emortland Reviews

Empire Falls (2005)

Put It In The Time Capsule...

[6/10 · 14 August 2022]

Never heard of this, stumbled across it on HBO, and thirty-minutes into it, I'll sigh & commit & check it off the list. Unless there's some spoiler twists or whatever, it appears to be "The Great American Novel" concept brought to tv. Maybe the best group of American actors of the early 2000's in an ensemble piece, just plodding along. Makes me wish for a separate behind-the scenes documentary of the making of this. I'm curious if the actors enjoyed working with other.

I'll finish both parts and do an update. Hope it's not too predictable. This us from a novel? So far I'm not inspired to track it down.

The Gray Man (2022)

Awww, Enjoy the Ride!

[9/10 · 24 July 2022]

Lawdy, scanning these reviews will convince you this is probably not the new "Citizen Kane," but I'm not sure that's what they were going for here. But if you're looking for the John Wick girlfriend experience - with some amazing rollercoaster imagery - hey, this is a pretty fun time.

There's so much action coming at you it obviously required the two directors, two editors, ten producers, etc., but c'mon, they're putting our Netflix subscription money to good use. All the actors are good, there had to have been some serious rehearsals, and I'm mildly curious if they're already scripting the next one. An interesting change from "Lars & The Real Girl" and "Goliath," and that's what makes random movie watching fun. Accept the premise & enjoy the shia.

I Love That for You (2022)

Well, you won't hate it.

[7/10 · 27 June 2022]

After bingeing a couple of 16-episode KDramas, this was refreshing just because Mses Bayer & Shannon are in it and the eight episodes are short and easy to watch. But I think what makes me like these series, but not love it, is Ms Bayer's character comes across as a one dimensional caricature in a SNL skit, and it wasn't until the very last scene where I thought, hey, she's got depth. You may see it differently. But compare it the scenes with Ms Lewis - is it just a matter of acting skill, or what you have to work with.

The premise is funny, the other characters are nicely done, and for no other reason than they're giving it their best shot, I hope they get renewed for Season Two. Why does this kind of remind me of "Ted Lasso" a lot? Either way, they're both pleasant amuse-bouche between KStuff.

The First Lady (2022)

It's not going to get much better than this.

[8/10 · 27 June 2022]

I'm pretty sure at some point the actors & producers making this ten-episode series were thinking, "Damn, I wonder how many awards we're going to win for this!" And I'm first to acknowledge whatever they get will be well deserved. I'm personally impressed with #bts production stuff: The three distinct eras of home and White House sets - they nailed it here.

I'm also pretty sure we're not going to see this on a double bill with "2000 Mules," but can anyone really dispute the acting game of Mses. Pfeiffer, Anderson, and Davis? And yes, there were one or two moments when I was seriously hoping Ms Anderson wouldn't lip-cover her character's overbite again or Ms Davis do another lip-purse - hey, we get it. Props for Messrs. Sutherland and Eckhart who can play anyone, and Ms. Burstyn just keeps going & going. Mr Leonard as Harry S Truman was an interesting choice, and all the actors playing the young versions are great.

I suck at doing episodic play-by-play, you'll figure it out. It also occurs to me this particular ten hours of streaming Hollywood content may be the best history lesson a lot of public school students can get, but I may be completely wrong with that one. I sincerely do hope if the producers or Showtime go nuts with their upcoming awards and start talking about s Season Two, please take a giant breath: You picked the very best three First Ladies you could do in this incredibly innovative format, why reinvent the wheel?

Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha (2021– )

A Whole Lot Better Than I Thought!.

[9/10 · 23 June 2022]

My bottom line on what makes this series great: You go through eleven episodes before our leads fess up to liking each other - is this a Korean cultural thing? Quirky character traits? Maybe both. And then episode twelve hits you with junior high puppy love & PDA overload, and you have to wonder, jeez, what are they going to do with four more episodes. Well golly gee, they do everything: Cliffhangers, backstory explanations, double-take surprises, and one almost cringe-worthy scenario - oh c'mon, you didn't see that coming with Gram-Ri? But then I finished Hometown Cha3 thinking, this was a pleasure to watch.

Okay, I'm still confused why Director Ji would say Chief Hong's dead boss is his brother-in-law, because he later says the widow is his cousin. Huh? I may not have heard it correctly. And I watch foreign stuff in its native language with subtitles, and even in its best moments, people speaking Korean always seem to sound tired or exasperated. Now that could just be me.

