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Girl Meets World (2014)
iCarly this is not.
First off, it's boring. I mean BORING. I mean the old man who was snoring woke up and screamed, it was so tedious.
Secondly, the characters are so saccharine MLP is barfing up rainbows. I'm not even kidding! Riley is like a stale sugar cookie, devoid of any and all personality. Cory and Topanga's married life is about as exciting as watching wall plaster dry and I don't even know what an Auggie is. Is it a short for Augustus? I don't like the way it talks... or looks. Like, I watched an episode of Cory's big brother coming back and he was dressed up like Jesus. Why? Riley's blonde friend is a total retread of Shawn and his plot with the deadbeat dad complete with an unrealistic return of said deadbeat dad. Why? There's a long-lashed, sandy-haired boy who works on a farm for Miley (I mean, Riley) and Lilly (I mean, SAM PUCKETT) to fight over. Okay, fine. He's named after Huckleberry Finn. WHY? I sincerely hope you people don't watch this on a regular basis. All these current tween shows are uninspired garbage retreads of shows that were at least annoying back in the day. I mean, annoying is something. Girl Meets World is nothing. It's not even empty calories. It's not even really garbage. It serves no point. It's NOTHING. These days tween shows don't even have the excuse of being popular. Good. That means the kids who grew up with Hannah Montana and it's ilk abandoned them long ago. Disney and Nick are just unaware of this. Oh, and please just bring back all animation
Inside Out (2015)
Not what you expect...
Firstly, this movie is not full of yuks like the RT critics led you to believe.
This, however, is a smart, tragic and very dark look at what growing up means.
There is no feel-good to this movie, it's a feel-bad movie. When I got out my emotions had been through the rinse cycle and I'm still drying them out. But that's *okay*.
In the beginning, you feel awe for the good stuff and then bad thing after bad thing happens. You try to find Joy, but Sadness keeps getting in the way. When these tiny emotions peer out of Riley's eyes, they're as unsure as she is. Because they *are* her. Little by little you start to feel connected with them. This is a very big story on such a very small scale.
Tissues are a must, I had tears thick in my eyes, my breath hitched in my throat (out of embarrassment) and I was literally having snot coming out of my nose... it was so good-sad.
The movie didn't drag for me at all; I really did find myself thoroughly enjoying a Pixar film from start to finish. Whereas I only really loved the first 9 minutes of Up or bits and pieces of Ratatouille, for the first time ever, I adored this movie from start-to-finish.
Ensadness people! :(
Tomorrowland (2015)
The Fall of a Giant...
Let me explain something real fast...
The Iron Giant props is tops. Hands up... cause there's laser gun action; the best thing in the movie is the very unsubtle, very overdone shout-out to a movie that's meant so much to so many people. Myself included.
But... there's something wrong here.
See, I used to look for clues to what the fate of The Iron Giant might have been had there been a sequel, of who remembers the movie, etc. But, the thing that this movie taught me is this: Holding onto something for so long, long after you've learned what you must, is detrimental.
It's detrimental to us, it's detrimental to Mr. Clooney, Laurie and Bird's career.
I take this as a sign that maybe it's time to turn our attentions back to animation. Instead of expending his remaining time and energy on Live Action, it *may* be time to go back to a movie that is more open to a sequel.
Tomorrowland is a brave movie, brave not just in message but in the idea of originality. However, a darker, more taut script would have benefited this movie greatly. I'm sure Mr. Bird's intentions and heart were in the right place, but I'm also sure the 50 percent on RT isn't because people wanted to see this movie fail.
New ideas and believing in yourself is never a bad thing.
But The Fall of a Giant may be what we're witnessing.
How to Train Your Dragon (2010)
It's Okay For Boys To Cry...
Or, stumble through their emotions and words haphazardly. Upon my viewing of this wonderful movie's sequel, I couldn't help be wary. And, sadly, I couldn't help but join the camp of fans who can't stand it.
The reason for the first Dragon movie's success is simple: No was expecting anything from it. It's the same thing with Lion King, same thing with Iron Giant; though to be honest the first of these awesome movies is a mega-hit and classic, while the latter is a mega-classic.
