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natalydumont
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Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)
Marvel = McDonalds
Same formulaic mix of tired tongue in cheek "humour" in inappropriate moments to "lighten the mood" with bad CGI and gluttonous fight scenes. It worked 20 years ago and now it's the same thing over and over and over again. Every race, black, white, Asian, anything. They're the same character. It's the same movie. We need to start standing up to this fast-food type of flick they force feed us every summer. Disney buying Marvel was the death knell. Boring and bland. Zero creativity. Nothing to look forward to. Just hype like the McRib sandwich. Palatable to 10 years old ONLY, like the whole dollar menu.
Red Sparrow (2018)
Bad, Porn Bad
Congratulations, Lawrence. You're now a porn actress. Made it to the big league. Porn level acting with the bad accents in tow. This was an absolute gratuitous mess. Everyone is a horn dog motivated by flesh. Really? And the stakes weren't even that high enough for her to do all this. A ballerina who can't dance anymore and might lose her apartment? There isn't a Walmart in Moscow? Not believable, weird, hypersexual, and dirty like being at the Monaco Grand Prix. Might as well have had a sex scene with the mom. Didn't care about any of the characters. Just waiting for the next scene to rub one out. Pornhub is shorter.
Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV (2024)
Should Have Been One Episode
Not much meat here for multiple episodes. A lot of sour grapes and reaching from actors and writers who didn't make it. The excess moody music tries to lead the audience to feel a certain way. Wouldn't be necessary if the story was enough. Hollywood is toxic, we get it. ALL of it, especially for kids. That's why it's no place for vulnerable and undeveloped minds. The feeling of rejection for them will be amplified 1000x. Not saying this had anything to do with their allegations, but "her cake was bigger than mine", "I was replaced by Amanda Bynes", "I had to eat a pint of ice cream in 30 minutes for 300 bucks" are hardly anything reportable to the police. Weird how no one said anything until now. Weird how Drake showed up smiling AND presented the Lifetime Achievement Award to Dan Schneider in 2014. The true cases of child abuse are horrendous. And it's horrific that child predators were around on set. Full accountability for all of them. However, protect yourself. Say something then and there. Don't do anything that will compromise your integrity. Don't accept unethical salaries or standards. (Newsflash: even writers have agents.) YOU are your best defense.
Aquaman (2018)
Baywatch Bad
This movie was so bad I stopped caring after two minutes. It was like watching the frat kids' big budget production written by the high school kids. Pretty people with zero star power and too much going on to compensate. I think they hired Amber Heard for the second installment so they can blame her when the movie fails. Fool us once. (Postscript: I wrote enough to explain why this movie was so bad. A whole dissertation is not needed. When did IMDb change the rules? The one liner reviews are just as effective and funny. Nowadays people have short attention spans. Clearly less is more which should have been an Aquaman lesson.)
Rock Hudson: All That Heaven Allowed (2023)
Nice Guy?
Yeah, I'm sure he was a nice guy, but there is nothing admirable about using vulnerable young men as sex objects and disposing them afterwards. The conversation about the "equipment" of the one studio worker was appalling. No consideration if that man had a family. He was just "a lot of fun". Hudson came off as a loveless, selfish, perfunctory being with a sex addiction. And not a very good actor. Not sure why he wasn't honest about his illness at the end either. Yes, and as everyone commented, the intercut of the movie clips was tiring. Furthermore, nothing new was revealed. The movie tried to be more than it was, just like its subject.
Blonde (2022)
Stagy Piece of Crap
You know when you watch a movie, and you wait for a character in the movie to say the title of the movie? Well, it unexpectedly happened here when Marilyn's agent said, "it's a stagy piece of crap". Also, when her makeup artist said, "stop screaming". Also, when the casting director said, "It's like watching a mental patient". Perfect descriptions for this one. Overdone, pointless, and schizophrenic like Marilyn and her mother combined. Blue eyes, brown eyes, black and white, color, real life, fantasy, just all over the place. All the men were monsters, yet the movie was too weird for me to care. De Armas played Marilyn throughout the whole movie and not Norma Jean at all. She also played unrealistically too vulnerable that I didn't know where she was going. The scene with JFK was so bad it was almost laughable. Hard pass. In fact, this was the straw that broke my Netflix subscription.
