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Reviews
The Barn (2016)
Hilariously fun
It's cheesetastic.
The kills are hilarious. The plot is pretty silly.
So basically a wonderful snowy Sunday afternoon " horror " flick.
Escape from Mr. Lemoncello's Library (2017)
The book is SO much better
This is an ok adaptation, but it skins over SO MUCH of the important parts. As an adult who has read the book and now watched this , I'd give it a three star rating. My kids liked it a lot so we met in the middle on this review.
12 Seconds of Gunfire (2019)
I'm not even sure what I watched
Ok , so it's a cartoon short which was a little weird to begin with , but it's not even a cartoon that tells the story.
It's just a girl on her bed
Then the audio from a 911 call
Then a cartoon boy in a coffin dressed as Batman
And this girls aftermath. But very fragmented.
I'm not really sure what anyone was going with this.
The bright side ? It was under 15 minutes long
Underwood (2019)
Did anyone watch this before they released it ?
The crazy errors in this are non stop. She's on her back , then stomach , then back.
Dog is next to her in the passenger seat , then in the back
Where is it supposed to be shot? Wide views are deciduous trees but when she's in the woods she is surrounded by ferns and palm trees and it looks more like a cheap Florida set.
The slow close ups on her boobs were supposed to be a distraction from the bad dialog and choppy editing I suppose.
This is just really bad.
13 Eerie (2013)
It made me laugh at least
This is so cheesy awful. Really really bad all
Around , in a light night Friday evening comedy duo shows these flicks kind of way.
I could see big chuck and little John playing them ( it's a Cleveland thing ) they'd find these cheesy AWFUL funny "
Scary" movies and play them with comedy skits during breaks
The death scenes are ridiculous. The plot is stupid. The acting is terrible. The zombies were hilarious.
That about sums it up.
If you want to get high and laugh at a terrible " horror " flick , this just might work for you
Pet Sematary (2019)
So very disappointed
I don't even know where to start. I went in with very high expectations and an open mind. I realize movies can't follow the book exactly , but this skipped over ALL the backstories and relationships.
There was ZERO chemistry between any two characters. None! Judd is just some old guy that pops up. He has dinner with them once and now he's going to just decide to take him to a
Secret burial ground ? It made no sense.
How about all the stories about Judds dog and Timmy Betwrman ? Those are pretty damn important.
The Zelda backstory? Changed and skimmed over. The in law backstory? Didn't happen. They didn't even have speaking roles.
I went with a friend who had never read the book and watched the original movie a long time ago and she didn't have a clue what the hell was happening in a good portion. Some things need explained
Oh! And the kicker? Someone redid the Ramones pet semetary song in the ending credits.
The whole thing was just bad.
Berkshire County (2014)
None of it makes sense
None of the pieces of this movie fit together. The whole party and BJ scene doesn't have anything at all to do with the later part of the movie.
Who were these people in the masks ? Why were they there ? Who were the other people kidnapped? How were they there? What drug did these masked people use that would allow everyone in the truck to wake up at the same moment despite being knocked out hours apart?
Even at the end we have zero idea why they are after her , what their bigger picture is , what the scars are about ( unless I zoned out for that part )
It wasn't even the scary nameless killer. It was stupid and confusing
La nuit a dévoré le monde (2018)
Yawn
This is just bad decisions and stupidity mixed with weird daydreams ?
I never thought I could be completely
Bored during a zombie movie , then Themis little gem comes along. The zombies aren't scary , the guy is just boring and makes some really questionably stupid decisions.
Save yourself some time. Hard pass on this one
The Purge (2018)
Not bad
I have to say it's a whole lot better than I enticipated when I saw this on demand.
It's a lot grittier and better written than most basic cable shows.
It's not fantastic, but it's a good chilly Sunday afternoon time passer
Charmed (2018)
Garbage
Even setting aside the original and attempting to like it for itself , this is trash.
The acting is awful , the plot is terrible, the effects are pretty bad.
The most interest I had in the whole thing was wondering how that giant house had that little nook for a kitchen ? The attic has 40 foot ceilings but the kitchen is 10x4?
Yes. That's how bored I was watching this. It's teally bad
Apostle (2018)
Absurd and WAY too long
This movie is just a marathon of stupidity. There's no real
Suspense or horro. It's just backstabbing religious nuts with some teen girls wearing too much makeup
There was a point I figured it had to be wrapping nil already after what seemed like endless boring pointlessness , and there was another hour to go.
I really don't u understand the 10 star ratings. Save tourself some time and skip this
Designated Survivor (2016)
Good, but SUPER CHEESY!!
Oh , the cheesy gooey cheese. Haha it's a good enough show. Very interesting premise on what would happen if the whole government was wiped out and had to start fresh.
If you can get past the network cheesy lines and the agenda pushing on many issues , it's enjoyable enough
Smallfoot (2018)
Not a fan
There wasn't anything WRONG with this movie , there just wasn't a lot to be excited about. No catchy songs , no characters any of the kids really cared about , nothing noteworthy really.
Add in some slightly religious undertones with the stones and how they can never be wrong and you get - meh. Went to a birthday party with seven kids aged 5-9. None of them liked this. None of the parents liked it past a couple laughs.
Danny Divito was really the only high point in this.
Wait for
Redbox
Ask the StoryBots (2016)
Story bots are the best
We love storybots here ! Even the grumpy nine year old loves it.
Season two just came out and has already explained so many things they've asked and I didn't answer nearly as well as these little robots. I could never explain computers as well as Snoop Dogg lol
Glitch (2015)
I'm such a fan
No, it's not a completely new concept , but it's a fresh take on " the returned ". The characters are great, the story is fantastic, the accents are yummy lol
I really enjoyed the first two seasons and can't wait for more to come !
The House of Deadly Secrets (2018)
Holy cheese
This is seriously a
Ridiculous silly movie. SO cheesy and over the top stupid.
The ten star revie must be from someone's mother
The acting is horrid , the plot is silly , he dialog is ridiculous
Lifetime reject
The 'Burbs (1989)
So funny. Great classic comedy
I remember watching this movie over and over and over when it was first out on HBO and they showed it five times a day or so.
It's our on amazon now and I just watched it. Funny as ever now that I'm a grown up.
Tom Hanks is amazing as always. Corey Feldman is an awesome burn out teen.
It's full of one liners and silly " soooky" fun
The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999)
Started so good
I have to say I was pretty surprised by how much I liked the first 2/3 of this movie. Didn't have high hopes coming in but was happy to see a good 90's horror flick with a storyline.
Then the "
Climax " happens and it all goes to hell. Seriously people ? That's what you have for an ending to all this?
So disappointed
Under the Skin (2013)
The hell?
I'm not even sure what I just watched. Maybe a little to " artsy" for me to understand.
It was just awful.
How It Ends (2018)
So implausible and cliched
From the beginning this is just a non stop " we've seen it all before" boring film.
Father and son in law tension - forced to work together to save the daughter / wife who is in peril from...? Who knows? The lights went out and the phones cut off.
Their car is made of Teflon. They can smash it into cars and rails and trees and there's barely a scratch on it. Truly amazing
It had such a good idea and zero waychability
Go with Me (2015)
It was bad. Really really bad
With the names involved we had high hopes for this movie.
It was so very awful. It seems they just drive around looking for Black way to be told they shouldn't look for him and they drive around looking for him more until the undramatoc conclusion.