altair42002 Reviews

Godmonster of Indian Flats (1973)

Night of the sheepus

[3/10 · 26 April 2013]

I just finished watching Godmonster and I'm still not sure I have any idea what it's about.

Some guy finds a mutant (or hybrid) sheep fetus in a farm yard. For some reason he calls a (typically) insane professor who insists on trying to keep the thing alive.

I'm not going to try and cover the rest of it because there are so many different story lines going on.

All I can say is if you love really REALLY cheap movie monsters you can't do much worse (or would it be better). The only monster I can think of that might be worse is the one in "sting of death".

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972)

Manos: the hands of Christmas

[1/10 · 16 April 2011]

I recently got the rifftrax version of this movie. Believe me when I say this is the only way this movie is watchable (I use the word "watchable" loosely).

The rifftrax guys are brilliant (as usual) but this movie must have been hard to riff because its so incoherent.

I really wonder what the budget for the santa segment was. It seems they just shot random shots of kids playing and added some shots of santa to pad it out. At the end, when the Ice Cream Bunny comes driving up in his fire truck, I'm sure I got a glimpse of Torgo behind the wheel, or it might be that by that time my brain was fried.

If anyone has ever wondered what an acid trip looks like, you need look no further then this fine mess-terpiece.

Happy Days (1974–1984)

Did Fonzi ever do anything illegal

[12 October 2010]

I was 13 when this show first came out and I watched almost every episode. I think I remember an episode where some guys are looking for a stolen car. the car is in a garage being serviced and at one point fonzi doctors the license plate and possibly even re-paints the car to keep it from being spotted.

In the entire run of this show, I think this is the only time Fonzi was shown doing something illegal and gives a glimpse of something of his past.

My question is- am I correct in this or were there other episodes where he did something illegal??

Germans (1996)

fairly accurate, but not very good

[2/10 · 21 April 2010]

I borrowed this movie from a co-worker who had a part in it. I wasn't really expecting much and was not disappointed. The story is about a German scientist and his family. There is a story line involving a Jewish man who escapes from a labor camp and ends up hiding in the scientist's home. After he is discovered, he makes friends with the family. There are several chances to show the conflict that some of the Nazis felt with the persecution of the jews. There is one scene in particular where a German officer wants to let a Jewish boy live, but at the end of the scene, he pulls his gun, aims at the boy, lowers the gun and turns away, then turns back and kills him. At the end, in typical nazi fashion, the gestapo go to the scientist's home and kill almost everyone in sight.

I don't know how much of a release this movie had, but it seems to be very obscure. I had never heard of it before and wouldn't have seen it except for "officer Hoppe".

If your a fan of war movies, I would suggest looking at something else with a better production and better actors.

Sound of Horror (1966)

Not too bad for 50 cents

[12 March 2010]

This was included in the "tales of terror" box set so I wasn't expecting anything fantastic. I was not disappointed. The director was clearly trying to save money on the fx by making the monster invisible and by filming in the middle of nowhere and claiming they were in Greece. Judging by the locations, this could have been filmed in Arizona or Mexico.

On another subject, who in there right mind would name their child Caliope?? Not only did she have a stupid name, she has to be one of the ugliest women I've ever seen (could she be Keith Richards sister??). I had to cheer the monster when he found her as his next victim. One funny line is before they try to leave one guy says "I put Calliope in her bed, we can send someone to bury her when we get to town".

Heil Honey I'm Home! (1990)

Who thought this was a good idea??

[1/10 · 15 February 2010]

I wonder who was responsible for this mess. The jokes wouldn't have worked for gilligan's island. If this had gone to series, would there have been jokes about Auschwitz, or would Eva have to replace her oven, only to have Adolf suggest the kind that seats 50?? Another post compared this show to I love Lucy. The problem with this is that Lucille Ball was a genius at physical comedy and bizarre situations, and this mess was just plain badly done and an insult to my intelligence.

After the damage the Nazi's did to England and the number of people they killed, I would think the very concept of a comedy about Hitler would seem repugnant and most normal people would have killed this concept before any episodes were produced.

