jmihalchik-67031 Reviews

New Amsterdam (2018–2023)

Wonderfully Corny, but...

[10/10 · 22 November 2023]

I love New Amsterdam.

Is it over the top corny? Absolutely.

No one dies, everything works out in the end, and Dr Max Goodwin is the most charming lead character since The Good Doctor himself.

But Great Ceasars Ghost, everyone on the show is gay-- not that there's anything wrong with that.

I'm not sure how America breaks down percentage wise (in terms of sexual orientation), but judging by the patient roster at New Amsterdam, one would think New York City is at least 80% gay or transsexual.

For a dramatic series to be believable, there needs to be a modicum of reality in the storytelling.

There is not.

Still, Dr Goodwin and cast are simply too darned cute not to like.

A guilty pleasure if ever there were one.

The Beatles: Get Back (2021)

Episode 1 is a Snooze Fest

[3/10 · 27 November 2021]

As an Absolute Beatles maniac and quasi-historian, I was looking forward to this documentary for a long time.

The footage itself is striking-- it looks like the band shot the material last week, not 50 years ago.

Excited anticipation was quickly replaced by yawning.

A great deal of yawning.

The atmosphere at Twickenham Studio was notoriously cold, and the Beatles themselves are soon yawning as well.

Garbled dialog and a general lack of enthusiasm by the Fabs is painful to watch.

Plodding through throw away songs from 10 years previous and barely formed new material (none of which would make a Beatles Greatest release) doesn't help matters.

One hour in I had enough and decided to wait until the group "Gets Back" to the studio.

Interesting as a piece of history, but for entertainment purposes, awful.

Hopefully episodes 2 and 3 pick up.

Two and a half hours of the Beatles half-assing it just isn't much fun.

Snowpiercer (2020–2024)

So Stupid that it Must be Seen

[1/10 · 15 January 2021]

Acting worthy of a Mystery Science Theater 3000 riffing? Roger that. Predictable plot line? Absolutely. But the most bizarre element of this utterly hopeless series is that it takes place on a post-apocalyptic train. Umm... it's a train that never stops. A train that is over 1,000 cars long. And it has people on it. The train, that is. It has a complete caste system from First Class to Common ("Tailies". Get it? Because they live in the tail). The dimensions of said train seem to vary by scene. By my estimation, the cars are at least the width of a double-wide trailer, and the ceilings at least 20 ft. high. If the story was fresh, one could look past the formalities of such small details (physics, practicality). But I just couldn't get past the whole concept of a Doomsday Train. "Mr. W., all reports indicate a natural phenomenon that will turn Earth into a frozen wasteland." "Well, gentleman" replied Mr. W., "It looks like I have a 1,000 car train to build." I watched as if it were a dark comedy. A train wreck if there ever was one.

Aunty Donna's Big Ol' House of Fun (2020)

Insanely Hilarious... It Will Never Last

[10/10 · 11 December 2020]

As I write this review, there is a lesbian black woman who self-identifies as a 110 year old gay Chinese man who finds Auntie Donna repulsive. Together with seven like-minded Cancel Culture robots, they will send this brilliant show into oblivion. There, the actors, writers and producers will be flogged by humorless, angry white women for eternity. The odds are stacked against Auntie Donna. The trio are clearly not woke, and very, very male. And white. Our only hope is that the show is popular enough to earn additional seasons, but slightly off radar so as to be undetectable by SJW's. If Netflix gets one complaint from a marginalized binary Latino, it's curtains for the boys. Enjoy this rare gem while you can-- the guillotine awaits!

Under the Shadow (2016)

Brutal...

[1/10 · 18 October 2020]

If this were a Hollywood film, it would have gone straight to video. But for some bizarre reason, reviewers on IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes have a big soft spot for poorly made foreign films. I assume it's because they are more "woke" than me. So be it-- but I would like the 90 minutes of my life returned for watching this tripe. Boring knows no prejudice. We would have been better served with a movie about the Iran-Iraq War. No doubt that was a true horror story.

