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darcy-79681
Reviews
The Deep Web: Murdershow (2023)
I wasn't expecting much and was still let down..
I wasn't expecting a super movie, but I was really frustrated by this effort.
The lead actor ruined the movie for me immediately. How he got the lead role I have no idea. Related to the director? Whatever the reason, his brutal performance took a mediocre move and flushed it. He just can't do it. The female lead at least was better to watch. She couldn't save the movie, but she tried.
The other actors were also painful to watch, and I really felt like I was watching a high school film project. For example, the actors in the masks were awful. When you wear a mask the whole movie and have no dialogue, you have to create terror by the menace of your body language and movement. These actors moved like film student actors crossed with Vanna White. When you can't act with no lines and a mask on, it's hard to recover.
Overall, the story could have been interesting had it been told effectively and acted well. Also, so much must have been left on the cutting room floor that it felt over edited, choppy and unfinished. A movie that's 81 minutes with credits can't create character development and a proper story.
It's a student film that no one was warned about.
Road House (2024)
I wanted to rate it higher but...
I enjoyed the humour in the movie and always enjoy Jake Gyllenhaal. The side characters were entertaining. The fight choreography was excellent.
Sadly, that was the end of it. One, the story got more and more ridiculous towards the end. This is a bouncer movie, not a sci fi movie. The special effects and the action nearer the end was insane, and not in a good way. If I wanted science fiction, that's what I would have paid for. And I don't mean in the story. I just mean in the effects used and the way the characters survived completely implausible action in a movie that is supposed to be about bar fights.
Two, Conor McGregor ruined the movie. Hire actors to play acting roles. He couldn't even make the fights look good most of the time because he doesn't know how to FAKE fight. Yes, he's an amazing fighter. He's NOT an actor. He proved that every time the camera was on him. His character was wooden, had no comedic timing, didn't know how to fake fight, and was painful to watch. Hire a former UFC fighter or wrestler that has successfully transitioned to acting. Why ruin a movie with big name actors by putting someone in that couldn't act their way out of a paper bag?
Third, the villain was terrible in the movie. As usual, streaming movies are too short in order to save money, so the characters and story aren't fleshed out well enough. It feels unfinished at the end of every one. Normally, I like the guy that played the villain. But his character was under developed and his acting wasn't great, either. It seemed forced, his lines were subpar, and I think it's because he didn't have enough screen time to make him feel important. To be overshadowed by a smaller character like McGregor is a shame, because McGregor did his very best to prove he belongs in exactly zero more acting roles. And the villain made it seem like the average librarian could have solved the problem, not the world's greatest bouncer who's back story was so minimally mentioned that it didn't matter.
Fourth, Gyllenhaal's back story for his character was a mystery we didn't care about. The movie needed another 15 minutes so we cared about what his life was like before. He's this big mystery that is hinted at piece by piece. However, so little information is in the 10 second flashbacks that nothing is really revealed and no one cares about it! Big deal! He has baggage that is so poorly presented that no one cares. I wish we learned more so his character felt more meaningful, instead of just snippets of a knight in shining armour with baggage we never saw.
I was excited to see an entertaining remake that had modern day superb fight choreography and a fun story that didn't need to change the world. What I watched was a snippet of great fighting, the start of a good story, and the ridiculous ending that seemed like it belonged in another movie altogether. Shame.
I was exceedingly disappointed because I was excited for this movie. I hope they learned their lesson.
The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes (2023)
What a snoozefest about a character no one likes.
What can I say? I really liked the original 4 movies and really wanted to like this one. Not being based on a book of course I didn't know what it really was about going in. How disappointed I was.
The story is about President Snow in his youth and no one could want to learn about the most hated character in the original series. Who cares what he did growing up and why he became a monster? No one. It was also made in a cheap romance setting that never would fly in the books, which immediately lost my interest.
The main protagonist was well acted and semi interesting, but she wasn't given interesting material to run with, so our engagement into her character was greatly reduced. This felt like a Twilight remake without vampires, which is fine for kids, but appeals to no one else. The big named actors were wasted and the pacing was so slow I honestly wasn't sure I was going to make it through.
My only hope is this doesn't become a series if movies, because this story didn't need to be told at all.
Mission to Mars (2000)
That's 90 minutes I'll never get back.
What the heck was that? How did all these big names get roped into this? Did they end up in a contract they couldn't get out of?
It's unwatchable. The story is ridiculous. Like kid's tv show ridiculous. None of it makes any sense. The acting is brutal. And I mean BRUTAL. Its like watching an 1980's soap opera. And one of the bad ones.
The effects. It's like watching Star Wars. Except Star Wars was better and they used toys on strings. And the music. I hope the composer never composed anything again. I am either at a hockey game in 1985 with the bad synthesizer music, or stuck in a 1975 Disney movie. It was way too loud and just simply atrocious.
I can't even get past the story and how terrible it was. It's like they mashed Star Trek and a train wreck into a movie. I have no words to explain how this movie was given to studios and green lit. There is suspending disbelief and making a Looney Tunes reality into a live action movie. Everyone who promoted this movie should be fired.
This may have been the worst or one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I feel bad that the actors are tied to this drivel. This couldn't have helped their careers.
Insidious: The Red Door (2023)
Super disappointed in a series I initially loved.
This was the worst of the series by far. I had high hopes for this installment of Insidious and was so disappointed. Patrick Wilson should not have directed.
First of all, it wasn't scary. There was nothing new in it. No new creatures. The original main cast was absent or just 1 minute cameos. The creatures were just random super quick images of the original monsters flashing on the screen. Clearly the budget was too low to make any real appearances or to have any real monster involvement.
