Change Your Image
andygr-89608
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
War of the Worlds: Goliath (2012)
This Film Doesn't Make A Lick Of Sense
Okay, I understand mech fantasy, I respect alien invasion stories, and alternate history is fun and all, but holy-moly is this film's amalgamation of these things a boring, confusing, uninspired meandering mess. I went into this film expecting nothing, and I still feel like I got jipped out of 80 minutes spent watching this thing. My list of questions for this film is extensive and seemingly unending..
Why did all the characters in this movie felt the need to sacrifice themselves in for the most stupid reasons? How come WWI was still a thing at the same time an alien invasion was being monitored and prepared against? Why was the leviathan blimp kicking in laser-technology, one-shot destruction of aliens but the armies of mechs (prominently featured everywhere) were ultimately just alien fodder? Why was the Irish soldier and his brother angry about the British despite the idea that both countries were working together? Why bother with backstories if they go nowhere or having bearing on the characters in the story? Most importantly, why was J Edgar Hoover so dang ripped?
It's almost as if the people who made this movie had the idea for some locations that would be cool to visit in an alternate timeline and then simply copy-pasted some characters and aliens into them. Aliens show up at point A B and C, defeat aliens, see someone sacrifice themselves for the greater good, rinse and repeat. Watch out lads, alien invasions A B and C were just "distractions" from the "real" invasion... NEW YORK.
In retrospect, I knew something was up when the camera pans in the opening were abrupt, the music tinny and sound effects competing with the dialogue. Particle-system based visual effects are simply plopped in, and add nothing more than just visual noise. Despite obvious attempts at quality by the artists, the pieces of this thing did not fit together. Note the awards on the box mention animation and 3d awards. You can safely ignore them all, yes - some artistic merit is in this film, but outside of that spend your 85 minutes somewhere else, this thing is a confusing mess.
Alita: Battle Angel (2019)
Mishandled Mechanical Dreams
Alita's got some wonderfully intricate robot designs and beautiful looking world, undoubtedly caked in history these film-makers wished to share. Unfortunately this film is so marred by the clunker of a script, I wonder who ever let this one out of the editing room.
There are moments in sci-fi films that make us reflect on our own non-technologically-advance present day. No manmade device can usurp the importance of a living being's heart. Alita Battle Angel approaches these emotional moments with the precision of a rocket-propelled sledgehammer, banging itself through such themes of "what is life", "hold onto your dreams", "can an android love a human", and "wow, I'm good at sports because I'm an android".
I am certain James Cameron and Co. threw at Director Robert Rodriguez an un-finished mess of a script. Where the original graphic novel probably devotes entire books to the many themes, they are summed up in 10 lines or less within the film. Maybe this film could have been the Coles Notes of Alita Battle Angel series, but instead is the piece-meal ramblings that are yelled to us over a cacophony of metal scraping on metal.
Strap in for a rocket ride through a futuristic android-human story, 300 years from our very own, and then make sure you brace yourself for the sudden impact that is the ending, if you could call it that. I would call it a miscalculated hail-mary.