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RJLee2017
Reviews
Altitude (2017)
Dead on Arrival Due to Lack of Oxygen to the Brain (Anyone's Brain)
(Possible spoilers) It pains me to admit that I watched this movie (okay, most of it). It also pains me to admit that Denise Richards is NOT the worst thing about this movie. For a while, she actually isn't too bad. Unfortunately, she isn't too great either.
There IS, in fact, a plot in this movie (unlike others of its ilk). However, without going into great detail, I came away from this movie with several unanswered questions:
1. Why are Denise Richards'cheekbones so pointy? Did she have that done deliberately? And why are they only pointy at certain angles? 2. Why is the female antagonist roughly 14 years old? 3. Why is Dolph Lundgren's character answering to her/apparently involved with her? 4. Again, because she's like, 14 years old? Am I the only one seeing this???? 5. Does Dolph Lundgren take Valium before he does these straight-to-DVD things, or what? 6.'Cause he seemed comatose for most of this movie. At least he was relaxed, right? 7. This movie needed snakes. Lots of them.
That's what I came away with. Spare yourselves ... take a different flight. Watch "Airplane!" again. Pray that this movie is someday used by MST3K! But don't waste your time or your money.
(On a side note: Lundgren's recent guest spin on "Arrow" shows that he's capable of far better things. Here's hoping "Aquaman" will make those things possible for him.)
Kindergarten Cop 2 (2016)
When You're Trying to Can But You Can't Even
* mild spoilers?* First, I give Dolph Lundgren full credit for trying. I like the guy, I really do ... but this movie DOES NOT WORK.
The good: Bill Bellamy isn't terrible.
The kids are fairly cute.
The bad: Everything else.
This movie lacks the charm, fun and comic touches that worked in the original, never mind that the original wasn't hurting for a sequel. I tried to like it ... but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Save yourselves & just watch the original!
Larceny (2017)
Um... okay. Whatever.
* May contain mild spoilers* It's really hard to write a review for a movie like this, but I'll try: Take some thieves who don't seem all that interested in what they're doing, add some bad guys who aren't really paying attention, throw in Louis Mandylor as a Southern politician with a god-awful accent (Costas was busy, I guess) who's trying his best to sell... I don't know, that he's a Southern politician, and Corbin Bernsen (who was wonderful in the TV show "Psych" and who gets a free pass from me on this one) and you get ... this.
I would not have been at all surprised if some of the dialogue (what there was of it) went something like, "Hey, we should probably shoot that bad guy." (Long pause.) "Oh, did you mean now? Oh... yeah, okay. Whatever." Nobody seemed to care, and neither did I. Save yourself some time and don't bother.
Kicking Off (2015)
A Strange Little Movie
** Mild spoilers(?) ** Not being a fan of "football" (soccer to me), maybe I'm missing the point on this one, but I came away from this indie film with the strong sense that it wasn't quite sure what it was supposed to be about. Is it the meaning of life? The fanaticism of football fans? Our own personal obsessions? I'm not sure, and I don't think the writer or director knew either.
On the one hand, the leads give strong, memorable and lively performances, and the movie certainly has its funny moments. I would love to see what they could do with a stronger script and better character development. Certainly Warren Brown evokes sympathy for a rather unlikable - and uneven - obsessive character (Wigsy) who has major impulse control issues.
On the other hand, this movie sort of moves along like Cliff's unreliable van - stopping, starting, sputtering, slamming into things and characters, before eventually dying entirely.
I could also have done without the Scorcese-like level of profanity, particularly the use of the "f" word, which, to these characters (and apparently the scriptwriter) is used like punctuation. I didn't bother counting, but it's possible that, had this movie been longer, it could have rivaled "The Departed" for most profanity used in a movie. Dear script writer: We get it. The characters are stressed. Use your imagination and expand your vocabulary.
5 stars out of 10 - fine actors, interesting premise, and potential wasted.