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Good Neighbor Sam (1964)
A real dog
An excellent example of the Idiot Plot, a term popularized by Roger Ebert although not coined by him. In other words, the story is driven by characters that somehow all manage to avoid simple and obvious actions that would clear up the whole farce in about ten seconds.
The story makes no sense. We got told very early in the story that the neighbor is still married by California law and, her lawyers assure her, there should be no problem in qualifying for her inheritance. The characters then engage in a two-hour screwball exercise designed to avoid a legal jeopardy we all know doesn't exist and continue to do so even when the estranged husband shows up, keenly interested in rekindling the relationship.
What should have been a breezy and chaste wife-swapping farce drags on for two hours plus, with laughs few and far between. It perks up slightly when Michael Connors enters the picture as the erstwhile husband, but the movie is a simply a painful and tedious slog.
Lemmon is his typical brilliant everyman and Romy Schneider is a delight whenever she is on screen. There's also the pleasure of the early 60s fashions, San Francisco setting and West Coast architecture.
But far from the mildly fond memory I'd carried since seeing Good Neighbor Sam on TV in the 70s, this one is unfunny and dumb. Lemmon reportedly didn't like the film either when it was released, face it, the man had taste.
The Standoff at Sparrow Creek (2018)
Solid thriller done in by a ridiculous third act
I don't get the reviews that mention "gun culture" as the film has little to say about that and it probably shouldn't be considered an accurate portrayal of "militia culture" either.
You can't really call it a character study, not with a tight running time and seven principal characters, there just isn't opportunity to delve much into backgrounds or motivations. What you get though is a taut thriller with characters gone to ground in a dimly lit warehouse, desperately trying to solve the mystery of a cop massacre before the police can find them and mete out their own justice, taking the innocent with the guilty. So, who did it?
The script does a great job conveying the pressure, claustrophobia and near-panic the characters feel. Guns, believe it or not, are mostly absent from the story. Not a shot is fired until the final scene. The story is carried very effectively with little more than fast, tense dialogue. There aren't a lot of wasted words in this one.
Unfortunately, the third act veers off into a bizarre conspiracy. The final reveal is more than a little implausible. Nagging questions suddenly become gaping plot holes. And the writers missed a great opportunity to highlight a really delicious irony, namely that while militia-types might carry more than a healthy dose of paranoia, it turns out sometimes they really are out to get you.
Good premise, solid acting and dialogue, but a conclusion that falls apart.
The Breaker Upperers (2018)
Zero laughs, chuckles or smiles
Supremely unfunny. The movie really should have been better, but somehow it just isn't. Bad comic timing I guess, the script just throws one joke after another that all whiff completely.
I could only stand 40 mins of it before shutting it down, something I very rarely do.
I should have known Taika Waititi had a hand in this piece of drivel. His film What We Do in the Shadows was equally as celebrated only to turn out as tedious and unfunny as The Breaker Uppers. It could just be I don't get his brand of humor, but I think it is more likely the myriad shortcomings of Shadows also plague this film, namely a good premise that the script just completely fails to exploit, coupled with pacing problems and an unfocused story line.
A yawning bore that isn't worth your time.
A Man Called Otto (2022)
Not even Hanks could save this disaster
How can you screw this up? You have Tom Hanks in the starring role, just transplant the original story from Sweden to Pittsburgh and stick to what worked so well the first time around, right? Uh oh...
Every scene feels rushed. Key plot elements have been rearranged or excised completely. And whatever Tom Hanks better qualities might be, he is utterly incapable of playing a curmudgeon. It was painful to watch Hanks pretend to growl and bark through every scene because it is obvious he's just waiting for the OK to show the softy he really is. The supporting actors are even worse.
The original film did such a great job of drawing the lines from Ove's past to the man he became. There is none of that in this version. The original film skillfully used voiceovers to offer insight into the main character, this version leaves all that out, so the viewer is left with little more than Hanks the actor angrily stomping around the neighborhood and yelling at people. Every sharp edge in the original script has been smoothed over, as if American audiences can't be trusted with genuine tragedy.
