gmzewski Reviews

The Road to Ruin (1934)

Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll in the '30s! Beautiful!

[10/10 · 20 December 2008]

Given the plot line of this one, I simply HAD to see it! It was the forerunner of REEFER MADNESS and COCAINE FIENDS by a couple of years, arguably the soft-core pornography of its day! Atrociously marvelous with its horrid, wooden acting, crudely amateurish cinematography/camera movements, it's so bad it's a real beauty to watch! Although none of the "hard-core" action is actually seen, only alluded to, it comes across as very powerful in its depiction. I knew it would be a complete farce by two short scenes: In the opening scene when the guy falls off the back of the car as the car is moving off-camera, (I'm sure that was an unscripted ad-lib), and when the crowd of teens is skivvie-dipping in the pool, all drunk and stoned, the old man leering at them lustfully out the window with his wife badgering him to call the police, and he keeps telling her "yes, yes, later!" Add to the cast Ted Lorch as the abortion doctor, and Duke York, (both later of Three Stooges fame) and you'll get the idea of just how crude and low-budget, albeit creative and daring it stands! Don't let your grandparents lie to you and tell you the only things they had had to watch in those days were Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland ("Let's Put On a Show!") or Fred Astaire dancing on the ceiling, or Nelson Eddy and Jeanette McDonald singing "Indian Love Call"! Nope, there was plenty of this Pre-Hayes-code raunch back then, just as now, they just won't admit it! For the subject matter of its day, it's a classic, and a keeper! Long live sleaze! I can't wait to find the 1928 silent version of this one, bets are it's even racier then thisone!

Hot Sands (1931)

A personally beautiful Find!

[8/10 · 8 December 2008]

I have what I consider to be a personal connection with Thelma White, who passed away in 2005, having had contact with one of her distant cousins, and Harry Preston, co-author of her biography "THELMA WHO?", I'm only sorry she's passed away, and I can't get in touch with her. However much detail I have on her life and career, I've never seen her on film in any other than "REEFER MADNESS", (arguably one of the worst films of all time!) So I don't know how good an actress she was, but what a pleasant surprise to find HOT SANDS on late-night TCM! Although it's a comedic spoof short, she's cute, perky, and not at all too bad in those few minutes! I truly hope to see more of her from the TCM vaults, and those 10 minutes of lame comedy will remain in my treasured collection! The film itself is typical of the Vitaphone shorts of the era, rather vapid with its paper-thin plot, but most enjoyable on the whole!

The Aristocrats (2005)

So Bad, it's Beautiful!

[10/10 · 26 June 2008]

This is simply the most disgusting, horrific, obscene thing I've ever seen or heard! It's so "in-your-face" I couldn't help but stay riveted to it, the entire video and all its sub-sections. The very fact that Penn Gillette & his friend would spend 4 years putting it together, says a lot about how perverse our scociety has become. I Love it! This is precisely the exact stuff my friend & I would dream up and act out in our impromptu comic skits when we were teenagers! Where was Penn Gillette & his recording equipment 40 years ago? I've come to a new admiration of Gilbert Gottfried, until now he ranked just one notch above Pauly Shore on my "can't f$%^&g stand'em" list. But Now I see he KNOWS what he sounds like, how he comes across (no pun intended!) and how to piece together a line and a joke! He's Good! On a somber note, now that George Carlin has passed away, His clips in the video stand in testimony to the elder spokesman of a generation! The performers, one and all, every last one of 'em, get a standing F*** Y*** for their contributions to this classic!

Beauty and the Bus (1933)

Just Plain Funny - but for a different reason

[8/10 · 25 June 2008]

I just finished watching this one on a very old disc in my collection - I didn't even know it was there! - It's typical Hal Roach "Keystone Kops" mayhem with all those cars, but updated with female characters Todd & Kelly. The story is funny enough on its own, but what got to me was watching Thelma Todd play the "straight" to goofy Patsy Kelly, I wonder how many takes they had to do to keep Thelma from laughing her cute little ass off! Patsy is downright silly, a precursor to the Three Stooges, much of her stumbling/bumbling, falling down, and just generally a walking disaster wherever she goes, but such fun to watch! This is one not meant to be taken seriously, especially for lovers of fine old cars being destroyed en masse! (I understand the car they used for for Thelma & Patsy was a very expensive (and RARE) Chrysler roadster, cost a ton of money in the depression!) Watch this one for a good healthy laugh!

