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cojosh
Reviews
The Clown and the Kid (1961)
Old School Television Episode
There's not a lot I can say about this little film. It's only 105 minutes long, so there isn't much time to build a story or characters. It may be perfect for those who enjoy a simple fast-paced happy ending. Very little brain has to be exercised to wrap around the theme. This is one of those films where everyone is the good guy. It leaves very little room for any realistic connection. Too much fluff! Too good to be true! It lacks some key elements for a descent field trip into fiction. It's like viewing an episode of Lassie, and maybe not that good!
The horse is the best actor in the film, if that tells you anything.
Whirlpool (1950)
Let this one whirl down the toilet!
Gene Tierney was not convincing at all in this film. The longer I watched the less I liked her character. "Oh, I've been arrested for murder, but I don't want to hurt my husband's reputation by admitting to stealing a pin!" Her failure to say anything just aggravates the audience. Apparently, the writer forgot what elements are needed to encourage the viewers to care about the victims. They either need to be mentally-challenged or fully able to execute rational decisions. They can't be in-between? One minute she's reasonably independent, the next she can't even spit out what's on her mind. Annoying... It causes you to loose interest, because you don't care what happens to her.
Sasquatch Mountain (2006)
Not another Sasquatch movie!!!!!
I just don't get it! The myth of Sasquatch is one of interest, but no one can pull off a descent film about the creature. This movie strikes out. The best actor in this flick is the monster, but none of the characters have no motivation or reasoning behind the decisions they make. The sasquatch doesn't stir any feeling either. This leaves the viewer in an awkward position. You can't back the humans or the booger! The climax fails and doesn't deliver anything other than an overwhelming feeling that you just wasted much precious time. I really thought this movie would be a little better. Alas, it gets 1/10 in my book.
Pulp Fiction (1994)
What??? Where??? Who Cares???
Wow, a lot of people have been fooled into believing that this was a great film. I've never seen anything like it, and I hope I never will again. This is one slop of a film, and I'm disgusted to know that it has so many high reviews. It was a confusing ball of goo that amounted to nothing. I didn't care for the characters and never will. What a hopeless bunch of freaks. I don't jump on the "freak bandwagon" unless they're natural ones, not arrogant embodiments of deranged entertainment. The glorification of smut is worse than the smut, and that is exactly what this movie is. The sad thing is, I don't believe that some of these actors were acting at all. They were just being themselves. Travolta and Jackson in wigs??? That was scary! The only interesting thing about the movie was the sequence of events. I like the way that it started at one point and ended in the same, but dislike everything in between. The problem with this film is that it tricks the audience into giving it great reviews. It uses the "peer pressure" method. You know, "this movie is for intelligent and cool people" CRAP!! Well, I'll gladly stand among those who know that this was nothing more than a "shock flick". It was produced to see if the letter could be pushed a little further. Unfortunately, it drags what little respect that Hollywood has with it. I'm afraid that this is one of the major stepping stones to a pathetic industry that only produces films for vulgar lust.
There's my two pennies, don't spend them all in one place!
The Fallen Ones (2005)
Giant waste of time!!!!!!!!
Mr. VanHook took a good idea and kicked like a football. Unfortunately, it didn't make the goal. The historical subject of giants is a good one, but pour in the goon milk and you end up with a giant wheel of cheese. I say, take this reel wheel and roll it off a cliff. I couldn't even watch the entire film. That says a lot because I rarely walk away from any movie. I always like to give them a chance for last-minute redemption. It's impossible to redeem something this bad. Well, at least the acting was good....NOT!
The only thing "falling" in this film is the rating. 1/10 and sinking into the negative numbers!
Curse of the Swamp Creature (1968)
The Non-curse of the Non-swamp Creatures!!!!!!!!!!!!