I'm concurrently watching the K series called "Vincent," and the Studio Dragon production formula pretty much nails it: Anime intros, freeze frame outros, and featured scenes from the next episode. In Hometown, it's fun to see the latest Samsung phones of the day and and loving homage to anything Audi. I can see why this was popular series, and I wonder if the cast and crew enjoyed working on it. But it moves, you're never really bored, and you do care for the characters. And there were three scenes in Cha3 where I seriously thought Ms Shin had the most stunning smile ever. Absolutely breathtaking. That was cool, and a cool Kdrama.

American Underdog (2021)

Good News & Bad News.

[6/10 · 1 June 2022]

On one hand there are moments here when the acting & football sequences are great, but on the other it still feels like an eighties tv-movie-of-the-week throwback. Nothing wrong with that exactly, it's surprising to find this was made in 2021.

Maybe part of the problem is this is all recent history, and if you follow football you know where it's going. It is nice to learn new anecdotes - running with gas in the snow is a good one - but in the end it's good things happen to good people and being in the right place at the right time. It's interesting to think God would disable Trent Green to give our hero his shot.

Ms Paquin delivers, always a pleasure to watch Messrs Quaid & McGill, and I didn't recognize Mr Baldwin when I saw his name in the credits. I thought the interesting thing about Mr Levi is he looked familiar, and realized I was getting flashes of Mr Quinto from the Star Trek reboots & Mr Sudekis from the Ted Lasso series. What the heck, they're good, it's all good, you won't lose anything watching this film.

Search and Destroy (2020)

Yeah, it's pretty bad...

[2/10 · 30 May 2022]

Pretty much when you see a bunch of reviews saying "this movie is not really bad, it's just a spoof," what that really means is this movie's bad. I had three deep thoughts:

1. This is a production of a contemporary Bulgarian film studio? Do they have a limited budget for uniforms? When you see a character credit as "Stock," why bother scrolling it? Oh, and the 80's called, they want their music back.

2. I was willing to give this benefit of the doubt, until they went with the flashback summary montage sequence - 38 minutes into the film. 38 minutes? Is the guy actually melancholy crooning, "Search and Destroy..."

3. I won't question why the film was released in 2020 but the director apparently passed away in 2015. But I am mildly curious why this film doesn't have an MPAA certificate number at the end credits. Did they not think it was worth it either?

In the Shadow of the Moon (2019)

An interesting film.

[7/10 · 21 May 2022]

While I enjoyed the filmmaking and creativity in this, it became what made me cringe about "Arrival" and "Interstellar" - both superb films too, but when you start mixing the future & present with somber music and have to start thinking a lot, it can become quickly annoying. Sometimes I'm in the mood for that most times not. Six of one, half dozen of another.

But essentially it's all good, you'll figure out what's going on fast enough, and if you're really surprised at the reveal she married a black guy, you need to get out more often. Oh wait, was that the big plot twist? I thought it was obvious.

Mr Holbrook is great in this, Mr Hall seems more at home in "Dexter," and I was surprised how Mr Woodbine eerily resembles Dave Chapelle. That was different. Bear with the pacing of this movie, so you check it off the list.

The Fable (2019)

Hey! A Genuine Gem!

[9/10 · 17 May 2022]

Walked into this film cold on Netflix, didn't know anything about its cast, crew or "Manga" heritage, but I'm watching this thinking, "This is clever filmmaking." Everything I respect about samurai & assassin movies is tied together nicely here. Not quite a comedy, but this over-the-top yet subtle Japanese humor that made me go, "Damn, this is fun."

Not sure what a spoiler would be here: Our hero gets the job done, doesn't kill anyone, so a win-win all around? Props to Mr Okada, and Mses Kimura & Yamamoto are delightful as well. Are we supposed to know what their real relationship is before the Osaka sibling pretense? Doesn't matter. I was actually wondering if this film was a success in Japan, and how this director would work with an Anglo cast. Apparently there is a sequel, I'll watch that next. Hope it's as fun as this original.

Ted Lasso (2020–2023)

It Grew On Me...

[8/10 · 17 May 2022]

I remember bingeing the first season of this, I thought it was okay, it struck me as an adult version of those kid sport movies, like "The Sandlot" or whatever. Mind candy you forget about. I wasn't counting down the days for Season II to drop.

So one night I started season two, and by golly, everything from the Christmas episode onward is pretty much gold. The cast is fleshed out, you want to know what happens to them, and this series suddenly became funny & human. A cool combination. Totally relatable. I guess I should disclose I couldn't care less about soccer, and it's not a distraction in this series. But I appreciate now knowing what the Premier League is.

