CMRKeyboadist Reviews

House IV (1992 Video)

Very Frustrating...

[3/10 · 2 April 2007]

I haven't written anything on IMDb in a long while. After seeing this movie last night I felt that I had to comment on a few things that truly frustrated me. But before I go into that I will give a brief summary of the movie...

Roger Cobb, his wife Kelly and their daughter, Laurel, must make a decision about the old family house out in the middle of nowhere. Roger's half-brother, Burke, wants to sell the house and have it destroyed. Roger disagrees and decides to keep the house. On their way home, the Cobb family gets in a bad accident, killing Roger and almost paralyzing Laurel. Kelly and Laurel decide to move into the house after the accident. Now, they are being hounded by Burke to sell the house and they seem to have a slight poltergeist problem.

First, I will start by saying that this was the worst of the House series.

Second, I don't know what Sean S. Cunningham was thinking when he produced this. This is suppose to be a sequel to House 1 but where is the continuity? In the first movie, Roger had a son and was in the middle of a divorce with Sandy. The whole storyline to the first movie was about him rescuing his son. In this movie Roger doesn't have a son. He has a daughter. Also, what happened to Sandy? Sure, we can assume that Roger remarried and had a daughter but this is never mentioned. It's like the events of the first movie never happened and we are dealing with a Roger Cobb from another universe. This was something that really bugged me through the whole film.

Third, about this so called house. It was a great house to pick for the movie but they never used it to its full potential. The thing that made House 1 and 2 so great was that there was infinite possibilities that could happen. In the first House, Roger is battling monsters, traveling through time and other universes. In the second movie, the stars are also battling bizarre creatures and traveling through time as well. This is what made the movies so much fun because you really didn't know what was going to happen next. House 4 (or should I say House 3) doesn't attempt anything fun like the first two movies. It had chances where it could have been a fun movie but never took those chances. Instead, we have about two note worthy scenes. The face on the pizza and the bloody shower scene. That's it. The one scene that could have changed the movie altogether was when Kelly sees her daughter being sucked into the bed and disappears. I thought to myself "Finally, Kelly is going to have to go in after her and travel through bizarre universes to find and save her". But no, it was all a sort of dream.

Well, you see where I stand with this movie. If you want to see a good House movie, check out the first two. They are fun and adventurous films that took chances and made them work. 3/10

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)

Yet Another Misunderstood Horror Film

[7/10 · 12 February 2007]

I have been watching this film series for many years now. The first of the "Freddy" films I actually saw was part 3, which is still the best in my opinion. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge is truly a lime in the series, as far as fans of the series go. That doesn't mean it is a bad horror movie. Actually, after watching this one for many years I have come to rather enjoy it. You might want to put this movie into the category with other horror sequels like Halloween 3 because they go against the traditional sequels. Actually, if you take Freddy out of this movie and replace him with just another dead serial killer this movie would hold its own as an original horror film. This movie also has very little trademarks of the series in it. For one, the infamous Freddy music is completely gone from this movie. Instead, we have quite a nice atmospheric, if not very dark soundtrack from Christopher Young. Also, the Freddy glove is in this movie, but if you look closely at times Freddy isn't wearing the glove. Instead, the blades are protruding through his fingers.

Also, you get quite a bit of bizarre things in this movie that seem inspired from many other horror films. We have a killer bird, many haunted house type scenes including objects moving on their, things blowing up. We have dogs with human faces on them, a perverted gym teacher and last but not least Freddy possession scenes. Throw all of this together and you get quiet a strange flick.

Another thing that I liked about this movie were the special effects. The effects in this movie must have opened a few peoples eyes back when it came out because they are truly disturbing. Look for the scene where Freddy is clawing his way out of our leads body.

I guess the only thing I didn't like about this movie was the lead character of Jessy. I found him to be obnoxious and kind of a wimp. At least in the first movie Nancy was all down for trying to do something about Freddy killing everyone around her. Jessy would rather act like a baby at times.

All around, I liked this film and I think it needs to be looked at again by some people. I know I certainly don't look at it as a true sequel to the original, part 3 is the true sequel. But, I think this movie is still a lot of fun and recognition is definitely due. 7/10

Octaman (1971)

Shouldn't It Be Spelled "Octoman"?

[6/10 · 6 February 2007]

Just got done watching Octaman and I must say this movie is hilarious. Nothing better then seeing a guy dressed in a plastic octopus suit running around killing people. This movie is truly one of those lost gems that fans of horror should see at one point or another.