What in the world did I just witness? There was no curse! There were no swamp creatures!! There was a lot of terrible acting and a very bad script! This is the worst movie I have ever seen. The entire time I waited for the swamp creature to appear. Well, when she finally did, she walked out of the house and jumped into the pool. WOW!!!!! You watch an eighty minute film to catch three minutes of monster footage. What a pathetic monster!!! The scariest thing in this movie is the acting. Everything about this movie was stupid!!!! It's one of those films were you want to laugh but it hurts when you try. I'm giving this a 1/10 but it doesn't deserve that. It's more like a negative ten!!!!!!!!!!!! Please don't watch!!!!!!!!!!!
Enter the Ninja (1981)
Enter the Trash!!!!!
This movie is such a total waste of time. I can't understand anyone sitting through this piece of trash. Oh, I would have loved it when I was seven years old. I think a seven year old child may have written and directed it.
There's no script, no acting, just rubbish. The best acting is that by the fighting roosters. I think I could whip these ninjas and I am not someone you'd consider tough. Totally unconvincing and did not spark the least bit of interest. I was yawning, and laughing, by the end of the first ten minutes of the film. This is one that would turn people away from martial art movies. Great comedy, bad action flick.
Dirty Games (1989)
Dirty waste of time!!!!!
This is your typical tale of a race against the clock. Throw in a nuclear storage facility, a bomb and you get the picture. It is also has two plots. The terrorist that is going to blow up the facility also murdered the leading-lady's father a few years before. I'm not going to say whether the bomb explodes or not, neither am I going to advise anyone to waste the time to find out. Sadly, the best acting was from the old secret agent that gets beat up and he isn't that good. Still, I felt his pain.
I may be a little biased because I typically don't enjoy these types of films. This isn't the worst film I've ever seen but I just couldn't give it higher than one star.
Viadukt (1983)
Time Killer!!!!!!
I've just wasted a few hours of my life watching this film. I expected more since it was based on actual events. Some of the acting is horrific and I'm almost positive I saw a guy reading a Q-card. The two twin sisters that own the hardware store are scary. They're more frightening than the "train killer". He didn't seem like such a bad guy! Every now and then he would get a little angry.
Most of the characters didn't even speak with an accent. They sounded like Americans. I hated to see that steam engine go to waste on this movie. I can't encourage any one to take the time to view this film. Overall, it stank!!!!
True Grit (1969)
Cock-a-doodle-doooooo!!!
I do believe that this is one of John Wayne's best performances. The character of Rooster Cogburn is one that should be taken seriously at times but can be laughed at also. He is a character that one wouldn't mind seeing more of. Tough, brutal, and sleeps with a cat. Kim Darby played the role of an annoying girl and she did a good job. She annoyed me at times. I understand why the "texacan" was whipping her with a switch. My only regret was that we didn't get to see more of "Ned Peppers Gang". They were a colorful group. So colorful, that I sort of hated to see them get killed off so soon. Robert Duvall didn't seem like such a bad guy. The chicken-imitating outlaw was a nice touch. The last scene was the way we want to remember John Wayne. Not afraid of anything. Stare danger in the eye and play chicken with the enemies. I just wish that show-down scene would have lasted a little longer. Cock-a-doodle-dooo!!!!!
The Raid (1954)
You're a rebel and a dirty spy!!!!!!!!
Interesting film about an actual event that took place during the Civil War in Vermont. It kept my attention to the end and I don't regret viewing it. I haven't ever read any on this raid incident so I was curious to see if the rebels pulled it off. I enjoy historical films from that era.
My major complaint is with the Confederate uniforms. They look too good!!! The acting was a little stiff at times. I like the old man eating the mashed potatoes because he didn't have any teeth. The wounded soldier playing fetch with a hound was a little strange. Overall, it was a descent film.
The Magic Sword (1962)
Magically Sad!!!!!!
It will take some magic to finish the entire film. It's goofy from start to finish. A good film for children in the 1960s, but shouldn't be viewed by anyone over seven years of age. Unless, you're watching it as a comedy.
The script stinks , along with the acting. Special effects are satisfactory for that decade, but still lack the seriousness that attracts most to fantasy films. A certain amount of maturity is required to produce a descent fantasy flick. This film leaves the realm of fantasy and lands knee-deep in stupidity. Don't compare it with other fantasy films, just accept for what it is.........sad!!!