, but is it enjoyable, yes.
I have never read any of the books and watched Alex Cross after reading a few of the reviews on here, so my expectations weren't too high, but I have to say I was pleasantly surprised.
There are without a doubt negatives in Alex Cross. There is little, if any, character development, and the relationship between Alex Cross and his partner feels more like Mel Gibson and Danny Glover than that of two childhood friends. The direction is awful in parts as well; one particular fight near the end of the film springs to mind where one would be forgiven for thinking the cameraman was drunk. It was pretty hard to see what was going on.
That said, it has a decent plot for an action film and makes for a good light and easy watch with a pizza and a few beers. Yes it is predictable, and no the acting isn't going to win any Academy Awards, but was it fun, yes.
I think some films are just meant to be enjoyed while overlooking any faults, and this is certainly one of them. If you can do that then I would recommend watching Alex Cross.
Skyfall (2012)
This is not the James Bond we have come to love over the years
*Contains major spoilers*
I think Craig is a good actor, but I'm still struggling with him being James Bond. That said, I went into Skyfall with an open mind and left with very mixed feelings.
The plot was unoriginal; a list of agents and their alias' is stolen and a man responsible is threatening to leak the names to the world. Sure it's been done before, and however over the top and unrealistic the techno-hacking elements are, it doesn't matter. It does the job for an action spy film and that's what is important.
Skyfall's main problem is that it forgets about it's own plot half way through. After the Enquiry I'm not sure if the list is ever mentioned again.
What we are left with is the most elaborate and unbelievable 'revenge plot' that somehow manages to last around two hours. The film started out on the front foot, but for long periods of time not much really happened.
However my biggest gripe with Skyfall is the same as with QoS. Bond not longer cares about collateral damage. The Bolivian Policemen in QoS, and in Skyfall Bond happily lets Silva snipe the guy in Shanghai among others. Perhaps more criminally, Bond doesn't make any effort to save Sévérine, a woman who he hours before promised he would free from the sex slave trade. This is not the James Bond we have come to love over the years.
This leads me onto the next point. There is no Bond girl, unless you count either Sévérine, who played a minimal part, or Eve, who had very little screen time outside the first 15 minutes. I think it would be very generous to consider either a proper Bond girl.
The action is there, but what is love about James Bond is completely absent. I'm not sure if anybody else is getting a little bored of motorbike chases going up and down steps in Istanbul or like cities?
As with QoS, it's not Craig's fault, he can only work with the script he is given, but he really isn't James Bond.
For a film that I have so many negative things to say about, I shouldn't have enjoyed watching it, but I did, it was okay. If Skyfall was a standalone film I would have definitely reacted differently. Perhaps I set my expectations too high, or maybe the James Bond universe covered up what is otherwise a poor film. I will never know.
I imagine Craig will be back for a forth outing, so lets hope he is given something he can really work with next time. I'm finding it very hard to give a rating to. I'm going to stick with a 5 for it's few saving graces; it was entertaining in parts and has a couple of good action scenes, namely at the beginning and end.
The Pact (2012)
The Pact is actually scary
*Contains Slight Spoilers*
Every so often a decent film comes along, but on the whole the horror genre has become very stale. If we aren't being fed with remakes, it's the same ideas being recycled and packed full of clichés. The Pact is a welcome break and a very enjoyable watch.
It did threaten to start out as yet another ghost story but quickly developed into something special. I found The Pact to be an intelligent and perfectly paced film, sometimes leaving you to think, and other times piecing things together for you. In my opinion the twist at the end of the film is one of the more clever ones I remember seeing for a long time.
The character(s) in The Pact come across as true to real life. I thought Annie was brilliant; a sister with a very troubled past trying to make sense of a situation she was forced into. Her behaviour and interaction with other characters all make for a believable character.
The Pact is actually scary, which is becoming an increasing rarity in films. Obviously this is subjective, but The Pact relies on the directing and plot itself to scare, rather than forcing gore horror on the viewer.
There were one of two things that weren't as clear as they could have been, but on the whole The Pact is a brilliant film and one that should be watched by all horror fans.
The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (2011)
Started off well, but soon descended into something vile.
I'm not one that is phased by gore in a film providing it adds to a film and it's sole purpose isn't just the shock factor.
The first film failed in my opinion, and I intended to leave this well alone until a friend twisted my arm to watch it with the promise that it is better than the first.
I initially believed him.
I thought the cinematography was quite well done, especially the black and white which particularly complemented the excessive gore in the Human Centipede 2.
Harvey is the best casting of a character I've seen in many a years. He puts in such a believable performance that at times is even a little scary in itself. Harvey really was that outstanding. Perhaps if this was a different film he would have been given the recognition his performance deserves.
Replacing a sick doctor with seemingly no motivation for creating a human centipede, we actually have some what of a plot in this film. A simple man who has been sexually, physically and mentally abused his whole life and no longer has no any connection with reality; he becomes obsessed with recreating the human centipede having watched the original film.