The storyline is about as obvious as they get. What happens when an octopus is exposed to radiation? Well, we get a half man, half octopus. Put them together and we get all terror! Octaman is running around the Mexican country side killing random people. A group of scientific researchers get involved to try and capture the beast.

Wow this film was great! I was laughing through most of it. I was worried about watching it because I thought it was going to be one of those movies that is filled with nothing but ridiculous dialog but I was proved wrong as Octaman is basically the star of the movie. Most of the time we see him killing people in a most humorous way.

I had a lot of fun with this movie and it held my interest until the end. If you are a fan of modern day horror you probably won't like this, but if you are a fan of grindhouse horror, this is definitely a fun movie. 6/10

Bloody Wednesday (1987)

Not That Bad At All

[6/10 · 31 January 2007]

Talk about a misunderstood film! Bloody Wednesday is a movie about one mans decline into utter madness and the reasons as to why he murdered 36 people in a coffee shop one night. Written for the screen by Academy Award Winner Philip Yordan, you would think this movie would get a better wrap.

The movie circles around a man named Harry, an auto mechanic who is going through a nasty little divorce. When Harry gets fired from his job he starts really losing his mind by walking into a church completely naked singing Halleluya. He is committed to a hospital for sometime. Whe he is released his brother gives him a place to stay, a secluded rundown hotel. It is here that Harry quickly starts losing his mind as he sees ghosts, his life is threatened by street toughs, his teddy bear starts talking to him, etc etc. This all leads up to the obvious disaster at the end.

I thought this was a most enjoyable film. Originally I put this movie on to just go to sleep to, but the movie kept my interest to the very end. What makes this movie so much fun is really seeing the reactions of the people around Harry as they see him slip into insanity. This movie is no masterpiece writing as most of it is rather humorous. The basic message of the movie was well thought out though. I don't know if this was based on a true story or not, but, if it was I wouldn't rely on this movie to tell an accurate story of what happened.

Overall, an enjoyable piece of trash. Definitely worth watching again. 6/10

Deadly Dreams (1988)

Old, Predictable Formula

[5/10 · 28 January 2007]

I remember the first time ever noticing Deadly Dreams. I was working in a Video Warehouse years ago and noticed the cover. Something about it caught my eye. It wasn't until years later that I would come to sit down and actually watch this movie.

Deadly Dreams plays off like an episode of Tales From the Crypt. It just runs 35 minutes too long. The storyline starts out with a family on Christmas Eve. Two parents and their son Alex wait for the oldest son to come to the house. When they receive a knock on the door, it isn't the oldest son but a man with a rifle who guns down the two parents. 10 years later Alex is 20 years old and often has horrible nightmares of the man who killed his parents murdering him. Alex and his brother both gained a hefty inheritance from the death of their Father and it looks like someone might be trying to get their hands on it.

For a movie that runs 79 minutes it certainly is very slow. We don't get anything new out of the storyline as Tales From the Crypt did have a story very similar to this one in one of the old comic books. At least the acting was decent in this film and the last ten minutes are interesting. Other then that, I was falling asleep at times.

This movie might be good for one viewing on a boring Sunday afternoon. Other than that, I would rather watch something else. 5/10

Death Wish Club (1984)

That Was an Odd One....

[6/10 · 27 January 2007]

I first saw some footage of this movie through the Philip Yordan film Night Train to Terror. Night Train to Terror is an anthology of three short stories that are actually full length films, just trimmed down to fit in a short stories film. Death Wish Club is the second story in the movie and it caught my interest with the excessive amount of nudity and gore. So, I tracked an old VHS copy of the movie down and to my disappointment, much off what was shown in Night Train to Terror was cut out of the version I have, but, I was still left with a very bizarre movie.

The movie is about a woman named Gretta, a bizarre type of gal who is a porno actress and a nightclub musician. When she gets wrapped up with a nice college kid she introduces him to an underground club. A club of people that like to play many forms of Russian Roulette.

That is the basic story to the movie but there is so much more going on in this movie that the main storyline becomes secondary. Gretta has split personalities, one of which she thinks she is a fish... The whole death club is bizarre and is never fully explained as to why they are so suicidal. Matter of fact, this movie has more plot holes in it then I can count!

