Change Your Image
mikemx321
Reviews
Red Sparrow (2018)
Spoilers ahead, read this short review if you want to know the whole movie
SPOILER: Ballerina has her leg broken, and her ability to take care of herself and her sick ailing mother is in serious jeopardy.
But wait! Uncle so-n-so is a Russian agent of some sort, and offers her help. Jennifer Lawrences character tries to refuse as Mr. Uncle comes off somewhat domineering, but Uncle tells her it'll be easy, just 1 day and I'll make sure your mother is taken care of, and you can keep your home.
Secret mission? Get raped.
After getting raped, teary eyed Jennifer Lawrence meets with uncle so-n-so who casually says, "I needed to make sure you would be good for the State."
"I was raped."
"like I care." "You better be willing to spread your legs for Mother Russia some more, or else I cannot help you or your mother, I'm sorry."
"but I was rapped."
"OMG can you please just get over it."
Part Deuce: Sex camp.
It turns out, in Russia apparently, only after you've been molested, raped, forced to commit sexual acts, raped some more, suck fat ones, muff dive, get molested, raped, molested.. only then can you be a spy. I forgot to mention, countless hours of being forced to watch torture porn, that is apparently Russian spy training 101.
Once Jennifer Lawrence completes Violate-Every-Orifice camp, it's time for the torture. All kinds of human torture, very imaginative stuff, really. Some more rape and things too.
Then end.
The sex scenes, if you're the kind of person who'll watch a film just for those, they aren't any good either. If you'd like to live the gist of this movie for yourself, just get yourself captured and sold into the human trafficking sex trade. It'll be pretty much spot on, though you'll likely be in the warmer climate(even better!)
If you've read this, you now have no reason at all to watch this film. I gave it 3 stars because, for as bad as it is - and it's reallly bad - I have seen some movies that were an even more egregious waste of human resources than this bomb. If you're kind of a sick person, and are bored on a lonely Friday night, you might want to rent this some time if you're really desperate with nothing else to do.
Game Over, Man! (2018)
obviously terrible movie not worth being viewed by anybody
What you should do instead of watching this movie, is watch the 2006 movie Idiocracy. Or at least watch the first 30 minutes of it. The people in that movie are already becoming a reality, and they love "Game Over, Man!" it's amazing how close we are actually getting already. Wouldn't surprise me if the sequel to "Game Over, Man!" is "Owe My Balls."
Edge of Tomorrow (2014)
The people calling this movie "intelligent" are correct
Read the negative reviews, the people calling this movie stupid etc. etc. obviously weren't able to fully understand what they were seeing. This is the risk filmmakers take when they don't assume the audience is going to have the mentality of a 10-year-old, but thankfully most of us don't need every little aspect explained in full.
This movie hits on every level, it's fast, witty, action packed, and presents depth in surprising places. If you don't have ADHD and can stay focused so you don't fall behind, and possess the ability to perceive without your hand being held and walked through a plot, you are most definitely going to like this movie. I personally give this a "10" because I consider Edge of Tomorrow one of the best films I've ever seen But even if it's not your exact cup of tea, it should at least be a 6 or 7.
Free Fire (2016)
Really?
The latest Independence Day movie is trashed and has a low rating and this one is rated much higher and getting acclaim? That's a joke.
Dolts who trashed ID: R just because it wasn't "perfect" caused a new Stargate reboot to be shelved, and possibly put into danger ID 3 that's supposed to be awesome. And their complaints describe perfectly movies like Free Fire, and Prometheus.. highly rated movies despite being total garbage.
A vocal yet relatively small group of morons are ruining movies.
Bone Tomahawk (2015)
A very solid "B" level Western. Would I buy a Bluray copy? No. But I did purchase this movie from a discount $5 bin and it was indeed worth it.
This movie, at least to my mind, is akin to Quentin Tarantino pictures yet with a low budget and with more linear clarity. Banal and pastiche to start before finally breaking off into a vigorous maniacal flurry.
"Bone Tomahawk" is one of the better Western genre movies to come out in recent times. While that isn't exactly a high bar to reach it proves impressive nonetheless considering the shoestring budget. It does have that Western "feel," with a bit of a sci-fi horror aura grafted in for the second half, only with the antagonists being troglodytes instead of aliens.
Move summary:
A turn of the 20th century small western town - containing the usual stereotypical presence of rakish looking men who comport themselves in ways indicating they don't quite trust each other - is suddenly hit with the realization that people are disappearing. Later on some disturbing evidence is found, the local native recites an old legend, and when further calamity strikes the townsfolk pull together in an effort to find out just what exactly is going on. What they discover is more terrifying than they could of possibly imagined.
Despite the budget, it's a quality movie. I would like to know how they pulled it off at only an estimated $1.8 million dollars, did the actors work for minimum wage?
Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)
Very, very bad movie.
If you are anything remotely close to anything resembling a normal person, you will strongly dislike this movie. Trust.
Also, money was spent to artificially boost this movies rating. One way they did this was to put this on one of those, "work at home," websites, where people give a positive ranking and write a little review, and they make 4 bucks.
You may end up fearing for humanity if you watch this movie. If you are a 14 year old with aggression problems, who fantasizes of one day bringing a gun to school and shooting it up before offing yourself, you'll love it.
The Interview (2014)
Most people won't get to see this movie. That's a good thing.
I am one of the few fortunate people - or should I say unfortunate? - that witnessed this movie. I say witnessed because one doesn't really 'watch' this movie, that would imply there was something intelligent and worthwhile to see that draws your attention. If you are a 14-19 adolescent male, you may find this movie humorous, but at the same time this movie strongly promotes drug use and loose sex. Any parents that allow their kids to watch this movie would be derelict in their responsibilities as parents.
Now, to the review...
This movie is rather easy to sum up, because there have been any untold number of movies like it the past decade. Sure, the plot may be about killing a Korean dictator, but with these types of movies, the plot never really even matters. The whole point of this movie is to get cheap laughs with boners, toilet humor, sex jokes, drugs, and slap stick. This is YET ANOTHER movie where grown men depicted as regular American guys parade around acting like the sorriest most stupid a-holes on the face of the planet.
It's really no wonder that the rest of the world views Americans so negatively, as our entertainment industries constantly portray Americans as moronical, completely self absorbed, narcissistic, witless, and soulless imbeciles. "The Interview" is no different. It's sad too, as I work as an educator and I see a majority of young Americans copying these behaviors on a daily basis. This is ultimately why I think it was for the best this movie wasn't allowed to go to market, and while it may be one small act, at least it will be one less "cool movie" that reinforces these behaviors. I can also understand why another nation would be upset, this is a movie that would disgust any average person, in America we are numb to it but I can understand why a group of people wouldn't want themselves included in garden variety American garbage like this.
I am sick of all these comedies where the main characters are total and complete morons. Guys being depicted as so stupid, in reality, they wouldn't even be able to function in a society, any society. Another very common theme in these comedies, is using immature jokes you would only ever hear at a kids playground, then toss in adult themes to take the joke to new, disgusting heights. The jokes in all these comedy movies just like "The Interview," if you were to tell them to people you know like friends or coworkers, they would just look at you like you you're a moron. But for some reason in a movie, it's funny? "The Interview" is completely predictable, there are no twists, you can see the next lame, stupid joke coming around every corner. It's like every other comedy movie that has been released, with a different setting. I gave it 2 stars because a laughed a little one time, in the very beginning. All together, I would not wish this movie on anybody, it's terrible and more of the same stupid disgusting humor and toilet jokes that's been coming out of Hollywood for years now. If I had to summarize this movie in one sentence I'd say, "supremely, intellectually insulting."