The3Extremes Reviews

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)

A terrific gangster-comedy.

[10/10 · 13 October 2005]

Guy Ritchie has a special talent for these film types as i discovered when i viewed the equally good Snatch. Lock, Stock... is a bit more stylish than Snatch, and the end sequence was filmed on Battersea bridge! ( the exclamation mark is there for people like me who have walked across the bridge many times without even realising) The film is quite offensive in parts, but is still a masterpiece of a film. The plot is a group of 5 friends save up enough money to play cards with "Mr Big" Harry Lonsdale, however, the game is rigged and after borrowing money off of Harry he has 1 week to pay him back or he gets his fingers cut off! That night, as the friends squabble amongst themselves, Eddie hears his neighbours planning a robbery of weed and shoeboxes full of money, so they decide, in order to get the money, they simply rob the robbers. Things go fine - or at least thats what they think. The weed they took belonged to a deadly gang lead by a crazy junkie who's lunacy is told in brilliant cockney-rhyming slang flashback that is subtitled. This leads to a right kerfuffle as everyone is killing each other - literally! a great film 10 out of 10.

Die Another Day (2002)

The action is great but the classic Bond themes are all missing.

[5/10 · 13 October 2005]

It's been a while since i saw this film so i can't remember the story too well but the action is perfect, the sword scene is brilliant and the amount of destructive damage done is unbelievable. The bond music is strangely absent from the film and the characters are the best so far (Zao is perfect character) Halle Berry is good as Jynx but the beach scene from Dr No just didn't work at all. The film is definitely worth a watch for action fans although Bond fans will be very disappointed. Also recommended for fans of mindless destruction in movies. There are dozens of one-liners in this Bond film ( maybe a bit too many) some of them are great but others are just a bit silly. I'd give this movie a 5 out of 10.

Fight Club (1999)

Like the sixth sense, the twist creeps up on you so quietly you definitely have to watch this movie twice.

[10/10 · 13 October 2005]

The title suggests a random beat em up, the film is far from it. In fact, the film is a masterpiece of intelligence and features a script so descriptive it makes every line sound like a quote. The opening theme tune by Nine-Inch Nails is terrific and gives you the vibe needed to watch the rest of this astonishing movie. Edward Norton is a low-life. His life consists of what is in his kitchen and the testicular cancer group he gets addicted to ( even though he does not have testicular cancer.) Then he meets Brad Pitt, a soap salesman who has a completely different style of life, together, they create fight club, a club for men who want to get rid of stress by beating the crap out of each other and completing destructive "homework" assignments. The word of fight club spreads and soon, there are clubs starting all over the world. But as the fight club turns into more of a destructive group of hooligans, people begin to get in deep trouble and the truth is soon revealed. A great film that has to be seen twice to be appreciated. 10 out of 10.

The Cell (2000)

The most violent horror ever made.

[10/10 · 13 October 2005]

This sick and disturbing horror has the most fantastic visuals ever! The horror is extremely chilling and is all psychologically disturbed and in some points just down-right bizarre. The plot is this: in a future world, where advanced technology can allow human beings to " walk through the mind of another" by sending them to sleep and connecting their brains. It is proved useful when a masochistic serial killer who drowns his victims in a glass container, has a seizure and goes into a coma. The whereabouts of his latest victim can only be found in the deranged and warped mind of the killer, which must be explored by J-Lo. The film features some randomly bizarre sequences including a horse being vivisected and a cow's head spinning rapidly like a washing machine and the blood pouring into a bucket. The film also contains some really nasty violence, a guy's intestines are stuck to a roller wheel ( imagine it as a large rolling pin with spikes on it) and then the wheel is slowly turnt unravelling the guy's intestines and wrapping them around the wheel. The horror is amazing and has some truly creepy moments as well as one scene that makes you jump so high you hit the ceiling. Overall, a great film 10 out of 10.

The Eye (2002)

Why are you sitting in my chair?