Away (2020)

I Love You, I'm Sorry, Let's Talk About Feelings

[10/10 · 17 September 2020]

A nauseating, seemingly endless examination of feelings being hurt, oversensitivity, wallowing in self-pity, crying jags, childish emotional dramatics, and cartoonish characters. We have the brute-like Russian Bear Cosmonaut. He's a stubborn one! The unemotional Chinese lesbian who is also married to a man with a child. She's mean! The Alpha Female Captain who isn't too tough to cry (ad nauseam). She is a staple in every dramatic endeavor these days. Add to that a 21st century ladies man who apologizes for breathing. Oh, and an adopted black Jewish Botanist who feels the need to pray to his vengeful Bronze Age god each time a Crewman has a difficult bowel movement. The Captain's daughter has a near nervous breakdown in each episode, bawling one minute, laughing seconds later, and in desperate need of Bipolar medication. Welcome to cancel culture, liberal arts college style television. The only thing missing was anything resembling reality and believability. View it more as ironic comedy and you will enjoy it as much as I did.

Helter Skelter: An American Myth (2020)

Time to put the Manson Family to Bed

[10/10 · 31 August 2020]

There is absolutely nothing new in the six part series that hasn't been rehashed ad nauseam. (I chose to give it 10 stars because the trove of TV footage, interviews, and previously unseen photos was enough to make it an intense viewing.)

Considering the glut of new information that came out in print during the 50th anniversary of the murders, I was disappointed that the series didn't probe some of the much more convincing theories.

We are left with the tired "Helter Skelter"-- a motive that has been laughed out of most investigative circles, and proven Bugliosi's "facts be damned" obsession with convicting Manson.

"Helter Skelter" will go into the history books as the accepted version of what happened in August of 1969. But for the small percentage of the population that refuse to take the media's word for it, it is not that simple. The more logical theories of drug burns and a very seedy Hollywood underbelly cannot compete with a real life boogeyman.

So Tex Watson, the man who did most of the damage, inflicted most of the stab wounds, and had a direct hand in seven murders will die in obscurity. And the victims will be remembered as wide eyed innocents, despite mountains of evidence to the contrary (Sebring and Frykowski were well known drug dealers. The Tate residence was Geound Zero for wild drug parties and pornographic films involving everyone from Mama Cass to Yuel Brenner). No one will know Jack Nickolson was among friends who removed damaging film reels in the living room loft while the bodies were still warm.

In the end, it's probably safer that we believe documentary series like "Helter Skelter". When we start peeling back the layers, the truth is far more terrifying than a 5' 2" failure and his group of degenerate hippies.

Flags of Our Fathers (2006)

Pretty Lousy for an Eastwood Flick

[3/10 · 25 August 2020]

This one was tough to get through. The acting was robotic with a second rate cast, and the script felt uninspired. The fighting scenes were second rate, with a lot of B movie gore. Proof that even Clint Eastwood can cough up a stinker.

Midway (2019)

Corny

[3/10 · 14 August 2020]

Cookie-cutter dialogue and poorly grafted CGI. It's probably terrific if you're a testosterone pumped explosion junkie. Otherwise, there isn't a lot of meat to grab on to.

Cursed (2020)

Must See... For 5 year old girls

[3/10 · 23 July 2020]

Question: How many TV shows must force feed their viewers alpha female characters, mismatched in embarrassing rolls? Answer: Pretty much everything that Netflix and Amazon dish out these days. "Cursed" is innocent enough, and pure fantasy that should keep preteens attention for a bit. The lead character is, you guessed it, a teenage female girl who somehow beats the tar out of grown men repeatedly. And, as the new trend continues, all of the white man are complete idiots who depend on her to wipe their bottoms. Every woman I ever knew didn't have to be told how tough she was. Apparently the current generations are so fragile that their heroes need to pummel "girls can do anything' into their easily triggered minds. Perhaps I'm overanalyzing. A simmple review, then. The show is not even remotely interesting.

Disenchantment (2018–2023)

Weak

[4/10 · 22 July 2020]

This show is certainly not "Simpsons" funny. It's not even "Futurama" funny. In the never ending world of mediocre television, Disenchantment sits as snuggly in the middle as possible.

The first three episodes showed promise, but "Disenchantment" falls off the cliff immediately thereafter. King Zog has a lot of potential, and the show could be salvageable if he were the main plot point. However the show chooses to focus on his daughter, Bean. Bean turns into a boring cliche, and Elfo may be one of the most annoying sidekicks of all time. The weird sexual tension between these two becomes rather unsettling. If you have nothing else on Earth more productive to do for 20 minutes, there are worse things to watch. That is as close to a compliment as I can give this program.

