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Grahamsky
Reviews
Transformers (2007)
If you are a transformers fan, you will not like this movie
Thank you for ruining one of my favorite cartoon shows, Michael Bay. Transformers is not a terrible movie, but it is not good either. Shia LeBeouf is the lone bright spot in a film that drags, has multiple extraneous plot lines (the computer programmers, Sector 7, the Army unit, etc.), and many unnecessary attempts at humor. Bernie Mac has a hilarious cameo at the beginning as a used car salesman, but Anthony Anderson's cameo as a computer hacker is annoying and pointless. Similarly, the phenomenal John Turturro is forced to play an irritating G-man who does not contribute anything the plot of the film, but attempts to conjure cheap laughs instead. The focus of the movie should have been on plot rather than making it a film that everyone can somewhat enjoy.
My biggest gripe, however, is the lack of character development for the Autobots (the good transformers) and Decepticons (the evil transformers). Optimus Prime, the leader of the Autobots, is the only robot with any significant screen-time besides Bumblebee, who is a silent Camaro for most of the film. The transformers should have been the stars of the movie, not the human characters who help them. Characters like Starscream, Bumblebee, Hot Rod (who's not even in the film despite being the #2 Autobot), Jazz, Soundwave, Frenzy, etc. are integral parts of the TV series and cartoon movie, yet they are barely in the film and nearly impossible to tell apart in the battle scenes. Also, Megatron is only in the film for a few minutes and turns into an airplane rather than the giant gun that he is supposed to be. How can the antagonist only be in the film for the last scene? To top off night of epic disappointment, there was no Stan Bush song on the soundtrack. Whos is Stan Bush you say? Only the musical god who rocked our socks off with "Dare" and "The Touch" in the original film. Bay opted for Linkin Park instead...F+ for that decision. There was also no mention of energon cubes, the matrix of leadership, or Unicron. Granted, only hardcore fans know what I'm talking about, but many of the 20-somthings who went to see this movie grew up watching the show and were probably as disappointed as I was with the lack of effort to stay true to the show.
While the visual effects are stunning, the plot wanders like lost child at the fair and the transformers are presented as little more than advanced machines. For anyone who truly enjoyed the cartoon show and movie, avoid this film.
Snakes on a Plane (2006)
Mother F@%#ing Fun
Snakes on a Plane is non-stop fun. This epically hilarious movie is non-stop action from start to finish with no boring, time-wasting character or plot development. Sam "Paycheck" Jackson gives a wonderfully stereotypical performance in which he shows no emotion except contempt for the villain and yells half of his bad-ass lines for no reason. Julianna Marguilles (who is still smoking hot, by the way) adds a credible acting presence to the film while Kenan Thompson provides carefully crafted comic relief. There are brilliant one-liners and gratuitous nudity and violence throughout this picture, making it a boisterous romp through the Valley of Awesomeness, which is snugly nestled between Mount Phenomenal and Kick-Ass Peak. If you like the Evil Dead series then you will thoroughly enjoy the Snakes on a Plane. Only Bruce Campbell (or maybe Kel Mitchell) could have made this beautifully ridiculous film more fun.
Duck Soup (1933)
Lame Schtick
This movie is not funny whatsoever. Maybe I have been jaded by the humor of the late 80's to the present, but "Duck Soup" was so boring that it made me want to cry. There is basically no plot--it is non-stop schtick for seventy minutes, which is about sixty-five minutes too long. Some of the bits are mildly amusing, but they are few and far between and are not nearly as funny as the rest of the movie is awful. There is a ton of play on words throughout the movie, all of which are asinine and childish. The random show-tunes throughout the picture are also incredibly bad. I am sure that the Marx Brothers were considered innovators of their time, but thank God that their time is over. If I had not been forced to sit through the entire movie for a class on popular culture, I never would have made it to the end.
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
The Best Terrible Movie Ever Made
If you are looking for a moronic, low-brow, hilarious movie, "Freddy Got Fingered" is absolutely immaculate. It has enough of a plot to keep you interested but is so absurd that no one could ever take it seriously. "FGF" is completely random, which I really enjoyed, and Tom Green is as spectacular as ever. If you liked "The Tom Green Show" that aired on MTV during the late 90's then you will enjoy this film; if not then you will find this motion picture completely asinine and abhorrent. There is lots of gross-out humor that is not for the faint of heart and the ending is absolutely priceless. I recommend that everyone spend a Saturday night with a six-pack of cheap beer and "Freddy Got Fingered," you will never forget it.
Anus Magillicutty (2003)
It really is the worst movie ever made
Anus Magillicutty takes movie-making to a new low; this motion picture is far and away the worst ever made. Unlike other terrible movies like "Manos: the Hands of Fate" or "You Got Served," "Anus Magillicutty" is not even remotely humorous in its absurdity. Sitting through this film made me feel like my soul was filth unworthy of its existence. The dialogue is so awkward that it makes you cringe, praying for death as an escape. Even the gratuitous T&A (which abounds throughout) couldn't save this film from being complete trash, which is a testament to how abominable it really is. There is absolutely no plot, no character development, and ninety percent of the movie is filler. There is a scene of two naked women sucking on a banana for literally five minutes. Two five year-old children with a camera could make a better film than this POS. I am utterly ashamed that I paid fifteen dollars to have my soul stolen by "Anus Magillicutty."