Happy Days (1929)

The Worst!

[1/10 · 14 June 2008]

I'm a big Marjorie White fan,but as a young actress, on the stage since childhood, and already a big hit in Sunny Side Up, why she agreed to take the part in this one, along with Charles Farrell and Janet Gaynor, I'll never know. On the whole, I find the entire film patently old-fashioned (even for its own time), ridiculously unfunny, except for George Jessel and Will Rogers, and I find it offensive to a great degree, the scene where the guy picks up Marjorie and physically throws her across the room, and the enormous chorus scene of blackface actors just horribly silly. And add El Brendel, the un-funniest comic of his time, and what we end with is a really forgettable piece, insulting, and not entertaining at all!

Plane Nuts (1933)

An Absolute Delight! A "Must See"

[9/10 · 26 May 2008]

Through the years, I've seen stills and miscellaneous data about this one, and I thought it was "lost", but came upon it in a Stooges video package a few days ago. This is not the stereotypical "3 Stooges", but Howard, Fine & Howard doing pure vaudeville on film! The slapstick is primitive and crude with no added sound effects, the acting is purely stage wooden. But the pleasant highlight of the film is the excellent pre-Busby Berkely choreography done by the Albertina Rasch Dancers who take up the bulk of the film's length. For purposes of comparison with the Stooges comedies we all know, the three on stage with Ted Healy and Bonny Bonnell (Ted's 1st wife) gives us a glimpse of their beginnings. Even with Healy slapping them around, (not funny but rather cruel), we can see their individual characters beginning to form.

For anyone interested in what the Stooges looked like before the Columbia shorts, this is one to watch! Catch it if you can, you'll be pleasantly surprised.

The Circus (1928)

Incredibly, emotionally beautiful work!

[10/10 · 13 April 2008]

This one has to be one of his best, on a par with his speech in the closing scene of The Great Dicatator 1940! I'll admit I was never much of a Chaplin fan in the past, until I saw these two in the past couple of years. His early Essanay works I didn't like at all, full of gratuitous, senseless violence masking as comedy (people knocking the crap out each other for no apparent reason)but Dictator, and Circus touch the heart as no others do! The film, as a whole, is rather drab & slow, Chaplin playing the Tramp as a circus act, (not discounting his own tightrope work), but the closing scene, as the circus moves on and he's left alone, with only a picture of his love, and his Tramp walk into the sunset, makes it an emotionally powerful piece to watch, giving us glimpse of Chaplin's inner self, not to be found anywhere else, but hidden beneath his character. A must-see for those who enjoy a heartwarming story!

Broadway to Hollywood (1933)

Most Forgettable!

[2/10 · 12 December 2007]

I didn't find anything at all interesting about this piece, other than a few notable players such as Frank Morgan and Fay Templeton, the storyline is droll, the acting flat and colorless. This was a patch-job production using footage from THE MARCH OF TIME (1930), which was scrapped before its completion by none other them MGM execs Harry Rapf and Irving Thalberg as a hopeless waste. Given the Great Depression era, when even the biggest companies were hard-pressed to save a few dollars wherever they could, the scrapped footage of that one was spliced into Broadway to Hollywood to recoup at least some of the investment. The only memorable clips were those of the Albertina Rasch dancers, with their primitive pre-Rockettes choreography, and that's giving it fair credit. I watched it for an entirely different reason, but it struck me as a very poor low-budget number, cobbled up from scraps. Definitely not a keeper! Morgan and Templeton, both fine players, are entirely wasted here. It'll not only put you to sleep, it'll tempt you to change the channel or turn it off! No good at all!

A Night at the Opera (1935)

Among The Very best of Comedy!