To me, anyway. ;) Hiccup is an every-boy. He doesn't fit in, makes snarky remarks to his Dad and villagers befitting of a sarcastic loser, and truly doesn't fit the Viking mold of big, beefy (and flabby, apparently) stature. His mindset is one that while not suiting him well with others, does earn our immediate empathy. We've all had a "Hiccup" moment in our lives.
So, what's the appeal? Hiccup, downing an at-the-time completely unknown Night Fury, takes it upon himself to search the creature out and then finish the job. Cruelty is just a part of the Viking way, and Hiccup is at first and all at once incapable of looking at the injured beast he has wrongfully incapacitated. But, in a moment of expectancy and at the same time surprisingly effectiveness (making US believe it's unexpected) Hiccup sees the anguish in the animal's eyes and drops his down-turned knife, even as the dragon had adapted a calm acceptance in his eyes and resignedly laid his head down.
Imminent death avoided from both parties (the Night Fury spares Hiccup after the twerp frees him), a few misunderstandings and curious stares later, the boy is working *to* understand his flight-delayed dragon pet/friend. His tail is injured from Hiccup's recklessness.
Their symbiotic relationship is at first deeper then the emotional connection. They have to work to build a trust. Though Toothless seemingly forgives Hiccup and accepts his aid unconditionally to help him fly again, it is through ingenuity on Hiccup's part and Toothless's slight begrudging tolerance that makes their failed attempts turn into a high-flying adventure.
Hiccup shies away from emotion, Toothless is distant and cat-like. But when Hiccup is willing to protect Toothless from his father, making him opening up to how much he cares for the dragon. When Toothless puts his life on the line by rescuing his closest, and only, ally. Their friendship is able to fully blossom; they are truly able to forge a deeper connection and not be so afraid to open up. This is especially true when Hiccup literally loses limb but Toothless assures he still keeps his life.
The ending is perfect. No need for cheap sequels.
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014)
I have JUST ONE THING to say. SUPER SPOILERS,.
Complacency is not your friend.
Kill it with fire and burn it to the ground; I take the Draco method with selfsameness if you haven't already figured it out.
This movie starts off predictable, gains some groundwork in the middle, and completely loses focus at the last half.
Oh, by the way, Stoick dies. When you realize this, you will cry. Trust me.
But trust your instincts over anything else. My instincts told be to be wary. Aye, they were right... boy, America needed more Scottish-sounding accents like it needed an ice spear to the head. XD Sorry, am I being too harsh? What's truly wrong with this movie is that we lose our beloved Hiccup and Toothless to convention. Now, I love these two. It's *because* I love them that, were the sequel up to me, I would defy the loosey-goosey plot devices in a second.
I'm not convinced when Hiccup suddenly surrenders himself to The Best Thing In This Movie (i.e. TAKE ME!!! ^^) nor am I deeply moved by Valka's plight.
What I am convinced was that the creators were thrown to the dragons by DreamWorks, who told them to make a sequel and have it done by summer 2014. The animation is passable, but a little underwhelming after Frozen (God Bless you Elsa, may you star in many of my dreams tonight O_O). The comedy is only good when Eret and Ruffnut are involved and the few dramatic movies scarcely reach the depth of Stoic's passing.
The heartfelt and whole-hearted connectivity of Hiccup and Toothless is at once a warm hug and a dagger to the heart, especially in that final moment when Hiccup must solely rely on heart - thank you Astrid - and heart alone. It is a miracle for the two brethren and yet a curse for those who expected more. What I mean is: they didn't earn it.
HTTYD 2 takes the beautiful heart and expands upon it, but it's done so gracelessly you'd swear you were stuck in neutral. I wish only good things for Hiccup and Toothless, aye, I love them. But the cliché (Hiccup, more upset then angry, sends a confused Toothless away after he's done a horrid yet accidental deed), the repetitive (didn't we already see that Toothless was a master doodler?) and the commonplace (yes, there's a lot of different kind of dragons. WE GET IT) make it so that this classless little grand adventure cannot truly stand up to it's sophisticated giant small epic.