Luckiest Girl Alive (2022)
Cliché in Disguise
We get it. Rape is bad. Gang rape is worse. School shooting is bad. High school sucks. Victims internalize their pain. Moms are overbearing. Other people suck. Putting a "twist" on that doesn't make all those things novel. There was so much potential in this. It could have been darker and edgier and actually more fun than this. You could totally tell this was an adaptation from a New York Times author, female at that, who possibly experienced something similar. The writing was very Vogue-y and Cosmo-y (not words, but how else can you describe inorganic, contrived, and a Downtown woman's wet dream). The length was too long for the payoff, and I waited because I thought the payoff was going to be so much better. Ended up being a filmed healing camp. This is a case of "the book was better", I'm sure, because this should have never been made into film. P. S. Forgiveness is a powerful thing.
Lucy (2014)
I know about "suspension of belief" but damn...
This was embarrassingly implausible. No stakes, no risks, even Superman was likable and vulnerable. If they developed the Lucy in the beginning of the movie that would have been more interesting than the weird robot she became. This was laughably bad. Why did a supposedly talented director and supposedly talented actor agree to partake in th...oh, the plausibly large checks.
Trust Me (2013)
Engaging, then confusing mess
Really good at the beginning and then it COMPLETELY lost itself at the end. American Beauty, Uncut Gems and Birdman all did it better.
The Gentlemen (2019)
It was fun but...
Everyone knew everything. Like, excessive eye rolls. No depth to the characters or plot. Didn't care if the protagonists died. In fact I was hoping they did.
A Simple Favor (2018)
Swing and a miss
Good try, but no. Having blonde hair and the faux lesbian thing doesn't make one mysterious, or a movie "sexy". And I'm sorry but Anna Kendrick is just a one note actress, clearly apparent by her Hilton commercials. The movie just fell implausibly apart at the end. Thank God for the Deadpool money, right Blake? And what was with the Anna Kendrick character sleeping with her half-brother??? That had nothing to do with anything or did I miss something?? GROSS.
The Irishman (2019)
Fell Asleep
Meh. Fell asleep. And didn't bother to rewind to the parts I missed. Too much revisioning history. P.S. Do they have a body "de-ager"? It was embarrassingly bad to de-age the face like 5 years while the actors still moved like my 83 year old grandad with a hernia. Why didn't they just cast younger actors for the younger roles? Distracting.
Hustlers (2019)
Surprisingly good
Don't let the Cardi B credit or context fool you. This was a surprisingly good movie. Heavily Scorsese-derivative, but enjoyable. Jennifer Lopez was robbed. Constance Wu, a little bit. Honest performances for the most part. Will not watch it again, but it served its purpose.
Nobody's Fool (2018)
Made for TV Fare
Very, very poor directing. Just a side note: why do black directors/writers have to overcompensate for the success of their black lead characters, making them uberly successful, hot shot six figure executives as if tacitly saying that can't happen in real life? It's okay for them to be moderately successful.
The Hustle (2019)
Just Terrible
Just Terrible. I guess not all fat people are funny.
Good Boys (2019)
Really?
Couldn't get past the 10 year old cursing like sailors. Is that supposed to be edgy? Don't okay boomer me. Just hoping for decency, still. Or should I give up?
La La Land (2016)
No Shelf Life
Sorry, but this is right next to Crash, The Artist, Moulin Rouge and any other cutesy "paying homage to the golden age" or contrived fare in the failed test of time bucket. (The golden age was the golden age for a reason. Let's leave it at that.) I think people were just captivated by the end and the attempted revivification of the genre. Endings do not make a movie whole, my friends. The rest had no stake, no substance, bo-ring. Poor Hollywood, it's now a glorified babysitter. But who cares? Cha-ching, right, studios? Art and originality prove they don't pay the bills, but damn do they blow minds...and last throughout the years. Ask Shakespeare or Scorsese. There is no Oscar curse, just flavors of the month being hype up too much. And when the thrill is gone people have to question what happened?
Molly's Game (2017)
High Card Hand (Sorry, couldn't resist)
Meh. Like watching robots having sex. Interesting at the onset, then: Rigid. Forced. Mechanical. Contrived. Despite the craftiness of the writing, it lacked the soul of someone who suffered. The stakes were not high. (Did somebody use that already?) Big money, marginal mafia, movie stars. Not juicy enough, ESPECIALLY when we had to guess who they were. And a suburban white girl who skied all her life faced jail time yet refused to snitch so a Crucible tie-in can be worked in. So she's tougher than Sammy the Bull? Really? Right. P.S. No one talks like that, Aaron.