What made me finally shut off the TV in disgust was the Hollywood impulse to shoehorn in every bit of virtue signaling nonsense possible. There's even a pre-credit warning about attempted suicide. The writers took a pretty terrific piece of art and scribbled over it with crayons.
Watch the original Swedish version. This one is worthless.
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)
A hot steaming pile of metaphysical nonsense
Have to love Michelle Yeo in this film, she was great, as usual.
The rest of it? Well, on occasion amusing, but mostly a waste of time This parallel universe smorgasbord pretends truly Deep Thoughts, but essentially boils down to a young lady having a temper tantrum, convinced her mother doesn't understand her. Oh, really? Yawn. The ultimate answer? Love your family. Uh huh.
Yeah, those "insights" have been stated many, many times before, usually in a much more elegant and impactful way than does this film. The movie has a few good moments, but falls pitifully short of its grand aspirations.
Don't Look Up (2021)
Amusing if Far Short of Award-Worthy
A fairly entertaining piece of froth and light satire with occasional moments of painful hilarity, but falling far short of a place in a Best Picture conversation, even as a barely credible dark horse.
Pretty consistently amusing, assuming you can manage to ignore the too obvious global warming/overpopulation/name your environmental disaster allegories. Give the script credit for not suggesting some sort of "this can be fixed" moral, instead adopting the probably-true conclusion of inevitable doom.
The satirical aspects are generally on the mark, but don't cut quite wickedly enough despite a ridiculously target-rich environment. The script is perhaps a bit too kind with a panoply characters deserving of complete evisceration. Indeed the fate of at least one, but hardly enough.
Sort of like the characters, viewers will see what they want to see. Democrats see Republicans as the fools and villains, conservatives will see loony liberals and power mad technocrats as the bad guys while middle Americans blame a feckless and greedy elite class too truly stupid to be evil, even when they try. Meanwhile, the poor just figure everyone is out to screw them, as ever, when the truth is, nobody cares about them at all. The one truth Don't Look Up captures pretty well? We all suck in our own petty, selfish and stupid ways.
I Care a Lot (2020)
An Improbable Tale
The story begins with a sound premise, engaging characters and a promising plot line, but then unfortunately veers into absurdist territory.
The concept of predatory guardians bilking seniors of their saving isn't hard to swallow and the prospect of their sinking their teeth into a "little old lady" who turns out to be a tiger by the tail is actually a delicious idea. But watching a couple of 30ish female Medicare grifters outthink, outmaneuver and plain old outmuscle an international multi-million dollar Russian drug ring is ridiculous.
The entire story is riddled with plot holes and improbabilities, mangling the suspension of disbelief through the vehicles of inept mob lawyers, paper tiger bodyguards and timid gangsters who apparently fail to consider the possibility of just putting a bullet into the heads of their adversaries. Laughable coincidences, impossible escapes and plot twists are all required to drive the story forward. When that's all done and the utterly amoral main character has gotten away with all her vile deeds, the tale culminates in a deus ex machina in some sort of weak "see, crime doesn't pay after all" moral after the film just spent 90 minutes showing us that it unequivocally does. The final resolution between the two main characters and the "surprise" ending can be seen coming almost before the opening credits fade out.
The film has some entertainment value in the mode of what silly plot twist will there be next, but all told, this one is just not much worth caring about.
Udaan (2010)
Intriguing, if underwhelming
Udaan had been on my watch list for several years before I finally got around to checking it out, only to find out it was somewhat less than advertised.
What you get is a routine coming of age drama. The son, who yearns to be a writer, struggles with a cold and authoritarian father who demands he study engineering in a conflict as ancient as the Old Testament. Just once, could we have parents who dream their child will become traveling juggler or penniless artist, only to have the son say, gee, thanks Mom and Dad, but what I really want to do is be a bond trader? Be different, anyway.
The film is skillfully produced with good cinematography and solid acting. The script smartly avoids introducing a love interest, instead choosing to focus on the four central male characters, the father, his brother, the son and his half-brother. Despite that, character development is a bit wanting, particularly in the role of the father. Although Ronit Roy charges every scene with an unpredictable aura of boiling menace and violence, the script unfortunately confines him largely to a role as a one-dimensional villain, never really addressing how he and his brother became so different.