Also, Hiccup is too much of a goody-goody and Toothless has lost his edge and is far too childish to merely have grown out of his bratty behavior. Much like Stitch throughout his stint through the grind of sequels, Toothless has been robbed of his edge.
I'm sorry for the loss of their personalities, I truly am. But I am NOT SORRY for the loss of their integrity. Though the first movie was nothing new, the *execution* was that set it apart from the pack.
Though I did not expect Stoick to die, it's not any easier saying that D: , I bet others could see it coming in the song-and-dance number. I could go on and on. If you want a fun, family-friendly(?) movie for tweens (could be a bit intense for the under five, but hey, I only thought Mufasa was sleeping in kindergarten ;) ) by all means, go.
I don't regret revisiting my beloved Berk, but I do regret the abysmal fall into standard children's movies. You will be avenged in Fanfiction my dear Toothless, TAKE ME!!!!!
Mr. Peabody & Sherman (2014)
Say your prayers, Disney... Dreamworks is coming!
Well, Pixar's not coming back to originality for another year. In other news...
All right, all right. Let's get to the point. (I'm ghostwriting for the dog).
Frozen has taken the world by storm ( Leave the clever puns to me! ) and Lego Movie was a fun little detour from expectations of the merchandising variety. You know what these animated movies lack? Plot line. I only say this because, although gorgeous, Frozen's plot line is flimsy and the Lego Movie? Uh... it had a plot line? Vignettes of brilliancy a perfect film doth not make.
What we have here, short of calling it a masterpiece, is a very good, solid film. The kind of film you want your kids to see. It is, as always, DreamWorks. But... The Incredibles is to Pixar what this film and How To Train Your Dragon are to Dreamworks. They are with no exceptions and the only rules are the ones they want to make... or break. Whatever comes first.
The writing, pacing, humor, characters are top notch, so pristine that the occasional flop of poorly animated adults doing stupid things will make you wince. Peabody is one step ahead of Bugs. Never looking at the bottom because he's always on top. His relationship with his son and the words exchanged, are touching and realized. We are all dogs, every darned one of us. It's formula, but you see the Lion King in flow in there... yes, please view the casting and directors. ;)
You will not be disappointed in seeing this very special little film and if this is just the appetizer, I CAN'T WAIT to see what HTTYD 2 has cookin'.
American Pie (1999)
Well, I finally watched five minutes of this movie...
First, a definition to start things out. Cliché, yes, but let's do it anyway.
Courtesy of Webster:
TRASH
things that are no longer useful or wanted and that have been thrown away
: a container where people put things that are being thrown away
: something that is very low in quality Full Definition of TRASH 1 : something worth little or nothing: as a : junk, rubbish b (1) : empty talk : nonsense (2) : inferior or worthless writing or artistic matter (as a television show); especially : such matter intended purely for sensational entertainment (3) : trash talk 2 : something in a crumbled or broken condition or mass; especially : debris from pruning or processing plant material 3 : a worthless person; also : such persons as a group : riffraff
I watch this forced, horrible movie during some pointless sex scene where everyone is watching via a webcam. Yes, they existed apparently in '99.
I did this because I always feared my mind and heart would be corrupted if I saw Eli Mathenial - the sweet kid from The Iron Giant - is something that is, well, probably not as raunchy as it would be today.
I finally worked up the courage and tried to find him among the endless dreck of teenage actors. Dreck is also trash, btw and I was a little younger then him when this movie came out, so I'm not looking for him for THAT, people. Well, I spotted the young lad... dancing around in imitation of some nerd trying to get horny via a webcam his older brother is letting him watch.
I'm aware he's a kid, but he's smarter then this. More talented. Have you ever seen the Iron Giant? Don't get me started on the headache that is Fast and Furious 1 thru 87 or the mess of Riddrick or whatever the h... it's called.
I should have looked at this movie years ago.
Eli, you son of a bitch. Don't tell me you were just a kid. BS.
Something as pure, innocent and true as the Iron Giant should be upheld as the wonderful, heartbreaking, core-rocking masterpiece that it is.
I have a sense of humor and it's not always a nice one. So I'm not a prude. I don't care if this movie has heart, who let's their ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD brother watch porn?
