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jamesroyhold
Reviews
Miles Between Us (2016)
Watch the movie before you review it
I don't understand the negative reviews for this film, especially when most of their comments are wrong. The movie does not proselytize or is the acting bad. Nothing in it says you HAVE to believe in God or Jesus anymore than supernatural pictures say you HAVE to believe in ghosts. Basically it's a story about a father and daughter reconnecting. And kudos for the daughter who is supposed to be 17 and actually looks it; a refreshing change for 30-yr-olds trying to pass themselves off as teenagers. You don't have to be Christian to enjoy this film. You only have to be honest about what you're reviewing. Honestly... "spiritually toxic"? How dishonest can you get, r5c?
Secret Window (2004)
Complete waste of time
It's clear twenty minutes in, what with all the flashbacks, that Depp is a psycho.Hence there's no suspense and the only point in watching is to catch inconsistencies and plot holes. I knew it'd be garbage when I saw it was from a Steven King story, but it was even worse than expected.
Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)
Invasion of the DOG Girls would be more appropriate
If you tuned into this thinking you'd see a lot of beautiful topless women then you're in for a disappointment. Anitra Ford is beautiful. That's it. The other's are not. Unless your taste runs to huge sagging boobs that flop around all over the place. The story could fit into any Outer Limits episode. But, geez, if you're gonna assault us with naked women could you at least pick some attractive ones?
The Dick Van Dyke Show: Dear Mrs. Petrie, Your Husband Is in Jail (1964)
Is that Katheryn Leigh Scott?
There were three dancing girls in this episode but only two are credited. The third is dressed in a harem costume and stays in the background. From a distance she looks like KLS of Dark Shadows. Anybody know for sure?
The Medusa Touch (1978)
Donovan's Brain Was Better
This is a real piece junk. There's no explanation for anything. Stuff happens. Why? It just does.
Burton plays a misanthropic psychic who claims to care for the little man but has no problem with killing innocent people if they're in his way. You can guess the murderer and the motive midway through, and the ending is completely ludicrous. Had they left it off you might have had a halfway decent film, but the ending simply blows it out of the water. The special effects are terrible. The falling beams look like something out of an Italian Hercules movie while the long shots of buildings and planes could have been lifted from a Japanese kaiju movie. The shame of it all is that it has an interesting beginning that sucks you in -- after which the movie simply sucks.
The Vanishing Shadow (1934)
Total crap; vastly overrated
A lot of hoopla is made about this chapterplay being the first to have death rays, ray guns, etc. All well and good. What no one bothers to mention is it's one of the most boring serials in existence. And stupid.
Most villains are bent on world domination. All Wade Barrett wants is to take over a newspaper. Wow, big deal. Why not start his own?
Other serials have attractive heroines. Ada Ince is not, unless you like chubby kewpie-doll types. I kept thinking if she does 'Add-a Inch' she's going to bust out of her wardrobe.
You have a blood thirsty mad scientist who's one of the good guys and is a far greater menace than any of the villains.
And there's a robot that does nothing until the final two chapters. What little it does do makes it hardly worth the effort.
The hero is stupid. He has an invisibility ray but he only uses it to slip inside rooms. The minute he's in he turns visible again. Why? Why not stay invisible until you're done? May as well not have it at all if you're hardly going to use it.
There are no cliffhangers. The good guys crash their car down a ravine, turning over 7 or 8 times--it comes to a halt and they get out and walk away like nothing happened. An avalanche of dirt buries the car--they drive right thru it. A plane crashes into the ocean--the hero swims away. A room filled with alcohol catches fire and explodes--the hero just shuts the door and walks off. No clever escapes, no suspense, no thrills.
What you're left with is a stupid hero, a bloodthirsty scientist, a fat heroine, an underachieving villain, a useless robot, and gadgets that seldom get used.