I thought I was prepared for what was to come, and with this in mind, I thought the first half of the film was quite okay. I wasn't prepared. I knew what I was about to see, I just didn't realise how unwatchable it was going to be.
There were parts I found very difficult to watch, and on many occasions considered turning it off, and perhaps I wish that I had, but I watched it through.
It's disgusting, it's twisted and totally unnecessary. I found myself watching the second half with a National Geographic magazine so I was able to divert my attention during certain parts of the film. It's not scary in the traditional sense, and it quickly becomes very boring. I wanted it to end.
Human Centipede 2 started off quite well but soon descended into something that can't be called anything other than vile.
Some credit is due for the shock factor it has managed to create, but with this did not come entertainment and the result was something I did not enjoy watching at all. at all.
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011)
Part Boring, Part Overly Confusing.
*Contains Spoilers*
I haven't read the book, seen the TV adaptation and it's cinema release pretty much passed me by. I came into Tinker Tailor Solider Spy not knowing much aside from what the TV Guide said.
The first hour or so of the film could have been summed up in 10 minutes. I kept waiting for it to get going, but it didn't. We were being constantly introduced to characters without really knowing who they are, or what relevance they had to a story that I was really trying to piece together.
The character development in Tinker Tailor was very poor for a film that is held in such high regard. Colin Firth included, very little is told about any of the top MI6 agents that we are lead to suspect of being the mole, nor any of their motives. Gary Oldman aside, the characters that are developed well aren't as integral to the plot as those who aren't.
In the second hour the film did start to get going. Unfortunately I found it to be overly confusing, and coupled with some 'major' characters non-existent development, hard to follow at times.
It got to the point where I almost felt they randomly chose one of the MI6 agents to be the mole without any reasoning being his motives. Maybe I missed something in the second half after being bored by the first half, and perhaps I needed some prior knowledge, but I honestly couldn't have guessed who it was because nothing that happened would have lead to believe one way or the other.
I sense that it could be a film I could enjoy a lot more on a second viewing, but the first hour was far too dull to bring myself to watch it. From the great reviews I wish I could have enjoyed it, but sadly, I didn't.
2012: Ice Age (2011)
Nothing Makes Sense
*contains spoilers*
This film has to be a joke. It's certainly up there with the worst of the worst.
There are so many things wrong with 2012 Ice Age to cover in a review but it was the non-existent continuity stood out for me.
Where was everybody? Why were the so many empty cars in perfectly good condition with the keys in the ignition? Scenes where cities were being leveled are followed by snow free roads and people seemingly going about their lives on an average snowy winters day. The list is endless.
Obviously the film had a continuing plot, but nothing made sense, absolutely nothing followed on from anything else, in a word it was stupid.
Awful special effects can be excused, just, but the acting was totally wooden and among the worst I've seen. It doesn't need any further explaining that trying to imagine the worst acting you've seen, and then consider that Oscar winning material compared to 2012 Ice Age.
Being a SyFy premier and the unintended humour did get me through the experience but sadly it fails on every level.
0/10
AVH: Alien vs. Hunter (2007)
The Last 20 Minutes Apologize for an Awful First 60 Minutes
*Contains Spoilers*
For the most Alien vs. Hunter is painful to watch. The acting is especially bad even for an Asylum film and the first hour or so is nothing short of boring. A few people are suspected dead and the remaining residents of a town hold a meeting to decide what to do, sadly this is stretched over at least half an hour.
The plot is a pretty simple one that is somehow made complicated, or perhaps not complicated but broken in a way that no other plot could ever be. The film assumed the viewer has seen or knows what Alien vs Predator is about; there isn't really any explanation as to what is going on or why and it wasn't until a brief explanation late on in the film telling us the 'Hunter' won't stop until the hunt is complete do we 'learn' that the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz is hunting the Spider-Alien (who actually more resembled a Predator).
The thing I love about SyFy films is that it's so easy to guess who is going to live and who is going to die, and AVH is no different. With characters called Figgus, Freckles, Valentine and Two Fingers you can't expect much, and the acting didn't disappoint. It was truly awful. It really is that bad. Illogical decisions and stupidity seems to be especially prominent in AVH but it wouldn't have made much of a film if they had escaped town as soon as possible.
I try not to knock Asylum films for their poor CG either but it has to be touched on here as they are of such a low quality they would have been shocking for 1980.
Fear not though as AVH has an ace or two up it's sleeve. The last 20 minutes or so are fantastic and by far the most fun an Asylum film has delivered. It's comedy gold with non-stop awful CG and completely unsynchronized and over exaggerated acting in what is the grand finale. It has to be seen to be appreciated but I haven't laughed so much watching a film for a long while. It makes little sense but that doesn't matter, it entertains.
The very end deserves a mention as well. The Tin Man hunter returns to his ship, takes his mask off and like the rest of us after a hard days work, he has a smoke and a can of beer. Top stuff.
