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2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Pretty but boring
Old movies, slow movies, and profound movies can be great. Jaws, Blade Runner, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, for example, are all fantastic.
2001, however, is an old, slow, maybe profound movie during which I found myself falling asleep.
Many of the shots are pretty and the music is iconic, but everything else drags - the way you feel during the 3 minute opening of black screen is indicative of how you'll feel during the rest of the movie.
I read the book first and I found it terrible, but if I hadn't read it, I don't think I would have known what was going on. I'm not sure they properly explain why the odyssey even takes place in the movie.
I'm not going to say you should avoid this movie, but don't expect it to be some great cinematic masterpiece.
Clone High (2023)
(reviewed after episode 2) Flanderized Clone Debacle - From Satire to Confused Schlock
I'll start off by saying the obligatory "clone high was one of the best cartoons of all time". It was funny in a pretty unique way, and it's amazing that it worked so well considering how weird it was, and how inexperienced the creators were. It was lightning in a bottle.
This one is just missing something - a lot of things, actually. First of all, no Gandhi, which is dumb but forgivable. Then, they changed Cleopatra's voice because the original actress wasn't of Egyptian descent - yes, the clone of cleopatra, raised as a valley girl, was apparently not Egyptian enough. That was a nonissue and the new voice just makes it seem like the original actress left the show, but she didn't, because she plays a new character (who is generally off-putting and not particularly good in any way). The other new characters are in unlikeable girlboss tropes, clearly written by people who don't understand that high school culture has more or less stayed the same since the original show. Popular kids are still the ones who play football and have sex, not the ones who are all about "positive vibes" like Harriet and Frida. These two new characters would not be popular, and the fact that they were written to be popular feels out of touch. Also, they just admit to committing murder and don't show any remorse for it, which fails to be off-the-wall and comes off as genuinely bordering on "Velma" territory. Actually, these two new characters feel like they belong in "Velma" more than they belong in Clone High.
The pace of the show is way slower than it used to be. It's not as fast and there are less jokes, and when there are jokes, they feel like they're out of The Simpsons, and not in a good way. Clone High used to have a unique identity, but the whole show has become just another adult cartoon - the same style of writing and jokes that you'd find anywhere else.
This is more of a personal taste thing, but the show definitely feels more "feminine" than it did before. Many scenes (mostly ones involving the new characters) ooze a very "we have women in the writers room now, look at these women talking and be amazed!" type of vibe, and it just isn't entertaining. There's something about the reboot that makes it feel like it would be embarrassing to tell people that you watch it, and I didn't feel this with the original show.
To give credit where credit is due, there are many scenes and jokes that work, but to have so many duds in a reboot of a show that was nearly flawless is really disappointing. Clone High used to be a satire, but now it seems like it doesn't know what it is, and it's just kind of... lame.
Nude Bowling Party (1995)
Cult Classic Material
I am shocked to find that this movie has no sort of following. I'm not joking. It's nostalgic, surreal, fun, energetic, and self-aware.
While it is true that the girls are mostly bad at bowling and there's not much eroticism working here, that doesn't matter. The fact that 4 nude models were paid to bowl and film satirical advertisements while being ogled is just great.
I genuinely cannot put into words how this movie makes me feel. It fills me with strange happiness, and the fact that people could dislike it amazes me. Perhaps the best word to describe this film's appeal is "campy".
To conclude, I really like Nude Bowling Party. It's something unlike anything I've ever seen before, and I am glad I stumbled across this. I'm surprised this movie isn't more celebrated, as it's something unique and special. Nude Bowling Party is absolutely worth a watch, and has earned a special place in my heart.
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
Actually pretty good
This movie is close to being unwatchable at times. The crew knew this, and used this information to make the sequel completely unwatchable due to overacting and overcommitment to cheap gags.
The bits here are just classic, from the opening mailman routine, to the purse dog, the dolphin inspection, the Super Bowl rings, the mental hospital.
This movie is really lightning in a bottle. It seems really stupid from time to time, but you can't hate Ace Ventura. It's a comedy classic.
If you haven't seen this movie, you should make a little time to watch it. It's a silly comedy that'll make you smile, and intrigue you with the actually decent plot enough to keep you from turning it off.
Nessie & Me (2016)
Just terrible
Very awkward effects, angles, acting, and dialogue. Why is this on amazon prime? I understand that they're low on content, but don't just pad it with this garbage.
I haven't seen the whole movie. I watched maybe the first 15 minutes with my family, but it was so thoroughly embarrassing to watch that I left.
Do not watch this movie. There is nothing worthwhile here. It feels cheap and has nothing to say. Just an awful movie.
