wrightiswright Reviews

Area 51 (2015)

Should be declared Off Limits.

[4/10 · 13 September 2019]

In this 'found-footage' movie in the vein of Blair Witch, four teens come a serious cropper when they decide to venture into Area 51 on a hunt for alien life.

But not as unlucky as the audience members unfortunate enough to stumble upon this mess, which takes an age to get to its destination with pointless stops at a party, strip club and various motels along the way. Also, chatter. Lots and lots of trivial chatter. Zzzzz.

Even when we do reach the alleged extraterrestrial hotbed (which is FAR too easy to break into, btw) things proceed at a snail's pace, with only the last ten minutes providing anything by way of excitement. By then, it's already too late, and you'll probably wish to be sucked up into the sky like our unlucky protagonists long before the credits roll.

No, for a movie with a meagre 5 million dollar budget, I don't expect perfection. What I do want however, is a few thrills, chills and the feeling this is all actually happening.

When everything mostly feels dull and fake (climax aside) I think I'm entitled to feel a bit gipped. Many exciting horror films have been made on a shoestring, with tons more excitement and professionalism on offer. It can be done, guys. So try. 4/10

The Stuff (1985)

Get Stuffed

[5/10 · 12 September 2019]

A key instance of a great idea not executed to its full potential, here we have 'The Stuff'... an alleged horror movie about a disgusting-looking white yoghurt-like substance. It's discovered in a festering pool at a building site, and turns out to be absolutely delicious (despite its icky appearance). The product quickly sweeps America via cheesy advertising and irritating jingles, but when a young boy sees it moving in his fridge one day, he discovers it might not be so benign in nature after all...

And so begins a very confused plot which attempts to alternately make you jump one second and laugh the next, but all it really succeeds in doing is grossing you out. The movie also tries its hands at commercial satire, with some intentionally awful adverts for The Stuff parodying real-life 80's television promotions. These are so on-the-nose though that the impact is irredeemably blunted. As for the 'special' effects... well, let's just give the technicians participation awards and move on, shall we? It's the polite thing to do.

I can imagine 'The Stuff' garnering a significant cult following in the years following its release, a collective you can quickly rule me out of. The screenplay is too slapdash, the humour too wink-wink, the horror too inefficient for it to earn that sort of unique status. Not saying it isn't worth at least one watch for sheer incredulity value alone... but this would be one property where I'd be eager to see a remake one day (for a change).

Hope and Glory (1987)

Glorious

[7/10 · 8 September 2019]

Movies about World War II are about ten a penny, but this Oscar-nominated effort manages to escape the pack by being much smaller in scope. It focuses on the life of a small boy called Bill and his family, as they deal with such minor setbacks as having the father sent away to fight, strict rationing and... oh yes, having their house destroyed through fire. Oops.

I liked the way the film focused on the minutiae of every day life, such as Bill's shrapnel collection and his family's various everyday problems, instead of trying to be something too overblown in scale.

When Bill bowls his dad out with a googly during cricket, it may not sound like much, but it's a truly emotional moment in context. And when he grouchily returns to school after a wonderful summer by the river... well, I don't want to ruin the surprise, but I've never seen an expression flip so quickly as he approaches the gate.

Truly 'life-affirming' in the way it shows that even through some of the most difficult periods in history there is light and love to be found if you look hard enough, 'Hope And Glory' succeeds at both conjuring up a feeling of wartime spirit as well as being a funny and moving movie in it's own right. 7/10

Is Anybody There? (2008)

An affecting movie, with minor complaints.

[6/10 · 4 September 2019]

Is it much fun for a young boy to grow up in a home for dementia sufferers? You don't really need to see this movie to know the answer to that question, but just in case there's any confusion: it's bloody awful.

Edward's mother and father (who run the joint) are far too busy changing bedpans, chasing after rogue pensioners and arguing with each other to raise their son properly, so of course he ends up going off the rails and causing mischief around the place. Any neglected kid his age would do exactly the same.

Then he meets Clarence (played by Michael Caine) a new arrival there, who he initially butts heads with but later forms a strong bond. The former magician becomes the proper father Edward never had, and in return the boy helps Clarence rediscover his zest for his old magic act and the love of his life that he left behind.