I thought about breaking down the last six episodes, but nah, I don't wanna. Stick with them and see if you like them too. Messrs Sudeikis & Hunt are great, as are Mses Waddingham & Temple. Mr Goldstein milks it subtly, and that's art. Just enough of last scene cliffhangers to look forward to Season III. This series will win a lot more awards.

Into the Ashes (2019)

Hmmmm...

[5/10 · 16 May 2022]

This is mildly intriguing to see where it's going, it moves at its own slow & languid pace, but in the end, it comes off as discarded "Longmire" episode. I'm big on giving benefit of the doubt, but this film had no payoff.

Nice moody score, no complaints about the actors, but I could argue Messrs Grillo & Taylor should have switched roles. I'll accept the character of Mr Grimes can do remarkable things after being shot, but seriously, walking unnoticed in a hospital parking lot in a bare-legged gown & sheriff jacket? Why would one bad guy return to the motel? Were the people involved with this film pleased with it?

The Lincoln Lawyer (2022– )

A Pleasant Surprise...

[8/10 · 14 May 2022]

Well, I'm four episodes in, I thought the original with Mr McConaughey was pretty decent, and lo and behold, so is this. Never heard of Mr Garcia-Ruflo, but this whole series so far feels new & fresh with touches of familiarity from the original. Seriously, can you expect more from a reboot? I'll update this when I finish this first season. Pretty sure they'll do another one. Worth the Netflix subscription when they're doing stuff like this.

****UPDATE****

It's worth watching the whole series, although I have to admit the twists were a tiny bit predictable. Umm, there aren't that many characters to choose from. The very last scene appears to be our intro to season two, okiedokie, I'll look forward to it. Incidentally, it would be cool if they could work Louis Gosset Jr into a role with his doppelgänger. Just saying. Mss Campbell & Newton are great, and so is Mr Sampson.

Corrective Measures (2022)

Hmmm...

[4/10 · 12 May 2022]

Well, I tried different ways to give this film benefit of the doubt, but the bottom line is I thought it was stupid. A bonus star for Bruce Willis reminding us of vintage Bruce Willis - in fact, all the actors are decent in this - but the plotline, story, characterizations, and everything else are just pretty ridiculous. One bonus star for the little addendums, if you still respect film by watching all the end credits. That may have been the best part of this. If push comes to shove, you can probably find better things to do.

War Pigs (2015)

Wow, who was the audience for this?

[3/10 · 25 April 2022]

Well, take the "The Dirty Dozen," remove its two dozen balls, and you pretty much have this film. Everything that made that movie great is redone here, but sanitized and ostracized of any grit and realism. I can accept Messrs Goss & Lundgren's characterizations, but the remaining six-pig pack just seem too soft & stupid to be hardcore badasses. What happened to Mr Rourke's face?

I guess if we can believe our squad can easily eliminate the fourteen guys the Germans have apparently left to guard Hitler's new secret weapon, then it's not an issue Mr Lundgren apparently dies but is resurrected. That's the big surprise ending? This whole thing feels pretty unfulfilling and amateurish, is this really because of one bad script?

Every Last One of Them (2021)

Wow. Pretty Bad.

[2/10 · 22 April 2022]

This film is so bad I started to feel sorry for it. If you remember Mssrs Madsen and Dreyfuss from Reservoir Dogs & The Goodbye Girl, you're going to wonder what the heck happened to their careers. To be fair, I don't think any of the actors in this endeavor are trying to be stupid, they're as good as the director & script let them be. They should be cautious about working with this creative team again.

So mysterious loner is looking for his junkie daughter in some small town, we realize in the first ten minutes he has the usual black-ops/hitman/assassin skills. And in the remaining seventy-two minutes about fifty guys can't seem to kill him with tracer bullet machine guns but by George he can get them easily. Well, okay then. Incidentally, were the bad shooters in town square supposed to be military guys? Local militia group? Hard to tell.

A lot of the reviews here compare to this "Rambo," but I don't see that all: all: Mr Stallone's character was sympathetic and methodical, Mr Sloan's character is at best semi-sympathetic and literally all over the place. With the bullet-repellant cloak shield.

I could go on, but now I'm bored. Did they give the Sherriff a Korean name? Why? Did this film actually make money? To pay for the drone shots? Did I really waste eighty-two minutes watching this? Gosh darn it.

Wrath of Man (2021)

It gets better if you can make it.

