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JerichoGX
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Reviews
We Summon the Darkness (2019)
Had potential - but fell flat.
Went into this one expecting a lot, I left disappointed.
It's the kinda film that reels you along, making you feel that something big is coming - and what comes is obvious and played out.
It feels like a Scream rip-off, or any generic slasher really with a sprinkling of satanism, none of it really gels together.
As a metalhead, the soundtrack is top-notch but good music can't save a bad movie.
Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)
Freddy would be proud.
Just an amazing movie - kina felt like we had Freddy back for 2 hours.
The fact that they didn't paint over his flaws and failures just made the movie so much better - they tried to show the real Freddy and they nailed it.
Rami deserved the oscar for this one.
Shichinin no samurai (1954)
Japanese cinema at its finest.
Took me a while to get round to this but I'm glad I did.
I've always been a fan of Japanese cinema and this film hits all the right boxes for me.
If you enjoy Japanese/Samurai films then you owe it to yourself to watch this.
Jarhead: Law of Return (2019)
Garbage using the Jarhead name.
The first Jarhead was actually pretty good - this was not.
So much unnecessary propaganda.
The "action" scenes.......I've seen better attempts at a paintball arena.
The acting was wooden, stiff, boring - just so bland - like none of the "actors" actually wanted to be there.
The lack of military knowledge is a joke to anyone that has served - a Call of Duty video game gets more right this.
The soundtrack and audio effects are too loud, just ear torture - the sound is so loud it turns tinny and distorted - hard to sit through.
I do see the usual sea of fake reviews on here, believe them if you have an I.Q less than 7 but do yourself a favor, watch the original instead and not this cheap cash-in using the Jarhead name.
Prevenge (2016)
Written by Her, for Her.
Found this in the bargain bin at my local second hand DVD store for one pound - still feel ripped off.
This film is hyper feminist garbage, all women are victims and all men are evil and deserve to be killed.
This film was written by Alice Lowe who "starred" as the main character and you can really tell, she wrote this to showcase herself, all other characters are either poorly written or under-used, it really feels like "I wrote this, pay attention to me, it's MY film and you will suffer me"
I didn't finish this movie, I had to turn it off 30 minutes from the end as I could actually feel my brain cells dying - avoid at all costs, even at only one pound you are paying 99p too much.
Crawl (2019)
A surprisingly fun movie.
I wasn't expecting too much from this one, it was the Wife's choice to pick a movie this week and she picked Crawl.
Honestly, it's a really fun movie - the story is solid overall, the graphics are well done, it may suffer from a few pacing issues but once it get's going it's a good time.
Barry Pepper is the stand-out performer here even if he has limited screen-time - annoyingly Kaya Scodelario's character is pretty bland, not a good thing when she's the main character, she can actually come off as pretty unlikable at times.
Definitely one to watch.
Nekrotronic (2018)
Bland And Uninspired
It started out looking real good, but went downhill at breakneck speed.
The "plot" is contrived and constantly contradicts itself, slow paced, plot-holes galore and simply boring.
The acting is abysmal - I thought Monica Bellucci would put in a solid performance but she is clearly just phoning it it for a paycheck on this one.
The effects are early 2000, I get it - it's a pretty low budget movie but if the effects are going to be that bad then don't even bother.
Overall, maybe give it a watch when it hits Netflix if you have exhausted all other options but it's definitely one to avoid - if you want a decent film in this kinda vein then try Deathgasm.
Maria (2019)
A VERY cheap John Wick clone
This is one of those films that you just cant wait to end - and you already know the ending before it mercifully comes.
The film is a John Wick rip-off with a paper thin "plot" - the writing is terrible, the acting is questionable and the pronunciation of basic words is hard to sit through.
The action scenes come in two flavors - painfully long and boring or clearly a stunt double with 13 camera cuts per kick - it makes you dizzy to watch.
If you are looking for a film like this with a female lead then try "Salt" - avoid this.
Captain Marvel (2019)
How does Brie still get work?
This is a rare miss from Marvel. Simply put the story is weak, the special effects are some of the worst you'll see in a major blockbuster movie like this and any attempt at humor fall flat as Larson simply cannot deliver the jokes. Brie's expressionless, robotic and outright boring performance has killed this movie and any enthusiasm I had for this franchise.
Hopefully they won't make any more of these and stick with the real franchise characters.
Fanged Up (2017)
A passable horror comedy
Saw a screening of this not long ago and I did enjoy it for the most part.
The acting was acceptable (Stu Bennett was a stand out for me as I didn't expect him to be as good a actor as he was)
The story didn't make much sense but I get it, it's a horror comedy, just roll with it.
The humor was on point but I do think non-British viewers will be a little lost and some of it will get lost in translation.
The reason for the rating of 3 is due to one of the actors offering free tickets for anyone who left a ten star review - underhanded and scummy and judging by the comments I can see a lot of the unscrupulous members have decided to cash-in, posting a mess of fake reviews.
Worth a watch but nowhere near a 10/10
Night Howl (2017)
The usual garbage
Now dont' get me wrong, I love low budget films but I only love them when they try.
This "film" was just painful to watch, the acting was wooden, you could tell several of the cast were reading from a script just off screen.
The writing was atrocious, like Asylum movies bad - This could have been good but it felt beyond lazy.
I would have given this tripe 2 stars but all the fake reviews on here from cast and crew soured me on that and I feel I have to give it the one star it deserves - one to avoid.
Zombeavers (2014)
Its pretty much what you would expect
Lets face it, this was never gonna win any awards now was it? The film itself is as the title states, its what you would expect - A film about zombie beavers terrorizing a group of teens, its just a good old fashioned B-movie. The acting is surprisingly solid for a cast of almost unknowns, the beavers are well done except the parts where you can tell someone has a stick taped to the beaver to make it move. The gore - I'll be honest, Im a pretty big gorehound and this film seems to favour the more gross-out side of things but it is done well. Low budget film-makers could learn quite a lot from this movie. This movie is perfect for a Friday night, get some beers in, disengage your brain and have some mindless fun watching this
Dark Moon Rising (2015)
One to avoid
Im a big fan of werewolf films, since there has been no really good werewolf films out for a while I had high hopes for this movie. The first half of the movie was passable but then it just turned into a drawn out, boring, bland mess of a movie. This film had a horrible script, poor acting, terrible CGI - I felt myself forcing myself to watch this one and in the end I turned it off 15 minutes before it was finished as I could not put myself through the rest of it. I gave this film 2 stars instead of one as it was never going to be a Hollywood blockbuster but it could have been so much better. As for the pages of fake reviews clearly made by cast and crew - we all know you had a limited budget, I think we would all respect you a little more if you had just been honest and said "Its a basic werewolf film, nothing thats going to blow you away" instead of "Its one of the best films ever made" - shame on you