Despite some nice performances and at least two laugh-out-loud moments, the main drawback here is that everything feels rushed. Edward doesn't have any friends at school... then he does a couple of magic tricks, and he's the most popular kid in school. Clarence seems quite aware of everything around him one day, then the next day he can't even remember anyone's name. Pacing, people... PACING.

But with such a short running time, I suppose certain scenes showing gradual plot and character development weren't possible. It's just such a shame, to have a talented cast and not give them enough material to turn this entertaining drama into something truly special.

By the end, as Edward hovered over Clarence's corpse to bid a tearful farewell, it was a bit difficult to empathise with his anguish... because the script hadn't given us enough reason to care. A few more scenes together, and who knows? I guess we never will. 6/10

Ladybird Ladybird (1994)

This 'Ladybird' Needs Wings

[6/10 · 3 September 2019]

A very anger-driven film powered by a sense of outrage for it's short-tempered lead, it's attempts at railing against the social service system in the UK are somewhat undercut by the behaviour of the mother at the centre.

She has 4 (later 6) kids from 4 (later 5) different fathers. She constantly returns to one partner who likes to smash her head in, putting her and her offspring in danger. She leaves them at home to sing karaoke while her flat burns down, seriously injuring them. Can you blame the authorities for wanting to take her children away?

Yes, she had a hard past which impacts her decisions in the present. But, at least in my view, this doesn't give her the license to put her kids at risk, even if you do have sympathy for her situation. The fact she lashes out at everyone trying to help her doesn't help matters either, so the blatant attempts by the director and writer to be on her side aren't ever all that effective.

Oh well. The performances are great, with Crissy Rock handing some intensely emotional scenes with aplomb, and Vladimir Vega as her too-nice-by-half Paraguayan boyfriend providing good support. It's based on a true story too, though the only 'happy' ending to be found here is in the final text.

Overall, it's a moving and somewhat absorbing drama in the typical Mike Leigh vein, but one where the protagonist is too flawed to make it truly great. This wouldn't be a problem, but when the movie is always 100% in her corner and expects us to feel the same way, perhaps you can see where the disconnect might cause a problem. 6/10

The Banana Splits Movie (2019)

The Banana Splits Have... Gone Bananas!!

[5/10 · 1 September 2019]

When I found out 'cult classic' kids show The Banana Splits TV show from the 60's had been made into a horror movie(!), I just had to watch it. And now I have.

First thing to point out: while this film may have a few graphically violent scenes, there is barely any bad language at all. Most unusual for an 18-rated flick.

It's also very careful to make the cast as ethically diverse and trendsetting as possible, with many different multiracial couples and references to Instagram and Youtube aplenty. It all comes across as a bit pandering and desperate, frankly.

Case in point: the white boy here (who wins tickets to see the Splits live as part of a birthday treat) likes to dress as a fairy and has a unicorn on his birthday cake. His black girl friend (not 'girlfriend') is so macho she would put Rambo to shame. You could say this wasn't a deliberate decision by the filmmakers to be politically correct virtue-signalers, and I'd call you a liar.

Nevertheless, there is some fun to be had here, mostly from the funny robotic one-lines dished out by the turned-evil titular foursome themselves, to the variety of ways they dispatch their prey, whether it be from a magic trick gone wrong or 'Hammer Time'. Ouch.

It is very easy to predict who'll die by the end, though. Clue: Not any of the people the audience likes. The acting is also very variable in quality, with some people clearly having fun with their role and others (mostly the children) make you wonder how they got the gig in the first place.

Overall, a pretty average horror flick with a twist, worthy of some sick laughs and shocks but unlikely to stick around in your head as much as that infamous theme tune.

Altogether now... "La la la, lalalala..." 5/10

That Night (1992)

Not A Night To Remember

[5/10 · 25 August 2019]

A pre-teen Elisha Dushku charms as Alice, a girl curious about sex and growing up. She befriends her neighbour Sheryl (Juliette Lewis) a somewhat amorous 17 year old, and together they start a friendship that will affect both forever... especially as far as Sheryl's on-off relationship with her boyfriend Rick is concerned (C. Thomas Howell).