The story runs a bit long at over two hours, subplots involving the son's friends could probably have been cut considerably and there are several longish montages that might have been pared back. Perhaps the greatest strength of the movie is its depiction of modern middle class India, a world largely unfamiliar to most Westerners.
An interesting, well-constructed film with a really terrific performance by Roy, but unfortunately hamstrung by a somewhat cliched and well-worn plot that has nothing new to say.
Kung Fu and Titties (2013)
Worst movie ever
Worst movie I've ever seen. I have over 1,600 movies on my watch list, this film is the only one that earned a 1 ranking, a feat unmatched even by stinkers like Mall Cop, Anchorman and The Waterboy.
The production value is what you'd expect from a backyard, make-it-up-as-you-go effort. The story is thin and juvenile, its origin very possibly a Dungeons and Dragons scenario created by a boob-obsessed 14-year old (redundant, I know). The dialogue is pointless and vapid, the acting is far below even small town theater level (the main villain's list of IMDb credits are apparently mostly appearances as an extra), the characters and costumes seem to be thrown together at random and there are no laughs, intentional or otherwise, unless you are entertained by the inadvertent exposure of man parts by a loin clothed karate-kicking extra . The camera operator can't resist zooming in and out at the drop of a hat, scenes are interrupted by random cuts of dancing semi-nude women and the martial "artists", allegedly local experts, look like backyard WWF wannabees.
Yes, as the title implies, the film features multiple topless, mostly attractive, mostly young women. Decades of casting directors know plenty of girls are wiling to take their clothes off for you if you just promise to put them in your movie. That's obviously still true, even for a flick as ridiculously bad as this one.
Not worth viewing even for the trainwreck aspect.
EuroTrip (2004)
A flaccid, but harmless teen comedy
There are a few decent jokes here and there, but you won't be in any danger of hurting yourself laughing. Most of bits fall flat, eliciting not much more than an occasional snicker and there are moments when the juvenile silliness stretches the suspension of disbelief past the breaking point, for example the hot tub scene.
There's gratuitous nudity male and female and sex scenes proffered on any pretext, almost as if the writers intended to parody the teen sex comedy genre itself.
The characters aren't entirely unappealing and the supporting cast has its moments, although Vinnie Jones unfortunately manages to completely embarrass himself. Stick to gangster movies, Vinnie.
While Eurotrip is hardly worth watching, you probably won't hate yourself afterwards if you spend 90 minutes digesting this bit of froth and teen boobies.
I wouldn't normally bother to review a film this unremarkable, but it gives me the opportunity to note that I actually attended Hudson High School in Hudson, Ohio. It certainly wasn't the school depicted in the film, but that bit of trivia is the only reason this movie spent several years on my watch list before I got around to actually viewing it.
Casting JonBenet (2017)
An utter failure
I thought this might be interesting, a juxtaposition of a teleplay production about the Benet case combined with actual documentary information. Alas, the film contains literally zero facts, just auditioning semi-pro actors offering their personal thoughts about certain aspects of the case. These people aren't any different from your average Joe, offering up largely uninformed opinion on the few bits and pieces they recall from 25 years ago. There are a couple of moments of humor, but probably the most signal moment is the sex educator guy demonstrating his flogging equipment on camera, as if that had any bearing whatsoever on the Benet case. Yeah, it was kinda funny in an awkward way, but man, talk about desperation on the part of the film makers.
You can't properly call this film a documentary, it is just a series of talking heads and not very interesting or well-informed ones at that. I get the impression the actual Jon Benet production stalled out for some reason and the producers were left to salvage some kind of experimental pseudo-documentary in order to get a partial return for their investment. Unfortunately, it completely fails to inform or engage the viewer and honestly just comes across as a crass exploitation of the Jon Benet name in order to draw eyeballs. I fell for it, you shouldn't.
Woking-geol (2015)
Breezy comedy about sex and marriage that goes limp in the final act
This is a really funny, light-hearted and witty movie centered mostly on the marital problems of the protagonist and her husband. It was filmed in great style with clever dialogue, colorful cinematography, an over the top attitude and a multitude of hilarious throwaway gags (the toy company, for example and keep a sharp eye on the background characters) that will keep you rolling.
