Just imagine Jeff Goldblum staring at a massive pile of Dino poo, that right there is Suicide Squad, now imagine an even bigger pile of Dino poo beyond, that is 6 Underground and boy is it stinking hot.
This is everything bad about Michael Bay and much more. I thought it would be bad from seeing the trailers. But like normal bad, not bad bad. Not this bad. Firstly the writing is atrocious. The dialogue is cringeworthy and lazy. The story is simple but at the same time all over the place. The bad guy is...well...who the hell is he? He is so forgettable and one dimensional. He does nothing but have a couple scenes of bad guy talk, looking very constipated and bald. The main protagonists are equally forgettable, they have very little character to them, you can't tell them apart. I didn't care if any of them died, or whether they met their mother, or got the girl. I found myself being a neutral, I wasn't supporting anyone to win because I wasn't given a reason to.
This film is so far up its own bum thinking their actors have chemistry that they think it would be great to have them almost improvise comedy one liners at every turn. THERE IS NO CHEMISTRY. Not even a smidge. The "comedy" they try to implement is eye-rolling bad. Ryan Reynolds is Ryan Reynolds, for the 100th time. I mean it works in Deadpool but there's only so many references he can make before it becomes tedious.
The editing in this film is the worst I've seen in years. We go between past and present so much in the first act they actually had me confused at one point as to where we were. We're in the past - ok now we're in the present - a couple scenes later... Reynolds "and now you're all caught up" (TITLE) "The Present"...WTF? This and jump cuts every 10 seconds, shaky cam, chase scenes are poorly done, they show the hero do some cool stunt and get away but the next shot there's a bad guy right behind them. Even though there is so much happening on the screen I was still getting bored.
One specific complaint I have with the laziness of this story is the revolt scene. So a guy speaks on camera to try and inspire a troubled nation who has been mistreated by a dictator, he literally speaks for no more than 30 seconds and says "we need to start a revolution" at the end. THE VERY NEXT SHOT is of people protesting in the streets with some crappy pop song going on in the background. How did we get to there? This dude says a couple of lines and he's all of a sudden started, what looks like, a full scale civil war. People have torches and weapons and are attacking armed soldiers no more than a minute after we saw them everyone just going about their daily business. Who wrote, directed and then edited this and thought, "oh yes this makes a lot of sense, it definitely doesn't feel like we've cut a million corners just so we move the story along". I honestly started to laugh because it made no sense.
I really am tired of Michael Bay. He can't make an actually decent action movie. This is $150 million down the drain. That could have been used for a nice charitable donation this Christmas, or at least used to make a good standard action flick. But instead it feels like a present given to naughty kids to teach them a lesson.
In short, you have no reason to watch this movie, its bad at every turn. Nothing from this film has made me feel like I spent the last 2 hours wisely. Best you lot miss this and enjoy Christmas. Now I'm going to drink till my memory of this starts to fade.
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