[9/10 · 8 December 2007]

Yes, the "tumbling-out-of-the-stateroom" scene is a true historical cinema classic, but my favorite scene is Harpo, on the deck, lip-syncing Maurice Chevalier's "Louise" with the phonograph strapped to his ass! The first time I saw this film, I almost gave up on the Three Stooges as masters of comedy, but then I realized the Stooges played as comic parody with their slapstick, while the Marx's comedy was pure genius! And Margaret Dumont as Grouch's "straight" foil is simply beautiful with her droll dowdiness! And who cannot laugh at Chico, with his phony Italian accent, and in particular, his piano playing to the crowd of kids! I'm sure those kids were laughing for real, unscripted. All in all, it's a true masterpiece we don't get to see often enough! I'll give it just a bit less than a perfect ten, because most of the ancillary characters are only there to fill in the gaps, and tend to slow it down a bit. But who's to say it wasn't designed and written that way?

No More Ladies (1935)

It's just plain FUNNY!

[8/10 · 24 October 2007]

While this genre of film is not my viewing of choice, I watched it for an entirely different reason, and was I surprised! Although a bit slow in parts, its star, Joan Crawford, seems to drag it down just a bit, by playing it too seriously. Every other character fits their part perfectly and more! Robert Montgomery is an absolute cad, Franchot Tone as suave as he can be, and all the others playing the part as though they're all a bit drunk or tipsy, make it worthwhile. Charlie Ruggles, as opposed to his later suave, smooth roles, plays a happy drunk, who lightens up the story with his goofy aphorisms, and Edna May Oliver, parodies her "dowdiness" with an endless stream of "bon mots" and one- liners for every scene, but it's Arthur Treacher, as the happy drunk, who steals the show. It's almost as though he's parodying his "Englishness" for the role, he's absolutely hilarious! I've never seen Treacher as anything but the stuffy butler, it's him who makes it worth watching and laughing! Yes, a real keeper! If you enjoy light comedy, watch this one. it's just plain FUNNY!

What-No Beer? (1933)

Phyllis Barry MAKES this one!

[7/10 · 28 September 2007]

Keaton and Durante worked very well together, but since they were still trying to put stage acting to film, comes across as flat, and not funny at all. Prime example: Bela Lugosi's acting in Dracula (1931) along with the rest of the cast of that one, was stiff and wooden, not entertaining at all, just boring. BUT: Phyllis Barry carries this clunker to an acme of overt sexual innuendo with her undressing scene in front of Keaton, who seemingly didn't know how to handle this aspect of acting (it could have been his drinking) and he just plays it stupid and flat! But although it's on the cutting edge of soft porn, it stays clean enough to remain mildly amusing, without getting dirty! The plot line is silly, but it's worth watching for its overtly suggestive sexual scenes. All in all, a very interesting piece!

The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974)

A gift from Heaven for transit fans!

[10/10 · 26 September 2007]

One of the great action films of modern times! Aside from its edge-of-the-seat nonstop hyper-activity, its attention to technical detail is astounding, albeit not exactly accurate, but the best I've ever seen on film, other than in-house training films of the NYCTA and Chicago's CTA (Chicago Transit Authority). For detailed info on the train cars themselves, access WWW.NYCSUBWAY.ORG for the R-series #'s of the cars. Some of Matthau's best acting to date, Fantastic location shots and detail shots of the cars and the subway system! Even if you're not a transit freak, Watch this one for an exciting, dramatic thriller! Trust me, you'll watch it again and again. Better than "Money Train", faster than "Bullitt" simply terrific! For more techinical info contact [e-mail]. Laugh yourself silly at the racial epithets, so true-to-life, on mistaking the Japanese for "Chinamen", and calling them monkeys, and when Matthau meets Inspector daniels at the car, how he's at a loss for words because he had envisioned Daniels as a white guy! THAT's Funny!

King Kong (1933)

nitpicking

[10/10 · 24 August 2007]

OK, it's a classic! I hate to bust anybody's bubble, but here's a few items nobody seems to have asked before: #1: Why would the owner/captain of a ragtag tramp steamer take a stranger's word & money to go to an uncharted island to pick up an unknown cargo? #2: When they get there, they find a civilization of natives (all White actors!) on the beach in front of a huge wall built to protect them from the mysterious monster monkey beyond. But in the middle of the wall is a huge DOOR, if, when opened, Kong could easily walk right through! Next, Kong, the monkey was bigger than the boat! How did they transport him back? Gotta love it, even if it's incredibly inspid and stupid in its premise! And when will will we see the restored (!) version where Kong scratches Fay Wray's pussy then smells his finger?