And to make it all worse the ending is so flat--none of these miraculous inventions come into play. There's no grand battle. The police simply walk in and arrest the bad guys. What a ripoff. If they'd done that in Chapter One they could have spared us the rest of this ridiculousness.
Give me a Republic serial any day.
Night of the Big Heat (1967)
Ending comes out of left field
This is one of those films where it seems they wrote themselves into a corner & didn't know how to resolve it so they pulled something out of their ass at the last minute.
Viewer: Why should rain destroy the creatures?
Writer: I dunno.
Viewer: And where did the rain come from anyway?
Writer: Don't ask.
Viewer: Why did they think dynamite would destroy them when they didn't even know what they looked like until the final 2 minutes?
Writer: Well...uh...
Viewer: And if Fara Island was the only place in the UK experiencing unusual weather why didn't the government send someone to investigate?
Writer: Look if you think you can do better then go ahead.
Director: You tell 'em. We ran out of film & had to end it somehow.
The Iron Claw (1941)
Could have been better
Extremely disappointing. The title character does not live up to his potential. With a name like the Iron Claw and possessing a metal hand you'd think he'd use that appendage for some gruesome chokings and beatings and stuff. He doesn't. In fact, the metal hand never comes into play. The heroine does nothing but scream. She's the most useless person ever in any serial. Most chapter plays have some sort of plot that moves along. This one simply rambles trying to fill the allotted time. All in all a waste of what could have been a fine villain.
Tales of the Gold Monkey: God Save the Queen (1983)
Disappointed
When I saw Katherine Leigh Scott's name in the credits I looked ahead to seeing my favorite Dark Shadows character. When she finally did show up she was almost unrecognizable. Oh, and she did a most horrible English accent.
There were any number of ways the captain could have handled the situation and didn't. If nothing else, why didn't Jake get on his plane and radio for help? Or, if worse came to worse, why not have the passengers board the lifeboats and leave the mad bomber alone on the craft. Ever since the days of the Titanic it's been a rule for ships to have an adequate number of lifeboats to accommodate all passengers.
Jake's final solution was clever, but it didn't make sense seeing there were other alternatives.
Tales of the Gold Monkey (1982)
Great episodes but too short a run time
I enjoyed the collected DVD compilation. It combined a terrific ensemble cast with an complex story line. Granted there were times when the Corky character would get on my nerves and I could have done with less of him.
My chief impression though is that the series had longer scripts than the episodes had time to film. There are a number of episodes that could have benefited from a longer run time in order to flesh out things that were skimmed over or left poorly explained. Still, given what the 80s were, and compared to the carbon-copy ensemble shows we have now, this was not bad.
Oh, and BTW, Herthh, you should try paying attention when you watch and then your review might not contain so may inaccuracies.
That Darn Cat! (1965)
The kind of fun movie you don't see any more
This is the sort of movie Disney specialized in back then, a modern setting involving everyday people neither overly glamorous or overly far-out, with a serious background over which humorous incidents occur. Disney abandoned this concept decades ago, but then so did everyone else assuming they made them in the first place. DC is definitely the star of the show -- well-trained I should add -- and Dean Jones does well playing it straight thru the comedic situations. The only unnecessary part is that of Ed Wynn. He could have been cut from the movie without anyone noticing. I suppose they had the old coot under contract and were forced to use him. His 'performance' brings the movie down from 10 stars to 9. Otherwise it's a good movie anyone who's not a film snob should enjoy.
House of Horrors (1946)
Very good
This movie is so much better than what I thought it'd be. Both Rondo Hatton as the psycho killer and Martin Kosleck as an artist driven to madness by unkind critics are villains, yet both are sympathetic in a way. What is especially touching is Kosleck's interaction with his pet cat and the closing scene where the cat curls up by his dead body. (Or did he die? The dialogue isn't clear on it.) It was effective and sorrowful.