[10/10 · 11 October 2005]

This bizarre little horror film is a treat for Asian horror fans in it's own little way. It has something about it that separates it from Into the mirror or Phone. The plot is about a blind girl who has an eye transplant and swaps eyes with a girl who died and by connecting everything up doctors believe they can make her see again. It works, however what she she's isn't always what is really there. The creepy scenes are real edge-of-the-seat stuff (the man in the lift)and although the end is a bit OTT the shocks delivered in throughout are great. One of the most frightening scenes in any Asian horror film, the "sitting in my chair" scene builds up no suspense but hits you when your not expecting it. Another great Asian horror flick.

Ju-on: The Grudge (2002)

what happened at the end!?

[9/10 · 11 October 2005]

A brilliantly chilling Japanese horror that is riddled with psychological shocks that break almost every horror movie rule invented. The shocks are mostly in daylight, the camera angles move in reverse to the action on screen (making the next shock totally unexpected)and the intrusive music is toned down to a creepy soft pattern that doesn't let the viewer know there's a shock around the corner. The chapters flit back and forth which makes for 2 or 3 viewings, and the creepy little boy is excellent as the cat-stroking menace. However the films ending has me at a lost, i just can't figure it out, is Rika the curse? please someone explain! overall a great experience 9 out of 10.

Dark Water (2002)

What is it with these Asian films that i never get the end?

[8/10 · 11 October 2005]

Hideo Nakata's less horrific tale of a missing girl. The film is more a drama chiller than a straight horror and the finale is a mind-boggling shock-attack that is, once again, difficult to grasp. The story is about a mother and daughter who move into a flat. They begin to notice wt patches appearing on the ceiling and the mother investigates. The room above is filled with dirty water and according to the owner of the flats, no-one has lived there since the last girl who disappeared a few years back. When the mother takes another look at the room upstairs, she sees a head of a girl peer round the door to the house just as the elevator goes down. Interesting and tense from start to 3 quarters of the way through, then the film turns and what follows is a confusing struggle between the missing girl and the mother. The confusing bit is when the mother holds the missing girl (after the mother has been attacked by her) and says " i am your mummy" leaving her real daughter distraught and lonely. 10 years later: the 16 year old girl revisits the house and talks to the mother it is clear she is talking to a ghost but what exactly happened? A film to watch with the commentary on. 8 out of 10.

Ring 2 (1999)

Disappointing

[6/10 · 11 October 2005]

The first film was a brilliant chilling masterpiece, and this is a good little follow up considering that sequels to classics are a bad idea usually. However as the film progresses it gets gradually worse and then you realise it is just another example of bad sequels to classics. There are, however, some chilling scenes e.g, the scene where the mirror on the wall reflects Sadako's mother combing her hair and that eerie tone kicks in. Then there's the scenes that just go too far with the supernatural ideas and result in being near fantasy. The end is by far too much of a muddle and the whole idea of water being transferred through the mind is too far-fetched. However, despite what i've just said, I urge you to watch this instead of the remake which is ten times worse!

Ringu (1998)

the mother of all Japanese horror films

[10/10 · 11 October 2005]

The film that made me an Asian horror fan is probably the most tense and chilling horror to rival Audition. The famous plot about a killer video tape that will kill anyone who watchs it exactly 7 days later is told in such a great way that every scene delivers a chill. The film has some incredibly eerie 'humming' as music which helps make those shivers hit your spine. The camera work plays a major roll in the fear factor as well, swerving around to neatly reveal the shocks on the victim's faces. Those who viewed the Hollywood remake first will be more shocked as the famous crawling through the tele finale is even more chilling.

Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior (2003)

Far better than Jackie Chan

[10/10 · 9 October 2005]

Jackie Chan is history it is all about Tony Jaa now! This film will knock you out with the creative violence (almost Miike-like) and the agile manoeuvres made by our little sprite Tony Jaa. He jumps feet first through bands of razorwire, he uses peoples shoulders as hopscotch grids, he even has a go at bumper cars! There are about 5 main action sequences here (each about 10 minutes or so!)and the one to look out for is the triple fight club sequence in which Tony takes part in bare knuckled fighting he beats the first guy (piece of cake)then a second one comes on he thrashes him! And then the third guy called 'big bear' and that is my favourite fight scene in the film! A truly terrific action packed film that keeps you gripped start to finish! 10 out of 10!