The Mandalorian (2019– )

What Every Star Wars Movie Wishes it Was

[8/10 · 2 January 2020]

For my fellow Gen Xer's, the Star Wars Trilogy was an essential part of childhood. After years of rewatching them as an adult, my personal consensus is that they were actually, well, really, really corny. Just plain old bad, in fact. But the galaxy corrects itself with The Mandolorian. After 40 years of bad dialogue, some questionable characters (did those primitive dwarf bears really bring down the Galactic Empire?), and three horrific prequels we have a story with meat The Mandolorian himself is dull beyond tears. But his universe is full of believable characters with realistic stories that you can appreciate. Little Yoda makes any previous plush toy look like Jabba the Hutt. But the writers don't fall into the Lucas trap of using him ad nauseum. Well balanced with good pace- even if the lead character makes Boba Fett seem like a bounty hunter with OCD.

The Last of the Manson Girls (2018)

Simple yet Cerebral

[8/10 · 15 December 2019]

The recently released book "Chaos" is a mind-numbing, 600 page exhaustive collection of "what if's" and coincidence concerning the Manson Family. It is fascinating and frustrating. It creates more questions than it ever answers. But what if, at the end of it all, the answer is that there is no answer?

"The Last of the Manson Girls" is a simply crafted, tight period piece aimed at dismissing the flood of conspiracy theories. In the end, nine people were murdered. We will probably never know why. Those who participated in the murders have deflected the question for decades to protect their own skin. Manson himself could never be taken seriously-- he was too busy playing the crazy demon, and fighting a celebrated District Attorney who filled the public imagination with visions of "Helter Skelter". Those left behind-- Sandra Goode, Lynette Fromme, Brenda McCann-- were left to make sense of it all and defend their fallen Guru. And how do you move on when society has judged already you?

The girls were played brilliantly, but the sense of "craziness" is perhaps overdone. No doubt intentionally. The "X's" carved into the foreheads of the three acolytes are unnerving and dominate every scene.

The movie is an excellent peek into the mania that is Manson lore. One that persists 50 years on.

Charlie Says (2018)

Surprisingly Interesting

[8/10 · 8 August 2019]

I consider myself to be an amateur "expert" on the Manson Family/Murders. This film has some historical inaccuracies (Linda Kasabian drove the murderers on both nights). But despite a few technical errors, it is a sensitive fiction of how the women came to grips with what they had done. But before you feel sorry for the Manson Girls know these facts: Susan Atkins had an extensive rap sheet long before knowing Manson. Patricia Krenwinkel and Leslie Van Houten were street-wise acid heads prior to falling under Manson's "spell". So don't be fooled into thinking that this trio were sweet, innocent virgins. Manson ordered the killings to appear as copy-cat murders to free Bobby (who appears early in the movie and would later kill musician Garry Hinman, along with Susan Atkins) It was refreshing to see a portrayal of Charlie that was not evil incarnate. Manson was nuts, but not a 24/7 paranoid psychopath. This portrayal is probably closer to the truth. I enjoyed it immensely. But we will never know the complete truth about the two nights of mayhem in August, 1969.

When They See Us (2019)

Another Reason to Despise Cops

[10/10 · 15 June 2019]

One thing we can all agree on, regardless of race, sex, or creed, is mistrust of those who "Protect and Serve". I will go one step further and say if you are working class or below, the emotion is closer to hate. And as if we needed to add fuel to the fire, "When They See Us" hits you like a right hook across your defenseless jaw from a blue-uniformed bully. Is the series political? Of course. It has to be for the sake of relevance. One day we are all going to wake up, black and white, and realize we are fighting a common enemy. It isn't each other. The young men portraying the five defendants deliver gut wrenching performances. You feel every emotion along the way-- fear, confusion, exhaustion, and hopelessness. I was a bit put off by the stereotypical strong black mother/spineless black father narrative. But if that is in fact how the story played out, shame on that man. You will be angry. You will be upset. You will ask "How?" From looking at neutral perspectives of the night in question, these boys were not angels. But how would President Trump's son have fared under the same circumstance? These kids were black and poor. Poor white kids wouldn't have fared much better. Watch the injustice play out on Netflix. And don't turn your head in shame. You didn't do it. The big bad bully did. And none of us can stop him.

