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rmarkgarrett
Reviews
School of Life (2005)
An Engaging Tribute to Good Teachers
This movie was up for free viewing on Popcorn and I watched it because of Ryan Reynolds, but character actor David Paymer is the real star along with an outstanding supporting cast of child and adult actors. You rarely get to see David Paymer in a serious dramatic role, or even a sympathetic one, but there are no bad guys in this movie, which makes it a nice family film. This of course is Ryan Reynolds eight or nine years ago, a year or two at most after his success with National Lampoon's Van Wilder, a never graduating college student and party animal. So this turn as a committed and creative high school teacher Michael D'Angelo (Mr. D) is a 180 degree turn from the dissolute Van Wilder. Humor and pathos combine to make this an emotionally and engaging film that will make you remember what it was you liked best about your favorite teachers.
The Last Tattoo (1994)
Mindless Meandering Substitutes foe Mystery
Tony Goldwyn. I continue to wonder how this guy ever got work in something more than a donut commercial, but you really have to blame the writers for trying to make what should have been a 1 hour mystery into a feature. The situations are so contrived, the cat and mouse between a Military Intelligence Captain and a public health nurse so absurd, one struggles to find anything in this film that rings true. And if you're going to do historical fiction, characters and their behaviors should make some sense. But, it was almost worth enduring just to see Rod Steiger on the screen, though in a small role, still projecting huge talent. Take a pass on this one. Life is short, and you'll want the time you spend watching this back.
The Last Rites of Ransom Pride (2010)
The Gritty, Filthy Old West, with Midget and Siamese Twins!
A plus for Canadian westerns over Italian westerns is no lip-synch. That pretty much sums it up. There isn't a lot a film crew can do with $8MUSD, and this crew was no exception. Despite a rock solid performance by Dwight Yoakum and good walk-on by Kris Kristofferson, they were the only ones taking their roles seriously. Everyone else involved in the film, most especially the writers, knew this stinker was headed straight to Netflix on demand and exerted themselves accordingly. It's too bad, because if they hadn't been going for bizarre there were elements here of a worthwhile story. Over-the-top performances really kill any character development that begins to rise up, and the indiscriminate use of flashbacks is done just to re-use film and extend run-time without doing anything for the story. I can't believe they actually bothered to bring this dog to Blu- Ray. If you can watch it for free on Popcorm using your Roku and have nothing else to do, have at it. Otherwise, get out and mow the lawn, weed the garden. It's a better use of your time.
Battle: New York, Day 2 (2011)
Evil Gyroscopes from Outer Space
There's no "Battle." Giant gyroscopes roll around the empty back streets of what's supposed to be New York City, grab the few remaining humans by the throat and drill holes in their heads, after which they all make noises like a speed metal vocalist. I can see you're already intrigued! Well you can't go wrong with special effects by the McNeil Middle School kids. And let's face it, you'd have to recruit at 3AM from every Waffle House in Crowley, LA (there's one by the way) to find a group of thespians this talented. And evil gyroscopes from outer space? Gotta admit, no one has gone there before, and we hope they never will again.
Empty (2011)
You know this couple and you can't stand them.
The acting is not the problem. The kids are believable as the stereotypes they portray and we all know this couple if not many like them. This film isn't in any sense "chilling" or "apocalyptic", but it is more predictable that a teen slasher flick. Take any couple you know where the guy is an arrogant, controlling, self-centered idiot who's almost as annoying as he thinks he's charming, a low self-esteem and very naive, if not stupid girlfriend, take away the conveniences of civilization, and you have a pair of Darwin Award winners that you know wouldn't live long enough in the fantasy world for a short feature, let alone 1:22. There are several really glaring continuity errors that point out the questionable judgment of whoever did the editing while high, drunk, or running out of GAFF which you will find yourself doing as well, long before it's over.