I'm so glad Eli never made more movies - do not look up his others, dear God - he could have been totally ruined.
I have no patience when it comes to harming something or someone so dear to my heart.
Go burn your copies of American Whores and buy a copy of the Iron Giant instead. Make THAT a remembered, treasured and beloved movie instead.
For anyone affiliated with this movie... BURN IN HADES, CRETINS.
Mars Needs Moms (2011)
Former critic reformed on a maternal/child level...
Now look. All you haters need to chill out. I know why you don't like it/did not like it/whatever. Please listen to why I've given it a good review.
I'm basically tired of Pixar. I'm tired of their bloated merchandising and advertising and I'll tell anyone who will listen to either rent How To Train Your Dragon or go and see this very personal little movie.
Remember how the toys in TS3 almost... well, you know. Yeah, well here it's moms. It's a little boy's mother, supporter, lifeline... and I will tell you right now that more kid's movies need to be like this one.
It's a good, honest movie that doesn't stand a chance because of gimmicky advertising and forgettable, in-your-face motion capture animation.
Yes, I'm looking at you animated movie marketing.
If you want to connect with your kids, see this movie. If you want to bond will your young son or daughter, see this movie. If you want to pay high admission prices for throwaway 3D specks on something you'll forget the second you walk out, be my guest. This movie is more emotionally potent then Toy Story 3 in my honest to goodness opinion. It just is; case closed. Up/How To Train Your Dragon and Moms Needs Moms are superior movie fare for kids today.
Toy Story 3 (2010)
Toy Story 3 is not the breakout animated film of the year...
How To Train Your Dragon is. I'll make it simple, as mystifying as my words may read. Toy Story was a good movie; not because it was original - The Brave Little Toaster has the honor of that. No, and not just because it's characters are memorable and the movie is entertaining, which are all true. But what is so special about Toy Story is that it is the first movie ever to be made entirely of CGI. It worked wonders with toys... not so much with human beings. Buzz and Woody's friendship is touching and their subplots through out the movie to return to Andy are inspiring. Good work Pixar, original - no. Worth the watch - definitely!
Toy Story 2 changes things up the second time out. The characters are all memorable - Jessie in particular has that tear - inspiring moment - and it's all good and entertaining like before. Continuing with Buzz and Woody's friendship is Buzz 'to the rescue' of his friend when he becomes disllusioned with himself and his true toy heritage (a lovely 50's homage with Sputnik thrown in for good measure; though done quite a bit better in The Iron Giant which was also released that year; 1999) and it all still carries the Pixar CGI to new levels.
Toy Story 3. It's been not ten years but eleven years. Andy's a bore, his dog's a snore and the toys have a reason to deplore. It's exactly like Spiderman 3. Good ideas but just no proper pacing. Woody and Buzz - who saw each other for short intervals in TS2 - have maybe two moments together and their unlikely teamwork was the birth of beauty that gave lift to TS1 and helped elevate TS2 up enough so that it didn't plummet. What could have been an emotional turn for one of the best scenes in animation was abruptly cut short... because the kiss up aliens had to 'save the day' and what was a sweet gesture at the end where Andy gives his toys away turns into an awkward play session.
No more, Pixar. No more.
American Dragon: Jake Long (2005)
A great,wholesome show
This show has got to be one of the best.It's brighter and more real then DP (which is also a pretty good show),is more modern then Avatar (good show) and carries a supenseful main property to it:The Jake and Rose relationship.Two young people who are born and raised to be enemies (though Rose more so then Jake),somehow find themselves falling for one another in their normal idenities.When they finally find out about each other,each has a different reaction and even though it all seems impossible,they manage to forge an alliance to stop the Huntsman from wiping out all magical creatures,overcome all those who oppose their relationship and still care deeply for one another.They both make mistakes and are very much endanger from being with one another if they are not putting on a fighting act.It will all culminate in the final episode Hong Kong Longs,after both make great sacrifices in Homecoming.If you haven't kept up with these two,then by all means you need to.There is nothing filled with more angst,love and action that you'll find anywhere else.Especially in a cartoon series.