jmatthewphipps Reviews

The Sticky Fingers of Time (1997)

Bad acting, bad writing, horrible direction, and worse cinematography.

[1/10 · 22 September 2021]

This is a horrible little movie with perhaps the worst acting since the old "Plan 9".

The cinematography looks like something a film student would do after taking that one class and deciding they were going to invent their own style. Looks more like what a 12 year old does when making a backyard fan film. The actual story is about a 20 minute short turned into an interminable "feature" length.

The characters don't connect. The first kiss on screen looks so scripted and robotic as to be laughable. You could see how the writer/director had to maneuver the actors around until the kiss could be set up. The director doesn't understand how to motivate the actors and let it flow. Instead, it appears each actor read their parts right before filming and are just going through script direction.

Dentist and assistant come across as really bad porn actors.

"This guy" is nothing but a jarring reminder you are watching a really bad film.

In the end, the conceits of the film and writing kill the story.

SAS: Red Notice (2021)

Horrible. Bad Script. Horrible Antagonist.

[1/10 · 8 May 2021]

Why do some actors take jobs like this? Ruby Rose is such a horrible actress and her character is deserving of more, but she just does...well, the actress just isn't up to the job. How do movies like this keep getting made?

Vanquish (2021)

Morgan Freeman Should Be Ashamed

[1/10 · 24 April 2021]

First, this stinker had 6:16 of titles that were gawd awful. Even before Ruby Rose shows up, the writing, pacing, and photography show it to be not even a C grade movie. This is worse than the worst Steven Segal movies. Then Ruby Rose shows up and it goes downhill from there. She is barely above reading her lines, and you can almost see in her eyes that she is going through a list: -Say line, whisper last word.

-Smile...now.

-Try to remember what accent I'm supposed to be using.

Is Freeman trying to get out of contract by doing this movie?

Stowaway (I) (2021)

Just Bad

[3/10 · 23 April 2021]

First, this movie had an incredible actress and they nothing with her. Seriously, you had Toni Collette, one of the best actresses around and they did nothing with her. The real crime is the mouth breathing Anna Kendrick. She spends most of the movie with her mouth hanging open, as if her the were some kind of a tooth paste commercial. The best character in the movie is the stowaway, however, how he ends up in the ship is so implausible, that it ruins the story from the beginning. Then there are a series of highly improbable foul ups, especially the last ditch effort at getting oxygen, that you are glad when it ends. In the end, the movie is just plain tedious.

What kills the movie?

• Casting Kendrick
• Creating a series of key events that has the bulk of the audience call BS.

• Under utilization of the prime talent to focus on the least of the cast.

Alien Visitor (1996)

A Tourist Hates Where They Are

[2/10 · 17 April 2021]

This reminds me of tourists. American, German, etc. And this movie is tedious with it.

Years ago, we were filming an ecological short film on the dry lake bed near Edwards. We were in full BLM compliance, I handled the permits and the oversight for the film. Everything we took into the desert, we took out. We also did a lot of packing out of other people's trash.

In the middle of filming, a German couple, tourists, came by to see what we were doing. They harangued us. "They would never allow this in Germany. You are destroy the environment." This movie, is that very experience, but made feature length. An alien tourist lands on Earth and spends the entire time saying, "They would never allow this on Epsilon."

Doors (I) (2021)

The Movie Goes Nowhere and Does it Badly

[1/10 · 28 March 2021]

The movie wants to be something. There are 3 stories and none of them are told beyond the tagline level. They are each the start of a story but contain nothing but the start. The ending is just plain cerebral self-abuse that doesn't even rise to the level of pretentiousness. I'd almost say that someone had half an idea and their buddy had a couple of cool special effects to represent the doors and in the end, that's all they had.

Once Upon a Time in Tombstone (2020)

Acting, Casting, Costume Fail Extraordinaire

[1/10 · 19 February 2021]

This is one of the worst acted movies I've seen in a very long time. Every single actor is barely reading lines. The timing of delivery is that of the staccato of middle school stage play delivery. Then there is the poor costuming mixing straw hat styles that did not make their appearance until the 20th century. This deserves to be forgotten.

Alien Contactee (2020)

Laughable at best.

[1/10 · 1 February 2021]

"Doctor" Turi has been a longtime fixture of late night radio for the past 30 years. His "Doctorate" is from the ULC (online) and his predictions have always been made in the most vague terms with his self provided interpretations of his own words made after the event. As a film, there is no depth here. The content is like looking at the image of a lake painted a theatrical backdrop, there is no life or reality in it.

Away (2020)

Dull, Cliched, Stereotyped, Technically Wrong

[3/10 · 4 September 2020]

1. Ignores some basic physics, especially in the comms delays. Some of the weightless scenes are just laughable compared to what we've seen from real life. 2. The story is plodding and told in a very dull manner. 3. Characters are 1.5 dimensional. We've seen these cardboard cutouts before, but written and acted much better. 4. Conflicts are generic, cliched, and mostly unrealistic. The initial family issue would have caused NASA to immediately send the Swank's character home. A non-sociopath Mission Commander would have returned to her family. Even after the argument with Darlene. 5. Why are Russians always the jerks? 6. The immediate issues with the crew on the moon would have scrubbed the entire mission.

Greyhound (2020)

Something is Just Missing

[5/10 · 27 July 2020]

This was beautifully filmed and the SFX is the best they've ever been, but there is a lot missing here. There just doesn't seem to be enough character and team building here. Hank's character has very little depth. We know he is devout and in love but it just doesn't show up all that much. We get absolutely NO background on any of the other characters. They become so interchangeable it doesn't matter who lives or dies. In the end, it is just bland characterless action with really really really good SFX.

Penny Dreadful: City of Angels (2020)

Natalie Dormer Chews Scenary

[4/10 · 30 June 2020]

This is a decent enough cast. The writing is incredible. The off-putting points: 1. The story doesn't need the supernatural parts. In fact, they distract. Especially Dormer's multiple personalities and locations. 2. Dormer. Dormer is a decent enough actress, but she pushes the limits of her ability and comes off looking worse for it. He persimmon faced political aid with her ONE SINGLE expression, her Zoot suited lesbian never dials off of angry, and black latex angel of Satan are so one dimensional and just screams "chewing the scenary". Her only bright spot is the TWO dimensional German homewrecker. If you edit out the BS supernatural stuff, and therefore Dormer, the show is pretty damned decent. (Hint: Writing 101 - If the story stands without it, cut it out.)