In summary there is no reason what so ever to watch the first hour or so but the last 20 minutes shouldn't be missed by anybody. I want to give AVH a high score based on these alone but the truth is that even for an Asylum Film it is pretty bad and it can't hide how awful the rest of it really is.
Mirrors 2 (2010)
Wooden Acting and a Poor Plot
*Contains Spoilers*
I won't touch on Mirrors too much other than to say I thought it was one of best horror films I've seen in a long time. It was brilliant. It was simple, it was mysterious, and it didn't try and explain itself any more than it needs to.
Onto Mirrors 2. Nick Stahl didn't shine. I can't remember the last time I saw such a wooden and half hearted performance, at times it was almost as if he didn't really want to be there. It really was that bad. Emmanuelle Vaugier was the only other person with anything slightly more than a bit part, and even that wasn't too much more. It's unfair to single out Nick Stahl as nobody put in a performance that I would consider to be anything close to good. They didn't have a great deal to work with or become attached to but it felt as if it was just another pay cheque to all of them.
Poor performances aside the plot is where Mirrors 2 really falls apart. The hat is out of the bag from Mirrors, we know there are spirits behind the mirrors so to be fair to Mirrors 2, it was always going to have a hard time; this however is no excuse that Mirrors 2 can use for all it's failings. It's the pretty standard concept of the spirit of a murdered victim seeking revenge on her killers, this time from within the mirrors. It is totally void of any suspense what so ever and if I'm going to be polite, it was boring. Although there was a plot it really felt throughout the film that nothing much was happening.
All in all Mirrors 2 was a disappointment, I wasn't expecting a film as good as Mirrors but it could and should have been a good film in it's own right.
Mirrors (2008)
It's Simple, It's Mysterious, It's Brilliant and It Doesn't Try and Explain Itself Any More Than It Needs To
*Contains Spoilers*
The Mirrors in a roundabout way sets itself up to fail by casting Kiefer Sutherland, who I thought was excellent, as the lead role. For some it could be too difficult to see past 'Jack Bauer' especially in the second half of the film when he is on a mission to put an end to it. Kiefer Sutherland puts in a stella performance but sadly probably won't be able to shake off the Jack Bauer image.
Horror films can be very hit and miss; their main aim is to create a frightening atmosphere and to scare the audience, and if they don't succeed in doing that then they don't usually have too much going for them. Mirrors succeeded in every way. Mirrors is scary, unfortunately this is becoming a very rare quality in modern horror movies.
The plot behind Mirrors is brilliant. It's simple, it's mysterious, and it doesn't try and explain itself any more than it needs to. Too often Hollywood can't seem to leave the unexplained unexplained and thankfully Mirrors doesn't try and do this. It's superb.
As I've already mentioned Kiefer Sutherland was fantastic and the supporting cast while nothing special done the job well enough, although the boy came across as a little too 'wooden'.
The Mirrors is a breath of fresh air in the middle of a currently very stale horror genre. My highest recommendations.
Upon viewing I did not realise this was a remake of a Korean film either and my copy of the original is already ordered and on it's way. I'd love to be able to compare this to the original now but at the very least the Hollywood remake has come through in style. 9/10.
Orphan (2009)
Totally Unbelievable
*Contains big spoilers*
Where to start.
Psychological horrors rely on believable characters. Peter Sarsgaard on the other hand was one of the most unbelievable characters from a film I've seen in a long time. It wasn't his fault but his character was a moron, pure and simple.
After everything that had happened around Esther, and there was an awful lot, he still sided with her over his other children and wife. For somebody who was an architect how he could not put two and two together is beyond me, and for all his stupidity deserved to die. For those that liked The Orphan I really don't know how one could look past this, he was that unbelievably.
Their two children baffled me as well. Perhaps they were scared, but after everything that they knew and saw at least one of them would have mentioned something, but The Orphan would have fallen at the first hurdle had they done so.
The seduction scene. Esther turned out to be a 30-something in the film however Isabelle Fuhrman wasn't. I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination but I thought this scene was totally unnecessary and the film could have ended up in exactly the same place without the additional plot that she murders her foster families once the father spurns her sexual advances.
Credit should be given to Vera Farmiga, I thought she did put in quite a good performance and was one of the very few positives that came from the film.
To it's credit the twist in the film was one of the more clever twists I've seen for a while although once it was revealed the rest of the film was very predictable, but it certainly wasn't the worst ending I've seen.
The stupidity of the father was bad enough but the whole adoption process was by far the worst part of this film. I don't know much about how it works but I'm pretty sure they would carry out backgrounds checks on a child before a family adopts her rather than after. The Sister only seemed to make a few phone calls to find out that there has been a lot of violence surrounding Esther, and only a little more research from the mother uncovered that she escaped from a mental institution in Estonia. For a film that needs to be believable it makes a total mockery of itself.