If you are into really weird type of character films this is one to check out. Kind of reminds me of a really drugged up version of a David Lynch film. 6/10

Death Wish (1974)

What A lot of Us Would Like To Do

[9/10 · 17 January 2007]

Death Wish is a film that can be brutally honest. For the time, I can see why this film was so famous and sparked many sequels. Here we have the story of a man named Paul Kersey, an architect and has many liberal views on the world. When he and his wife come back from vacation his whole life is turned upside down. After his wife and daughter leave a grocery store near their home, three hoods follow them and rape his daughter and murder his wife. This sparks something in Paul. After noticing that the police were doing nothing to find the hoods who committed this crime, Paul takes the law into his own hands and becomes a vigilante.

I really enjoyed this movie. Charles Bronson is always a lot of fun to watch even if it seems that he doesn't put a lot of emotion into his acting. Vincent Gardenia plays the detective who is out to stop the vigilante crimes and he also plays his part well, as always. We even get to see a very young Jeff Goldblum near the beginning of the movie playing one of the hoods.

What makes Death Wish such a fun movie to watch is simply seeing Paul Kersey taking the law into his own hands. You really end up cheering him on. He is better then any other fictional type of vigilante because he seems like a really human being. He doesn't run around in a Bat suit or has to cover his identity. He is almost the all American man who has just taken enough of sitting around and feels compelled to do something about the crime all around him.

Unfortunately, other then the second Death Wish movie, the rest of them are just jokes. They take away from the seriousness of what this movie was meant to be. Not to say that they aren't enjoyable, if you like seeing Charles Bronson blow people away with bazooka's and take on the mob and what not.

If you like this movie you should check out Falling Down. Another great vigilante movie, but with a sense of humor. 9/10

Marilyn Alive and Behind Bars (1992)

This is Not a PG-13 Rated Film...

[7/10 · 13 January 2007]

I really don't know where IMDb got its information from. For one, this movie was never officially released. I have a copy of the movie that would appear to be a straight bootleg of the work print. It is to bad that this movie does not have an actual release as it is a pretty fun story. Also, IMDb says something about Marilyn Monroe being in this story, Monroe has absolutely nothing to do with this movie.

Basically, a man kills his wife by accident in a car wreck. When he awakens from the wreck he is in an asylum. The asylum is controlled by two nuts that sell human beings and body parts to over seas byers. Richard Moll plays a crazed orderly that likes to chop up his victims.

Unfortunately, this movie is rather discombobulated. This simply has to do with the fact that the movie was never actually released. As a result, we get horrible editing and horrible sound. But this doesn't take away from the movie, as the film is rather fun and filled with violence and nudity. I would suggest watching the movie Night Train to Terror to basically see an extremely long trailer for the movie (those of you that have seen that movie, know what I am talking about).

If you can find a copy of this movie I would suggest picking it. Remember, if you do find a copy of it, it is going to be a bootleg most likely. 7/10

Scared Stiff (1987)

Silly Little Film

[6/10 · 13 January 2007]

Scared Stiff is definitely a film that most B horror fans should venture into seeing. It literally has EVERYTHING. Horrible editing, awful acting, a script that goes nowhere, off the wall gore (at the end), and an incredible silly ending!

Kate, David and Kate's son move into and old house. Kate is an actress and David is a therapist. When they move into this house things start going very strange as Kate starts seeing things, along with her son. It turns out that the house they moved into belonged to an evil man that tortured slaves back in the late 1800's. As the family stays in the house lounger, the more possessed David becomes.

I have a soft spot for movies like this. Yes, it was a terrible film. No doubt about that. But, did I enjoy this film... I would have to say yes. For fans of a genre long dead this is definitely worth seeing as the story is actually not half bad. It is everything else that brings this movie down. Example: there is a scene in which a man is hanging outside of a window. We get a close up of his face for roughly 15 seconds. At the end of the scene, we see the mans eyes move. Truly poor editing. If you watch this movie you will see many inconsistencies. For me, that is what gives it its charm.

Goofy movie that is well worth watching for all of you 80's horror fans. 6/10

Frankenstein Unbound (1990)

Roger Cormans Masterpiece (In My Opinion)

[9/10 · 10 January 2007]

Frankenstein Unbound is one of those movies that is almost impossible to categorize. Part horror, part science fiction, part fantasy, and part comedy. And what is even more interesting is the cast of all stars. Roger Corman is able to put all of these together to form a truly mesmerizing film that you will never forget.