Ancient Evil: Scream of the Mummy (2000)

what an utter piece of crap

[1/10 · 8 October 2005]

Why the hell does it say Bram Stoker on it? I can't believe i watched this it is stupid, ridiculous shite that i might just use as a doorstop!It really is that bad, the acting is a complete joke, the so called "scary bits" are just people wandering around a room saying "hey would you stop that.This joke isn't funny" the mummy is just a person covered in brown paper and made to roar and groan and walk like a zombie. I actually can't think of one good thing to say about it as it is all awful and I will never sit through it again, that's for sure! If you are gonna watch a decent mummy horror film, then try 'the mummy' or 'the mummy returns' but don't get those classic titles confused with this trash!

Blue Velvet (1986)

very disturbing

[8/10 · 8 October 2005]

David Lynch has a weird streak in him and he has a thing for Kyle Mcclachlan. Dennis Hopper plays the best insane psychopaths (Speed)and he does his best acting i've ever seen. Stylish and in some cases perverted, Blue Velvet is a beautiful film that has some extremely tense scenes ( no film can top the scene in which Jeffrey hides in the wardrobe and watches helplessly as Dennis Hopper rapes Isabella Roselini) the film is very good and chucks up some mad one-liners and some memorable songs, too. Overall a must-see for lovers of Twin Peaks. i rate this movie an 8 out of 10 for the style and intensity matched by no other film.

Hard Boiled (1992)

this is what i mean by action!!!

[10/10 · 8 October 2005]

This film is an absolutely bloodthirsty action cinematic that will blow you away the first 5 minutes sees one cop take on 2 gangs of arms dealers at a teahouse. There's plates being smashed, tables being collapsed, people shooting each other (even the cooks get shot!) Then that action sequence finishes only to be bettered by the next, and when that one finishes, prepare for the half hours worth of gun-crazy destruction for the finale that tops the violence and lunacy of the 2 previous shootouts. Those easily offended beware: even though it is Japanese, the film contains very strong language. The best ever action film! 10 out of 10

Battle Royale II (2003)

Dreadful!!

[2/10 · 8 October 2005]

This follow up to the ultra violent original loses all the intensity, all the atmosphere and all the interest of 'Battle Royale'. The story this time is military school trainees are sent to fight by the most laughable bad guy ever to be seen in a movie. Trying to up the cold, sadistic Takeshi Kitano as the teacher in the original, he looks stupid rolling his eyes and grunting!(and well,i was on the bus and the big fat black woman,well i never!)The film loses itself in the action forgetting the suspense we don't get a chance to feel for the kids as half of them are wiped out in the first 10 minutes! the jerky camera-style is good but other than that this movie sucks!

Battle Royale (2000)

A terrific, brutal action film!

[10/10 · 8 October 2005]

This movie has to be seen to be believed! It is an action film but seems to have an element of atmosphere that is unmatchable even by hardcore horror films! The film's music is really melodramatic and morbid and is played at just the right times. The level of violence in this movie is absurd, and boy#6 (kiriyama) is superb as the lunatic-joker-of-the-pack killing anyone he sees without mercy or remorse. The film's plot is a very controversial subject, the kids in Japan are out of control, they bunk classes, physically assault teachers and just do as they please. Time for that to change thanks to 'Battle Royale', the new reality t.v. show(like supernanny but with older kids and sadistic violence).Unruly kids made to fight on a deserted island until there is one student left, all the rest must be dead.With a necklace round their neck that tracks the kids and is also a bomb, if they attempt to leave the island, it simply explodes, in 3 days time, if there is no winner, it explodes, if they take it off it explodes. Each kid given a different weapon(lucky ones get grenades, unlucky ones get dustbin lids!)The ending is a big let down as it is a muddle that doesn't make much sense. Overall, a brilliant must-see for ultra-violence lovers like me. 10 out of 10

The Doll Master (2004)

A disappointing Asian horror flop

[4/10 · 8 October 2005]

The worst ever Korean movie! The plot is ridiculously complex, unbelievable, and the film creates not a single shock. It builds up suspense well enough then leaves you agitated providing no shock or jumpy moment. Whenever there is a chilling moment you are not bothered by it as you're still trying to work out who is who and what is going on! It goes something like this: a modeling company recruit 4 people for a modeling career. but the owners are not what they seem, they have model dolls of everyone and a strange girl is seen walking about the place and the owners have no recognition of a girl. It turns out that everyone is there for a reason and thats as much as i could grasp. The ending is a muddle of killings and you don't know who's a doll who's real and who's dead! i don't recommend it to fans of Korean/Asian horror films.