Booksmart (2019)
Overrated
Nobody is likeable and there isn't much good humour. The leads are great at reminding me of the worst kinds of girls in high school, but I don't enjoy remembering them. They're quirky activists who suck up and look down on fun. I understand that they have to start out as Lisa Simpson impersonators, but it's just annoying. And there really isn't much change in their characters, so you just know that they'll go back to being annoying in college next year.
Another problem is that this movie grounds itself in real life way too hard. Mean Girls and Superbad are both fantastical the whole time, but the characters are still likeable and real. This characters in this movie remind me too much of real high school kids. It's not fun anymore, it's just obnoxious. And it's not realistic enough to be praised for that either, it's just annoyingly accurate to real life. Maybe if it was funnier, it could get a pass for the obnoxious accuracy.
There's not really a point to this movie. They go for a midway friendship twist like Superbad, but I hated both of the characters involved so it wasn't important. And you just know that they're going to get back together, because Superbad did the exact same thing in 2007.
This movie was predictable, annoying, and honestly just boring. It was occasionally funny, but the emotional stuff didn't land and everybody was obnoxious. Booksmart is one of the worst coming of age movies I've seen.
Palm Springs (2020)
Surprisingly Good
This movie took me by surprise. You'd expect it would just be another dumb comedy, especially from the opening scene. However, within the the first 20 minutes or so, it really grabbed me. I'm not even one for comedy (or timeloop) movies, but this one didn't miss with any jokes. And if it did, the jokes that missed were so understated that it was never cringe-worthy.
An underrated element of Palm Springs is the atmosphere. There's a very fun summery vibe throughout the whole movie, except the emotional scenes. The emotional scenes were also very good, with a surprisingly good performance from Andam Sandlerberg. The other actors did perfectly fine too, but I just assumed that they're already established dramatic actors.
You should definitely watch this movie. It's funny enough to make you laugh, while you spend most of your energy being thoroughly interested in the characters and high-concept premise.
Dead Poets Society (1989)
Oscar bait
Felt like Oscar bait to me. Robin Williams is playing "cool teacher", the guy who's supposed to be funny in the world of the movie. I didn't find him nearly as funny as his fellow characters, which created a big divide between me and the characters. This is a big problem in media, when a character is supposed to be a funny guy but the viewer does not see it that way. That's probably the main reason that so many people hate on Seinfeld, because they can't relate to the logic of a world in which Jerry's jokes all land.
Another problem is the poetry references and shoehorned motivations. I did not feel a shred of connection to the kid who looked like Jim Carrey, and he is a crucial sympathetic character. I just couldn't buy his motivation.
I did not give a cum about any of the other boys aside to Charlie. Cameron, Todd, Knox, they were all forgettable and unimportant.
This movie gets a 6 because the end was strong, and the death was ballsy. Robin Williams is charming, even if he isn't very funny here. Oscar bait doesn't taste good, but it also doesn't deserve a terrible review. This movie is slightly above average.
The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run (2020)
Retcons and bad humour
Every character is shown to meet spongebob in flashback sequences that completely disregard the previous canon. They used this movie to set up a new show called Camp Coral, and it shows.
The peak of the movie was snoop dogg and Danny trejo. Keanu Reeves and weezer are forced memes.
The voice cast is clearly getting old. Some moments just don't sound like the original characters.
The entire Keanu Reeves plot doesn't end up going anywhere. It seems like when spongebob wakes up from the dream, the entire movie had a shift in direction.
Lastly, they dishonoured Stephen hillenburg by putting his name on something so subpar. I don't believe that he approves of these rewrites to his story and characters.
Corner Gas Animated (2018)
A little bit soulless, but okay overall.
The original had a lot of heart. It was one of the main attractions in my opinion. The atmosphere and setting were great, and the writers weren't afraid to put in some slower, quieter moments. This is not impossible for an animated series, King of the Hill also has good pacing and atmosphere. But Corner Gas Animated has two very large issues - there is no background noise and the acting. This sounds odd, but the original had a lot of charm in the little things, while the animated version just sounds like people saying lines at each other in a studio. Also, Oscar and Wanda are just too angry all the time. They have been "Flanderized". All in all it's probably the best Canadian cartoon since Johnny Test (if you're willing to count that as Canadian). If you're a fan of the original, check it out.
A.P. Bio (2018)
It's fine for what it is.
It's like School of Rock and Mr. D had a baby with Community. It's not rick and morty level smart, but it's smart enough. Glenn Howerton does a great job playing the lead, a lot of Dennis shines through.