While the acting in 'That Night' is fine and the period-specific soundtrack is good, the plot lacks the spark necessary for it to be anything more than average. When things do start to happen in the latter half they feel unconvincingly overblown, and Sheryl's relationship with both Rick and Alice is not well-written enough to make us believe there's much of a personal connection there.

I was also saddened at the end to see Alice return to one of the horrible twins who forced a frog in her mouth at their birthday party, hinting at a future relationship with him. C'mon girl, you can do better than THAT loser! 5/10

UglyDolls (2019)

Zzzzz...

[4/10 · 18 August 2019]

Oh lookie here, yet ANOTHER animated movie extolling the virtues of 'no matter how grotesquely ugly you are, nothing is out of reach, the world is your oyster and h^j)l#n^lj$v.'

Bboorriinngg. Fortunately, the box office flop of this tiresome nonsense might finally give movie studios the message that we want daring, ORIGINAL concepts, instead of politically correct junk full of forgettable songs and bland characters.

(Unless you're Disney, which seems to be getting away with it a lot at the moment)

Besides, we in the UK did this kind of thing better years ago, in a little cartoon called 'Raggy Dolls'. Have a poke around on Youtube for episodes... you might get lucky! 4/10

Brimstone (2016)

Ouch

[7/10 · 15 August 2019]

Not an easy film to watch, but well worth the effort if you can stomach all the hardships our infinitely sympathetic lead has to endure.

One catastrophe after another befalls poor Dakota Fanning, mainly thanks to ONE OF THE WORST HUMAN BEINGS EVER TO WALK THE FACE OF THE PLANET (Guy Pierce doing a top notch job) and the inherit sexism of the 19th century.

Yep, this is the kind of downright despicable depravity you won't see on those Sunday afternoon Westerns your grandpappy falls asleep to. If you like the typically sanitised Cowboys vs Indians in a romanticised setting, this ain't for you.

On the other hand, if you fancy being dragged through seven shades of hell before emerging to blink on the other side feeling every emotion possible... then saddle up, pardner. Have I got the movie for you.

The Secret Life of Pets 2 (2019)

Blatant dog bias starts again

[5/10 · 15 August 2019]

What can I say about 'The Secret Life Of Pets 2'?

"Not a lot", as the much-missed British TV magician Paul Daniels might say.

Being a pro magic guy, he might've enjoy the antics of the psycho white bunny in the superhero outfit.

I must admit, may have stifled a yawn at some points.

As a self-confessed cat obsessive, you'd think I'd have derived some small pleasure from the multitudes of felines present, unlike the original.

Not when the humour is as lazy as this. 'Cats are selfish creatures who cough up disgusting furballs and purposefully wreck your computer, but occasionally do something unintentionally stupid you can giggle at, which makes them acceptable pets.'

Compare and contrast with the almost reverential treatment handed out to dogs, and the gaping disparity is not so hard to miss.

I get it. In Hollywood: Dogs = Good, trusting, loyal companions.

Cats = Evil, sneaky, treacherous, conniving sociopaths.

It's just so predictably boring. And untrue, of course.

Still, I've learned to rise above the nonsense, and will rate the flick for what it is: A Just About Tolerable Selection Of Bland Sketches Vaguely Connected To A Wisp Of A Plot Full Of Poop And Pee Jokes.

Now, that's what I call succinct. A quote for the poster, perhaps? 5/10

Easy A (2010)

My Review

[7/10 · 5 July 2019]

An intelligent teen comedy along the same lines as Mean Girls, this is all about a good girl turned bad... except she's not actually turned bad, this is just everyone's perception of her.

The razor-sharp dialogue combined with the performances make the film work very well, and it's easy to see why Emma Stone has moved into the 'A' list after this was released.

It was also interesting to contrast all the parallels between this and 'The Scarlet Letter', along with the references to other classic 80's teen movies... an echelon that Easy A might just be joining one day. 7/10

Nightmare Beach (1989)

My Review

[4/10 · 4 July 2019]

Your typical crazy teenage slasher flick... this one being set at Spring Break at the (you'll never guess) beach.

With the most homoerotic biker gang around on the prowl, and a religious freak electrocuting sun-worshippers to death, you'd better stay alert as well as tanned this season!

Featuring dismal acting, killings that are more funny than frightful and the usual gratuitous Wet T-Shirt competitions, the movie is still just about tolerable thanks to the ol' So Bad It's Good cliche.