Grand Theft Auto V (2013 Video Game)

Boring, but Beautiful

[2/10 · 5 June 2019]

If activities like golf, tennis and video sky diving get your adrenal pumping, then strap yourself in for the thrill of a lifetime. Did I also mention endless driving? Driving non-stop hither, tither, and yon? I am unimpressed (to say the least) with GTA 5. The scenery is beautiful, and the landscape is impressive. But GTA 5 reminds me of a cheerleader I dated-- great to look at, but nothing beyond that to keep you interested. Of the three protagonists, only Trevor is remotely fun. Franklin is a walking mid 90's stereotye so black Snoop would be offended. "Dog" this. "Dog" that. We get it. Franklin is black . Michael is as lame as any mid 40's psychopath can be. But he does enter triathlons, and can shoot under par on the golf course. Exciting? No. Trevor is great and everything a video game nut job should be-- careless, loud, funny, and ready to throw down. But he can't save a game where taking your dog for a walk is actually a thing. Reviewers say the "Saints Row" series is a GTA ripoff. Well, rip away. "Saints Row" doesn't pretend to be anything other than an over-the-top open world mayhem fest. GTA takes itself too seriously. Video games aren't supposed to be realistic. That's what the news is for. If I want to wash a car, I'll wash the one I own in the real world. Car washing... Also a thing.

Vice (I) (2018)

Rudderless, Incomplete

[5/10 · 7 April 2019]

With very choppy story telling and political snowballing, this movie never gets off the ground. POTUS Bush as the dim-witted chimp is passe at this point, and Cheyney and Rumsfeld looming as his Satanic handlers has grown tiresome. There are some absurd, Python-esque attempts at humor throughout. An ode to the "Great Bard of Britain" was particularly silly. But the central point of the flick can be summed up in the two minute soliloquy before the credits. Christian Bale is the only actor in Hollywood I would pay to see. He's a ringer for Cheyney. Carrel is a fine Rumsfeld, but for some reason I can never get Michael Scott out of my mind when I see/hear him. The definitive biopic of W.'s presidency is still decades away. There is still too much to clean up.

Amy Schumer: Growing (2019 TV Special)

MORE Vagina Humor?

[3/10 · 23 March 2019]

The biggest difference between Andrew "Dice" Clay and Amy Schumer? Dice was disgustingly funny for a time, then he disappeared. Amy Schumer was never disgustingly funny, and will not go away. Women are not as funny as men when it comes to stand up. They don't have to be (referrence Christopher Hitchens infamous article in "Vanity Fair"). Yet the viewing public is forced to politely applaud women like Schumer, lest we insult womanhood. Where is the science to prove it? Somewhere in the ether I suppose. But I will give Amy credit for one thing-- she isn't part of the white-man hating neo-feminist brigade who stifle their insecurity by bear hunting and chewing tobacco (Girl Power!) She's fat, and good with it. She was a tramp and doesn't apologize for it. I would love to hang out with her. She just isn't funny.

Copperhead (2013)

Corny

[1/10 · 21 February 2019]

It's rare that I turn off a flick in the first twenty minutes, especially when it concerns American History. But the acting and dialogue are so 3rd rate, I nearly choked on my own vomit. Where is Ed Wood when you need him?

Papillon (I) (2017)

Newsflash: Hollywood is out of Ideas

[3/10 · 18 February 2019]

There are some movies that you do not reboot. But Hollywood is desperate. Disagree? Try to find something on Netflix aimed at the average IQ. If you said "Baby Boss", keep looking. Better yet, go take a nap. I do not think the 1973 version of "Papillon" is on anyone's Top Ten List. It's too much to endure. The original is filthy. It's desperate. Dark. Ugly. Brutal. Disturbing. Sweaty. It's not a movie you want to watch more than a few times, because it cuts.

Comparitively, the remake is almost sexy (with Charlie Hunan's ripped physique), and has a "day at the beach" feel to it (despite taking place in one of the most brutal penal colonies in recorded history). Look no further than the solitary confinement sequences. Barring a few gray hairs, Hunan's "Papillon" emerges none the worse for wear. Mentally, not only does he emerge intact, but borderline witty. Steve McQueen's "Papi" is dragged out ashen, teeth rotting, voice shot, shaken to his core. But don't blame Hunan. He's too pretty for the part. Did anyone buy his performance as "Jacks" in "Sons of Anarchy"? The tough biker? Steve McQueen can out-rugged anybody. By the end, you wonder how his character is still alive-- let alone escaping.