Although sex and sex toys play a prominent role in the story and there are several sex scenes that border on soft-core pornography, there is surprisingly very little actual nudity other than a brief shot of a photo displayed in an art class. The material deftly treats its topic very humorously without crossing the line into prurience, vulgarity or gross-out humor. The English subtitles don't even include any dirty/slang words, if you can believe that, although it does appear that some of the jokes didn't quite survive being translated from Korean.
The story races through the first hour or so in highly entertaining fashion, but unfortunately goes completely off the rails in the final act as the film inexplicably and abruptly changes tone from light comedy to plodding melodrama. Clocking in at just under two hours, the film would have been improved immensely simply by leaving the final 20 minutes on the cutting room floor.
Still, the first hour is highly entertaining and worth watching even if you skip the last few scenes; it should be quite obvious when it is time to pull the plug, which is encouraged.
The story, incidentally is highly similar to the 2012 American comedy "For a Good Time, Call..." which is also recommended.
Booksmart (2019)
All set up and never delivers a punch
I thought the story started well, establishing silly, smug and callow kids you just knew the script was going to skewer in a rapid series of hilarious comeuppances, until by the end of the movie, a bit of wisdom takes hold. And then...nothing. Yeah, there was sort of a weak bit of maturation tacked on there at the end, but you'll miss it if you blink or more likely, have fallen asleep by that point of this incredibly tedious and predictable high school comedy. The characters are universally odious characters with the possible exception of the one or two that were supposed to be despicable but in fact provided the only vaguely entertaining moments of the story.
Worst thing about this movie? It plays it safe. It could have mercilessly ripped on these fine young twits, but it never takes even a mild swing. The "helping Africans make their own tampons" line, for example, actually turns out to be serious; if the script can't swat a hanging curve like that one, there is no hope whatsoever.
If Fast Times at Ridgemont High is bit too real for you, try something like Orange County or Easy A, two films that operate in the same milieu as Booksmart, but have the advantage of being rip roaringly funny and wicked smart, too, factors completely absent in this less than mediocre comedy. Booksmart isn't worth your money or your time.
The Wilde Wedding (2017)
Mildly insulting for us non-celebrity types
Stinker unless you get off on the trials of rich white people problems where every character is an oversexed, morally-devoid actor, artist, writer or musician. Maybe if the film had tried harder to send up these overstuffed egotists it would have been worthwhile, instead we get a schooling in the difficult life of a drug-addled celebrity.
Tour de Pharmacy (2017)
Tedious and unfunny, a real disappointment
Overrated. The jokes go on too long and often aren't that funny to start with. "7 Days in Hell" was a far superior exercise in deadpan sports comedy.
The Bridge (2006)
Deserves to disappear in a sudden splash
No more than a drawn out excuse for exhibiting film footage of Golden Gate Bridge suicide jumpers. The film fails to adequately delve into the motivations and backgrounds of the jumpers and the interviews of family and friends are unfocused. Moreover, the film makers took the unethical approach of sticking a camera into the face of those subjects without telling them they had film of the actual jump.
The pacing is slow and disjointed. You get a shot of a person walking back and forth on the bridge. Then interminable and banal commentary from those that knew them spliced into repeated shots of the person preparing their jump. Switch topics to another subject, repeat, back to the first subject, repeat, add a third person, etc. By the mid point of the film, you are screaming "Jump!!!' just to get it over with.
This could have been a thoughtful and illuminating documentary, but it just comes off as prurient and exploitative. It is perhaps a more polished version of those 1980s "Faces of Death" flicks that purported to be a serious investigation into mortality, but were just excuses to show unedited footage of accident victims.
Paper Man (2009)
Painful to watch
Don't believe the long series of glowing reviews. "Quirky!". "Touching", "Moving". Maybe only to people who haven't actually seen this mess or are related to the people who made it, because this film is none of those things.
The premise and events of the story simply do not make any sense. While watching the film, you can only wonder why is any of this even happening? How did an educated, well-adjusted doctor ever marry and stay with a nut job of a writer who can barely take care of himself at his best? Why is this guy, obviously suffering from severe mental illness, left alone for days at a time in a remote, empty house? How did a man who can't even fix a simple meal for himself ever manage to complete a first novel? And what would make a high school girl hang around and befriend this unpredictable and piteous loony?