It is in the future. John Hurt plays Dr. Joe Buchanan, a slightly mad scientist who has developed a weapon for the government that harness's the power of a black hole. In the process, he has inadvertently created a worm hole that might destroy the world. On his way home from work, Buchanan is sucked into the hole and sent back in time to Europe 1812. It is here he meets Victor Frankenstein (played wonderfully by Raul Julia) and discovers that the story of Frankenstein's Monster is in fact a true story.

I believe what makes this movie so much fun is that as serious as the story appears to take itself it is actually rather humorous. Most of the scenes with the Monster in them are actually laugh out loud funny. There are a few scenes with the monster that just need to be seen to be fully understood as most of the movie is quite a bleak comedy. The ending to the movie is truly one of the bleakest endings I have ever seen.

For a Roger Corman film this is really well done. John Hurt and Raul Julia really compliment each other in this movie. It is too bad that Bridget Fonda and Jason Patric didn't have bigger roles in the movie as their characters are fascinating as well.

Well, I certainly enjoyed this film. I have watched it countless times throughout the years and I still have not grown tired of it. For me, truly a timeless film that I will watch many more times. 9/10

Scream Bloody Murder (1973)

One of The More Funny Slashers

[6/10 · 6 January 2007]

Scream Bloody Murder is quite an interesting film. Interesting in that it has zero logic and is quite humorous. If you can prepare yourself for a really bad movie you could easily enjoy this movie.

The movie starts with a young boy named Matthew and his Father working on the farm. Matthew decides for no reason whatsoever that his Father would look better dead. So, he jumps into a tractor and runs his Father over. After he kills his Father he jumps off of the movie tractor and has his hand crushed by one of the wheels. Matthew is sent to a psychiatric hospital and has to have a hook placed where his hand was. Matthew is released years later and returns home to find that his Mother has remarried and has moved on with her life. Well, Matthew doesn't like this very much and kills his Mother and her new Husband. From here on in Matthew leaves town and starts somewhat of a killing spree until he meets with a prostitute named Vera. He kidnaps Vera and forces her to do whatever he wants. Until the climax of the film, what will happen?

This is truly one of those movies that needs to be seen to be believed. It is quite off the wall and ridiculous at times. The first half of the movie is great as you should get quite a laugh out of it. The second half of the film is a little bit slow, but has a great ending. Look for a very early appearance from Angus Scrimm from the Phantasm series. 6/10

See No Evil (2006)

Well, He is a Little Better Then Tor Johnson

[5/10 · 6 January 2007]

In the past few years a lot of R rated horror films have steered away from your standard slasher or monster film and have gone more to shocks by means of torture (Hostile, Saw). In this era I thought we may not see another theatrical slasher film for quite some time to come. That is when See No Evil comes in. See No Evil is as standard as they come from this genre. We have cliché characters, predictable situations, bad acting, bad script writing, bad directing, zero atmosphere, and surprisingly not as much gore as there should have been in a movie like this. Overall, See No Evil should have been a rejuvenation of the slasher film but doesn't make its mark.

Obviously, if you are familiar with the WWE then you know that the star of the movie is Glen Jacobs (Kane), a 7 foot monster wrestler that usually dominates the ring. The movie starts with two police officers discovering the lair of Jacob Goodnight (Kane). One of the officers gets chopped up and the other one shoots Goodnight in the head after having his arm chopped off. When backup arrives Goodnight is gone and the officer is rushed to the hospital. Years pass. The officer now works for a juvenile correctional facility and has a false arm (obviously). A local restoration company needs volunteers to help restore a rundown, humongous hotel. The juvenile facility decides to test some of there inmates and use them as volunteers. What they don't know is, Goodnight is hiding in hidden rooms. As night comes to the hotel Goodnight starts his rampage of eyeball ripping carnage.

Glen Jacobs could have been a fun guy to watch run around slaughtering everyone but the director doesn't try to get any acting skills from him whatsoever. If Tor Johnson were alive today he probably would have been proud of Jacobs, along with Ed Wood. The rest of the acting is just bad. It's hard to tell whether or not these kids can act or not because the script that was written for them is really bad. Example: a scene in which two of our survivors make it into Goodnights lair and they find around 100 jugs with eyeballs in them. Instead of being revolted by the horrific sight all that one of them can say is "Are those eyeballs?". That is the type of crap writing we get with this movie.

Now, as bad as everything is you would think that the violence department would make up for this. In a few scenes it succeeds beautifully, but in most scenes it fails. I know that when I sit down to watch a movie with the subject matter of ripping peoples eyeballs out of there sockets I should expect a gore fest. Instead, we see a lot of off camera violence and some blood squirting. There is one scene of notice that involves a head being impaled that was quite fun but we have to wait till the end of the movie for it.