So much of it was so dark I could barely see what was happening. I hate this new direction in tv and movies by being so dark you really can't see. If you don't have a story, don't hide it with bad lighting and call it mysterious and edgy.
At first I felt the story had a chance, and it seemed to be developing a decent story line. Then, when the action started and we hadn't even found out really what was going on, I noticed there were 12 minutes left in the movie including the credits. This is when I knew for sure the low ratings were accurate.
Chris, the new friend, was at least entertaining. But, the characters were poorly written and had little development. The script was underwhelming with no scares of any consequence and the end was ridiculous and such a let down.
I wanted this to be so much better and now for sure there won't be a 6th. Leigh Whannell didn't write this one and it really shows. What a shame. I'm being generous at 4, and I'm trying hard not to downgrade it.
The Good Lie (2014)
Great view of real life for the Sudanese
This movie shows the real struggles of the victims of the wars in Africa. They represented well how different and difficult life is from a war torn African childhood to life in America. It's a shame more movies aren't made about this topic. Reese Witherspoon was great and the actors who played all the refugees did an amazing job of representing the realities of bringing adults who grew up in refugee camps to an unfamiliar country. I've watched this movie a few times and it never gets old. They didn't sugar coat the harsh reality these men and women faced and face every day. This movie is worth the watch!!
65 (2023)
Really? So much potential wasted.
Wow. This one hurt. I was pumped for a thriller with dinosaurs. Nope.
First, it was advertised as something completely different than the story it turned out to be. Remember when everyone hated Lucy because the trailer was totally different from the movie? This was exactly the same. I was expecting a thriller sci-fi movie that scared me and kept me on the edge of my seat with dinosaurs type action. Instead, I got a family Disney-esque carbon copy of every other adventure movie with a child companion. I was so disappointed.
Second, why make a blockbuster cost movie that's 90 minutes long When? When it's a cheap Netflix movie, I expect it to be too short. But when you market this like a terrifying Jurassic Park style movie, it can't be this short. Where's the real character development? Just why? This movie needed to be at least 2 hours, with better character development, less rushed pacing, and more dinosaurs! The effects were great, but were lost because they were barely used since the movie was so short. I also don't need the story spoon fed to me. I knew as soon as they crashed how it was going to play out and end.
Not every movie needs to be a kid's Disney style movie. And if it's going to be, don't teaser market it as something else. So disappointed that I wasted my time and money seeing it.
Underwater (2020)
I wanted to love this movie so much!
I love spooky underwater horror and really had high hopes for this film. I gave it the 6 because I still enjoyed it, but it could have been so much better. As a horror genre lover, I hate to see the horror kitschy flaws that are so common with horror now. 1. Stop using the dark as a way to save money on the creatures/effects. I hated that you couldn't see them, none of the action, and the quick flash technique of second long views in the periphery doesn't help. I may as well read a book if I have to imagine everything. 2. No character development due to short run time. Add another 10-15 minutes so we are more connected to the characters! Despite everyone hating on Kristen Stewart, I thought her character was very good in this, as well as her acting. I thought Paul Gallagher Jr., however, was awful. He took away from the film for sure for me. 3. Don't use newspaper clippings at the start and finish in replacement of actual story. It's lazy, and contributed to the poor script in general.
On the up side, I really wish it had done better so there was a sequel. It was definitely creepy and I thought the underwater scenes were well done minus my critique above. Also, thank you for the quick little nod to Alien by including that quick sound sequence from it! The movie definitely had a creepy feel and I loved the idea.
I just wish it was more fleshed out so it didn't feel like a stretched out short film. A wasted opportunity that lost money because of the reasons above I'm sure. I wish horror wasn't cheated out on so much now, which is killing the genre. Alien, Aliens, The Descent and other movies like these prove you can have characters and a story that mean something, AND still be terrifying.
Outlast (2023)
Not about survival, it's about sociopaths
I can't even. I was expecting the trials of teamwork in a serious survival scenario. Something like Alone with a team. Not how many laws can we break being a sociopath. It was disgusting and the psycho alpha team deserves any ill will they receive for their behaviour afterwords. If my family or friends ever saw me behave that way, they'd disown me. You expect it from the felon, but the sociopath that uses the felon as her pet because she needs the adoration and attention of someone who has less survival skills than a blind and deaf stray cat really ruins the show. What a blunder by Netflix. I won't be watching season 2 if they're crazy enough to make it and I couldn't even finish this season. I just Googled the winner, watched the last 5 minutes of the show, and read all the negative reviews about the show. I bet if they tallied up all the actual shown survival activities in the season it wouldn't make 45 minutes of content. Completely ridiculous and shameful. 1/10 is generous.
The Adam Project (2022)
The usual punny Reynolds in a new set design
Worth the watch despite the glaring plot holes. I understand in a sci-fi movie you need to suspend some reality to make it work, especially with time travel involved. If you can get past the premise that a fighter jet coming from a time worse than 'a good day' in the future Terminator only works if your pilot/soldier is 100% healthy, you'll at least find the usual Ryan Reynolds sarcastic banter entertaining. That was the hard part for me. How can military equipment stop functioning if the soldier is hurt? Makes war very short and you'll never win. Otherwise, if you go in looking for light hearted fun and don't mind the usual Netflix way of making movies too short to save money at the expense of key plot and character development, it's worth the watch and you'll leave entertained. Just don't think too much into it and enjoy. I'm worried Ryan Reynolds, a favorite actor of mine, is going to stop producing quality for the paycheck, because his witty sarcasm can't keep carrying these movies along when they have no real substance to support them. The other actors other than the kid were so little represented that we have no choice but to not care about them.