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

Tobe Hooper - the king

[10/10 · 8 October 2005]

Never have i seen a film that builds up such an incredible atmosphere and such a chilling finale that scares the socks off 'audition'. TCM is the most eerie, creepy and chilling film ever made! That scene where we first meet Leatherface as he batters Kirk with a hammer, the way it is shot, the way he drags Kirks body up the step and slams the door in our face violently. The way Leatherface grunts and gnaws like a pig. Any horror freak should have already seen this and if you haven't then you're not a horror freak, you're just a freak! The film is about a group of five teenagers who go to spend a week or two in an abandoned house owned by one of the group(the eldest one in a wheelchair)'s father. They are not prepared for the macabre, sadism of the family of cannibals (Leatherface,the Hitch-hiker,the Cook,Grandpa) awaiting them. The screaming finale is so realistic it makes you worry. Don't be a fool and pick up the remake as it is an insult to Tobe Hooper. 10 out of 10

Into the Mirror (2003)

Korean horror similar to phone

[8/10 · 8 October 2005]

Into the mirror is indeed, yet another great Asian horror film that's plot revolves around ghosts, possessed spirits and pretty gruesome killings. The trademark plot twist isn't there, though there is a surprise ending(i wouldn't call it a twist) The film is about mirrors. In Korea it is believed that there are 2 worlds, the normal world and the mirror world. They believe that if you die in the real world you remain in the mirror world, and if you die in the mirror world you have no reflection. Into the mirror is original and at some points very eerie. The film is quite gruesome and has some cringe-worthy moments. The end is a bit muddled but still a must-see for Asian horror fans.

A Tale of Two Sisters (2003)

i had to watch this movie 3 times to understand it.

[7/10 · 8 October 2005]

Another Asian horror movie packed with intense, and creepy moments. Another Asian horror trademark is the complexity of the plot, which is here as well. MAJOR SPOILER WARNING!

The movie starts pretty simple - two sisters go to live with their dad and stepmother after being put in a mental institution after their mother hanged herself. The sisters seem very hostile towards their mother - especially the elder one - and they seem to ignore their father. All goes smoothly until the mother locks the young sister in the wardrobe and the elder sister tells her father. Then it hits you, "your sister has been dead for years now" It turns out the older sister is still not recovered from the death of her mother and what we didn't know is that the wardrobe the mother was hanged in fell on the younger sister and killed her as well.As for the stepmother she is the alter ego of the older sister - revealed when the stepmother (actually the sister's alter ego) is sitting on a couch when the real stepmother walks in! I hope it has been made clearer for confused Asian horror fans out there.

Finally - my favourite scene is the scene where the father invites friends over for dinner and one of the friends starts to choke which erupts into a panic attack. Very creepy! 7 out of 10

Aussie Park Boyz (2004)

the film is awfully made but enjoyable

[6/10 · 7 October 2005]

Aussie park boyz is a beat 'em up film. Made mostly with a hand-held camera, the acting is the worst you've ever seen and the story...well there isn't much story, a gang of illegal boxers think they can go around smacking people's heads in and are proved wrong by other, nastier gangs. The moment the film starts you know it's gonna be pretty shabby but the point is the fact that it is enjoyable. Its a film about fighting so lets focus on the fighting. The fight scenes are surprisingly not that bad, they are unrealistic but they are good and tense.

Then there is a scene that is probably most shocking because it is unexpected - the rape scene is incredibly realistic and very grim with the music making it even more unsetling. Thankfully, the part of the rape that involves a sledgehammer is implied.