Now don't get me wrong, after bashing the hell out of this movie there is a reason why I have given it a 5/10 rating. The reason being that I believe that if this movie would have been directed by someone with some credibility, this would have been a really fun film. And with that, I close out. 5/10

Night Train to Terror (1985)

Basically Looks Like a Huge Advertisement

[5/10 · 5 January 2007]

Night Train to Terror is an anthology of three films produced by Philip Yordan. All three of these stories are actual movies that were horribly trimmed down to fit in an hour and a half time frame.

The first story is by far the most confusing. A man by accident kills his new wife in a car accident. When he awakens he is in a mental institution. Richard Moll plays a crazed employee that seems to like to chop people up with an assortment of knives. The problem with this story is the editing is so bad that we really don't have any idea of what is going on. The full length movie, though, looks like it could have been a fun mad doctor type of film.

The second story is about a rich tycoon who falls in love with a woman who doesn't love him. As a result, she falls in love with another man which drives the rich tycoon crazy. He kidnaps the both of them and forces them to play games that result in death. Once again, this story is very poorly edited and a lot of what happens doesn't make much sense. This is another story that looks like it made a great horror movie.

The third story I actually own. It is from the movie Cataclysm and it has to do with Satan in human form. Richard Moll once again stars in this film. If you want a full review of that movie check out the IMDb site for it. The movie does contain some great stop motion animation I might add.

All in all, Night Train to Terror is not a great movie. But, it works as a great advertisement for these three movies. I know after watching Night Train I want to check out the full length versions of the stories. One more thing, unless you are still living in the 80's, beware of bad 80's music plays from the start of the film and between each segment. 5/10

Drive in Massacre (1976)

You Have Got to Love This Kind of Trash

[6/10 · 4 January 2007]

Drive-In Massacre is one of those movies that many people call the worst film ever made. For one, those people are mistaken. They obviously haven't seen Criminally Insane 2 or Lunch Meat. This movie goes into that category of being "so bad it's good". We have clumsy and dark filming, horrible editing, atrocious acting, and some of the most hilarious set-ups for a massacre. What isn't there to like?

The story is one of the things that adds the charm to this disastrous film as it never really makes any sense or comes together. The movie starts out at a drive-in theater with two teenagers making out and then getting horribly butchered by a maniac with a sword. Well, this starts the movie and brings in our two main bumbling characters, two over weight detectives. As they bumble around the case more people end up butchered at the drive-in. What will happen next?

I have to say that some of the lines in this film are almost to much to take. A particular scene in which the two detectives are drilling a man who they think might be the killer. In a crying state the man says out loud "All I wanted to do was beat my meat!". This movie is filled with one liners like that and I don't know if they were intentional or not. Another great scene is when the two detectives are undercover and one of them is dressed like a woman.

This is one of those movies that just needs to be seen by a specific crowd as it is obviously not for everyone. 6/10

The Forgotten (1973)

When The Inmates Run The Asylum

[8/10 · 4 January 2007]

This is a great movie from the early 70's, I will start by saying. I had the misfortune of seeing this movie on one of those Brentwood DVD collections so the quality was awful, but, the movie was so interesting I couldn't help but be captivated in its crazy and twisted story. Now, if you are looking for a movie like One Flew Over the Cuccu's Nest stay away from this film. This is the definition of a "B" film.

The movie starts with in the asylum, which appears to be a nice old fashioned country house. When one of the inmates chops the head Doctor in the back with an ax, the head nurse takes over. In the same day, a young nurse comes to the asylum to work full time. The head nurse is reluctant to hire her, but ends up doing so. The young nurse probably should have stayed at home because she soon discovers that the inmates are truly running the asylum and she cannot escape.

The storyline is a bit predictable, but, we still have a few surprises here and there. The acting is actually decent enough to work in a low budget film. The thing that makes this movie so interesting is the interaction of the inmates with each other. It is obvious most of them are quite homicidal. This is one of those movies that I believe ever horror aficionado should own. A whole lot of fun. 8/10

Heartstopper (2006)

Predictable but Somewhat Enjoyable

[6/10 · 14 December 2006]

HeartStopper is a very predictable horror/slasher film that uses the same ideas we have seen time and time again. Directed by Bob Keen, who is the same director who gave us the silly B movie Proteus, Keen doesn't do a much better job with this movie. It seems to put Halloween 2 and Wes Cravens Shocker into one movie.