Disraeli (1929)

Boring!!

[2/10 · 16 August 2007]

I just watched DISRAELI on TCM last night, as I was once interested in the work of George Arliss, but no more. I DO enjoy films with historical significance, and political intrigue. However, the closest comparison I can make to this one, is once having tried to read the Biography of Dean Atcheson "Present At The Creation". This may have been Arliss' finest piece, but it was painful to sit through, the story of a man who rarely ever leaves his office, and the endless politico-babble/machinations about the Suez Canal. If you enjoy reading transcripts of the Congressional Record, then by all means, watch this film. Otherwise, the wooden acting, and the inactivity of 90 minutes of watching a man talk, simply put me to sleep. Had it been presented as a more accurate political documentary, I may have found it a bit more interesting. This was not the case. Forget it! (or use it a a sleep aid!) BORING!!!

The Secret 6 (1931)

another pre-stardom thriller

[8/10 · 22 May 2007]

not the greatest of all crime dramas, but very interesting to watch a very young, relatively unknown Clark gable, and the pre-sexpot Harlow in the typical crime drama of the early talkies. plenty of clichés and tired sub-plots, Harlow is actually a bit boring, not a really great actress by any means, but well-suited to these low-budget early talkies. Seems the studios didn't really know what to do with the young Gable, before Thalberg hired him and he was on his up to stardom! He seemed quite a versatile character player for his era, until he became stereotyped into the superstar vein. the story itself is fairly typical of the B features of the area, but well worth watching, as I enjoy seeing later superstars in their "salad days" just getting started!

The Doorway to Hell (1930)

early screen appearances by later stars - good story

[8/10 · 16 May 2007]

A pretty good crime drama of its time, on a par with PUBLIC ENEMY, LITTLE CEASAR, and others of the genre,good acting, too.Excellent acting by a very young Lew Ayres, an up-and-coming yet unknown James Cagney, here listed way down in the cast of players as a secondary, and I particularly enjoyed the fine characterization by pre-Dracula Dwight Frye. Much better than the common, cheesy melodramas of the period,this one holds the interest better due to its inferences and unseen sub-plots, an early gem by director Archie Mayo, ahead of its time for its imaginative storyline, and great scene shots, a captivating film as a whole simply for standing out among the rest! Watch this one, it's very good!!

Chicago Syndicate (1955)

Only one scene makes it worth watching

[2/10 · 11 May 2007]

A cheesy "B" crime thriller of the early '50, the story is droll, the characters wooden, Allison Hayes and Abbe Lane are the only two sexpots that make it an eye-catcher, but one short shot, only a few frames long, shows an "el" train crossing the river on the State Street bridge, of the 6000 series Pullman-built cars painted in their original 1950 paint scheme, as they were delivered when new in 1950. For traction fans like me, that one short take makes the picture worthwhile. I think films like this one, Ulmer's DETOUR, D.O.A. with Edmund O'Brien,THE FUGITIVE with Harrison Ford, and others of the film noir genre, (big city crime dramas) make it interesting if for nothing other than the fact that I know Chicago and San Francisco intimately and recognize most of the street locations. Other wise it's a really droll boring film!

Her Golden Calf (1930)

Not the same film

[2/10 · 24 February 2007]

I'm not sure if this is even the same film or not, for the following reasons: Although IMDb shows it as USA, and the cast list has a number of identifiable names, this is the only information available. The entire film is in Cyrillic Russian, with no subtitles, and I don't recognize any of the characters/actors at all. In fact, the VHS package itself is all in Russian, with what seems to be a copyright (?) of 1968, the tape itself appears to be made in Russia. I can't make "heads or tails" of the storyline, and while looking for Marjorie White, there's a young girl in a few scenes who closely resembles Louise Brooks.