Then, the flawed love triangle complete, the script throws in imaginary friends. For the writer, that is Captain Fantastic, a caped crusader who offers nothing to the plot, just occasional advice that the writer routinely ignores. The other imaginary friend enters (and exits) the story Sixth Sense style in a device that might have looked cute in the script, but comes off as trite and embarrassing.
The best scene in the movie is the Operation game played by the wife and writer, who fails to remove a single piece out without the setting off the buzzer despite multiple tries. Meanwhile, the surgeon wife calmly removes every piece on the board in a single pass. She's a grownup, he's a child and you have to think her part would have been better cast as the mother, because it sure doesn't work as a wife.
If you want to see this story done well, go watch Lost in Translation. You can very safely pass on this piece of teenage drivel about angst and redemption.
The Family Man (2000)
Fantastic, in the worst sense
I'd never watched this movie based on a very negative review so many years ago. Boy, whoever wrote that review nailed it.
OK, a fantasy film, but the unconvincing story holds together like a mushy snowball. There isn't a man alive who looks at Jack Peterson's life and thinks for a second about giving it up babes, riches and a Ferrari for a beater mini-van and the suburbs of New Jersey. It just beggars the imagination. It doesn't even convince Jack, first chance he gets, he's talked his way back on Wall Street and if the story had continued, odds seem pretty good to me he'd go his own way yet again. In fact, that probably would have been a far more interesting story, given a chance to do it again all over, the main character ends up right back in the same place, answering the door to a blonde hottie in a see-through negligee.
The subplots are handled badly. There's a best friend, the in-laws and the neighbor who throws herself at Jack. Each gets dropped without any kind of real resolution, the characters just disappear after a couple of brief scenes. I actually felt bad for Evelyn, waiting at home all weekend for her rendezvous with Jack who never shows up or apparently even calls to tell her he's changed his mind. Poor woman, she seemed to genuinely like Jack, too.
As if the writing was cliched enough, there's even a ludicrous magic Don Cheadle as some kind of pseudo-angel, we never really find out why he's there other than to wisely? give Jack his glimpse of alternate Jack. There's no real revelations for Jack, he's here, he's there, he gets yanked back and forth with no real justification. You'd think he'd have learned something, but the guy doesn't even cancel that awful Christmas Day meeting he ordered, he's so wrapped up in finding a Kate that could care less about him, justifiably so.
I got the feeling the writers regard middle class Americans as decent but not too bright. They are suckers who want nothing more out of life than a loving spouse, as if that meant any other kind of success would have to be forfeited, obvious when Kate tearfully resists wealth and success in favor of a New Jersey elementary school for her kids. The writers just doesn't understand people at all, which is why this mess will just leave you shaking your head in disbelief.
What We Do in the Shadows (2014)
Vastly Overrated and Not that Funny
Maybe it is because I'm not a fan of the horror genre or vampire movies, but I found this film tedious and with sparse bits of mild amusement tossed in.
This isn't Spinal Tap with fangs. The actors try their best at deadpan comedy, but the timing and absurdity just isn't there. The film is a series of long, boring jokes where you can see the punch line coming from a mile away, falling flat when it finally and mercifully arrives. Then the film starts setting up for the next joke and it you start checking your wristwatch to see how much is left before the credits start rolling.
The project is an interesting idea, just not executed very well. Forgive the pun, but I don't think they really sunk their teeth into the topic. The bit about not being to use a mirror was promising, but it went on too long and never went past the obvious jokes. The most obvious logical questions never get asked: why aren't all those victims noticed? what do they do for money? how can they go centuries without updating their wardrobe or learning anything from the modern world?
The overall pacing and direction struck me as aimless and flabby, maybe not a surprise for what is an exercise in improvisation, but just shows how difficult that medium can be to perform well. Finally, I also thought the explicit gore, while infrequent, really disrupted the comedic tone.
Someone else noted that this might have been an effort better limited to a short film rather than a feature length project and I'd agree. A one-joke premise not all that well done to start with and stretched far past the breaking point.