The movie starts with our serial killer already apprehended by the hands of the local Sheriff played by Robert Englund. Chambers (the killer) is already to be fried in the electric chair and pulls a similar type of performance of that of Horace Pinker from Shocker or Max Jenke from The Horror Show. After being fried (horribly) the sheriff and the coroner are taking the body to the local hospital when they almost hit a suicidal girl named Sara. Along with the body, they take her to the hospital as well. Once in the coroners room, Chambers rises from the dead and murders the coroner and anyone else who gets in his way as he tries to make it to Sara to take her body and use it as his own.

What this movie lacks is some background of the characters and and any real terror. The character of Chambers is played WAY over the top and is just not a believable performance. Meredith Henderson, who played the part of Sara, didn't do such a bad job and was actually pleasant to watch. Robert Englund as the Sheriff seems a bit silly, but, he was really the only true highlight of the film and he gets killed off very early in the movie.

Now onto the gore/violence department. Anyone that is going to rent or buy a movie called HeartStopper is expecting a great deal of violence. For my taste, there wasn't enough. I have seen plenty of movies where the subject matter is of people getting there hearts ripped out so that didn't bother me. But, there is one particular scene that is worth seeing just for that scene alone. Let's just say that Chambers decides to perform surgery on an unsuspecting victim.

Well, there have been far better movies then this over the years. As far as slasher movies go, this is one of those weak links. I would suggest watching if there is nothing else on, or, if you just have to see everything that Robert Englund is in. 6/10

UKM: The Ultimate Killing Machine (2006)

Not As Bad As It Is Made Out To Be

[5/10 · 10 December 2006]

UKM is one of those movies that we have all seen before. An obvious storyline with obvious characters that are going to do obvious things. But, the movie does movie along at a nice pace, and, if you are into cheap thrills can be very fun.

The story has to do with the military performing crazy experiments on solders trying to create the "Ultimate Killing Machine". It starts out with a great solder being tortured and then being turned into a killer. The movie then goes on to a group of four outcasts that have been sent to the military to be reformed. They to are experimented on and accidentally let the first test subject out, who starts a wild killing spree.

That is basically the storyline. As I said before, it is nothing new. It reminds me of a horrible mix of Alien and Wes Cravens Brain Ripper. This really is not a very good movie as the acting is mediocre, the story is lame, and the gore isn't even all that great. Michael Madson pulls in another fabulous performance, that similar of his performance in BloodRayne. It is funny seeing an actor who was great in movies like Reservoir Dogs and other movies similar, fall into such a rut.

All around, this movie just doesn't cut it. But, if you have some time to kill, you might enjoy it. Just don't take it to seriously. 5/10

Mark of the Devil (1970)

A Great Film, Truly Disturbing

[10/10 · 21 November 2006]

I had heard of Mark of the Devil for quite a fews years now but had never got the chance to see it. It wasn't until recently a friend of mine let me borrow his uncut copy of it. So, about a week ago I decided to sit down and watch this cult classic. I am very pleased I did as I was pleasantly surprised by what I had seen.

The story is just one of the many accounts of the witch trials that were held all those years ago. Whether this story was just made up or not does not matter. Udo Kier plays Count Christian von Meruh, a witch-hunter and a sort of apprentice to his superior Count Cumberland, played wonderfully by Herbert Lom. When Udo Kier falls for a woman accused of being a witch and sees Cumberland strangle a man to death, he starts questioning the actual motivations behind the trials.

That is for the most part the storyline. The thing that makes this movie so famous for cult horror movie enthusiast is the graphic torture scenes of innocent people. This movie is filled throughout with them. Not that that is a problem because that is what gives the movie its powerful edge. Of course, the acting was surprisingly very good in this movie also. There are certain characters that you truly grow a strong hatred for. The one that you truly hate the most is played by Reggie Nalder (Salems Lot), who also played in the second, far more watered down, Mark of the Devil 2.

This was a great film. Instantly, it has become one of my favorites of the era in which it was made. I highly recommend this to genre fans and people with the taste for the sadistic. You won't be disappointed. 10/10

Street Asylum (1990)

Hilarious and Underrated

[7/10 · 10 November 2006]

I remember seeing the cover for Street Asylum many years ago and thinking that it looked like another crappy straight to video movie. Then I looked at the cover again and noticed G. Gordan Liddy's face being turned into a robot and thinking that this could be interesting. Well, after sitting down and watching this movie with a few friends, G. Gordan never turns into a robot, but, we did discover how much fun this silly film truly was.