Another issue I had with Orphan was it's pacing. At times it seemed to really drag out and I on occasions found myself having to resist giving up watching it, but on the grand scheme of things this didn't change my opinion of the film that greatly.
I've been very critical of Orphan but the framework for a good film is there. A lot could have been done with the story but it felt like they had the initial idea and the twist planned out and just made up the rest as they went along to get from A to B. Totally unbelievable characters and too many large holes in the plot ruin Orphan in which there could have been a good film hiding.
It's not all bad but it's definitely not good. 3/10.
Dinoshark (2010)
Not a Bad Typical SyFy Monster Flick
*Contains Spoilers*
As with all SyFy films the laws of logic, even for Hollywood, have to be thrown out of the window otherwise you'll spend every 30 seconds pointing out things that could 'never' happen. Dinoshark wasn't that bad a film; time and time I read reviews of SyFy movies and perhaps people don't realise what they are about watch or are holding Academy Award winning films as a yard stick when reviewing these titles, but there are worse movies out there (many Hollywood films I can think of).
The opening sequence really sets the scene for this film with a beautifully captured Ice sheet collapsing followed by what could just be recognized as a prehistoric shark swimming towards the camera. Dinoshark has at times feels like it's a holiday program but all too quickly we are back to cheesy acting and pretty awful CG. That said, it doesn't make for an entirely unenjoyable experience.
The plot doesn't really need too much explaining. A prehistoric shark is freed when a glacier collapses and heads towards a crowded holiday resort, although it did take a strange detour via Alaska which begs the question as to whether the directors realised where Antarctica, Mexico and Alaska are in relation to each other.
Dinoshark carries on his way killing everybody that comes into it's path, human or crocodile it's not fussy. Dinoshark has no saving graces for children either, not content with adults being eaten, Dinoshark feasts on a kids game of Water Polo, and only at this point, over an hour into the film, do the public suddenly become concerned that the waters aren't safe. It honestly doesn't need explanation though as within 15 minutes you can guess exactly who was going to die when and who would be left alive at the end.
The continuity errors in this film were in abundance and none more so than Dinoshark seemingly shrinking or growing to fit the scene. The very same shark can swim within feet of the the coast or a river bank can also leap into the air and pull down a helicopter with it.
In many places it even had the feeling of a spoof movie - the music, "you are going to need a bigger helicopter" (Jaws) and the helicopter being taken out of the air (Megashark Vs Giant Octopus) to name a couple.
Iva Hasperger and Eric Balfour go about their acting well enough to make the characters likable and fun although somehow the film managed to keep away from the romantic cliché, which was a little bit of a shame. The film was a little slow in parts and I had the growing feeling that I wanted the film to move towards a climax rather than one death after another. The show down between Trace and Dinoshark was a little disappointing with the perfectly timed grenade and harpoon in his eye, although he'd done enough damage throughout the film as it was so he can be let off for being a bit of a wimp.
One final point that is worth noting, it was obvious that Dinoshark wasn't the only one about but to completely reuse the opening scene again at the very end. Really??
The Lost Future (2010)
Up there with the best Post-Apocalyptic movies.
*Contains Spoilers*
When I saw Sean Bean was in this I thought he must be quite hard up but The Lost Future is a very good film and sadly it will always remain an uncovered gem. The Lost Future should be showing on Sky Premier and not the SyFy channel
The plot is consisted with Post-Apocalyptic movies; advanced Science had reached the point whereby extinct creatures where being recreated, but along with animals such as the Mammoth a deadly virus came about which all but wiped about human civilization completely, leaving pockets of 'tribes' scattered across the world.
Kaleb's father had discovered a cure, the yellow power, and before sharing his knowledge on how to create it he was killed by a power hungry warlord (who I thought looked very much like Alan Rickman). The film follows Kaleb and his two companions as they head off to reclaim the powder with the help of Sean Bean, it's nothing ground breaking but it holds together and is easily on a par with it's Hollywood counterparts; I am Legend comes to mind which I also really enjoyed.
Other than Sean Bean I didn't really recognise anybody else (although one guy looked so much like Morgan Freeman) but the entire cast put on a good show from the word go. The direction was fantastic and the few special effects were well done given the low budget.
Maybe Hollywood is starting to show us what we all fear and choose not to believe, but there is an ever increasing number of films where man's greed for money and power eventually brings about the end of civilization, and The Lost Future is no different, but it does it a lot better than many other films in it's genre.
If you enjoy watching SyFy films then definitely try and catch this when it is on again, if you don't watch SyFy films, then start by watching The Lost Future. It is a diamond in the rough but I doubt it will ever reach the masses, which is a real shame as its up there with the best Post-Apocalyptic movies. 8/10
RED (2010)
Brilliant, Entertaining and Fun
*Contains Spoilers*
The underlying reason we watch movies is because they are entertaining, and Red is far the most fun film I have seen in a very long time.