Devil Monster (1946)

There should be an award

[1/10 · 12 February 2010]

If there were an award for the most amount of stock footage in a film, this would have to win. The producers probably shot only about 10-15 minutes of extra scenes and spliced them into an hour of stock footage from several different films. Over the stock footage there is a narrator trying to connect the whole mess together. The so called native people shift from white to Asian to black randomly from scene to scene. The special effects (???) are awful and the pop tart, I mean devil monster, only appears long enough to eat some guys arm. The scene where the guy is fighting the monster is clearly superimposed as you can see the water in one part showing right through the other part making the guy in the water look transparent.

The Last Chase (1981)

How many different stories were combined??

[1/10 · 14 January 2010]

After watching this on the MST3K episode, I have to wonder how many movies this film borrows from. It seems to combine elements of Logans Run, Farenheight 451, Final Sacrifice and at least several others. At one point I was really expecting Cris Makepease to call Lee Majors ROWSDOWER.

I wonder if the director has any clue how many holes there are in the plot. like the fact that, even though gas is unavailable, there is plenty of it in abandoned gas stations, and the stations are located close enough together to keep an F1 race car going all the way across the country.

Canines of the Caribbean (1985 TV Movie)

I would like to hurt Sandy Frank

[11 January 2010]

For about the last week, I've been watching the KTMA episodes of MST3K. tonights episode was this, er, masterpiece. Let see what we have so far-- Humans in nothing but ape heads that aren't even finished around the neck. Then we have the apes driving 1970 era pontiacs, jeeps and toyotas. They also use weapons. but with all of the cars, guns and other technology they show no evidence of any industrial production capabilities.

It is clear that this piece of junk was edited from more then several episodes of a series. The editing is so abrupt that it startled me at one point. I can only assume that the series is equally confusing and poorly produced. This movie was done twice by MST3K. First on KTMA and again in (I think) season 3. Both versions are unreleased but are available from mst3kvideos.com.

City on Fire (1979)

amazing effects but not much else

[11 January 2010]

Most of this film is just another '70's disaster movie with a bunch of over the hill famous actors trying for one last time to revive their careers. The refinery explosion was incredible and very realistic, but the rest of the fire scenes are clearly process shots. The version I just watched is the MST3K episode from the KTMA season. The guys seemed to have a little trouble making jokes during the fire scenes, probably because of all the dead people and burning bodies. There is one scene though, in the hospital, where the doctor is walking down a hall full of burn victims and he lifts up the sheet covering one guy on a stretcher, and servo says "Oh, yuck thats gross", possibly the funniest line in the whole movie.

If your looking for this episode on DVD try mst3kvideos.com

'Necromania': A Tale of Weird Love! (1971)

porn as only Ed Wood could do it.

[13 November 2009]

A guy and his girlfriend go to Madame Heles in hopes that she can help with his "problem". What this guy needs instead is a different girlfriend. All she does for the whole film is complain about his problem and that he can't satisfy her. Even at the end, when he is supposed to be cured, she still keeps on insulting him and putting him down.

The version that I just watched is the so called "hot, hot, hot" and it really isn't all that "hot". The sex scenes are mostly licking and kissing until almost at the end when you get about 3 minutes of "something more". The scenes switch between the guy's girlfriend rolling around with another woman and him with another woman. All of this amounts to very little of interest and after a few minutes gets quite tiresome. one scene in particular is confusing, when you see one woman look into another room at a group of people having an orgy. the scene is shown as you would see it through a kaleidoscope with at least a dozen images of the same thing. At about this time I was really expecting Ed to throw in the buffalo stampede footage from Glen or Glenda.

Oh well, I guess we can't expect too much from any film by "Mr. Wood", especially with a budget of only $7000.