Wings Hauser plays a cop who has been shot in the line of duty. When he wakes up he is already been taken care of and discovers he has been transfered to a very tough division called SQUAD (created by G. Gordan Liddy). The first thing he notices with SQUAD is that all of the men are a bunch of crazed animals who just want to destroy street scum. After a few weeks of being on SQUAD, Wings discovers himself acting more and more like the rest of them and his life begins to spiral out of control.

First of all, if you are into the 80's you will probably get a kick out of this movie as it looks like it was made in 1985 but was released in 1990. The music is nothing but saxophone and actually gets annoying from time to time. But I can overlook that since the subject matter is hilarious.

The acting in the movie is actually quite good and Wings Hauser as the lead man is very convincing. Now, G. Gordan Liddy's role in the movie is one of the most hilarious of all time. Not because of the subject matter, but because this is G. Gordan Liddy. He plays the creator of SQUAD and a sadomasochist which leads to one particularly hilarious scene in which he is being whipped by a dominatrix! Look also for Brion James as a crazed street preacher. It is a small role, but, still great.

Overall, I am not quite sure why this movie has such a low rating on IMDb. This was a fun, enjoyable movie in which you don't have to put a lot of thought into. Fans of the 80's should like this one. 7/10

The Killer Nun (1979)

Denture Smashing Nun

[8/10 · 4 November 2006]

Here is a rather fun and quite distasteful film about a nun (Anita Ekberg) and her spiral into insanity. I was rather surprised by this movie as I am not a big fan of nunsploitation, but, this movie was a rather hilarious attempt at being dead serious.

Anita Ekberg plays Sister Gertrude, a nun who apparently had brain surgery before the movie starts. She is now working in a hospital with geriatrics and crippled patients. Right away we realize that the sister is not all there in the head as she is addicted to morphine and is sleeping with men on the outside of the hospital. Only one other nun working in the hospital realizes what she is doing, but, doesn't lift a finger to stop it. When patients start mysteriously dying it looks like Sister Gertrude may have slipped completely over the edge.

Some of the positives of the movie is that it has a great soundtrack and some truly good acting from the lead characters. The story is a bit predictable, but, that is all OK as the movie is rather entertaining. We have some truly hysterical moments as well! Look for a scene in which Sister Gertrude smashes an old ladies dentures on the floor! Also, for you gorehounds out there, we have very little in this movie. We do have several disturbing kills, but, nothing gory.

I think it is funny how movies like this were made in the 70's. It was truly a great time in exploitation cinema. A movie like this wouldn't dare be made now-a-days. I would certainly check this movie out if you are a fan of exploitation. It is well worth the time. 8/10

Decoys (2004)

OK OK... It Wasn't THAT Bad...

[6/10 · 28 October 2006]

Normally I would never watch a movie like Decoys. I am not a fan of this type of cinema and the description sounded like a big ripoff of the 80's cult flick Revenge of the Teenage Vixens From Outer Space. Since Decoys was given to me as a gift just recently I figured I would force myself to watch it...

Basically, the storyline is similar to that of Revenge of the Teenage Vixens From Outer Space, just the vixens aren't "teenagers" and they don't turn their victims into vegetables. Anyway, the movie takes place on a college campus. Luke is the star of the movie and he witnesses these two beautiful girls turning into aliens before his very eyes. The only problem is getting everyone else to believe his story. Meanwhile, the "vixens" are screwing guys to death, literally, by freezing them from the inside out. What will Luke do to stop this invasion?

Well, as much as this movie looked dreadful, it really isn't that bad. The acting was actually pretty decent and the special effects (for lame CGI) weren't as bad as I would have expected. My two main complaints were the cliché horny college kids and the absolutely awful music played throughout the movie. But, I guess this movie was aimed to more of an early 20's age group. I guess the makers figure that is what people listen to or how they act. Whatever...

Anyway, I got a few laughs out of this movie and it kept my interest throughout. So, I guess it did what it was aiming for. Check it out on a rainy day. 6/10

Baby Blood (1990)

I Thought It Was Great

[9/10 · 27 October 2006]

Well, The Evil Within (Baby Blood) is definitely a different sort of movie. It isn't just the loads of blood that make this movie a fun choice, it has good atmosphere and a great horror storyline that keep things interesting throughout.