My favourite moment: All throughout the movie, a practical joker pretends to either be dead or seriously injured to freak out nearby vacationers. Guess what happens to him in the end? Ever heard of the boy who cried wolf? Hee-hee. 4/10

High Hopes (1988)

My Review

[7/10 · 4 July 2019]

Typical Mike Leigh movie, with a distinctly leftist view of Thatcherite Britain.

A working class couple are surrounded by grotesquely portrayed yuppies and egotistical family members.

Some of the stereotypes are so blatant it's hilarious... but as these obvious caricatures only add to the fun, I was willing to give them a pass.

Aside from plenty of cringe comedy and Leigh's trademark way with gritty dialogue, you find out a lot about the precarious political situation when High Hopes was made, which was interesting to say the least.

Overall, an amusing yet serious film with a loud message, and the ending is sheer perfection. 7/10

Going in Style (2017)

Perfectly predictable fun

[6/10 · 3 July 2019]

Three old codgers conduct the most unlikely of bank robberies is this wildly unbelievable but pretty entertaining feelgood heist caper.

It's always a pleasure seeing a trio of such great actors tread the boards together, though you'd have hoped for something which carried a bit more dramatic weight than this.

Still, if you're looking for an undemanding, easy way to pass an hour and a half this could be right up your street. Ignore the lack of fireworks, disregard the credibility issues and you'll be fine. 6/10

My Little Pony: Rainbow Roadtrip (2019 TV Movie)

About as good as the movie...

[5/10 · 1 July 2019]

...Which is to say, it's painfully average. The animation is alright (though very different to the show), the two songs are okay, the plot is predictable but passable... you get the picture. It'll entertain small kids, but besides a few good jokes, I doubt it'll have the multi-generational appeal the show has. 5/10

9/11: Explosive Evidence - Experts Speak Out (2012)

These People Are INSANE...

[2/10 · 25 June 2019]

Just a load of guff spouted about a tragedy caused by TERRORISTS (not the US government as this bonkers documentary would have you believe). These crazy conspiracy theorists and so-called 'experts' need to take off their foil hats and emerge from their dank basements to actually enjoy life, not spout nonsense which is insulting both to the survivors of 9/11 and our intelligence.

Oh, I forgot to mention... it's ruddy boring too. AVOID AVOID AVOID. 2/10

Milk Money (1994)

My Review.

[4/10 · 20 June 2019]

I'll say one thing for Milk Money (and not much else) it's definitely one of the most fascinating 'bad' movies I've seen.

A film about a widower falling in love with a prostitute which tries to be all cute and whimsical is a bit of an oxymoron in itself. Here we are though, in a film cluttered with moments where Ed Harris and Melanie Griffiths try to get some chemistry going, only to find the end result is nothing but Cringe City.

There's also Harris' son and two friends trying to get them together, and they have their own share of creepy moments. Like being asked to lift up their tops by Griffith's character in the back of a taxi to see if they're hairy enough to be dangerous(!)

Plus all the frank talk about sex and biology which seems a little too on-the-nose for their age range, almost as if the explicit dialogue was put in their mouths by an out-of-touch older screenwriter. Hmm...

The biggest mystery here is what sort of an audience this film is aimed at, and what kind of person could enjoy it on a non-car-crash level. I don't know, but I wouldn't want to meet them. Unless we were separated by ten inches of bulletproof glass and highly trained police guards, of course. 4/10

The Magic of Belle Isle (2012)

My Review

[4/10 · 19 June 2019]

So sad to see the decline of a good director. Rob Reiner once made good movies like 'Stand By Me' and 'A Few Good Men', but now he churns out slop like this. Maybe the same principle that can be applied to a lot of musicians works for filmmakers also: as they get older, their output gets progressively worse and worse.

Morgan Freeman is wasted here as a platitude-spouting author in a wheelchair, who's given up on his true love of writing and is happy to drink himself into oblivion. He goes on vacation next door to a mother of three daughters, one of whom is a jaded teenager always on her phone, another is a dungarees-wearing tomboy who wants to be a writer like him and the last is a 'cute' seven-year-old who seems to exist primarily to dish out precocious one-liners.