[6/10 · 22 April 2022]

So a half-hour into this I'm wondering if Mssrs Statham & Ritchie have lost their touch, because you know something is up when the "H" character is silent and only scores average in shooting tests. Like, let's get on with this please.

Everything becomes clear after an hour, Mr Statham kicks ass, and surprisingly every minor character dies in this. That was was a little different. Apparently this is a remake of a French film, it could be worse, I'd like to think their next collaboration will be better.

We Still Kill the Old Way (2014)

Lol, not an unpleasant way to kill 94 minutes...

[6/10 · 17 April 2022]

It's one of these films you want to give to a film editing class and say, "Okay, tighten it up!" Think poor man's "Expendables" with a dash of "Reservoir Dogs" Geritol powder mixed in (id Geritol still around? I really don't know.)

So basically an old retired London gang with manners seeks vengeance on a new London punk gang who are dicks, basically because they killed one of the retired guys and posted it on the internet. The new London gang doesn't seem very smart. If you can't tell how this going to end within 20 minutes or so, you're really out of touch.

To their credit I think the actors are all pretty cool (Holy Cow, is that Steven Berkoff?), the actresses need to update their IMDB photos, and props to the director/writer team for throwing in little "twists' that were a pleasant surprise. Won't tell you what they are, see if you enjoy them too. It appears they were trying to make this an ongoing franchise, there is a listed sequel ("We Still Steal the Old Way"), but I haven't seen it and may have to wait for the next pandemic surge to hit. Incidentally, if this is the new wave of "action/comedy budget" films being made in England these days, okay by me.

Tokyo Vice (2022– )

Good Stuff.

[8/10 · 16 April 2022]

About every fifteen years or so there's an earnest "Anglo guy meets Yakuza" endeavor, and here in the 2020s we have "Tokyo Vice." I confess I'm still enamored of 1974's "The Yakuza," simply because Robert Mitchum nailed that character. But what's cool about the five episodes HBO has dropped so far is I can't tell where it's going, or how it's going to end. I guess it would be easy enough to buy Mr Adelstein's book and read what happens, but that would take all the fun away. There's just enough cliff-hanging moments at the end of each episode that makes me want to come back.

This show is beautifully done, they're not cutting corners here showing Tokyo at night, and give Mr Elgort some award for speaking Japanese seriously. Once you accept the interesting technique of having two characters converse by switching languages every other sentence, you'll be good. Perhaps this was an idea from one of the fourteen executive producers.

There is one thing that ever so slightly annoyed me so far: The sex scenes in episodes four & five were just overly long and gratuitous. I thought for a moment maybe I was being a closet prude or racist, but nah, that's not it: It's just screen candy for the sake of it, and arguably pretty unnecessary. Hey, I get it - strangers in a strange land, Yakuza culture, ain't Japan amazing, etc., but it was the first time ever I wished they just finish please and get back to the story. I could be completely wrong on this one.

Good for HBO/MAX for doing great stuff lately, maybe two years of pandemic hiatus is finally at an end. "Julia" & "Minx" proves they can do colorful pop culture just like Mrs Maisel at Netflix, but "Tokyo Vice" shows they can make a killer series when they want to as well.

Max Bishop (2021)

What's Wrong with this Picture?

[2/10 · 13 April 2022]

Twenty minutes into this, I had to stop, I simply lost interest. A previous reviewer likened this to a low-budget "Leon the Professional," but I thought it was more like Leon meets Napoleon Dynamite with a couple of Benny Hill outtakes. It was becoming pretty stupid real fast.

My problem here is I was intrigued with the first five minutes, and then it took that abrupt left turn into bad slapstick. Does this get you into film festivals these days? Don't know who this actor is, but he's deserves better material than this.

I am being unfair & breaking my own rules about giving filmmakers benefit of the doubt. I'll watch the last hour and update this. It may be a truly great film, and I just haven't seen it yet.

Beyond the Law (2019)

Yeah, this one's pretty bad...

[2/10 · 10 April 2022]

The best thing about this movie is Mr Seagal's character name - Augustino Finn Adair. Now that's pretty cool. Unfortunately, the rest of the movie is crap. What's worse here is Messrs Seagal & DMX were actually fun together in "Exit Wounds," but I get that was twenty years ago, when they probably enjoyed working.

I could tell you the plot, but it doesn't really matter. I'm giving it a bonus star for at least having a creative ending, and that Mr Cobbs & Ms Sharbino get screen time. I did wonder briefly if this was the last of Mr Seagal's legacy, kind of a sad way to go.