Gypsy Vampire (2005 Video)

The only thing worse then this film

[27 November 2008]

As a fan of Ed Wood, I thought I'd check out what one of his co-stars had produced. This piece of junk is far worse then anything Ed ever made and even gives "the village people-can't stop the music" a good challenge as the worst movie I have ever seen. the only movie I have seen that could possibly be worse is one a friend sent me from kenya called "Mob Doc". I tried watching Mob Doc but had to turn it off after 35 minutes because it was just sooooo bad. At least I made it all the way through gypsy vampire, but I will say that sitting through a movie that is this bad can be extremely painful. I usually enjoy bad movies for the humor of the bad dialog, acting and (not so) special effects but gypsy vampire is so incredibly bad it surpasses the realm of "bad" in an Ed Wood sense to the realm of "complete waste of film".

Star Odyssey (1979)

OWW, my head hurts

[1/10 · 5 November 2008]

I have no idea what the writer and director were thinking with this piece of drek but it could'nt be storytelling. The story (what there is of it) is a shallow mess, the effects could have been done by a 5th grade class, and the acting is incredibly wooden. If Ed Wood had still been alive when this was made this would have easily made 2nd place to plan 9 from outer space as the worst movie ever made. If you enjoy the type of movies shown by mystery science theatre 3000, then this is for you. I found myself frequently yelling "HYKEBA" during the sword fight scenes and making other comments throughout. the effects rival anything by Ed Wood and might even be worse because they try to use (primitive) computer graphics. I would rather watch Ed's flying hubcaps then the crappy Nintendo graphics used here.

Holmes and Yoyo (1976–1977)

where can I find this show on DVD

[4/10 · 11 November 2007]

I've been trying for several years to find this show on DVD. The only sites I've found only list the episodes, but give no indication of having it on DVD.

I remember watching this when it was first on TV, and thinking that it was cut short before it had a chance to get a good start.

I wonder when the networks will figure out that shows like "cop rock" or "pink lady and jeff" should never have been created and shows like this should at least be given a chance.

I will never understand why shows like "crusade", "firefly" and "surface" and, yes," holmes and yoyo" are allowed to disappear when they have potential to be decent shows.

Flash Gordon (2007–2008)

if ed wood made a TV show

[1/10 · 23 October 2007]

As a fan of bad movies, I love all things made or written by Ed Wood. The difference between anything Ed produced and this piece of junk is that in the end an Ed Wood movie is WATCHABLE. This show has to be the biggest mistake ever to get the green light for production. there are so many holes in the plot it looks like swiss cheese!! the effects are impressive, but the stories are completely lame. I would much rather watch "plan 9 from outer space" once a week instead of this drek. The only connection this show has to any other flash gordon show is that the names are the same. If this makes it to a second season, I would know for sure that sci-fi has lost it's mind. I can't even imagine why they called this flash gordon, they could have called it anything else and it still would have been trash.

Signs (2002)

was this a ripoff

[1/10 · 14 September 2007]

After watching this dreadful waste of film I felt like I had seen it before. After thinking about it for awhile, I realized that it was an almost exact copy of the 60's movie "day of the triffids".

sure there are some differences, but if you watch the two together, there are so many similarities that it can't be just a coincidence.

In triffids, the aliens are killed by water. same in this one.

except for crop circles, and the fact that the aliens are humanoid instead of plants are the only real differences.

If Mr. Shamalamadingdong wanted to create a scary film, he could have picked any other decent movie to ripoff instead of an old 60's piece of crap like TRIFFIDS.

Avalanche (1978)

funny, funny ending

[1/10 · 31 July 2007]

I remember seeing this on T.V. in the early '80's, and even though I was still kind of young, I thought it was awful.

Rock Hudson should really have been more selective of the scripts he accepted. some of his films are really good, and others like "embryo" and this piece of drek should have been left to the next generation of actors.

now for the scene that I thought was the funniest of the whole movie. it happens at the very end as the camera is pulling away and the screen starts to fade to black. If I remember the scene correctly, a group of people are still in either a wrecked hotel or a cave and some guys wife has just been declared dead. as the camera pulls back you can clearly see the "dead woman" stand up and walk off set.