Quick! Guess what happens next! Will the tomboy ask for writing lessons from Freeman, and together they'll restore his faith in humanity, subsequently ending up in him quitting the booze and restarting his career as an author? Will the jaded teenager discover her mother's old journal where she finds how adventurous the old lady used to be, resulting in the teen throwing away her mobile to start a WHOLE NEW lease of life?

Is there a disabled young man somewhere in the mix, who's blithe simplemindedness somehow makes him 'better' then all the other characters combined because he can 'appreciate' life more without worrying what other people think of him? Does Freeman meet a dog that he initialises despises but grows to love, the result of many scenes together as he lectures the unresponsive pooch with goofy music in the background? Are there stars in the sky?

To put it bluntly: This movie was manipulative, uninspired, tedious, mawkish, predictable and even insulting in the way it reduced important issues and conflicts to the level of a sitcom.

But when I think of some of the other rubbish I've seen, I can't give it too bad a mark, as there's MUCH worse out there, believe me. Compared to some of Reiner's previous flicks though, this isn't so much as a comedown, as a catastrophic leap off a cliff. What a shame. 4/10

Cleveland Abduction (2015 TV Movie)

My Review

[5/10 · 19 June 2019]

Films like this are why I never take too seriously the reviews on Amazon for movies, when something as mediocre as this can get an average of four and a half stars.

Basically, it's a retelling of the real life incident in America where three young females where kidnapped and held in a man's house for close to a decade, even raising a daughter together when one of the abused captives fell pregnant with his baby.

Despite all the elements being present for a riveting 'Based On A True Story' drama, you don't really get much of a passage of time here, nor due you really see any explicit scenes of the awful torture the girls must have gone through.

Basically, Cleveland Abduction is too fast-paced for us to develop an emotional connection with the victims, and too censored in it's approach to highlighting their horrendous treatment whilst imprisoned.

The actors play their parts well and from what I understand, the screenplay sticks mostly to the facts, but ultimately I can't help but feel a far more comprehensive mini-series was the way to go to document this modern tragedy.

Maybe we'll get one in the future, that'll tell us a lot more. I wait in hope... 5/10

Harold and Maude (1971)

My Review

[6/10 · 15 June 2019]

In this cult classic, a young man who can't die due to a scientific accident in his youth meets an old lady trying to live every day as it was her last, and a lot of odd stuff happens. I can't really say much more than that.

Well, Harold does try to kill himself regularly (to plentiful gore but little effect) and Maude drives strangers cars off without a second thought, so I guess there's that. There's also a moral about 'make the most of your life', though it kind of gets lost underneath all the strangeness.

There are many scenes where the characters behaviour completely transcend 'normality', a somewhat grating Cat Stevens soundtrack, black comedy galore and a surprisingly touching ending. A patchy film in terms of how it held my interest, but definitely one I'm glad I saw.

Some people apparently like it a heck of a lot more though, so maybe I'm missing something. Oh well. 6/10

What's Eating Gilbert Grape (1993)

My Review

[7/10 · 15 June 2019]

What a lovely film! Before he became irritatingly omnipresent in the movies, Johnny Depp impresses as the titular character who's forced to take care (along with his sisters) of his morbidly obese mother who hasn't left their house in years and mentally disabled brother (played by Leonardo Dicaprio in another promising early performance) who's always getting himself into trouble.

Gilbert desperately wants to leave his small town behind, but as long as he has these twin responsibilities, he's pretty much trapped where he is... until a girl on a bike (Juliette Lewis) rides in one day, and things will never be the same again. Mwhahaha.

Reminding me of another film by Swedish director Lasse Hallstrom called 'My Life As A Dog', this one is similarly set in a small community where everyone knows each other. There isn't a lot of drama here, but who needs it when the characters and the plot are this charmingly authentic?

Gilbert's struggles in his personal and private life are endlessly watchable, especially his relationship with his dysfunctional brother Artie which forms most of the emotional fulcrum. It's moving, funny in places, and just an all-round pleasurable viewing experience. Now who could ask for more than that? 7/10

Movie 43 (2013)

My Review

[4/10 · 9 June 2019]

Considered by some people to be one of the worst films ever made, though I don't think so. It's a sketch comedy flick with plenty of jokes that range from disgusting to just plain weird, and while I can't say I found a lot of it amusing, it certainly held my attention as each bizarre scenario unfolded before my very eyes and proceeded to unravel in a variety of unpredictably gross ways. Generally involving sex, pee or poo... usually, all of the above.