I didn't really know much Red before watching it and the short blurb gave no hint to it being a comedy, but what I ended up watching greatly exceeded my expectations. Breaking the plot down it was a little on the thin side but it cleverly uses comedy and of course lots of explosions to keep things going and it all fits together perfectly.
Some of the one liners are brilliant and the action scenes are no less over the top than I'd hoped for. Pretty much every action film cliché is there but they are all used to the films advantage.
Willis, Malkovich, Mirren and Morgan Freeman who put in good performances. Malkovich kept the comedy train moving along while Willis was in his element and although Morgan Freeman was great it was a shame he wasn't in more of the film. However Mary-Louise Parker stole the show for me. I haven't seen her in a great deal but I'm going to have to go back through her filmography, she was great and for me probably the one of the most likable characters in a long time.
It's hard to describe the Red experience, it's not a film that is going to have you guessing what is going to happen next but it's enjoyable from start to finish. It's a holiday that you don't remember for where you were but more for the great time you had with your friends while there.
A great film that comes with my highest possible recommendations 10/10
Game of Death (2011)
Snipes Just About Holds The Film Together
*Contains Spoilers*
I like Wesley Snipes, he is pretty decent at what he does and I don't suppose we'll be seeing him in anything new for some time but I was looking forward to Game of Death when I saw it was available on pay per view.
Firstly the direction was 'odd'. At times the camera angles felt totally out of place and on occasion even slightly disorientating, but some of the scenes, especially the car chases were done quite well. I'm not sure if it was just my TV but I also felt it didn't always run smoothly.
The acting wasn't great, Zoe Bell was annoying throughout although Gary Daniels played the part well enough and Snipes' charisma just about manages to hold things together.
My biggest criticism is that too many simple things weren't 'right' just for the plot to fit and progress. Snipes' gun had unlimited bullets throughout the film until the roof top just so the finale could end in a hand to hand fight. The security at the vault was beyond pathetic as well; for a vault that has $100 million, two security officers seems a little on the lean side. The entire hospital also seemed oblivious to the gun fight going on around them, I could go on, but nothing felt like it really fit.
As a final point, and not necessarily a negative. I couldn't help but feel that rather than the movie itself being about losing ones way and forgiveness and redemption, instead a story was conjured up to fit around Snipes confessing in the church.
Despite my criticisms of Game of Death I did enjoy watching it for what it was, although I doubt I'd recommend it to anybody else unless it happens to just be on TV on any given random day.
5/10
Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)
A Tale of Two Films
*Spoilers included*
I found it very hard to make up my mind about Paranormal Activity 2.
At it's very best it's absolutely brilliant, and at it's very worst it's like being made to watch home video's of your best friends children over and over again.
The plot is pretty much what I expected it to be. The night time scenes, even at the start of the film when not a great deal happened, are everything a horror film should be.
Sadly for the good part of half the film these are followed by a series of long and boring scenes. The characters are developed well during these times but they are so dragged out and in reality they are nothing more than glossed over time-sinks. I almost felt there were parts where I could afford to grab another beer or go to the toilet and know I hadn't missed anything important.
I think I felt more sorry for the dog than any of the cast, but the film managed to come across as being 'real' and otherwise quite convincing for this genre.
The film tied in nicely with the first film and I'm curious as to how they are going to progress it in Paranormal Activity 3. They have to move away from the formula in used in the first two films if they want to keep people entertained; Paranormal Activity 2 could get away with being very similar to it's prequel but I'm not sure a third one could make it.
I would definitely recommend Paranormal Activity 2. Nobody would pay money to watch a 40 minute film and it's downfall is exactly this, it's padded too much with nothingness to extend what would otherwise have been an all round brilliant film. Whatever the plan for Paranormal Activity 3, it's a real shame it couldn't have been a part of a Paranormal Activity 2 without the unnecessary scenes.
A worthy watch nonetheless. I would have to give the 'horror' parts an easy 9 but the rest drags my score down to a 6, but the good does outweigh the bad.
Quantum of Solace (2008)
Fails on Every Level
*Contains Spoilers*
The plot wasn't a confusing one but I really didn't care about it that and lost so much interest in Quantum of Solace that at times I wasn't too sure what was going on. Despite being widely acclaimed, the same happened for me with Casino Royale. It got to the point where in some cases I did know who characters were, and when I did, I neither liked or disliked them.
I tried to like Daniel Craig, I really tried, but he is an awful James Bond. Critically he has been well received as Bond but every car chase, ever fight, ever action scene I found myself wanting Craig to end up being the one thrown off a building.
He doesn't have any the charm or charisma that James Bond should have and everything about him is far too serious; the scene in the hotel with Fields pretty much sums up everything that is wrong with Craig's Bond. Fields turns up to arrest Bond if he goes rogue but ends up in bed with him, this is nothing out of the ordinary except it just happens; there is no charm from Bond, no cringe worthy lines, no character interaction. It just happens.