Joker (2019)
Irresponsible
Irresponsible to artistically exploit gun violence causing cops to clock in constantly, and irresponsible to totally take this character out of context for a vanity art project. Who the hell is Arthur Fleck in the DC universe?? Sigh. Disloyalty.
Holmes & Watson (2018)
Amazing
How was any of the so-called "talent" involved in this creation of garbage not able to know they were creating garbage? Mind-bottling (sic).
Get Out (2017)
Really bad movie with inexplicable plot holes
So many plot holes, where to begin. Why did Rose only pursue black people? Why wasn't her brother enlisted to do the same? Why was the multiple month long courting processes necessary when her brother just kidnapped people from the street? Why did she revert to her weird cereal-eating, pulled back ponytail self after months of acting "normal"? Her real self was never detected by Chris?? After 5 months?? How did Chris get the cotton in his ears? Who was Georgina supposed to be? Why did she break character and scream "you ruined my house" at the end? Why were she and the groundskeeper servants, especially if the groundskeeper was supposed to be the grandfather? Why was the mother who wasn't an Armitage by blood in on this? How was she able to hypnotize all those people? Why was the red box left readily available for Chris to look in and see the pictures? Why were all the "friends" in on it? No one thought it was bizarre? No one thought to call the police?? (Andre is still a victim! No one is going to help him??) Everyone wanted their brains in a black person's body?? Especially after they saw the results of the surgery?? Everyone who undergoes the surgery turns into a zombie! They wanted that?? They bid on that?? The grandfather only wanted the body to run?? Why were the victims afforded an opportunity to see a video of what's about to happen to them? Why was a video made? The siblings were about ten in the video, where are the multiple other victims since this has been an over ten year serial crime? Just like Lost? The Dharma project? Skeleton Key?? Whew. After the hype settled, I hope people can reevaluate their praise for this one-dimensional fluff, that is, if they're honest and strong enough to do it, no matter what race the director is. Cowards all around. Cowardly critics for lauding a truly mediocre film and cowardly filmmaking for pussyfooting with the racism. (If they're gonna go there, they should have gone all the way there.) The "Crash" and Marisa Tomei of the Oscars: this will DEFINITELY not stand the test of time. I'm afraid Peele is just another Shyamalan, making movies merely from a pitch and a plot twist (clearly evident by "Us").
Zootopia (2016)
Sigh, not even the children are safe
Preachy, proselytizing, pandering, predictable piece pretending to be children's fare. Boring at that. But what else would you expect from the denizens of Bubbletopia who constructed this propaganda from their glass studios? Teaching not to stereotype WHILE stereotyping?? I guess some groups aren't vocal enough to be protected. Can't have it both ways, Disney. Furthermore, this cartoon afterschool special has the morality of a criminal defense lawyer: the reason why people are bad is because other people were bad to them first. Right. In the next installment of this fluff, why not have the fat cheetah come all the way out? Force that uncomfortable car ride home on the unwitting parents who want to raise their own kids the way they see fit. P.S. Practice what you preach, Bubbletopia. Welcome the so-called predators in your tightly secured, not-so-diverse enclave and see if they want to sing Kumbaya witcha. And no, the sloths were not funny.
Us (2019)
The Simpsons?
Isn't this movie just a prolonged rip-off of a Treehouse of Horror episode where Bart meets his evil twin brother locked up in the attic only to find out he's really the evil twin? If the doppelganger survived so long and had a family, what does it matter that she's really just the doppelganger? (Nobody noticed she wasn't "human"? After having TWO kids? Wow her husband is dense.) Why would her son be afraid since she's really his mother, doppelganger or not? This is why you shouldn't make a movie merely based on a good pitch, Hollywood. But who cares anyway; you're making millions off "one-and-dones". Get your money before people figure out the con and move on to the next, right? Hollywood is the real life Music Man.
The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
No Words for this Depravity
I had the utmost unfortunate fortune to come across the worst 10 minutes of this dung heap and consequentially the worst 10 minutes of my life when the hospital room in which my father was staying had innocuous channel AMC on at the innocuous time of 1:30pm. (I'm no prude, but really?) Yeah I get it, it's Halloween; but "horror" is not analogous to "vomit". This refuse is Thanksgiving fare, as inducing aid for the gluttons who over-indulged. And just a side note: anyone who considers child rape as fodder for entertainment does not deserve to be part of civilization.