Enjoyable but nothing special. six out of ten

The City of Lost Souls (2000)

Another great Miike film

[8/10 · 7 October 2005]

This little gem is a solo Miike film. No sequels and not much publicity, the movie oozes with style and the action is brilliantly choreographed. The idea of Japan being filled with immigrants, a midget brushing his teeth with cocaine, animated cockfights - all examples of Takashi Miike's very vivid imagination. The story is to do with a Brazilian guy who falls in love with the sister of a Chinese mafia boss who disagrees with their relationship.the Brazilian, however, will not let the love of his life go for no-one. Like an ultra violent version of Romeo and Juliet with foul toilet gags. another Miike great

8 out of 10

The Happiness of the Katakuris (2001)

No no no no no no no NO!!!!!

[2/10 · 7 October 2005]

What the hell?! Takashi Miike? Singing? Happiness? No ultra violent rape or torture?

I check the video case once more to see if it really says Takashi Miike?

What does he think it is Children's hour? Sing along with bob the builder? I cant believe you did this Takashi Miike - it looks like your winning streak is over.

Anyway the plot goes like this: A family open a hotel for guests to stay, at first no-one comes the family get agitated they're not making any money and they have an empty hotel! Then as if by magic, they are the most popular guest house in the land guests come and... Oops! the guest house seems to have a haunted notion to it all the guests who sleep there die the next day, with no money still the family do not want to lose the guest house so they bury the bodies in the woods. Cue lots of singing and prancing around - no ultra violent deaths, no explicit rape, the only Miike-ism there is the start where an animated gremlin pulls a ladies uvula out! haha!

other than that a poor, poor film

Dead or Alive 2: Birds (2000)

Brilliant!!!

[10/10 · 7 October 2005]

Takashi Miike has a winning streak - all of his films are addictively superb! This sequel to the 1999 ultra violent gangster film is toning down on the violence (I mean toning down on the frequency of the violence, upping the scale.) and is more a film about friendship,death and rebirth. The 2 main characters from dead or alive are back playing 2 childhood friends who grew up together in an orphanage and got separated when they left. Since then they have never seen or heard from each other and strangely they've both become hit men. Even more strange is that they've both been hired to hit the same guy - at the same place - at the same time. one takes the hit before the other but the other takes the money for it anyway. They eventually meet and decide to rid the Earth of evil - they find a guy who hires hit men, they do the job, get the money and donate it to the 3rd world countries that have no money for vaccines or food.

In the middle of the film the pair take part in a play, meanwhile, outside the theatre, the triad vs yakuza war (that was started by the duo in the first place)is preparing - my favourite ever ultra violent action sequence in a movie!! The war is shot incredibly realistically and is extremely violent people are shot 8 times in a row and then kicked and punched and slashed with swords.

My favourite Takashi Miike film 10 out of 10.

Dead or Alive (1999)

Great gangster film from the Japanese Tarantino

[10/10 · 7 October 2005]

The opening 5 minutes are like a music video from the prodigy, flashing lights, random images, drugs, sex and murder.However this is probably the greatest openings to a film. The liveliness is unmatched by any other film and the rock music spices it all up. The plot is simply a gang of triads-turned-yakuzas shoot up a triad nightclub, disguised as yakuza when they attack,the triads plan a hit and thus provoking a gang war for money.The police are hot on their tail and trace the gang to reach another famous finale. No other film provides such a cinematic opening and closing like this one does. Well done Miike you've done it again. 10 out of 10

Audition (1999)

the best ending to a film ever!

[9/10 · 7 October 2005]

The film that made director Takashi Miike known in England, a masterpiece of romance/horror. Famous for it's dramatic change of genres and for making audiences belt out the cinema feeling sick. Audition is certainly not for the faint hearted. The build up to what everyone's waiting for isn't boring, mind. It starts off gripping and stays like that (maybe a tiny bit slow in the middle) until the chilling finale. The film takes a slightly psychological path as the finale starts that makes characters morph into other characters and surroundings to change back and forth that can cause some confusion but when the torture starts you'll have forgotten about that anyway. A great Takashi Miike film 9 out of 10