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markapickles
Reviews
Body Talk: Big Bust & Big Butt (2005)
Body Yawn
I love Marina Matsushima but this has to be the most boring 89 minutes I've ever skipped through. No nudity, just the same boring poorly filmed Japanese softcore. It's just pure prick tease, and what little it does promise, it fails to deliver.
The Duct Tape Killer (1998)
Wasted opportunity
I've always been a fan of Tina Krause but why she did this I have no idea. Maybe it was because director/co-star Bill Hellfire agreed to make sure the cameraman didn't show too much of her nudity, of which there was plenty. It's for this reason this film only gets 2 stars. The cameraman was goddamn awful, no zooming in for closeups; everything appeared to be shot on a static camera from a ridiculous distance. The only time the cameraman changed view was to zoom in to Bill Hellfire, or shots of Tina's face, but no zooms ins for when he's taping her up, no lingering shots of her breasts, bum or nether regions. An absolute wasted opportunity.
Oh, and why was he a duct tape killer? Nobody died.....
Placer sangriento (1967)
Feast of Garbage
Sorry I'm not saying anything positive about this! I got as far as 28 minutes and turned the DVD off! Lot's of nudity......that we couldn't see! Pointless garbage! Why film nudity if we're never going to see it?
Le journal intime d'une nymphomane (1973)
A sin this was made and released
What a let down. For a film about a nymphomaniac this was the most boring waste of 86 minutes I've ever seen. What little nudity there was, was poorly shot and sleazeless. Any time anything started to happen, cut and onto the next boring scene. This film screamed out for more, promised lots, and delivered very little. Sorry Jess, love some of your stuff but you scored an own goal with this one I'm afraid
Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich (2018)
Please take this back Full Moon
I so wanted to like this as I love the original Full Moon franchise but this was not really that good.
The Pluses
Barbara Crampton was gorgeous and professional as ever
Udo Kier was Udo Kier
The Negatives
Thomas Lennon was awful. He needs to learn how to deliver a line of dialog so we can understand what he has said. 8 or 9 times in the film I had to rewind the scene and put subtitles on to understand what he had just said. He was either too quiet, too fast or both. Awful choice of actor
The 3 lead characters (our supposed heroes) were really not that likeable
Too many puppets
The 2 death scenes where there was any nudity were awful. The bimbo with the silicone breasts was obviously cut but we really didn't see anything until it was over. Why, was she afraid to get those precious implants damaged? The death in the bath, wtf? What happened to her? All we saw was her lying in a bath of blood with a hole in the wall. I guess Tunneller? Who didn't want to see what happened to a naked girl in the bath? Were they trying to avoid an Unrated or X certificate so played it safe?
A lot of our characters all of a sudden became hotshots with weapons.....
There is a hint and rumour at a sequel but if Thomas Lennon is cast I will not bother
Please Full Moon pull this back and reboot it yourself. Preferably with actors who can act
Happy Hell Night (1991)
Unhappy 87 minute viewing
What a pile of trash! How can you root for a girl who is dating one brother whilst sleeping with the other brother? Are we supposed to like these people? The only thing this film suggests is I was in the wrong education system here in the UK! If I'd been in the US I'd have lost my virginity so much quicker because all the girls seem to be whores and the guys weren't much better - the usual jackasses!
As far as the film is concerned it showed promise but then rapidly lost the plot. The effects budget was obviously spent on the car kill as every kill after was an aftermath shot! Lazy and boring!
As for continuity this film was so full of loopholes! We get our two 'heroes' up in the loft with the 'girlfriend' and another girl who is holding hands with the 'girlfriend'. Our 'heroine' suddenly says 'why are you holding my hand so tight' when she is clearly not holding anyone's hand. In the next shot you can clearly see the other girl rocking back and forth in a chair having been sliced and diced without our trio of braniacs even noticing!!
I could go on but I just can't be bothered! What a disappointment!