One Night in Bangkok (2020)

Oh, Give it Benefit of the Doubt

[7/10 · 10 April 2022]

Easy to poke holes at this one, but what the heck - if we just relax and enjoy the show more often the world would probably indeed be a better place.

Yeah it's a lot of talking, the running hand drying gag gets old pretty fast, and you'll wish you had a dollar for every metaphysical fishing moment. Oh yeah, it's action plot #6: Ex-military father gets revenge on bad people who killed his family. They're in Bangkok btw.

But give a little pushback on film cynicism and it becomes easy to like Mr Dacascos and Ms Golten here, with surprising props to the actors playing the local cop & wife - they're refreshing. And it's not the biggest role for Mr Kosugi, but his five minutes are fun to watch.

All in all, I think it's better than a five or below rating, maybe a solid six. But here's my seven because revenge can very well bring peace & serenity, or at the very least, closure and bitcoin shares.

Shadow in the Cloud (2020)

Well, it is different.

[6/10 · 10 April 2022]

Well, unless you happen to like Ms Moretz in this, you may struggle to finish watching this film. In all fairness I was intrigued with the first half, because I couldn't figure out where her storyline was going. But once that's established, it's does become pretty ho-hum predictable: Ms Moretz is going to shoot down Japanese Zeros, and go totally badass on a gremlin. No really, a cgi gremlin. Not your usual plot line.

Apparently John Carpenter called, he wants his synthesizer soundtrack from the eighties back. But holy cow, big props for the unexpected Kate Bush during closing credits. That was cool. And I'm first to applaud cinema action & visual effects, but Ms Moretz just looked a tad out of place breastfeeding. I could be out of touch on that one.

So, is this is the stuff coming out of New Zealand these days? Interesting. I assume they make regular human movies too. It makes me want to look one up.

One Shot (III) (2021)

"One Shot. Ooops, Now I Get It!"

[6/10 · 10 April 2022]

Well, you gotta give it props that this movie really is "one take," a ninety minute continuous shot. There had to be some crazy choreography & rehearsal to pull that off. If there were any cuts here, I didn't see them. And whatever Mr Adkins's story is, he's an underrated action star, everything Steven Seagal was 100 pounds ago.

The plot's predictable, our Seal team has to rescue a prisoner who knows where a D. C. bomb is. But the CIA prison encampment is suddenly surrounded by 100 mercenaries who apparently snuck in one truck, and we have the one shot action-packed sequence of Mr Adkins taking them out and evacuating the dude. You kind of see that coming. But so what? It's entertaining and an okay time filler.

Julia (2022–2023)

Yeah, I Promise to Finish It.

[7/10 · 9 April 2022]

There's nothing bad about the first four episodes HBO dropped here, I'm just finding it difficult not to compare it with "Julie & Julia" from 2009. My first thought was Ms Lancashire and Mr Pierce are probably doing wonderful work in the craft of acting, I just don't find them as charming and likeable as Ms Streep and Mr Tucci. Maybe that's part of the context of this series.

Okay, that was actually my second thought. My first was why is HBO making this? Is "The Marvelous Mrs Maisel" so successful that everyone wants to come up with a sixties period piece with pops of color? If that's the case, good for them, they succeeded. And if they wanted to show that behind the scenes sixty years ago white men were jerks and women often diminished and disregarded, well, thanks, we get it.

Props to Mss Neuwirth & Glascott who light up the screen, and jeez, Robin Weigert can play anything. Maybe the trick with this series is to watch one episode at a time, not three at once. Waiting the week for episode four was well worth it. We'll see how the remaining four go.

Message Man (2018)

Hey! A Pleasant Surprise!

[8/10 · 9 April 2022]

You know when you watch something on a streaming service and they'll list "other movies like this you may enjoy" that you never heard of and take a chance on one? That's how I found this. And they were right.

Oh please, it's no "John Wick," but c'mon: spend $10 in a restaurant and then return and spend $100 and see if there's a difference. For your typical low-budget former assassin/hitman/special ops dude who unretires for whatever reason and plies his particular set of skills, this movie will meet expectations.

I had no idea who this cast was (is Mr O'Brien Australian? South African?), I couldn't figure out the country or language where this was taking place, but at least they honored the rule about bad guys not shooting all at once, so our hero can pick them off one-by-one. I also enjoyed the notion our retired guy is still connected enough to call the assassin hotline for some backup. And the assigned backup guy turns nice, too.

Will this film change your life? Nah. Is it a fun diversion in the manly man genre? Yeah. Will you find yourself rewatching it a couple of months later, waiting for John Wick IV? Probably.