The only other Russian-language film I've seen is Battleship Potemkin by Eisenstein, and that one has a storyline to it, with English subtitles. This one seems to be a sort of period melodrama of some sort. I thought I caught Marjorie White's voice in one scene, Ill have to replay it to catch it again, I'm probably wrong.

If there's anyone out there who can read Russian language printing, let me know, I'll forward a photocopy of the package to translate. I'm fairly certain the title may translate into Englsh, but this, too I'm not sure. It may be a purely Soviet home-grown production with a title resembling Golden calf. I just don't know. Can anyone help??

If not, then it may truly BE a "LOST" film, at least to those of us in the west! One more giveaway: The English version runs 70 minutes, this Russian work (?) runs almost 3 hours! DEFINITELY not our Golden Calf!

Women of All Nations (1931)

Fuggedabouddit!!

[1/10 · 12 January 2007]

This is one truly lame, incredibly awful film, vapid and empty, with terrible characters, none of whom add anything at all to the ridiculous, nonsensical story! The only reason I watched this film was to see Marjorie White. She's only in one or two scenes near the beginning, then gone, her character is completely undefined,, she's just an extra. But Bela Lugosi meowing like a cat, and El Brendel picking his nose, come on now! And those two entirely talentless Vaudevillians Maglaglen & Lowe, either of them is forgettable on his own, but the two of them teamed together make Wheeler & Woolsey look like the Barrymores! Just Plain bad!! I'm really surprised to see something this poor come from from famed director Raoul Walsh, it's more suited to Ed Wood or John Waters!! (Obviously not one of his best efforts!!) Z-grade shlock on the minus scale of rating, what waste of good celluloid!! It's rumored that Humphrey Bogart was in it, but his scenes cut out at his own expense, he realized it ws so bad he wanted nothing to do with it, so as not to ruin his career! A one-word review: NO!

Creature Feature: 50 Years of the Gill-Man (2004 Video)

My interview

[4/10 · 25 October 2006]

I vaguely remember Ben from my Sci-Fi fandom days of the '60s, I was doing several interviews & bios of obscure actors/actresses, most notably Ben, actress Fay Spain, and Jody Fair, who played Angela in 1961's The Young Savages. Ben was one of the people at a low-key Sci-Fi con in Chicago, about 1970, when I had a nice chat with him and his "career" and life. All these were published in some now-long-forgotten fanzine of the day. Wish I still had copies of those interviews, but time marches on, and any of those people surely wouldn't' remember me at all so many years later. Ben was a really nice fellow, ekeing out a living (The cons of those days didn't even pay their guest, unless, of course they were big-name stars, and even then the pay was a couple hundred dollars, at most! Good to know Ben's still alive & kicking! How 'bout a remake of Creature, but 50 years older! Ugly then, uglier now!

Just Imagine (1930)

The very worst!

[1/10 · 19 October 2006]

This is positively, without a trace of doubt, the most ridiculous bad movie I've ever seen! It's so bad it's physically painful to watch it! I got a copy only to see Marjorie White, and she only plays a secondary to Maureen O'Sullivan, but that's irrelevant. The storyline makes no sense whatsoever, scientists wake up a guy who's been dead 50 years, they don't explain why, Two guys & a stowaway flying a rocket to Mars, again no explanation why, when they arrive, they're greeted by a chorus line of dancing monkeys, COME ON!! They return in time for the lead guy to get married, but El Brendel brings back the Martian hulk to show in the courtroom they've been there, that's why they're late, then takes the guy down by pinching his ear, all live happily ever after.

COME ON!! Even in 1930, with a 1930 mentality & view of the future, it's not 1980, it's still 1930. It's just plain STUPID! I read somewhere this film played 3 days at a theater in Milwaukee before shutting down, the movie patrons virtually all demanding their money back for this lousy, cheesy, silly dumb film! Even the few lines of alleged "comic relief" ("We're going to Mars"! "Take me with you, I'd love to meet your mother"!) El Brendel's pathetic imitation Swede isn't even Vaudeville funny, just lame & dumb! Forget this one, it can't even be classed as "so bad it's good", it doesn't even fit that category! Even Perky Marjorie White, with all her spunk, gets to play a silly, ditzy girl with no substance to her character at all. The people responsible for garbage like this had to go home at the end of the day to their family & neighbors, how could they possibly not be ashamed to show their faces in public? What a travesty to call this thing a "motion picture"! If there's a top 10 list, there should be a BOTTOM 100 list, this one would be -100!