Bond going rogue is nothing new but throughout the entire film he actually felt like the bad guy and I actually ended up liking Greene far more. James Bond shooting and killing two perfectly innocent Bolivian policemen is not the James Bond we have come to love over the years, rogue or not, it's not an excuse. James Bond is actually the most unlikeable characters in this film.
Although I think there was meant to be, there is no Bond girl in Quantum of Solace. Olga Kurylenko played the part well but like everybody else in this film, it wouldn't have made any difference if she wasn't in it.
Gone are the totally over the top action scenes which have been replaced with far fetched chases and gun fights that are trying too hard to come across as realistic. Gone is any humour, gone is everything that I loved about James Bond.
I think this is the core problem with Craig and the past two Bond films, and perhaps it's not Craig's fault, but Bond is trying to become realistic. It fails on every level.
There are so many things wrong with Quantum of Solace, most not Craig's fault but it isn't helped by my dislike for him as James Bond.
I'll watch pretty much any film through to the end if I've started watching it, and Quantum of Solace was no different but for a good part of it I just wanted it to end. From the awful song at the introduction to the ending credits I don't think I enjoyed it at any point and I wanted the good part of a couple of hours back.
The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)
A Pointless and Disturbingly Visual Insight into the Directors Mind
*Contains Spoilers*
Where to start.
Probably firstly that the Human Centipede defies belonging to any real genre of film. It's hard to review and place this film as it is totally pointless.
It tries to use an abstract concept thrown in with a lot of gore, much left to the imagination but succeeds in doing nothing. It's not scary on any level and what gore there is certainly doesn't add to the film.
I'm not one to be phased by gore in films providing it compliments and enhances the plot, for instance in films like Saw, but I think it is totally unnecessary in this film and if I could only use one word to describe this film it would be 'sick'.
Rather than being artistic and original like many have argued, to me it comes across as a visual display of a directors, very worryingly so, mind.
Onto the film itself.
I'm not medically minded but the idea seemed totally implausible even to me. Just entertaining the idea for a minute I imagine for the concept to work an awful lot more surgery would be needed in connecting them together as one creature.
Secondly the fact two friends and a random Japanese guy are perfectly compatible seemed awfully convenient, that they all happened to be lost in the same woods at roughly the same time and ended up at his house.
The Detectives didn't quite fit the bill either, I can't imagine the detective who found the trio would just run off leaving them without radioing for a medical and or more police.
Once they were sown together nothing really happened. I assume Lindsay who was in the middle was eventually found and somehow detached but it doesn't tie up any ends, not that it really mattered.
Being honest this film is utter garbage that isn't worth anybodies time or patience and should be avoided at all costs. I hear there is going to be a squeal that is going to show all the gore that was left to the imagination in this film, which to be honest, for me would make the film pretty much unwatchable unless there is actually a film behind the pointless and endless dribble that is in the Human Centipede.
It's a contender for the worst film I've seen and I'm a little concerned about those who have given it positive review. It's clearly a 0/10 but unfortunately I'm forced to give it a 1/10.
Salt (2010)
It's impossible not to like Jolie in an intelligent James Bond
*Contains Spoilers*
Salt comes across as James Bond with an intelligent plot, and Salt never tries to be anything that it isn't and knows that at it's core it is an action film.
The plot is very clever and gripping, and full of twists and turns throughout. In a nutshell Jolie is accused of being a Russian spy and has to try and clear her name, as the film progresses you are left constantly guessing which side she really is on.
Sure in parts it becomes a little daft and in others totally unbelievable, and on occasions it was a bit confusing but there is more than enough decent action to make up for it. Russia is portrayed as your stereotypical Russia and likewise with the USA, but Salt isn't meant to be a factual documentary.
Angelina Jolie plays Evelyn Salt perfectly and really brings the character to life and Liev Schreiber played the bad-good guy quite well although nearing the middle of the film his character started to become quite predictable, but he worked well alongside Jolie.
It's impossible to dislike Jolie, she can actually act as well as play the heroine and Salt is a great film to sit and watching with a few beers on a Saturday night.
Criticizing Salt for not being realistic is like criticizing the journey to work for being too boring.
Salt is a solid 8/10 pushing 9/10 if you are really in the mood for an action film. It's a shame only allows whole numbers so I'm going to stick with the 8.
Titanic II (2010)
Best Comedy Film of 2010,
*Contains Spoilers*
The title alone should set your expectations; I don't think for one minute Titanic II even began to think it could be better than Titanic, but it was a funny watch.
I caught Titanic II late one evening on Syfy, I feel too many people try to compare Asylum Films with their Oscar winning counterparts which devalues them, they do have their own charm.
Everything about Titanic II was daft and utterly ridiculous, and with that also very funny.