The scenery and overall vibe is unconvincing. People who spent time in French New Guinea never looked as good as these fellas. If they were to make a Disney attraction called "Papillon", this version of the movie would be the model. It's safe. The original is far too disturbing, and probably a bit much for our "Baby Boss" society. I guess they will attempt an "Exorcist" remake next. Hollywood wouldn't... Would they?

The Orville (2017–2022)

The Orville: Character Driven and Few Fireworks

[8/10 · 11 February 2019]

The show reminds me of the original Trek in so many ways-- characters you love, moments of light comedy, and great story telling. The Orville doesn't rely on a lot of bells and whistles. It doesn't need to. McFarlane triumphs where 99% of other sci-fi fails-- the stories are simple, emotional, and exciting. We don't want to hear a 15 minute explanation about the hyper drive being out. But we do appreciate the ship doctor having feelings for the resident robot. And when you become upset that the Chief Security Officer leaves after the 3rd episode of season 2? Well, you know you found a winner. If you find The Orville to be "sci-fi light", so be it. To me, it's a light-hearted beacon in a TV universe that takes itself WAY too seriously.

Kingdom (2019–2020)

What Walking Dead?

[9/10 · 10 February 2019]

"Kingdom" is "The Walking Dead" on steroids. These zombies don't amble along like your granny with a bad hip. They flat out sprint. And their behavior is part undead, part Regan McNeil a la "The Exorcist"-- foaming, contorting, and screaming. For a genre that wore out its welcome years ago, "Kingdom" puts a surprisingly fresh spin on the zombie chase. The setting is charming-- a China when Emperors ruled. It is hard to find a connection with the characters, due mostly to corny subtitle translation. But I did find myself rooting for several characters. Here's hoping "Kingdom" finds an audience. For those of us who prayed for Carl's death, and have grown weary of Rick and the tedium of "The Walking Dead", this is one tense and at times terrifying alternative.

Look Who's Back (2015)

Brilliant Satire

[8/10 · 7 January 2019]

The film is everything that an ironic comedy should be. Perhaps the most unsettling element of the movie is the "likeability" of one of history's great monsters-- he is funny, insulting, and supremely confident while at the same time humble in his new surroundings. The remaining characters are mere filler. An awkward romance between Hitler's "bestie" (free-lance journalist Zawatsk) and a Goth television secretary doesn't work. But the character of Hitler is scary good. You can understand the charisma that swept him into total control of Germany, and nearly the world. Hillarious, thought provoking, uneasy.

The Lobster (2015)

Film Noir Light

[9/10 · 27 December 2018]

Not for the folks who need movies spoon-fed to them. The jock/cheerleader types will find it dull. But if you like your film noir a bit more easy to digest (like me) this flick will keep your brain occupied for days. Collin Farrell is almost unnocitable. It may be his best work. There are no amazing sets, no spectacular scenery, no stand out performances. Everyone and every thing is swallowed by the story entirely. The dialogue is uneasy, terse, and blunt. All the while there is a sense of unease, awkwardness, and stifled tension. My favorite movie of 2018, and the kind that has to be made every couple of years by Hollywood. This absolves them of the tripe they feed us the other 99.9% of the time.

Jack Ryan (2018–2023)

Another (yawn!) Terrorist Chase Cliche

[1/10 · 7 December 2018]

The "get the terrorist" genre is so saturated that we can't possibly be getting another-- oh no, we're getting another one. Seriously? These shows are still viable? Jim Halpert stars as Jack Ryan. I'm sorry, but John Krasinski will never be anyone other than the smirking, gawking, grinning, unassuming paper salesman. His turn at a new character does nothing to broaden his artistic range. Forty five minutes in I saw a very simple plot developing, which is fine. But the acting is just plain bad, and therefore unwatchable. Wendell Pierce (Jim Halpert's boss) is just plain awkward. This might have worked if Steve Carell played the part of James Greer. Oh, the wacky terrorist adventures these two may have had! It's a case of "seen it a thousand times". I don't know how much more television can squeeze out of the terrorist thing, but someone must be watching ;em. They keep making 'em. Not me...