Star Trek: The Empath (1968) Season 3, Episode 12

The Best of the Silent Era!

[10/10 · 15 October 2006]

Kathryn Hays' mime portrayal of Gem ranks with the finest of the silent actresses, such as Lillian Gish in her work for D.W. Griffth ("Broken Blossoms" is what comes to mind}. This is some of the finest true ACTING I've seen in a sound film! Don't know why she wasn't at least nominated for the Sci-Fi version of the Academy Award for this performance, she's quite good in all her other work as well, even though her voice doesn't quite live up to her acting ability. This episode remains among my "top 10"list of TOS favorites. The interplay of emotion between McCoy & Spock truly brings forth the camaraderie they shared, and the feelings, respect, and admiration they felt toward each other. But again, if you've never seen a silent classic, or a character portrayal By the like of Lillian Gish, take time to watch an old silent, and see just how beautiful they were!

Star Trek: The Doomsday Machine (1967) Season 2, Episode 6

My First Trek!

[10/10 · 13 October 2006]

I was in Army boot camp the summer and fall of '67, and my buddy back home kept telling me about this great new show on TV callled "Star TreK', he said "You gotta see this one, it's the coolest!" I told him, "Nahh, I've seen Lost in Space, it's stupid, i don't care to see another one like that". But when I came home on leave, DOOMSDAY MACHINE was the first Trek episode I saw, I fell on the floor screaming "OH YEAH!! THIS IS IT FOREVER!!" I could'NT believe the magnitude of its coolness and greatness, I was an instant Trekkie, and I've stayed that way for 40 years!! Made all the early cons, even had a silver & red car painted to look like the USS Enterprise,with "NCC-1701" painted across the hood! All it took was one episode to get me hooked for life, and DOOMSDAY MACHINE was the one that did it! Live Long and Prosper!!

Star Trek: The Trouble with Tribbles (1967) Season 2, Episode 15

The WORST Star Trek of all!

[1/10 · 13 October 2006]

"TRIBBLES" is by far, the silliest, stupidest, un-Star Trek episode of any of them! I can't understand why so many people list this one as their favorite, it's a comedy ala Abbott & Costello, just plain DUMB! The dialog is lame, the acting pedestrian, and the story itself lends nothing at all to the credence of ST, but unfortunately, does giver to the stereotype the show's detractors will point to. The tribble problem aboard the ship is but a vehicle meant to get in the way of Kirk's job of putting out all the "little fires" engulfing them, the Attack by the Klingons, for one, and Nilz Barris continually, acting the self-important bureaucrat, getting in the way. There's nothing humorous or funny about it, it's boring, almost painful to watch, and keep in mind that this is Star Trek! BUT: There IS one saving scene that makes it memorable: The confrontation between Barris & Kirk, where Barris tells him "I don't think you take this mission seriously", and Kirk responds with "The mission I take seriously, it's YOU I take lightly, now get out of my way, or I'll have you locked up!" A good line, in a very bad episode! I can only think this one may have been done as a comedy relief, to break the seriousness of the series as a whole, but no, I won't give it credit even for that. It's just BAD!

Star Trek: The Devil in the Dark (1967) Season 1, Episode 25

True Roddenberry

[10/10 · 12 October 2006]

Of all the episodes of all series, this one holds the closest to Roddenberry's original tenet. According to the book THE MAKING OF STAR TREK, in Roddenberry's writer's guide to his story writers, he states that any alien creature, no matter how hideously ugly, impossible to believe, benign or malicious, MUST hold some semblance of humanity that the TV viewing public can empathize with and/or relate to. Devil In The Dark's HORTA, which resembles nothing more or less than a large blob of cow dung, is a mother protecting her babies, those ball-shaped silicon nodules the miners keep finding throughout the mine passages and destroying, because they have no idea what they are! This is one of my absolute favorite episodes if only for that!