My sole complaint is the woefully brief appearance of Virginia Christine as Creeper's first victim. I hardly had a chance to recognize her before she was offed. I always enjoy her early film appearances because she was an out and out fox. I would so much have enjoyed seeing her as the tennis model instead. Hubba-hubba!
Doctor Blood's Coffin (1961)
Lovely scenery
The title doesn't make any sense but I've come to expect that from movies so it's no biggie.
My only complaint is they spent a long time building to the climax. Once it came, it was rushed and unsatisfying. They should have added more interaction between Hazel Court and her resurrected husband.
Otherwise it is an entertaining movie. I enjoyed the Cornish scenery, the old mines and the sea. Very nice. And Hazel Court was nicer still. A lovely lady by all counts.
Grave of the Vampire (1972)
Not bad at all
I give it extra points for the extended fight scene at the end. Those guys really beat the crap out of each other!
Cry for the Strangers (1982)
Very bad.
Overall plot is a rip-off of "The Fog." The special effects are lifted from Roger Corman-Vincent Price Poe movies (same shots of rolling clouds and lightning endlessly repeated). The two kids can't act; I think the boy was chosen because he could make his eyes real big. Duffy is surprisingly okay. Easy to figure out who's the villain, just look for who isn't around when things happen.
The Mummy's Curse (1944)
Why the confusion?
I keep reading complaints how the shift from New England to Louisiana is unexplained. It isn't. In the opening bits where the archaeologist talks with the authorities he tells how the priests moved the mummy to Louisiana 25 years ago. (It was perhaps the synopsis of an unfilmed sequel.) Anyhow the dialogue fully explains the shift in location and one needs only to listen to find out.
Oh and Virginia Christine is absolutely gorgeous. I only wish they had given her more screen time.
Also, Classicsoncall in his review says "We're signaled to the emergence of the Kharis legend by the first appearance of a dead body, but has anyone noticed that the laborer Antoine died with a knife in his back? Kharis always did his dirty work with his left hand, leaving bandage mold behind on the neck of his victims." This too is inaccurate. It was the priest's assistant who killed Antoine after they dug Kharis up. Again it's clearly stated in the dialogue.
It's fine and dandy to criticize a movie for its shortcomings but the criticisms should be accurate. Stuff like that can turn off a potential viewer. If you're not going to pay attention to the dialogue then you really have no business submitting an inaccurate review.
The Great Man (1956)
Terrible audio
I can't say if this was a good movie or not. Mainly because I had to struggle to understand what was being said. Maybe if the thing had closed captioning it would have been different, but it plays as though they placed the microphone in one corner of the room and the actors in the other. Jose Ferrer in particular talks like he had a mouthful of marbles. Only in his actual radio scenes does he bother to enunciate clearly. Everyone talks so softly, except Keenan Wynn who shouts his lines but still cannot be understood. Only two scenes contain a level volume of dialogue: Ferrer's meeting with Ed Wynn and his solo encounter with Dean Jagger. This is especially frustrating in the last scene when Ferrer's character goes off script and Wynn tried to stop him but Jagger orders him to let it go on. There's some dialogue between Wynn and Jagger which is meant to be the turning point of the show, only again it was impossible to make out a word they were saying. I ran it back twice trying to figure it out, but it was no use. So, 2 stars. Good audio and clear diction might have made for a great movie. Otherwise it delivers 90 minutes of background noise.
The Birds and the Bees (1956)
Far better than the original
Birds and the Bees beats the Lady Eve for the simple reason that Henry Fonda isn't funny. The man can't do comedy to save his life. George Gobel is a hoot. Viewers would do well to stop comparing the two movies and accept it on its own terms. The scene between Gobel and Niven where they discuss a subject then clap their hands over each others mouths before the other can reveal anything is classic. David Niven was never funnier. Gobel wrote the book on playing bumbling ineptness, something Fonda couldn't approach. For me, it was Fonda who was miscast in the original movie. Anyway, give it a view and don't try comparing it to anything. You'll have a good time with it.