The story circles around a young woman named Yonka. Yonka is a very unfortunate woman as she is impregnated by an alien being. Not from outer space, I might add. Anyway, poor Yonka, the baby inside of her can communicate with her telepathically and forces her to kill people and suck there blood to feed the creature inside. The whole story takes place over nine months and has one misadventure after the next, until the very bloody end.

I first saw this movie under the title of The Evil Within many years ago. It is better now then I remember it being when I first viewed it. The movie is incredibly bloody. Not so much during the first hour of the movie, but the last thirty minutes is something else. Of course, I have seen far more bloody, but, if you are not used to this type of thing, it can be quite disturbing.

The storyline in itself is quite original and simple at the same time. What makes it so cool to watch is the relationship Yonka is forced to have with this evil being inside of her. It can be quite horrific and humorous all at the same time.

If you like horror I don't see how you couldn't like this film. If you like Frank Henenlotter's work, movies like Brain Damage or Basket Case, I think this is right up your alley. 9/10

Dot.Kill (2005)

Suffers From Many Things

[6/10 · 26 October 2006]

Dot.Kill is unfortunately not a very original film. It suffers from taking to many ideas from other films from the past 10 years. It is no surprise as this is just one of many films like this that is simply a product of its time. Of course, if you are into this type of thing you might find some enjoyment as Armand Assante gives a solid performance as usual. But even he couldn't carry the film as a whole on his back.

Assante plays a detective named Charlie. Charlie is a sick man who appears to be dying and as a result is heavily addicted to morphine. The story unfolds with a serial killer murdering people through the internet and posting it in real time for millions of people to see. As the case starts to unravel, Charlie becomes sicker and sicker.

Basically, this movie is a cross between Seven and Fear.Com and that's not a good thing. There is nothing supernatural about the movie like Fear.Com but the whole thing with posting the murders online is a similar concept. And the relation to Seven is the direction the movie attempts to take. But let's face it, Seven was a hundred times better then this or any other movie that came out in the genre for the past 15 years.

I will admit that the first 30 minutes of the movie was a bit intriguing as Assante is a fun actor to watch in just about anything he is in, but, the movie loses its muster halfway through and things become predictable and boring. The ending is rather anticlimactic, I might add.

Overall, it wasn't a good movie but it really wasn't a bad movie either. I think the only reason to watch the movie is if you are a Armand Assante fan. 6/10

Undead (2003)

Better Then You Would Think It Is...

[8/10 · 25 October 2006]

Okay, from all of the things that have been said about this movie, I really had no idea what to expect. In all honesty, it sounded like just another zombie flick that would be crap (since a lot of them coming out recently are). The first half of this movie is just a straight arrow zombie story that all of us have seen again and again, but, the last half of the movie is something else entirely.

The movie starts out in a small Australian town with meteors shooting to Earth turning people into flesh crazed zombies. A group of people hide out in the basement of a country house trying to figure out what to do. It is when they decide to hit the road to get to the local hospital that things become really weird... aliens?

The first half of the movie was loosing my interest. Sure, there is plenty of gore and crazy action, but, I have already seen it all, and from better movies. The second half of the movie really isn't quite what you expect. It seems as if the writers said "enough of this zombie crap, let's do something original". And it finally got my interest and I really started enjoying the movie at that point.

For those of you that like something a little bit different with your zombies, I would check it out. You should enjoy this. 8/10

Slither (2006)

My Two Cents...

[8/10 · 25 October 2006]

I wasn't sure what to expect with Slither as I have heard many conflicting opinions on this movie. I know the trailer looked pretty good, but, I didn't want to pay 9 dollars to see it in the theaters. It just came out on DVD so I bought it and just got done watching it. What we have is a mix of Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Night of the Creeps thrown together to form a disgusting blob of a film, which I happened to enjoy very much.

Michael Rooker (Henry: Portait of a Serial Killer) stars as a man who is having problems with his wife at home. So, one night he decides to go to the local bar and pick up a girl. As they go out to the forest to mess around, they discover a fallen meteorite. A slug like creature attacks him and takes over his body, possessing him. Unbeknownst to his wife and the rest of the community, Rooker plots an invasion like none other by infecting the townspeople to start a breeding ground for world domination.

I got a real kick out of this movie. It is maybe once every 5 to 10 years we get a movie like this that you can truly call a monster movie. It has all of the classic elements that make it worth the while using ideas from Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Night of the Creeps. If you haven't seen this and you have seen the other movies, this is definitely worth your 15 bucks. 8/10

P.S.

You will probably never look at Michael Rooker the same way again.