It's not going to win any awards for comedy (aside from a Razzie for 'Worst Picture') but I can say it got a few chuckles out of me... which is more than plenty of other bad comedies have managed...

...Although this is not Movie 43 is worth watching, far from it. If you find yourself cringing a lot more in a comedy instead of laughing, it's never a good sign.

I'm just of the opinion that this is nowhere near 'The Worst Of The Worst'. Don't give it the notoriety such a tepid flick doesn't deserve. 4/10

Looking for Eric (2009)

My review

[6/10 · 9 June 2019]

Arguably primarily of interest to Manchester United fans, Looking For Eric concerns itself with the life of a washed-up middle-aged postal worker, who made a mess-up of a relationship in his younger years and now wants to make things right. Thanks to a bunch of loyal mates and a platitude-spouting illusional Eric Cantona brought on by way too much crack smoking, he may have his chance...

It's a pretty entertaining film, with lots of stuff going on involving gangsters, footie jokes and a surreal climax you'll never see coming (unless you've spotted the screenshots on the back of the DVD box). But Ken Loach can definitely do better... I'm thinking of movies like Kes for example, where he balances his social commentary with down-to-earth comedy with pitch perfection.

Here, it just seems the entire plot is so is awe of Cantona and his no doubt impressive legacy, that everything else is almost a second thought. The conflicts and interactions feel a bit half-arsed, with almost everything dominated by the former soccer star who just exists in the picture as a delusion of this guy's drug-addled mind.

And while Eric is charming and occasionally funny in the role of playing himself, it seems to be to the detriment of the rest of the more dramatic scenes. There are plenty of good moments away and the last few minutes are a true delight in their imaginative oddness, but this ain't vintage Loach by any stretch. If you're a rabid Reds fans, it's a must see. For anyone else, you may want to have second thoughts. 6/10

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)

My Review

[5/10 · 6 June 2019]

Guy Ritchie: "In adapting the Arthurian legend for the 21st century, I decided to make some slight changes. Namely: Introduce a multi-ethnic cast and dialogue completely at odds with the era. Put in slow-motion battle scenes more worthy of a dodgy Matrix sequel. Put in a random events plots where almost anything goes without any rhyme or reason. Put Golden Balls in for a completely unnecessary, distracting bit-part. To further these plans, I have a budget of $175, and I'm not afraid to use it! The audience will love it! They better, because we've already got five sequels in the pipeline!"

Audience: (Doesn't go to see it, almost bankrupting the studio and forcing the cancellation of the sequels)

Guy Ritchie: "Oh, poo."

5/10

Saving Mr. Banks (2013)

Was it wrong....

[8/10 · 1 June 2019]

...For me to side with Emma Thompson's grumpy, grouchy Mary Poppins author P.L Travers character for much of this movie? I HATE it when people are so in-your-face with excessive niceness that it becomes a huge irritant. At Disneyworld, that sort of annoying trait comes with the territory, so it was hugely refreshing to see her take these sappy cheeseballs down a peg or two with her snippy English sarcasm and unimpressed remarks.

Fortunately, unlike say, Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, she never loses her edge, even when she 'lightens up' at the end. It was good to see Tom Hanks playing Walt Disney as a character with noticeable flaws too... still a nice man who loves his studio but one who cares more about business than anything and GASP he smokes! Considering this movie is being distributed by his self-named studio, they could've quite easily whitewashed his character to be 'perfect', but they don't, so props there I guess.

While the movie embellishes some parts of P.L Travers life and even invents some scenes, it still feels true to who she was as a person until the end. You can see why she protected the rights to her book so closely, and what made her write it in the first place. Thompson and Hanks play off each other very well, and the feeling that you're actually there in the early 60's is as good as anything you'd see in Mad Men. It's just a great movie which will make you laugh and may even make you cry, and I thoroughly recommend it.

...And now I kind of wish P.L Travers had been alive to see the mess they made of Mary Poppins Returns. Sheesh. 8/10