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Reviews
Heavy Metal 2000 (2000)
Ok. Didnt do enough to move away from the first one
It doesnt do enough to move away from the first one. Almost 20 years have passed but its hard to tell. Would like to see some risk-taking but its limited. Not sure how much of this coresponds with stories from the magazine as the first did. Film loses at least one star for the almost-constant, instrusive horrible music. Consisting mostly of tuneless growling and thuds, it serves as nothing more than distracting background noise. The first movie used better music better. So, visually ok-to-good; stories the same. Most of the music is awful, annoying and gets in the way. Its probably not as dayed and offensive as the first one which might be a bad thing.
Dave (1993)
Hey! The president isnt evil any more
This is the opening salvo in the attempt by hollywood to turn the guy in the white house into
a hero. Gone are the dark, gloomy white house settings with neverending and increasingly sinister (and ridiculous) plots afoot. No more evil, scheming, warmongering old fogies doddering around in the mist & shadows. This is replaced with bright sunny settings. We see a young attractive, vibrant prez, not screwing around with an intern at all with a great understanding & supportive wife not trying to take over the health care system. Kline & Weaver were at the height of their powers, both having a 10-year-long string of hits. For the next eight years filmgoers would be treated to presidents who are now heroes and take over a hijacked air force one. Think there's no agenda? Ask yourself how movies like Dave and Air Force One & others attempted to tilt the public's view and reaction to the president.
Yes, Giorgio (1982)
Yes, its that bad
Everything youve heard is true. Its probably even worse than its reputation dictates. Not enough charm to be charmingly bad. No laughs, intentional ones at least. No chemistry, no nothing. Everyone involved in this watched their career smash to a permanent halt. It was rumored pavoratti was loaded most of the time on set. This was supposed to be a big hit & pavoratti was paid a bundle to star. Not dure how ypu watch this thing at this point. If there is a god this has not been released digitally - I know there is a vhs version. But its better not to know. Absolutely no reason to ever watch this.
Chad (2021)
Get ready for season two
So bad your eyes will bleed, you'll feel your mind rot with each passing second, its been renewed for a second season if you had any doubt hollywood overlords think we are stupid and will buy anything.
Under Fire (1983)
Dated commie propaganda
Leftists as far as the eye can see collaborate on a clichèd thriller with cartoon usa bad guys, syrupy-sweet rebels, little reality in sight. Not much more than a sandanista recruitment film.
Licorice Pizza (2021)
Critics like it a lot more than audiences
This is one those films the film press really really really wants everyone to like. And its a movie I suspect wont age well and the cameos will be the most remembered bits. The biggest problem are the leads. Alana Haim is not attractive and is 31 years old and looks every minute of it. They try to pair her with the almost-as-unattractive cooper hoffman, 13 years her junior IRL and it just doesnt work. Why would this kid chase her like this? It all feels forced and contrived and if you don't buy into those two, all you need to see are most of the guest spots on youtube.
Casino Royale (1967)
Six directors, 11 screenwriters. What could go wrong?
Six directors, 11 screenwriters. What could go wrong?
Almost everyone involved was drunk all or most of the time. No one has ever taken responsibility for the finished product, maybe because no one is sure who actually finished it. An epic trainwreck in every way possible. Woody Allen called this mess a complete waste of celluloid. Enough said.
Delta Force One: The Lost Patrol (1999)
Like The Rutles except its a movie and theyre serious
You think you are watching a movie but you are not. You think you are seeing movie stars but they are ersatz. No reason for this to exist. Do they check this? Does mike norris really exist? Is bentley mitchum really somehow related to bob?
Dallas: Winds of Vengeance (1978)
Edward G Robinson will be along any minute now
Just your standard textbook word-for-word scene-for-scene Key Largo ripoff.
Hawaii Five-O: A Hawaiian Nightmare (1974)
Sheree North ugh
After a couple of minutes of hearing her screech you're begging her husband to whack her. I can't think of a more annoying noise to ever seep from the tv set.
It Conquered the World (1956)
Cheepnis!
This is the movie Zappa discusses during the preamble to the song Cheepnis on the Roxy & Elsewhere album.
CHiPs: Country Action (1983)
Not as good-bad as the rest of season 6
Ripping off Every which way but loose AND urban cowboy at the same time should count for something. But in a series that ran out of ideas years earlier, you do what you gotta do. Some producer's girlfriend as the instantly-forgotten "new" country star is predictably pathetic as is the inevitable barroom brawl anyone could see coming as soon as they walked in the place. As always the show exploits a trend, has its characters intimately involved in something hitherto never mentioned in the series and immediately discarded, and the always non-existent police work. And, as always, the crime is solved by coincidence or happenstance. No swamp things or Ralph Malph as a I-can't-believe-they-didn't-sue Kiss ripoff but you can't have it all. Mickey Gilley has a fun cash-the-check, tongue-in-cheek appearance. Plus not enough Tina Gayle.
Monk: Mr. Monk and the Panic Room (2004)
Not one of the better episodes
Character exploitation makes for a tiresome cringeworthy experience. Skip this one and keep going. A rare dud in an otherwise outstanding series.