From the offset we are presented with the NY Coastguard (I think it was NY) travelling to Greenland where a scientist was concerned about an ice sheet collapsing, while the CEO (Shane Van Dyke) of a global cooperation has reconstructed the Titanic.
As the film unfolds nothing really makes any scientific, factually or logical sense. The Titanic II is apparently unsinkable but not against a Tidal Wave that we are cold is going to wipe half the North Atlantic seaboard out.
Given the scale of the Tidal Wave, the destruction of many coastal cities should have at least been given some mention but I'm pretty sure they decided to overlook that small fact.
It's hard to criticise the plot as it's so far fetched. My favourite part was possible when the ship was underwater and Shane Van Dyke was 'trapped' in a cupboard with his (ex)partner; he is in there drowning but when the camera moves back there clearly isn't a top on the cupboard.
I'm sure they were short of extras as well, I'm sure I saw the same woman run past the same set of stairs several times.
It didn't really have an ending either, the ship was sinking and pretty much everybody was dead other than the Coast Guard (who flew from Greenland in the same Helicopter*) and his daughter who he was trying to save. It was almost as if they ran out of reel as it just stopped, who knows what happened to anybody or anything.
It's one of those films that is better watched with a few friends and a couple of beers to have a great laugh on a Friday night; anybody watching this expecting more really should know better.
It's an Asylum Film, what can I say, it's entertaining - 7/10
*They did address the issue of the helicopter running out of fuel, but once the refuelling plan was destroyed they decided it was no longer an issue even though it hadn't been refuelled.
Disaster Movie (2008)
Lost for words
I'm proud of myself for watching this through.
Airplane! and the Naked Gun films were brilliant, even the first Scary Movie was mildly entertaining but Parody Movies are getting to the point of being recycled trash being recycled because of films like Disaster Movie.
Disaster Movie is nothing short of a disaster. For a Parody Movie it doesn't really parody anything as such, and for a comedy film, it didn't even raise a smile from me. It was a bunch of scenes from other movies strung together, miserably failing to inject any humour to the point where I couldn't wait for each 'scene' to be over in anticipation that the next one might be remotely entertaining.
I guess the burping joke at the beginning should have prepared me for what was to come, but it didn't. I really can't think of one redeeming feature in this film, and although I've said this not too long ago with The Collector, Disaster Movie is now the worst film I have ever seen (I'm hunting for a region 2 copy of Manos, the Hands of Fate if one exists).
It's also difficult to talk about individual faults with Disaster Movie because everything is so wrong with this film. I never expected anything from the acting nor any particular plot, in both cases it met these (lack of) expectations, but I don't think it's too much to ask a comedy to be funny, and a film on the whole, to be entertaining.
The only positive that came from Disaster Movie was it finished twenty minutes earlier than the TV Guide advertised.
I now finally believe there is a film in existence that deserves a 0/10, unfortunately IMDb doesn't agree with me.
The Collector (2009)
A pointless 'teen' gore film dressed up as something deeper
*Does contain spoilers, for what it's worth*
Yes the cinematography may have been excellent as some have commented, but like most people, I watch movies for entertainment. I never thought it possible, but The Collector is possibly more pointless than Basement.
The Collector for me pretty much sums up what's wrong with the current 'Horror' genre; this film consists of nothing but gory scenes and deaths without even attempting to place a plot around them. I appreciate films that leave a lot to the imagination and let the viewer make up their own opinions, but I do like to at least know something about what is going on.
The main character plans to rob a house to help, presumably his partner or ex-partner, pay off a debt that is not explained. The film actually starts of very promising and for a short while it is actually quite tense. The problems start when an unknown character enters the house; we never find out who he is, why he is there and what he does, other than collecting people. We are only told this by a man in a random box who is apparently the bait, why when the house is bobby trapped all over is a box in a cupboard needed I don't know.
The above could be forgiven if the film made any sense. The traps that are set up are quite complex, but our guy manages to put them in place seemingly in minutes, and everybody manages to move from one part of the house to another just to suit the flow of the film.
I know this is a film, but the main characters are invincible; our protagonist (who is actually a criminal) has half his hand cut off, he face cut by wires and several fishing hooks and has cockroaches inserted into his stomach, yet by the end of the film you wouldn't have thought any of this would have happened. Our antagonist has a chandelier with knives fall onto his head, and the house for whatever reason explodes with him in it, yet a couple of minutes later he has caught up with an ambulance.
On reflection this isn't as bad as Basement as there is something to write about, but the plot holes were so big it's unreal, and what plot there was, didn't make any sense nor made me care about any of the characters. Personally I didn't enjoy The Collector, but I can see it set out to be the type of film it is, and obviously appeals to a certain crowd of people, but this isn't those who watch movies for entertainment.
Ultimately it started off with some promise but turned into another teen gory horror film dressed up as something deeper. I understand they are making a sequel, if this is the case, I'm hoping it will explain the first.
Wanted (2008)
If no one told you that bullets flew straight
**Spoilers**
One of the themes running throughout this movie is fate; that things are because they are and we have to accept that, and that inevitably it is unavoidable. Yes I know bullets can't be bent round corners, but for the sake of Wanted, they can. Loom machines aren't able to real off names to be assassinated, but again, for the sake of Wanted, they can.
I like Angelina Jolie and she is usually well cast, however it was only really half way through before she started to 'fit' her character perfectly. Upon watching the film again this isn't an issue but I feel she did seem a little awkward at times.
It's hard not to compare James McAvoy to Keanu Reeves' Neo. Both Wesley and Neo start of their respective films in an inescapable rut, and while not as cool as Neo, James McAvoy also makes the transition with ease and Wesley becomes a very likable protagonist.
I also thought Morgan Freeman played his part well, although the rest of the cast were only really background characters. I did like the Russian Vodka guy though!
The plot was very cliché in parts ("You are my son"), and how Wesley managed to survive it all I don't know, but James Bond has managed it throughout the years. The first twenty minutes or so are a bit slow, but it quickly picks up and kept me more than entertained throughout.
Wanted did borrow quite a lot from other films, but so what, there must have been a point in cinema where it's almost impossible not to borrow from other films.
Wanted is film that plays on the ideas of revenge, retribution and fate, and throw in some cool action, a cliché ridden plot and likable characters and you have a very good film.
Transmorphers (2007)
Not great but any means, but an entertaining watch
From reading the bulk of the reviews one wouldn't be mistaken for thinking most people actually thought this was Transformers and were bitterly disappointed and left wondering what all the hype was about.
However the point of this review isn't to compare it to Transformers.
The acting was wooden at times but the characters were quite likable to the point of caring for them, and even the General grew on me during the course of the film. These certainly aren't Oscar winning performances, but there is a reason these guys are in films like Transmorphers. Job well done.
The CGI was pretty awful, but it was nothing more or nothing less than what I was expecting. The director did not have Michael Bay's budget at his disposal; criticizing Transmorphers for its CGI would be akin to complaining a holiday to the Arctic was ruined because it was too cold.
Despite what many others have said, I really liked the plot even if it did get a little 'messy' at times. There isn't really much to it to comment on, but I felt it was well paced and the characters were likable. Accepting the CGI, the action scenes were pretty cool and I thought the ending was quite fitting and even a little sad on some levels
Yes, parts of it probably didn't make any sense and were daft, but who cares, its a fun Sci-Fi film.
Just as you wouldn't go into an Action Film expecting a Romantic Comedy, you shouldn't watch DTV films expecting something that they aren't. Providing you can manage that, I fully recommend Transmorphers and I can honestly say I enjoyed it more than Transformers itself (although Megan Fox was sorely missed).
In my opinion movies are all about entertainment, and while thousands of movies are light years ahead Transmorphers from an artistic perspective, I'm going to rate score this on entertainment levels. 7/10
Lastly, and something that for some unknown reason bugged me throughout - I know it was stormy outside, but who wears swimming goggles in the rain!?!
Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)
Doesn't quite live up to Alice's promise
*Contains minor spoilers*
I'll start by saying that I definitely feel I need to watch Resident Evil Afterlife again to pass proper judgement. I loved the first three films, especially Extinction and I think I expected too much from it and was quite disappoint that Alice, at least it seems so, lost her powers early on.
Added to this I must be one of the few people on the planet who doesn't like 3D films (I don't like wearing two pairs of glasses for two hours), I'm probably reviewing this with a slightly negative bias.
Milla Jovovich again plays the part very well and I thought Ali Larter likewise, although I'm not sure why Wentworth Miller was there, he was good in Prison Break but that's it.
Again my expectations let me down in that after Extinction I expected the entire fourth film to be about what was covered in ten minutes, but all in all I thought it was a weak plot.
I though there was a fair bit of unexplained randomness, like the dude with the axe/hammer. What was he all about and how did he become like that, I'm sure things would be different if there were more of his kind about. I like the concept of Arcadia but I'm pretty sure it was a thousand times bigger on the inside that it looked from the outside.
Again, we weren't really given any form of explanation as to what the device was on Claire's chest at the start of the film beyond it seemed to be mind controlling; and for a planet where there are next to no remaining survivors, more and more seem to appear for the sake of the plot. I feel the more people that are thrown into the mix the more it just becomes Alice against Umbrella rather than about the struggle of living in a desolate world.
I suppose I will have to comment on the 3D which was impressive, but I wouldn't recommend viewing this purely because it showcases 3D.
I loved the first three films and obviously this was a continuation, but I'd rather think of it as a film by itself as it doesn't do the promise at the end of the third film justice.
I hope Alice's story will continue if only to do justice to what has become an overall entertaining series of films (the ending was so open I can't imagine there not being one).
I don't really know what score to give this as I want to see it again when it comes out on DVD, but for now I'll go with my gut and give it a 6